CarrieMpls said:

imago said:

hmmmm. My 'rut' came in two spurts. The first was with my job in the states. I lost all interest and motivation to do it. I spent hours and hours online like the org during work trying to get my mind off how bored I was.

I hated getting up, I hated driving into work, and I absolutely hated working for a large company with their sterile work environment and culture. Everything was routine.

I wanted to somewhere.... Anywhere different. I thought at one time it would be the UK. I almost desperately clinged to the notion that I could just get away.

But what was I running from? I had a house, a kayak, annual passes to all my favorite theme parks , my selection of the some of the world's greatest beaches, a pretty active life with fun hobbies, etc. And the weather in Tampa is perfect. Absolutely perfect. So what was I running from?

Looking back I think it was the routine that was killing me. I think I'm not designed to be 'normal'. I'm not meant to just live the American dream. I'm a lover of art, and travel, and culture. Working at a successful job to fund the time and expenses of experiencing those things was a business model that didn't work--why? Because I was doing it at a fraction of the amount of time I had to spend slumped over a computer executing thankless IT projects to accomplish that.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done a much more impressive job my last 2 years to ensure I wasn't going to get laid off. I would have worked an extra 2 years to pay off all my debts, sell my house, and hightale it to Thailand debt free.

But you don't always get to chose your battles. When you visited last year, I was in a strange emotional slump. Not unhappy, but not fullof 'umph.

The past two months I have been exhuasted from projects. In the last 2 weeks, I've been to Chiang Mai, Ubon, Korat, and SiRacha--most places I hadn't experienced in great detail. I've had great little mini adventures and such. I wish I had started this 10 or 15 years ago instead of going the corporate route. I would have much rather been a backpacker than a corporate drone in my youth.

You don't always get to choose what happens to you I guess. Calamaties arise. But, I'm realizing more now that being a coward hasn't served me well. I'm not implying that you are a coward--just that in my case, I've chosen safety and status over adventure too many times. And transitioning from that is not easy.

You know, while I meandered my way along, I feel like I've kinda done a lot of things "right". I don't have any debt, save my mortgage and I bought just 2 years ago and a foreclosure at that, so my place is actually still worth more than I owe. I didn't get married too young when I didn't know what I really wanted out of that. I don't have any kids, which is the best possible choice for me. I've got a 401k and an emergency savings fund.

I enjoy traveling but even though I loved every minute of my long visit last fall, when it was time to come home, I was ready. I missed my cats and my boyfriend and Minneapolis and my friends and american breakfast food and I even missed the cold. I still want to pursue travel regularly (maybe even months at a time?), but I think I'll always want to come back home.

Everything you say about the IT job, though, for me is spot on. I'm sick of the routine. I'm sick of sitting in meetings. I'm sick of the damned dress code.

My problem is my lack of vision in how to finance a life without all of that. I really have no idea what I want to do and how to make a living any other way. I'm not sure where to start. Maybe looking into a class or two will help.

This is exactly what I have been saying for the past couple of months. I am currently unemployed,and have been trying to figure out what I am going to do for a living. I am sorry that you are going through this,but happy that I am not alone in this feeling.

EmeraldSkies said:

CarrieMpls said:

You know, while I meandered my way along, I feel like I've kinda done a lot of things "right". I don't have any debt, save my mortgage and I bought just 2 years ago and a foreclosure at that, so my place is actually still worth more than I owe. I didn't get married too young when I didn't know what I really wanted out of that. I don't have any kids, which is the best possible choice for me. I've got a 401k and an emergency savings fund.

I enjoy traveling but even though I loved every minute of my long visit last fall, when it was time to come home, I was ready. I missed my cats and my boyfriend and Minneapolis and my friends and american breakfast food and I even missed the cold. I still want to pursue travel regularly (maybe even months at a time?), but I think I'll always want to come back home.

Everything you say about the IT job, though, for me is spot on. I'm sick of the routine. I'm sick of sitting in meetings. I'm sick of the damned dress code.

My problem is my lack of vision in how to finance a life without all of that. I really have no idea what I want to do and how to make a living any other way. I'm not sure where to start. Maybe looking into a class or two will help.

This is exactly what I have been saying for the past couple of months. I am currently unemployed,and have been trying to figure out what I am going to do for a living. I am sorry that you are going through this,but happy that I am not alone in this feeling.

I might as well join the club - I finished studying, did some work experience, now I'm on a break (three months so far) .. I have no idea where to go next. Do I want to study more? Or should I get into work?

There's no rush - the universe will bring me something eventually (well, hopefully) I've just got to stop procrastinating and get onto it but I feel like I'm not ready to make that decision yet ..

CarrieMpls said:

Lisa10 said:

Straight away -

* Go shopping

* Arrange to go out with a friend tonight. Go have a fantastic meal out, drink cocktails and dance. Even if it's a work night - you'll catch up on your sleep soon enough.

Then -

* Check your diary. What's in it? Do you have a lot of fun stuff to look forward to? If not, do something about it.

* Get out of the house. See different people, catch up with friends you haven't seen for a while, go for a walk, whatever it takes to keep you occupied.

That's what works for me, anyway. Hope you get out of the rut soon.

[Edited 8/3/11 4:01am]

This is good stuff.

I had an inkling to go take a new class at my gym last night and instead flopped down on the couch. I should have done it.

I also spent a good long hour on the phone with my bf. He’s really pushing me to start school. My trouble is I have no idea what to study. He kept throwing out topics and I kept thinking nah, that doesn’t interest me. Not much interests me these days. I’ll figure it out eventually.

I rode my bike to work today and it was nice. I’m picking a new recipe to make for dinner tonight (cooking does interest me) and will likely go for a bike ride after that.

Right there it is!! Go to culinary school!!!!

I really wish you get this sorted out Carrie.

Wow its interesting how many of us seem to be in a similar situation...taking time out to work out what to do next. I think its partly the turning 30, saturn return thing for me of working out the next phase in life and trying to correct my course in life or at least ensure i'm going down the right path.

EmeraldSkies - we share the same birthdate too.

[Edited 8/4/11 12:48pm]

SexLovely said:

TheFreakerFantastic said:

Yes although i think you'll need to do more than smile to fix the Greek issues!!

Why are you in debt, are you a student? What and where do you study?

I graduated in 2003 but i still haven't paid off hardly any of my loan, don't worry though its not like a bank where you have a set deadline....

Should I dance aswell...??

.

Yup! Il Studento! Im doing a BA Combined Honours in Drama and Psychology! Studying at Chester University (near Liverpool)....

.

Yeah true, but I literally have NO MONEY!!! ARGH!!

That sounds an interesting course...plus you can learn extra from being on the .org all the shit that goes on here!

I like it when you dance 4 me (or the org lol)

[Edited 8/6/11 10:02am]

Lammastide said:

CarrieMpls said:

Thanks.

It might be time to mention something to a doctor. I've struggled with depression most of my life.

It's just a bit different this time, I have nothing to blame it on.

I live with clinical depression. You may actually be onto something here. Perhaps this is your cue to take on that issue, instead of blaming it on circumstance.

Meanwhile, it could be that your rut is simply part and parcel of being unchallenged at this moment in your life. You mention that things are going swimmingly for the most part. No doubt your life isn't absolutely perfect, but sometimes persistent comfort lulls us to a certain feeling of futility. That's been the case in my own life from time to time. I've recently started local volunteer work with populations very much in need of all sorts of assistance, though, and taking on some of the crap they have to deal with has me feeling alive, purposeful and somewhat emancipated from my own whiny middle-class BS.

I was about to recommend volunteering.

I've been restless lately, and it occurred to me that I haven't been in an organized, recurring volunteer program in a long while.