Hi

If you have a partner, do you feel you settled for him or her after your ideals were/could not be met? I think when you are younger you definitely have high expectations, you want it all, as time passes and if you find yourself still alone you lower your standards. Do you agree?

Are people realistic about the partner they can attract? they do say that people tend to stick to their own league in terms of attraction, i.e good looking men tend to want good looking women etc. Of course there are exceptions like the gorgeous wife and the shrek lookalike but very rich husband. I am not talking about personality, just initial attraction etc.

Hope you are all well!

[Edited 8/22/11 17:18pm]

Fuck naw! In fact I refused to settle. I was going to give up on men and sex and everything rather than settle. And right now I think I have found perfection!! When they say make a list....let me just say this man fits every single thing I had on my list and exceeded expectations. Now the only issue seems to be distance....

I think in every situation there has to be some sort of compromise to the ideal situation.

I am with a guy who I like a lot but isn't perfection.. he has rough edges. His demons I can handle.

Gotta find the set of demons you are willing to deal with, no one is perfect, but they can become perfect for you.

Nope didnt settle at all... Met him when I was 18, married him 3 months before my 20th b-day...he was the hottest guy I had ever met and I had to have him! And I got him!! Next year, we will be married for 25 years!!!

tinaz said:

Nope didnt settle at all... Met him when I was 18, married him 3 months before my 20th b-day...he was the hottest guy I had ever met and I had to have him! And I got him!! Next year, we will be married for 25 years!!!

Show off!

25 years ... congrats!

LOL! Met mine when I was 14, crushed on him at 16, and didn't even know it could be what it is..... But it is HELLA GOOD and worth the damn wait!!!

I settled alright, settled into DAT ASS.

JerseyKRS said:

I settled alright, settled into DAT ASS.

we all know you hit the jackpot!!

I'm certian ( not really ! ) my Husband did ... and I'm okay with that

Did I ?

Not a chance in hell ~

together almost 27 years ... married 23

wouldn't change a thing and would do it all over again in a heartbeat

I more so had a list of things to avoid in a mate. Don't think attractiveness was more of a "deal breaker" when I was younger.

I did "settle" for my girl, I liked her face....the icing on the cake were nice legs and a healthy sense of experimental perversion.

We are all told that there's a soulmate that perfectly fits each and every one of us if we can just find him/her. Alas, thas nothing more than a (albeit pleasant) fairy tale.

That's my biggest fear. Settling for someone I really don't love because I'd be desperate to be a mother, or I"m past my expiration date, and I need someone to grow old with. The ones I've had infatuations of sorts for never noticed me, nor returned my kindness, and loved me the way I wished they would.

But then I decided that you know what? I'm not gonna settle. Fuck that. I deserve to have someone that I love, and that someone loving me back. I won't be someone else's back up plan either. I won't go with a guy just because he up and realizes I'm a good person after years of ignoring me, or because there's no other availible woman around (or the woman he wants is unavailiable). Fuck THAT shit too.

I'm a good woman, with a good heart, and when I commit, I commit. I can make a man very happy, and if he want me, he better prove it. I'm not your back up plan, I'm not someone you settle on cause the one you want is out of your reach. I'm someone special. And I deserve better.

paintedlady said:

I think in every situation there has to be some sort of compromise to the ideal situation.

I am with a guy who I like a lot but isn't perfection.. he has rough edges. His demons I can handle.

Gotta find the set of demons you are willing to deal with, no one is perfect, but they can become perfect for you.

In some ways I have to deal with a lot, still, and learn to change and make compromises to help make it work, but I definitely didn't settle.

Physically I certainly didn't settle.

tinaz said:

Nope didnt settle at all... Met him when I was 18, married him 3 months before my 20th b-day...he was the hottest guy I had ever met and I had to have him! And I got him!! Next year, we will be married for 25 years!!!

Love that.

CONGRATULATIONS!

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

That's my biggest fear. Settling for someone I really don't love because I'd be desperate to be a mother, or I"m past my expiration date, and I need someone to grow old with. The ones I've had infatuations of sorts for never noticed me, nor returned my kindness, and loved me the way I wished they would.

But then I decided that you know what? I'm not gonna settle. Fuck that. I deserve to have someone that I love, and that someone loving me back. I won't be someone else's back up plan either. I won't go with a guy just because he up and realizes I'm a good person after years of ignoring me, or because there's no other availible woman around (or the woman he wants is unavailiable). Fuck THAT shit too.

I'm a good woman, with a good heart, and when I commit, I commit. I can make a man very happy, and if he want me, he better prove it. I'm not your back up plan, I'm not someone you settle on cause the one you want is out of your reach. I'm someone special. And I deserve better.

Co-sign

Great post

nope, my husband is everything and more that i wanted/want. been together over 9 years now.

SUPRMAN said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

That's my biggest fear. Settling for someone I really don't love because I'd be desperate to be a mother, or I"m past my expiration date, and I need someone to grow old with. The ones I've had infatuations of sorts for never noticed me, nor returned my kindness, and loved me the way I wished they would.

But then I decided that you know what? I'm not gonna settle. Fuck that. I deserve to have someone that I love, and that someone loving me back. I won't be someone else's back up plan either. I won't go with a guy just because he up and realizes I'm a good person after years of ignoring me, or because there's no other availible woman around (or the woman he wants is unavailiable). Fuck THAT shit too.

I'm a good woman, with a good heart, and when I commit, I commit. I can make a man very happy, and if he want me, he better prove it. I'm not your back up plan, I'm not someone you settle on cause the one you want is out of your reach. I'm someone special. And I deserve better.

Co-sign

Great post

Thank you, sir.

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

[Edited 8/22/11 20:41pm]

johnart said:

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

Heeeeyyyyyyy - you edited that just as I quoted!

johnart said:

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

Yep ...

Fuck no I didn't settle. What are you talking about? Look, I may have met her behind a dumpster and I'm not sure she's actually human, but I love BarfBird and nothing will ever change that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make some hardboiled eggs for my lady or she'll make me look at her boobs again.

Genesia said:

johnart said:

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

Heeeeyyyyyyy - you edited that just as I quoted!

Sowwy.

I was just saying what kind of mentally challenged asshole would post they settled for their partner on open forum, but then I remembered a lot of folk post pretty much anonymously.

Machaela said:

johnart said:

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

Yep ...

johnart said:

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

[Edited 8/22/11 20:41pm]

I've thought about that myself. But then I realized, hey, I'm a damn good catch.

ScarletScandal said:

johnart said:

No way. He's amazing.

I've wondered if mine settled for me. Not because he doesn't love me enough or I don't love him just as much back, but because I sometimes look at him, so smart and accomplished and all that shit then at me and think, damn, he probably deserves a little more than me.

[Edited 8/22/11 20:41pm]

I've thought about that myself. But then I realized, hey, I'm a damn good catch.

as it should be

No. I never did. And never will. That's why I'm still single.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder has stated it well. I'm dedicated and open to stand next to him. However, if the other person doesn't want to be together, I'm not going to confince him of my worth. When he doesn't see it, or apreciate it, that is a sign that something is not right between us, and then the efforts to proceed with a half/half relationship is idle.

dunno! he's so different to the kind of guy I assumed I would be with. I asked him recently if he'd ever really been in love (including with me) and from his answer I'm not sure he has he has also NEVER had his heart broken

He has certainly turned out to be quite a catch on most fronts.

paintedlady said:

I think in every situation there has to be some sort of compromise to the ideal situation.

I am with a guy who I like a lot but isn't perfection.. he has rough edges. His demons I can handle.

Gotta find the set of demons you are willing to deal with, no one is perfect, but they can become perfect for you.

You said it...hit the nail right on the head. No one is perfect, everyone has some mess with them, it just depends upon if you can deal with that mess or not. One person's faults could be more manageable to deal with than the other person.

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

That's my biggest fear. Settling for someone I really don't love because I'd be desperate to be a mother, or I"m past my expiration date, and I need someone to grow old with. The ones I've had infatuations of sorts for never noticed me, nor returned my kindness, and loved me the way I wished they would.

But then I decided that you know what? I'm not gonna settle. Fuck that. I deserve to have someone that I love, and that someone loving me back. I won't be someone else's back up plan either. I won't go with a guy just because he up and realizes I'm a good person after years of ignoring me, or because there's no other availible woman around (or the woman he wants is unavailiable). Fuck THAT shit too.

I'm a good woman, with a good heart, and when I commit, I commit. I can make a man very happy, and if he want me, he better prove it. I'm not your back up plan, I'm not someone you settle on cause the one you want is out of your reach. I'm someone special. And I deserve better.

That's right Don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option. That's always been something I've come to remember in my experience of dating.

At one point, I settled for a guy that I was so in love with, thought he was in love with me too, but he didn't appreciate me and didn't want to commit. It took me a long time to realize how much time I was wasting with him. After the dust has cleared, I'm glad I went through that experience to realize that settling for someone like that is not the answer. Like someone told me, "why settle for pork chops when you can have filet mignon? If you settle for pork chops, then naturally you going to keep searching for that quality brand of filet mignon." Interesting concept but very true. Today I'm happily single and dating....hoping that I run into that man who is of that filet mignon quality that I deserve.