paintedlady said:

PurpleJedi said:

IMO - a single mom who is raising children solo due to unforseen circumstances (widow, abused wife, etc.) deserves praise for her efforts and as much help as the community can afford.

However, a single mom who is raising children solo because she thought it would be "cool" to have a baby or tried to trap a man, deserved not only to be castigated but controlled.

So I guess I'm just saying...it's on a case-by-case basis.

This is a dangerous mentality to have because no women I know had kids to "trap" a man.

NONE!!

Most women I know have sex with a guy who's willing..... and end up messing up on their birthcontrol (or the BC fails them) or they break up due to other circumstances after they concieve or give birth.

Most men fail to keep their promises and just take off... they just leave and forget about their children

No women plan on taking kids by themselves. Single parenthood is usually a situation that developed from a bad circumstances or poor descision.

Either way... any single parent willing to hold up the fort and not neglect their children should seek all compensation from the absentee parent. Its a FUCKING SHAME court houses are LOADED with deadbeats that fight to keep every nickle away from deserving children.

In my situation... a man BEGGED me to have his fucking kids. Trap him? That is usually NEVER the case and does not even need to be mentioned. Most men don't even have sex with such needy women. They run from delusional chicks like that.

Sandra, you know I love you...but I have a good friend who did just that. Found a guy whose parents had money, and even though he was a pothead and an asshole (and against her family's wishes) she got pregnant. She was young, immature, needy, and thought she had found her shining knight on a white horse to take her away from her dysfunctional home.

Now she's older and wiser and even though she adores her kid (whom shes pretty much raising on her own b/c the scumbag dad doesn't barely acknowledge the kid and to screw her now works off the books and owes over $11K in child support) she recognizes now how stupid she was back then.

A buddy of mine had a thing with a chick that was after him (at the time he had a business, nice cars, a nice home but also a wife)...one night during a brief separation from the wife, they did the deed...he awoke from his after-coma to see her fingering herself with the damned used condom!!! He swore to me up & down that he wasn't making this shit up! He fucking took her to the doctor the next morning and got a morning after pill (just in case her crazy-assed scheme might work).

No one is going to even insinuate that all single mothers are like this. No one. But there are cases such as this out there. It's a crazy, crazy world out there and people do all kinds of shit.

And yes, there are so-called men out there who plant the seed and run...they should be castigated just as much as the crazy-ass used-condom-fingering nutjob.

Which is what I was getting at with my post. Case-by-case basis.

paintedlady said:

I always tell men I know to fight for custody of their children if I think they are good fathers.

If the man is the better parent he should have custody... too many people think that the children should automatically be raised by the mothers. I know some kids who would be better off with their fathers.

But to the OP... I do think society at large view single mothers as deviants. I know school teachers have been the worst offenders ( in my experience) if they don't see a wedding ring on your finger.

Yes, you do. And I thank you immensely for that.

I don't know why it's automatically assumed that the mother would make the better custodial parent, but after the nonsense that went on today with the therapist/mediator...I am getting ready to challenge that notion.

Raising children IS an expensive proposition. For the past 13 years the bulk of my income has gone towards that end. No fancy cars, no fancy clothes, no jewelry, no clubbing, no bars, nothing but paying rent, groceries, diapers/clothes/sneakers/glasses/notebooks/etc., etc., etc.

Now that the wife is tired of playing housewife the state-mandated child support (29% of GROSS which equals HALF of my take-home net check) should be enough to cover groceries/clothes/sneakers/glasses/etc., etc. BUT there's MORE. There's "maintenance" which is basically the law punishing me for supporting the ex for nearly 10 years...and on top of that, she wants to pro-rate the additional expenses (dance school, tutoring, etc.).

So I get the boot, I get essentially thrown out of my home and separated from my children (after all, I'm "only" the father) and if I don't put up a fight and hire a lawyer, I would probably be one of those guys living in their parents' basement because after all the deductions I would barely have enough to pay my bills, let alone rent on Long Island.

I have a feeling my case is going to get nasty...and thanks to your words of wisdom, I may have to challenge the notion that the party-whoring ex is gonna make a better home for them.

My head hurts...it's after 1:00am and I'm at the gym since I don't have a home to be typing from right now.

Because it's entertaining.

TheFreakerFantastic said:

I was thinking recently that single mothers tend to get a lot of criticism for the fact they have had a child without a father around, but hey, to me this is unfair, the question should be where are the fathers and why are they negating their responsibilities to the child?

At least the mother is staying and looking after the child, yet they get looked down on and criticised by society and the media, yet the absent man seems to get no such stigma.

I'm not defending the situation, I think married 2 parent families are the ideal, but I think its a bit rough that the women get criticised when its not by choice in most cases. They probably don't want to be in that situation either so why make things worse by criticising them? I think the focus on criticism should be on the absent fathers just as much, probably more.

Just a thought...!

[Edited 8/29/11 3:45am]

Castigate 'em?? You are so unedumacated! Um, hello? Single mothers are women. And women don't have any balls to castigate, so at least know what you're talking about first before spouting off at the mouth.

This thread is funny.

What "side" you're on depends on where your bitterness lies.

My relationship ended before my son was born. I made every attempt to keep my son's father in his life in a healthy, stable way but he chose to just come and go as he pleased. I worked with that because I had no choice...but then he completely abandoned my son at the age of 3.

I was one of those people who decided to sue for child support. Now I get the bare minimum allowed because my son's father goes from shit job to the next. It basically covers nothing but maybe some food costs.

But really, I don't care. The situation is what it is and I deal with it and I'm not bitter about it at all. So I am the one who does all the work, carries the load alone. So what? I make it work. My life is good, my son's life is good - even with his father deciding to not be there for him emotionally...so what's the point in being bitter? Waste of energy if you ask me.

I also don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me being a single mom. My son has it a lot better than some shitty 2 parent homes. He's healthy, well adjusted and loved by many. That's all that matters to me.

JustErin said:

This thread is funny.

What "side" you're on depends on where your bitterness lies.

My relationship ended before my son was born. I made every attempt to keep my son's father in his life in a healthy, stable way but he chose to just come and go as he pleased. I worked with that because I had no choice...but then he completely abandoned my son at the age of 3.

I was one of those people who decided to sue for child support. Now I get the bare minimum allowed because my son's father goes from shit job to the next. It basically covers nothing but maybe some food costs.

But really, I don't care. The situation is what it is and I deal with it and I'm not bitter about it at all. So I am the one who does all the work, carries the load alone. So what? I make it work. My life is good, my son's life is good - even with his father deciding to not be there for him emotionally...so what's the point in being bitter? Waste of energy if you ask me.

I also don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me being a single mom. My son has it a lot better than some shitty 2 parent homes. He's healthy, well adjusted and loved by many. That's all that matters to me.

FauxReal said:

JustErin said:

This thread is funny.

What "side" you're on depends on where your bitterness lies.

My relationship ended before my son was born. I made every attempt to keep my son's father in his life in a healthy, stable way but he chose to just come and go as he pleased. I worked with that because I had no choice...but then he completely abandoned my son at the age of 3.

I was one of those people who decided to sue for child support. Now I get the bare minimum allowed because my son's father goes from shit job to the next. It basically covers nothing but maybe some food costs.

But really, I don't care. The situation is what it is and I deal with it and I'm not bitter about it at all. So I am the one who does all the work, carries the load alone. So what? I make it work. My life is good, my son's life is good - even with his father deciding to not be there for him emotionally...so what's the point in being bitter? Waste of energy if you ask me.

I also don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me being a single mom. My son has it a lot better than some shitty 2 parent homes. He's healthy, well adjusted and loved by many. That's all that matters to me.

Wtf does that mean?

JustErin said:

FauxReal said:

Wtf does that mean?

I dunno. I'm losing my touch.

At first it was sort of a case closed thing, directed at your assertion that it all depends on where the bitterness lies, which I agree with for the most part.

Then I posted and I looked at it and thought "Nobody is gonna think that but me. Oh well."

I wanted something new. The Nod and the Yeah That are overdone. I'm trying to experiment with lesser seen emoticons. They need love too.

FauxReal said:

JustErin said:

Wtf does that mean?

I dunno. I'm losing my touch.

At first it was sort of a case closed thing, directed at your assertion that it all depends on where the bitterness lies, which I agree with for the most part.

Then I posted and I looked at it and thought "Nobody is gonna think that but me. Oh well."

I wanted something new. The Nod and the Yeah That are overdone. I'm trying to experiment with lesser seen emoticons. They need love too.

Go to bed. I'm finally doing it.

JustErin said:

FauxReal said:

I dunno. I'm losing my touch.

At first it was sort of a case closed thing, directed at your assertion that it all depends on where the bitterness lies, which I agree with for the most part.

Then I posted and I looked at it and thought "Nobody is gonna think that but me. Oh well."

I wanted something new. The Nod and the Yeah That are overdone. I'm trying to experiment with lesser seen emoticons. They need love too.

Go to bed. I'm finally doing it.

Yeah...I probably ought to.

JustErin said:

This thread is funny.

What "side" you're on depends on where your bitterness lies.

My relationship ended before my son was born. I made every attempt to keep my son's father in his life in a healthy, stable way but he chose to just come and go as he pleased. I worked with that because I had no choice...but then he completely abandoned my son at the age of 3.

I was one of those people who decided to sue for child support. Now I get the bare minimum allowed because my son's father goes from shit job to the next. It basically covers nothing but maybe some food costs.

But really, I don't care. The situation is what it is and I deal with it and I'm not bitter about it at all. So I am the one who does all the work, carries the load alone. So what? I make it work. My life is good, my son's life is good - even with his father deciding to not be there for him emotionally...so what's the point in being bitter? Waste of energy if you ask me.

I also don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about me being a single mom. My son has it a lot better than some shitty 2 parent homes. He's healthy, well adjusted and loved by many. That's all that matters to me.

^^^ This illustrates my point exactly. Men leave... men pay almost nothing and the woman (custodial parent) works double time making sure bills are paid. Most kids in this situation do just fine. My kids are wonderful too, thank God for it.

I do not like it when women who choose to raise thier children alone (for what ever reason) are given a bad rep because the child isn't in a two parent household.

BTW... I don't know why you stay on people being bitter... I for one am too happy I am not with the father of my kids. I have zero regrets and love how things turned out. I know the father paying support is EXTREMELY BITTER though.

PurpleJedi said:

paintedlady said:

This is a dangerous mentality to have because no women I know had kids to "trap" a man.

NONE!!

Most women I know have sex with a guy who's willing..... and end up messing up on their birthcontrol (or the BC fails them) or they break up due to other circumstances after they concieve or give birth.

Most men fail to keep their promises and just take off... they just leave and forget about their children

No women plan on taking kids by themselves. Single parenthood is usually a situation that developed from a bad circumstances or poor descision.

Either way... any single parent willing to hold up the fort and not neglect their children should seek all compensation from the absentee parent. Its a FUCKING SHAME court houses are LOADED with deadbeats that fight to keep every nickle away from deserving children.

In my situation... a man BEGGED me to have his fucking kids. Trap him? That is usually NEVER the case and does not even need to be mentioned. Most men don't even have sex with such needy women. They run from delusional chicks like that.

Sandra, you know I love you...but I have a good friend who did just that. Found a guy whose parents had money, and even though he was a pothead and an asshole (and against her family's wishes) she got pregnant. She was young, immature, needy, and thought she had found her shining knight on a white horse to take her away from her dysfunctional home.

Now she's older and wiser and even though she adores her kid (whom shes pretty much raising on her own b/c the scumbag dad doesn't barely acknowledge the kid and to screw her now works off the books and owes over $11K in child support) she recognizes now how stupid she was back then.

A buddy of mine had a thing with a chick that was after him (at the time he had a business, nice cars, a nice home but also a wife)...one night during a brief separation from the wife, they did the deed...he awoke from his after-coma to see her fingering herself with the damned used condom!!! He swore to me up & down that he wasn't making this shit up! He fucking took her to the doctor the next morning and got a morning after pill (just in case her crazy-assed scheme might work).

No one is going to even insinuate that all single mothers are like this. No one. But there are cases such as this out there. It's a crazy, crazy world out there and people do all kinds of shit.

And yes, there are so-called men out there who plant the seed and run...they should be castigated just as much as the crazy-ass used-condom-fingering nutjob.

Which is what I was getting at with my post. Case-by-case basis.

You seriously know some jacked up women.

Gold-digging is an old lifestyle and nothing new. Dudes with money need to be aware of those eager hos too ready to jump into bed with them.

typo queen... I need more coffee edit

[Edited 8/30/11 6:57am]

davetherave6767 said:

Eye no many good decent women that r now divorced and prefer being single mothers and do a better job without a drunken or violent slob in the house....My problem is with the young tracksuit wearing baseball cap wearing cider in the street drinking girl of 15/16 who doesnt want 2 work gets pregnant only 2 get a council house and wants me 2 pay 4 her upkeep 4 the next 20 or more years with no intention of finding work(ever)!!!!!!....They should all b sterilized!!Im sick of paying 4 the little shits....The mothers and there brat...

I think in some cases they are starting rather younger.

paintedlady said:

PurpleJedi said:

Sandra, you know I love you...but I have a good friend who did just that. Found a guy whose parents had money, and even though he was a pothead and an asshole (and against her family's wishes) she got pregnant. She was young, immature, needy, and thought she had found her shining knight on a white horse to take her away from her dysfunctional home.

Now she's older and wiser and even though she adores her kid (whom shes pretty much raising on her own b/c the scumbag dad doesn't barely acknowledge the kid and to screw her now works off the books and owes over $11K in child support) she recognizes now how stupid she was back then.

A buddy of mine had a thing with a chick that was after him (at the time he had a business, nice cars, a nice home but also a wife)...one night during a brief separation from the wife, they did the deed...he awoke from his after-coma to see her fingering herself with the damned used condom!!! He swore to me up & down that he wasn't making this shit up! He fucking took her to the doctor the next morning and got a morning after pill (just in case her crazy-assed scheme might work).

No one is going to even insinuate that all single mothers are like this. No one. But there are cases such as this out there. It's a crazy, crazy world out there and people do all kinds of shit.

And yes, there are so-called men out there who plant the seed and run...they should be castigated just as much as the crazy-ass used-condom-fingering nutjob.

Which is what I was getting at with my post. Case-by-case basis.

You seriously know some jacked up women.

Gold-digging is an old lifestyle and nothing new. Dudes with money need to be aware of those eager hos too ready to jump into bed with them.

typo queen... I need more coffee edit

[Edited 8/30/11 6:57am]

I don't know the used-condom-nutjob (happened when he lived out in Arizona) but my friend is a genuinely decent person who really had a misguided youth and is in therapy dealing with her many issues.

I wouldn't say she was a 'gold digger' b/c what she craved more than anything was the house with the picket fence and all that. Yeah the money was a part of it, but more than anything she wanted a "home" of her own. Unfortunately, she was blind when she chose HIM, and reality suddenly hit when he was too stoned to take her to the hospital when her water broke.

alexnvrmnd777 said:

TheFreakerFantastic said:

I was thinking recently that single mothers tend to get a lot of criticism for the fact they have had a child without a father around, but hey, to me this is unfair, the question should be where are the fathers and why are they negating their responsibilities to the child?

At least the mother is staying and looking after the child, yet they get looked down on and criticised by society and the media, yet the absent man seems to get no such stigma.

I'm not defending the situation, I think married 2 parent families are the ideal, but I think its a bit rough that the women get criticised when its not by choice in most cases. They probably don't want to be in that situation either so why make things worse by criticising them? I think the focus on criticism should be on the absent fathers just as much, probably more.

Just a thought...!

[Edited 8/29/11 3:45am]

Castigate 'em?? You are so unedumacated! Um, hello? Single mothers are women. And women don't have any balls to castigate, so at least know what you're talking about first before spouting off at the mouth.

Alexander your ignorance is hilarious! You are thinking of 'castrate' which means to take a guy's balls off. Castigate is a different word entirely...

castigate [ˈkæstɪˌgeɪt]