why!? talk about Low self esteem

In a domestic violence situation, and abuser doesn't meet a woman by bitchslapping her.

He usually is extremely charming, and possessive.

This gets her off because he makes her think he can't be without her. His obsessive qualities will make her feel like she is needed and desired.

Needy women tend to fall for sweet talking and passionate "touchy feely" type men. I learned early as a child that men who are touchy feely and grabby are quick to use the same form of expression phycially when they are angry. They have no self control.

So the women of these men are shattered once beaten and are women who are whittled away from their former selves, but also torn. They love the attention... but hate the grief and hate living in fear of the next argument. So the relationship goes quickly from the girl being the center of a man's universe to being in fear of upsetting the man she wants to kiss her ass.

These women either find the inner strenght to pull away from their "dreams" of being worshipped to be safe away from a nutjob. Those who can't let go of being worshipped usually become a statistic and end up dead eventually.

Now why a woman needs such attentions and has such wants can come from a variety of sources. IMO.

I will also add I am making tons of generalizations but to me this is a quick and cheap overview of a very complex and real issue that effects many people in crisis.

Yes, some of them do because they they simply think they can change a man...... But they cannot as hard as they may try, that's the truth........ And by the way same goes for the ladies.... a ho is s ho beit male or female .... It is what it is.....

I think peple love other people to feel better about themselves and to feel as if they are part of something special.

I think women who are in abusive relationships aren't seeking or "like" being abused. Rather, I think those times that the man is nice to them is something they crave so badly that they're willing to dimiss or forget the other stuff. Or by the time they've received so much abuse, they're too scared to look for an out--they're trapped (in their minds).

I don't think people ever want to feel like shit.

nammie said:

Yes, some of them do because they they simply think they can change a man...... But they cannot as hard as they may try, that's the truth........ And by the way same goes for the ladies.... a ho is s ho beit male or female .... It is what it is.....

This is very true...

but some women have bad standards too. They just want a man with money or a man that looks good, no regard to character at all.

Some ladies date bad guys cause they think they can 'fix them'.

Please, just stop that. He isn't a broken car and you're not a mechanic.

at first he was so sweet, like a dream come true

but then when he knew he had me he started to change

little by little, worse and worse

until there was only fear holding me down

he isolated me, and moved me as far away from family and friends

i felt so alone

He would be nice after an attack, like that should change everything, but it didnt

i felt trapped

every time it happened i knew i had to escape, but i didnt know how

where do i go what do i do what do i say, what dont i say

and then there were kids involved and that made it harder

it was the most suffocating feeling every time i woke up and he was there wanting to touch me

expecting me to be a loving wife, mother and companion

expecting forgiveness and demanding i forget

it did not take long for me to feel bitterness and hatred

it did not take long for the forgiveness to stop

forgetting is the hardest thing and there are 2 many memories for that 2 happen

then one day i decided its time to live,

its time i find something different that i am not accustomed 2

its time to leave

so i spoke up and told people about my secret life

i told him NO MORE

he just wont go away

and even tho he has left the house

every where i look he still exists

of course i do not nor did i ever want this life

especially for my children

but it happened - and i can never change that

NO BODY WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE CRAP!!!!!!

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Some ladies date bad guys cause they think they can 'fix them'.

Please, just stop that. He isn't a broken car and you're not a mechanic.

Aren't they considered "Bad Boys"?

I thought women were turnon by them roughneck, thug types...

Just asking

Lets say for instance you are with a dude that treats you like crap and they do try to gain power over you, control you, etc.

If a person had the balls, esp a woman, cause the control shyt can go both ways, to stand up to an abusive man, telling him she aint his slave, aint gonna take his shyt no more, expects a reationship where she can share and have it returned to her without being shyt upon.....what happens when his family finds out shes a traitor!

yes, i said it, the family, the ones that sit back and watch the shyt happening but think its funny when he goes off on her, treats her like shyt etc, because it eases their own unresolved melodrama. shortcomings what have you............

we go over this relationship crap every other day....THe family acts like unless you have a FRIEND in your relationship, then it isnt real. Dont nobody wanna be your friend just to invite pain into their own lives. Dick dont cure everything!

Why are people like that concerned anyhow?

Who in their right mind would expect someone to be their slave FOR THE SAKE of a relationship?

Do you really think that person doesnt know you are trying to shred them for being uncooperative with the needs of the family, while crawling in your own poverty at the guise of the ELITE???

i am especially disgusted at those who HOLD THE BLOOD STAINED BANNER for their CHRIST, cause truth be told, they dont give a damn about the members unless they act like blind, cripple sheep. They want you to follow them. Ok, just because you think im a sheep ready for the slaughter, should you be angry when you find out i was instead a Gazelle, or a badger, hippo, whatever??? animals dont know christ from krispy kreme. If you are playing God, and wanting to slaughter folks, shouldnt you know??? and isnt the instinct of an animal to stay in its own habitat. If the lion bites you, its because he is a lion...what else did you expect, all seeing, all knowing GAAAAAAAAWD!

My theory is the relationship is just a cover for the EXTRA shyt everyone else uses them to do to get paid, and live off of them and gamble on their lives for sport.

RANT 101 ...

What do you guys think??

BillieBalloon said:

why!? talk about Low self esteem

No. They are not.

They fall in love with the nice, fun, loving side they see in the man. And assume that he will treat her nice, like he does in the beginning.

She starts to forgive little flaws, because he says he's sorry. She will nurture him and take care of him. Then, slowly, his behaviour gets out of control, he's becoming a disrespectfull asshole. However, by that time she loves him and feels she has to stay with him, she feels responsible for his well being. And he makes sure she is convinced it's all her fault, every (little) flaw comes down to something she has done. Until she has no selfesteem left and believes him; that it's all her fault. He even convinces their social environment that it's all her fault. He lies en manipulates with great effect.

It's a psychological prison. And it is horrible.

No woman wants to be treated crap by the man she loves.

-It really does go both ways though.

-There are some women who do that to men.

-I have heard stories about men whose wives were,

-physically abusive to them, even to the point they would want to,

-commit suicide.

MyJobIz2beCute said:

-It really does go both ways though.

-There are some women who do that to men.

-I have heard stories about men whose wives were,

-physically abusive to them, even to the point they would want to,

-commit suicide.

True.

In Amsterdam there is separate shelter homes for abused men. And that shelter is allways full.

However, still, the numbers are unevenly divided. The men that suffer abuse are a small fraction of the amount of women who endure abuse. Both psychological and physical.

No, not good women.

dJJ said:

MyJobIz2beCute said:

-It really does go both ways though.

-There are some women who do that to men.

-I have heard stories about men whose wives were,

-physically abusive to them, even to the point they would want to,

-commit suicide.

True.

In Amsterdam there is separate shelter homes for abused men. And that shelter is allways full.

However, still, the numbers are unevenly divided. The men that suffer abuse are a small fraction of the amount of women who endure abuse. Both psychological and physical.

-A LOT of men will never admit easily that they are or were abused.

-That is why they prefer to commit suicide.

-I thankfully have never been physically abused by any of my exes.

-In fact, I know they ALL still to this day, love me.

-I am a hard core kind of lady and they know that they can't really touch me,

-because I was too good of a girlfriend.

-In a marriage situation, it is hard to say what I would do,

-because in my opinion, when I would make my vows,

-and this is in front of God and not a judge/civil court thing,

-the good and bad, is serious to me.

-Speaking as a woman (female), I have a responsibilty to my husband,

-to me, he would OWN ME. I would be his "property" it does or will,

-sound crazy to most of you, but I do think different than most,

-women my age.

Yeah, well, I thought exactly the same. That's why I stayed with a nasty man too long. If I would not have been married, I would have left him sooner. Because of my vows, I stayed and really did try to make the best of it.

However, I realized that he would never change. So, I had to choose life. And I did. I'm very happy I got out, however, the scars on my soul will stay forever.

He never did physical abuse me. However, psychological abuse is as bad. Especially because it's easy to denial.

^-

-If the glove doesn't fit, you MUST aquit.

-Some people live their lives for other people.

-To many times, my mother would want me to be with a guy,

-because of "appearences" and that sucks big time.

-I have the BEST DEFENSE in the world against psychological abuse.

-The "toughest" man in the world could never go against me,

-because he will lose.

-I have turned tough as nail men, into lovesick puppies.

MyJobIz2beCute said:

^-

-If the glove doesn't fit, you MUST aquit.

-Some people live their lives for other people.

-To many times, my mother would want me to be with a guy,

-because of "appearences" and that sucks big time.

-I have the BEST DEFENSE in the world against psychological abuse.

-The "toughest" man in the world could never go against me,

-because he will lose.

-I have turned tough as nail men, into lovesick puppies.

Start a course for that here on the org. Must be a market for.

dJJ said:

MyJobIz2beCute said:

^-

-If the glove doesn't fit, you MUST aquit.

-Some people live their lives for other people.

-To many times, my mother would want me to be with a guy,

-because of "appearences" and that sucks big time.

-I have the BEST DEFENSE in the world against psychological abuse.

-The "toughest" man in the world could never go against me,

-because he will lose.

-I have turned tough as nail men, into lovesick puppies.

Start a course for that here on the org. Must be a market for.

-I doubt it.

-What I know in my head, is sometimes hard to explain.

-I rather just walk the talk and SHOW other women,

-HOW it is done, correctly.

-I truly admire couples who have lasted 20years or more,

-I learn from them, I ask the wives questions.

dJJ said:

BillieBalloon said:

why!? talk about Low self esteem

No. They are not.

They fall in love with the nice, fun, loving side they see in the man. And assume that he will treat her nice, like he does in the beginning.

She starts to forgive little flaws, because he says he's sorry. She will nurture him and take care of him. Then, slowly, his behaviour gets out of control, he's becoming a disrespectfull asshole. However, by that time she loves him and feels she has to stay with him, she feels responsible for his well being. And he makes sure she is convinced it's all her fault, every (little) flaw comes down to something she has done. Until she has no selfesteem left and believes him; that it's all her fault. He even convinces their social environment that it's all her fault. He lies en manipulates with great effect.

It's a psychological prison. And it is horrible.

No woman wants to be treated crap by the man she loves.

thats bullshyt in my camp........you talk like the woman dont do nothing else in life but pay attention to her man.....thats her dumbass...sorry.

im sorry but that sounded like a set up to me....when you been through that type shyt, to hear it sounds like a mockery......if that s your story, i apologize.

the greater question is why are men actin like predators and lookin for a weak woman, or a woman that wants to fight them, or be their floor mat...lawd!

why do men play women, i have my own theories but who gives a shyt anymore....i got brain damage walkin in front of an idiot who just wanted to play and it didnt matter he was smarter than me, he jus wanted me to bow down and i had to refuse...i got a god to answer to.

myfavorite said:

im sorry but that sounded like a set up to me....when you been through that type shyt, to hear it sounds like a mockery......if that s your story, i apologize.

the greater question is why are men actin like predators and lookin for a weak woman, or a woman that wants to fight them, or be their floor mat...lawd!

why do men play women, i have my own theories but who gives a shyt anymore....i got brain damage walkin in front of an idiot who just wanted to play and it didnt matter he was smarter than me, he jus wanted me to bow down and i had to refuse...i got a god to answer to.

I never thought it would happen to me. Because I'm a dominant person myself and independant. However, I learned that when I love somebody, I don't set my boundaries sharp enough.
And I just didn't realize there are people who are truly bad however fake sincerity.

I don't know why men want to play their woman. They prefer dramaqueens who need a lot of attention above independant and reasonable women. They want to feel as if they are the knights who has to save her. Even the most succesfull woman knows that, in order to keep a man, you have to make him feel as if he is steering the wheel and you need him.

Just don't let him know your strong. That shys him away. Rather be dramatically needing him for your survival. That does the trick and gets his attention and keeps him interested.

Or, just stay single and keep your self-respect.

RodeoSchro said:

No, not good women.

That sounds harsh, though, Rodeo (although I don't think you mean it that way). With that statement you're saying in essence, is that women who might be trapped in those situations, or who may never have known any different relationship patterns in their lives and might actually think that behavior is normal or acceptable are bad women in and of themselves.

However, we don't need to look very far throughout society to find many examples of women who will only be with men who put them on extreme pedestals to the point of perversity (I think we can look to any number tv dating contests to see that sort of toxicity in action), and I would hardly call those women good. I think this is an issue that has more to do with how healthy a person's mindset is regarding relationships, and whether or not they've been equipped with the tools to give them the discernment they need when choosing a partner who will be a blessing to them rather than a curse.

Ottensen said:

RodeoSchro said:

No, not good women.

That sounds harsh, though, Rodeo (although I don't think you mean it that way). With that statement you're saying in essence, is that women who might be trapped in those situations, or who may never have known any different relationship patterns in their lives and might actually think that behavior is normal or acceptable are bad women in and of themselves.

However, we don't need to look very far throughout society to find many examples of women who will only be with men who put them on extreme pedestals to the point of perversity (I think we can look to any number tv dating contests to see that sort of toxicity in action), and I would hardly call those women good. I think this is an issue that has more to do with how healthy a person's mindset is regarding relationships, and whether or not they've been equipped with the tools to give them the discernment they need when choosing a partner who will be a blessing to them rather than a curse.

I struggle with that currently. It's a close call between my heart and my reason.

I know I have to leave someone I'm involved with, because he can't fulfill my needs. Not because he's merely a bad person. Just because he isn't at that moment in his life to open up for me and thereby can't be a partner to me.

The temptation to keep on seeing him is vivid, because I like him and have a crush on him. And I just wished that he could step up and commit to me. And I have hoped that if I would stay around, he'll start loving me and will choose to be with me.

Most women stay and hope 'he will change' or 'comes around'. I know I'll leave him, because it's not good for me. Eventhough, I do have that hope and cherish that. And I'll break my own heart by leaving him, because I really don't want to, and I will feel horrible for a while. However, I'll get over it.

I wonder what's wrong with me. It's not that I can't attract any men. It just saddens me so much that I can't attract a man that I can give what he needs and who can give me what I need. Makes me feel lonely.

Well, I'd rather be lonely than (psychologically) abused.

eleven said:

at first he was so sweet, like a dream come true

but then when he knew he had me he started to change

little by little, worse and worse

until there was only fear holding me down

he isolated me, and moved me as far away from family and friends

i felt so alone

He would be nice after an attack, like that should change everything, but it didnt

i felt trapped

every time it happened i knew i had to escape, but i didnt know how

where do i go what do i do what do i say, what dont i say

and then there were kids involved and that made it harder

it was the most suffocating feeling every time i woke up and he was there wanting to touch me

expecting me to be a loving wife, mother and companion

expecting forgiveness and demanding i forget

it did not take long for me to feel bitterness and hatred

it did not take long for the forgiveness to stop

forgetting is the hardest thing and there are 2 many memories for that 2 happen

then one day i decided its time to live,

its time i find something different that i am not accustomed 2

its time to leave

so i spoke up and told people about my secret life

i told him NO MORE

he just wont go away

and even tho he has left the house

every where i look he still exists

of course i do not nor did i ever want this life

especially for my children

but it happened - and i can never change that

NO BODY WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE CRAP!!!!!!

Awful Eleven......... U will b happy again.....

dJJ said:

myfavorite said:

im sorry but that sounded like a set up to me....when you been through that type shyt, to hear it sounds like a mockery......if that s your story, i apologize.

the greater question is why are men actin like predators and lookin for a weak woman, or a woman that wants to fight them, or be their floor mat...lawd!

why do men play women, i have my own theories but who gives a shyt anymore....i got brain damage walkin in front of an idiot who just wanted to play and it didnt matter he was smarter than me, he jus wanted me to bow down and i had to refuse...i got a god to answer to.

I never thought it would happen to me. Because I'm a dominant person myself and independant. However, I learned that when I love somebody, I don't set my boundaries sharp enough.
And I just didn't realize there are people who are truly bad however fake sincerity.

I don't know why men want to play their woman. They prefer dramaqueens who need a lot of attention above independant and reasonable women. They want to feel as if they are the knights who has to save her. Even the most succesfull woman knows that, in order to keep a man, you have to make him feel as if he is steering the wheel and you need him.

Just don't let him know your strong. That shys him away. Rather be dramatically needing him for your survival. That does the trick and gets his attention and keeps him interested.

Or, just stay single and keep your self-respect.

An awfully broad generalization don't you think?

FauxReal said:

dJJ said:

I never thought it would happen to me. Because I'm a dominant person myself and independant. However, I learned that when I love somebody, I don't set my boundaries sharp enough.
And I just didn't realize there are people who are truly bad however fake sincerity.

I don't know why men want to play their woman. They prefer dramaqueens who need a lot of attention above independant and reasonable women. They want to feel as if they are the knights who has to save her. Even the most succesfull woman knows that, in order to keep a man, you have to make him feel as if he is steering the wheel and you need him.

Just don't let him know your strong. That shys him away. Rather be dramatically needing him for your survival. That does the trick and gets his attention and keeps him interested.

Or, just stay single and keep your self-respect.

An awfully broad generalization don't you think?

Yes it is. Very colored by my mood.

dJJ said:

FauxReal said:

An awfully broad generalization don't you think?

Yes it is. Very colored by my mood.

Gotcha. noticed your random thoughts post. I hope things improve for you.

FauxReal said:

dJJ said:

Yes it is. Very colored by my mood.

Gotcha. noticed your random thoughts post. I hope things improve for you.

Thanks, I hope the same thing for myself.