No.

I've never had a relationship with anyone who didn't appeal to my preferences in character, looks, and abilities, and goals. In fact, as I've gotten older I've become even more stringent in the character, ethics, and moral values department. If I look at the ruthless business practices of those I dated when I was 27, there's no way in hell they'd make the cut with me some 13 years later today.

paintedlady said:

tinaz said:

Nope didnt settle at all... Met him when I was 18, married him 3 months before my 20th b-day...he was the hottest guy I had ever met and I had to have him! And I got him!! Next year, we will be married for 25 years!!!

Show off!

25 years ... congrats!

Thank you!

SUPRMAN said:

tinaz said:

Nope didnt settle at all... Met him when I was 18, married him 3 months before my 20th b-day...he was the hottest guy I had ever met and I had to have him! And I got him!! Next year, we will be married for 25 years!!!

Love that.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Thank you!

My wife is absolutely not the partner I'd hoped to land. And there are obvious things she could never offer that I'd include in my specs for a sort of "dream mate." Neither of us is lost on that, and the same is true in reverse. Yet we unexpectedly bowled each other over.

And I have to say that in those achy moments wherein I even begin to humor that I've settled, my wife invariably demonstrates any number of things that shows just how much she blows out of the water whatever/whomever I've seen to be out there. Whatever I'm forgoing, she's making it darned worth it.

[Edited 8/23/11 7:09am]

A sense of humour is always the most important, don't care about looks or nothing. If u are both on the same wave length when it comes to laughing, then it can work. You always find people attractive when u like what u see on the inside.

EllasFella said:

A sense of humour is always the most important, don't care about looks or nothing. If u are both on the same wave length when it comes to laughing, then it can work. You always find people attractive when u like what u see on the inside.

Sooooo this person could get it just because they were funny...

tinaz said:

EllasFella said:

A sense of humour is always the most important, don't care about looks or nothing. If u are both on the same wave length when it comes to laughing, then it can work. You always find people attractive when u like what u see on the inside.

Sooooo this person could get it just because they were funny...

Aye but I bet it's mother loves it!... and God too for that matter.

EllasFella said:

tinaz said:

Sooooo this person could get it just because they were funny...

Aye but I bet it's mother loves it!... and God too for that matter.

EllasFella said:

tinaz said:

Sooooo this person could get it just because they were funny...

Aye but I bet it's mother loves it!... and God too for that matter.

Oh I'd hit that for sure!!

BklynBabe said:

EllasFella said:

Aye but I bet it's mother loves it!... and God too for that matter.

Oh I'd hit that for sure!!

.

[Edited 8/25/11 7:59am]

Everyone has faults. Loving someone in spite of (or even because of) their faults is not “settling”.

Settling in a relationship sense implies that you’re probably not in love with the person. You may grow to love them and have genuine affection for them but that “in love” feeling just isn’t there. And there is implied disappointment.

I personally can’t imagine settling. I lived a very happy life alone for a very long time and I assumed it would continue that way. I rarely met men I was interested in and have never liked dating for the sake of dating, or even just because I was lonely. Somehow, I happened upon a man who was perfect for me and thankfully, he feels the same way about me.

Ottensen said:

No.

I've never had a relationship with anyone who didn't appeal to my preferences in character, looks, and abilities, and goals. In fact, as I've gotten older I've become even more stringent in the character, ethics, and moral values department. If I look at the ruthless business practices of those I dated when I was 27, there's no way in hell they'd make the cut with me some 13 years later today.

The older I get, the more I look for in a partner, the higher my expectations.

hmmm.

The last time I was in a serious relationship, I blaimed the other person for the split.

But, in reality, I wasn't settling for anything, but myself. I let myself become something I wasn't. If I had not allowed myself to slip into a careless state--uninspired, unfulfilled, unhappy, etc. I would have never even considered a relationship with that person in the first place.

I think anybody who says they're settling for their husband or wife or partner are really just accepting a a version of themself that they're not happy with. Why be tied to a person you know you don't love or that you wouldn't otherwise be with if the problem isn't you?

I'm of the opinion that in very rare circumstances, you're stuck. I've seen those rare circumstance, but in general, I don't buy the settling for business.

I've been doing this really wierd series of meditations lately that allow to step 'oustide' of myself and observe myself as if I was watching a 'representative' of me. What I saw was.....unimpressive. ... And I think these meditations are working.

The problem was never the other person. This doesn't mean I've come to appreciate my exes, but it does mean that I'm learning to own my past mistakes.

I definately settled. But, I don't have any complaints because I've always been in love with him, even though he did not meet many of my expectations. As you get older, I believe you are more prone to settle after spending 20 years searching for the perfect person who will meet all of your expectations and finally realizing he or she doesn't exist.

When it comes to love and attraction I am with the man who is the hottest man on the planet for me. I saw him and I felt he was all I ever wanted in my life. Totally love at first sight. There is no one who I ever wanted more in my life and somehow I still cannot believe I am with him .

When it comes to compatibilty he is the most unfitting partner on the planet for me and vice versa. That and living in different countries, visa laws, totally different backgrounds and things like that make our relationship very hard in many ways. And if I made a wish list what I would look for in a partner for every day life he would not score high . But I was never looking for that in a man, but for true love and that's what I found in him. Settling would be to be with anyone but him for me.

He probably settled, but then i wonder, what the hell for???

Everybody loves him, thinks hes a great guy, never have a problem with him, always wanting to help him....ionno.

CarrieMpls said:

Everyone has faults. Loving someone in spite of (or even because of) their faults is not “settling”.

Settling in a relationship sense implies that you’re probably not in love with the person. You may grow to love them and have genuine affection for them but that “in love” feeling just isn’t there. And there is implied disappointment.

I personally can’t imagine settling. I lived a very happy life alone for a very long time and I assumed it would continue that way. I rarely met men I was interested in and have never liked dating for the sake of dating, or even just because I was lonely. Somehow, I happened upon a man who was perfect for me and thankfully, he feels the same way about me.

Well... thanks for clearing that up!

My new answer.... fucks no I never have nor will I ever settle!

CarrieMpls said:

Everyone has faults. Loving someone in spite of (or even because of) their faults is not “settling”.

Settling in a relationship sense implies that you’re probably not in love with the person. You may grow to love them and have genuine affection for them but that “in love” feeling just isn’t there. And there is implied disappointment.

I personally can’t imagine settling. I lived a very happy life alone for a very long time and I assumed it would continue that way. I rarely met men I was interested in and have never liked dating for the sake of dating, or even just because I was lonely. Somehow, I happened upon a man who was perfect for me and thankfully, he feels the same way about me.

My thoughts exactly

And the same happened to me with my man, I found in him what I've been looking for all my life

EllasFella said:

A sense of humour is always the most important, don't care about looks or nothing. If u are both on the same wave length when it comes to laughing, then it can work. You always find people attractive when u like what u see on the inside.

Yup

There's no way I'm settling for a relationship. I want to be happy, not safe. I want the type of women I want, I don't care how many women I have to bone to get to her...I will eventually find her.

Everybody settles... or they end up alone.

PippiL said:

Everybody settles... or they end up alone.

I don't settle!!

FauxReal said:

PippiL said:

Everybody settles... or they end up alone.

I don't settle!!

Everyyyybodyyyyyy settlesssssss.

I wonder how many of your partners settled with YOU!

I often wonder about that myself

ok i feel threatened. and i dont have the mental capacity to dig off into no extra shyt.

SUPRMAN said:

EllasFella said:

A sense of humour is always the most important, don't care about looks or nothing. If u are both on the same wave length when it comes to laughing, then it can work. You always find people attractive when u like what u see on the inside.

Yup

I will very much consider them wonderful people and will love them as a friend, but no if there is no sexual attraction then being the sweetest, funniest, nicest, most intelligent person on earth won't change that.

ZombieKitten said:

I wonder how many of your partners settled with YOU!

I often wonder about that myself

...I think that type of thing goes both ways, that at some point we're all someone's third, fourth, or fifth choice, and also that we all at some point end up with someone who isn't our ideal and wouldn't be our first pick for whatever reason, be it intelligence, attractiveness, level of success, etc. Like others have said earlier in the thread, everybody honestly has that mental imagery in their head of the 'perfect' spouse or significant other, that 'first choice', that the vast majority of times, we either never actually find in a real, living person; or do, but for whatever reason no permanent relationship comes out of it. I've been fortunate that once in life, when I was 19, I was with someone who actually was everything I'd ever hoped for and wanted in that respect, but ultimately the relationship ended, it just couldn't last for a variety of reasons.

But everybody does settle and it isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself because if no one did the human population would be pretty much doomed. But honestly, I think that if most people had the option to actually end up with someone who was the living epitome of all their hopes and fantasies, or the person they actually did end up with, they'd choose the fantasy person every time. Although it's at this point that I know some people will jump up and say, "I've had a good life with this person, they aren't perfect, but I wouldn't change that and lose all we've shared for anything."

But that's not what I mean. I'm not talking about sentimentality and shared history. I'm talking about, if none of those things ever happened in the first place, like literally if you just met your spouse or SO today on the street, and they were a complete stranger...then later on in the day you met someone who was literally the embodiment of your dreams...and they both called you up and asked you out..who would you go out with?

Every.body. settles.

Years ago, the ex asked me if I thought "I could do better" than her.

I said NO. In my mind, that question was like; "are you settling with me?".

She got pissed b/c apparently, me thinking that I couldn't do any better was "settling".

Of course...it's evident now that SHE feels that she was the one settling.