I do. He went for a pack of cigarettes when I was 15 and never came back. Any of you have a parent do this?

I met my dad when I was 23.... he split when I was a baby.

He left my mom with two girls, my older sister and me.

He told me himself of all his shennanagins and wrong doings over the years of how he would go to my neighborhood trolling for pussy from under aged ladies and how he loved to spend money on them.

He NEVER would visit his daughters even though... not even once and he never gave my mom a dime in child support. Again, this is from HIS own mouth. He brags about those facts, even about holding my sister out of an open window because he no longer wanted to be a father.

I am so glad my mom never told me that stuff. This made my relationship with my mom stronger, now that I know how much she struggled silently. I am proud of her and it helped me to understand her as a woman and appreciate her strengths.

As for my father, he is sick... but getting better. I forgave much and our relationship is healing, but he is no true father to me. I tell him I love him but I never miss him nor do I want his love really. He is just there. So I keep contact with him because I have younger siblings.

The youngest is my little sister of 11 years old. He recently abandoned her 3 years ago. I speak to her as often as I can and I encourage her and tell her that she is loved. My father is a piece of work.... he will not change. I accept him as he is and speak to him when he drunk calls me in his fits of guilt and tell him that he is loved too.

I do it for my mom... she loved my father. My father needs to see how wonderful she was through my example. She is so full of grace and compassion... she deserved so much more consideration and respect. I love my mom more each time I speak to father.

Thanks Threaddy.

I think those of us who "re-connected" tend to have defense mechanisms that prevent the absentee parent from getting too close to use emotionally.

I think I do... because I know he is capable of dissapointing me since he lacks character. I just couldn't deal with more dissapointment from him, so instead I have zero expectation and want nothing.

Its a safe place for me I guess.... so I don't end up choking a muthafuggah.

My father abadoned my mother and I less than 30 seconds after I entered into the world. I took the bold step of going to his house unannounced when I turned 18, hoping to repair the hole in my heart caused by years of neglect and inattention. Mostly I wanted to hear him say he loved me. The conversation we had was fruitless.

I saw him again many years later. We talked and made tentative plans to go fishing and finally work toward building a solid father-son relationship. It wasn't to be. He died of a massive heart attack less than one month later. I didn't attend the funeral service, but friends were kind enough to save me a copy of the obituary as it ran in the newspaper. I wept over his death but somewhere inside I knew he was an enigma to me.

yep left my mom with 3 children and soon after a divorce. I was a baby and my siblings were 7 and 10, all I know is he had a woman who has kids, and she became his second wife and he raised her kids lol. When my mother was in labor with me, she had me all by herself, drove herself to the hospital etc, he was at home stealing her pay check and took it to that woman and her kids.

It broke my heart when I was little, that I had to suffer without a father and my mom had to struggle to take care of us. He lived less than 30 minutes away but not once did he ever try to see us. In the end the only memory I have is when I was 3 and he took me trick or treating but thats pretty much it. none of her 5 kids were his, but now thats their father they got the chance to have him while my family suffered. I guess its just sad, and no one knew about us, well the other woman did. She just recently try to add me on fb and there is a family portrait of all of him, her, and the kids when I was littler, even though he was married to my mother during this time and for 10 years. In the end, I tried to make amends but my heart was still broken, he lives less than 5 minutes away and everytime I see him, I drive right past him. But everytime I see her kids, they always refer to him as dad, and here I am fatherless.

I got over it, just dont want him in my life now.

[Edited 9/3/11 22:14pm]

Identity said:

My father abadoned my mother and I less than 30 seconds after I entered into the world. I took the bold step of going to his house unannounced when I turned 18, hoping to repair the hole in my heart caused by years of neglect and inattention. Mostly I wanted to hear him say he loved me. The conversation we had was fruitless.

I saw him again many years later. We talked and made tentative plans to go fishing and finally work toward building a solid father-son relationship. It wasn't to be. He died of a massive heart attack less than one month later. I didn't attend the funeral service, but friends were kind enough to save me a copy of the obituary as it ran in the newspaper. I wept over his death but somewhere inside I knew he was an enigma to me.

You cried You felt something for a man that wasn't there for you... that's touching. You are a strong person, full of compasion. I am sure in some way I think he thought of you quietly all the time. Atleast you have the memory of him wanting to try despite his guilt, getting him to open up.

I don't blame you for not going to the funeral. I would never want to remember the images of my father in a casket/ burial if that would be one of the few memories I would have of him.

Your stories are painstaking. I'm sorry to hear you didn't receive the love that you so deserved and needed. Breaks my heart.

And I'm impressed by the way you are all dealing with it.

I've never even seen my father. When he found out my mom was pregnant he remembered he was married and decided to go back to his wife. No one in my family would talk much about him or give me any details, so I wasn't even able to track him down when I grew up...I don't even have a picture or year of birth...not even sure if his last name was Thompson or Thomas.

Apparently mom had a fling after she left her hubby and here I am...it wasn't typical of her and I was still raised in a loving family, so it wasn't terribly hard to forgive.

However, it's a huge blank spot in my life. A big empty hole.

When I see a doctor, I can't give a complete medical history, I don't know if I have any siblings...the guy could be dead now for all I know.

It's like being in a little rowboat in a big river with just one oar.

So if anybody knows of a tall black man in Philly named Johnny Thompson or Thomas who was born in June, used to sing in a doo-wop group and drive a hearse part time back in the sixties, please tell him he has a daughter out here.

I sm lucky my dad was very present in my life thank God until he died when I was already grown up.

I just want to mention that it is not always the father's fault. My boyfriend has 2 children and their mother tries everything including telling lies to the court to stop him from seeing them. He misses them a lot and did not see them for 2 years now . It took her 1 1/2 years to even send new photos of them and she did not even sent them directly to him. I don't get it why a woman doesn't think about the well-being of her children and realizes that they miss their dad in their lives.

Thanks for responding. These are some heartbreaking and touching stories.

I saw my father has a facebook page- he's never bothered to even look me up on the internet. I just don't understand it. But I'm surely not reaching out to him. It's unfathomable to me to have a child and not care- to write them off - but it seems to be a rather common theme. I wish all of you who posted the best, you seem like great people

xoxoxooo

Serious said:

I sm lucky my dad was very present in my life thank God until he died when I was already grown up.

I just want to mention that it is not always the father's fault. My boyfriend has 2 children and their mother tries everything including telling lies to the court to stop him from seeing them. He misses them a lot and did not see them for 2 years now . It took her 1 1/2 years to even send new photos of them and she did not even sent them directly to him. I don't get it why a woman doesn't think about the well-being of her children and realizes that they miss their dad in their lives.

There's always two sides to every story. I agree. My daughter has seen her father sporadically, during the 16 years of her life. When I allowed him to come visit, I would discuss child support arrangements with him. I didn't ask for much, just something. This would result into a blown up argument. She was about six or seven when she last seen him. My daughter told me he walked away, crying. In 2006, he filed full custody and visitation rights of which a motion against that was filed. He never paid child support, and it was out of jurisdiction. The case was dropped in court. In August, we didn't know he was deceased until social security contacted me. My daughter saw his obituary online, and decided to contact his side of the family. This was one of her recent lifetime goals: to look him up, and I encouraged that. I am so sorry that it took his death for her to have contact with her other siblings and family members. He died of a terrible death, of which I'd admit is too painful to discuss. I will say this, and the family said he was taking medication (he kept saying that God was putting him through a test ) if not seeing her was a part of this, may God have mercy on my soul. I was sure willing to make peace with him, and my daughter forgives him for not making an huge effort to be a part of her life.

he died a few years ago, but yeah. sucks we could never be close

Mine died (cancer) when I was 1 so opportunities to get to know him where gone but I grew up with unanswered questions about my family and my own story.

I met my uncle for the first time this summer (he's 85!!), the answers he gave me filled all the blanks I had 'til now. At last I can move on! He also gave me a big ammount of photos of my dad

IamFunkay7 said:

yep left my mom with 3 children and soon after a divorce. I was a baby and my siblings were 7 and 10, all I know is he had a woman who has kids, and she became his second wife and he raised her kids lol. When my mother was in labor with me, she had me all by herself, drove herself to the hospital etc, he was at home stealing her pay check and took it to that woman and her kids.

It broke my heart when I was little, that I had to suffer without a father and my mom had to struggle to take care of us. He lived less than 30 minutes away but not once did he ever try to see us. In the end the only memory I have is when I was 3 and he took me trick or treating but thats pretty much it. none of her 5 kids were his, but now thats their father they got the chance to have him while my family suffered. I guess its just sad, and no one knew about us, well the other woman did. She just recently try to add me on fb and there is a family portrait of all of him, her, and the kids when I was littler, even though he was married to my mother during this time and for 10 years. In the end, I tried to make amends but my heart was still broken, he lives less than 5 minutes away and everytime I see him, I drive right past him. But everytime I see her kids, they always refer to him as dad, and here I am fatherless.

I got over it, just dont want him in my life now.

[Edited 9/3/11 22:14pm]

God, now I just want to beat the shit out of that mother. She had zero feelings towards you and your siblings and to actually try and friend you on facebook. You need to tell her of your pain then. I wish she read this.

My mum dated a guy who used to beat her, ran away to meet my father. Who in turn cheated on her and ripped her off for loads of money and made her have a mental break down.

Years later she went back to the first one when i was 3 and we "beat" our way thru the years.

I used to wait for my daddy to come pick me some weekends and he would never arrive, that made me cry along with the fact my mum confided everything my dad ever did to her, because she had no one else to talk too...sometimes that made me feel very guilty like it was my fault - cause she HATES him.

Subsequently because i had two dads, my dads didn't want to take responsibilty for me and my step dad hated me because she ran off and had someone's baby (they were together for 10 yrs and married for 7).

There's never a winner i don't think, just gotta learn not to expect anything from anybody and remember people are people...

My step dad, has two sons - my brothers 7 yrs difference between us. As it stands today i am not on his life insurance and even tho my mother has bought the two houses they own. i'm not entitled to anything... stick it up ur ass!

Gutted i came here and wrote that, starting to think how much i don't like my step dad and how he's looked after me since i was 3 and i'm worth sh*t

MetalMonkey said:

Gutted i came here and wrote that, starting to think how much i don't like my step dad and how he's looked after me since i was 3 and i'm worth sh*t

I'm sorry

Hey don't be sorry, its not all this thread he's been kicking off over the last week and thrown my mum out, so i've had her at my house for a week dragging it all up again.. realisation isn't it xx

My parents divorced in 1992 when I was 7, the official story at that time was that they just lost the abbility to get along, an "adult" thing, but years later my father himself told me that he basically panicked when he realized he had to raise me and my two sisters. At least he had the guts to tell me truth.

Since my mom moved from Sacramento to South Africa in late 1994 with me, her sister (my aunt) and my two sisters I onyl saw him (physically) three times between 1995 and 2004, when he died in a car accident. It was sad not only because I lost my real father (despite the distance) but also because he had a life of his own, with a girlfriend (also divorced) and a decent job.

I never knew the motherfucker, he left my mom pregnant and never came back.

I don't know if he's dead or still alive and frankly, I don't give a shit about him.

LoreleiDiamond said:

I do. He went for a pack of cigarettes when I was 15 and never came back. Any of you have a parent do this?

Not like this. But I saw my father buying cigarettes in a department store when I was 18 and he didn't recognize me. I had not seen him in a few years and that was the last time I saw him.

Absentee father is an oxymoron, but I had one.

My dad was absentee on and off for the first 30 some years of my life. He always knew where I lived and would show up out of the blue whenever he felt like it with presents and stories - maybe out of guilt I don't know.

When I made something of my life, bought my own place, had a good job that he could brag about he wanted me around his new family all the time.

I love my dad, but 7 years ago I absence myself from his life cause I just couldn't handle his bullshit anymore. I miss him still but this is much better for me.

Missing word edit

[Edited 9/6/11 10:14am]

Nvm.. lol

[Edited 9/5/11 20:53pm]