PurpleJedi said:

Maybe the key to happiness is finding a balance between Chaos and Bliss?

Perhaps the human mind needs some challange in the form of adversity every now & then to keep you going?

I will admit that for myself, with all the shit that's happening and the unraveling of my life...I actually feel more "alive" than I have in a long time. I mean, not that I particularly enjoy feeling shitty all the time and the fighting and the bitterness and all the other negative feelings that come with this...but I'm actually less NUMB that I was previously.

I don't know if I'm describing it properly.

Maybe you just need a little bit of adversity or angst to pull you out of the complacent bliss?

Did I tell you that me and the kids are rooming with you for the next couple of months? And I need to borrow your car and I have 2 dogs and a monitor lizard as pets.

[there...did that help?]

I know what you mean. I definitely am not asking for more adversity, but I do need to be shaken up a bit, I think.

Lammastide said:

CarrieMpls said:

I realize how whiny this all sounds (as lammastide pointed out in reference to himself, but I’ll own it too).

I need to backpeddle a bit : You've absolved me, but I hope I haven't even implicitly suggested you are being whiny, Carrie. I think how we experience problems and anxieties is largely relative -- and that discomfort is genuine -- so I don't discount folks' unhappiness just because their lives aren't in absolute shambles compared to other people.

I do hope you're able to slough off the ennui soon. I honestly know what that feels like, even as my outward life might appear golden.

[Edited 8/2/11 12:22pm]

Oh goodness, no. I know you weren't even close to implying I was whining. I just took what you said and ran with it, cause I know exactly what you meant.

And thanks. It helps to know I'm not alone in the feeling.

Pack.

CarrieMpls said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

Must be in the water because I feel exactly the same way.

Thanks! This has been pressing on my for months now. I went to school for this job. I actually like this job, but the job has been a bitch for about a year now. Our hospital is undergoing an expansion and we were moved into a temporary space that is very poorly laid out.

I am grateful I have a job. I get paid well, but with my 1 hour each way commute, the time I spend there is kinda sucking my will to live.

We will move into our new space in about 3 months, so I'm trying to cope with things as is for that long and see if it makes any difference. If it doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Oh yeah, and after reading the rest of the posts....I own the whininess to.

[Edited 8/2/11 14:05pm]

The very first thing I would do in your situation is get rid of some of my friends who are obviously contributing to this. Start with Anxiety.

The next thing, I would do is start identifying some of the causes that contributed to this feeling, and confront those causes. start with Anxiety.

Nothinbutjoy said:

CarrieMpls said:

Thanks! This has been pressing on my for months now. I went to school for this job. I actually like this job, but the job has been a bitch for about a year now. Our hospital is undergoing an expansion and we were moved into a temporary space that is very poorly laid out.

I am grateful I have a job. I get paid well, but with my 1 hour each way commute, the time I spend there is kinda sucking my will to live.

We will move into our new space in about 3 months, so I'm trying to cope with things as is for that long and see if it makes any difference. If it doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I definitely know what that feels like. I worked to get where I am and now I'm not sure I'm where I want to be - if that makes sense.

Here's hoping things look up for the both of us, then.

CarrieMpls said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

Thanks! This has been pressing on my for months now. I went to school for this job. I actually like this job, but the job has been a bitch for about a year now. Our hospital is undergoing an expansion and we were moved into a temporary space that is very poorly laid out.

I am grateful I have a job. I get paid well, but with my 1 hour each way commute, the time I spend there is kinda sucking my will to live.

We will move into our new space in about 3 months, so I'm trying to cope with things as is for that long and see if it makes any difference. If it doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I definitely know what that feels like. I worked to get where I am and now I'm not sure I'm where I want to be - if that makes sense.

Here's hoping things look up for the both of us, then.

imago said:

The very first thing I would do in your situation is get rid of some of my friends who are obviously contributing to this. Start with Anxiety.

The next thing, I would do is start identifying some of the causes that contributed to this feeling, and confront those causes. start with Anxiety.

CM7 said:

Pack.

I'd love to! I really would. If it were a few years ago, I probably would.

But I've got the great boyfriend and 2 lovely cats who I can't just pick up and leave. Well, maybe I'll talk to the BF about it. I could cash in my 401k and live like a queen in many parts of the world for a few years at least.

hmmmm. My 'rut' came in two spurts. The first was with my job in the states. I lost all interest and motivation to do it. I spent hours and hours online like the org during work trying to get my mind off how bored I was.

I hated getting up, I hated driving into work, and I absolutely hated working for a large company with their sterile work environment and culture. Everything was routine.

I wanted to somewhere.... Anywhere different. I thought at one time it would be the UK. I almost desperately clinged to the notion that I could just get away.

But what was I running from? I had a house, a kayak, annual passes to all my favorite theme parks , my selection of the some of the world's greatest beaches, a pretty active life with fun hobbies, etc. And the weather in Tampa is perfect. Absolutely perfect. So what was I running from?

Looking back I think it was the routine that was killing me. I think I'm not designed to be 'normal'. I'm not meant to just live the American dream. I'm a lover of art, and travel, and culture. Working at a successful job to fund the time and expenses of experiencing those things was a business model that didn't work--why? Because I was doing it at a fraction of the amount of time I had to spend slumped over a computer executing thankless IT projects to accomplish that.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done a much more impressive job my last 2 years to ensure I wasn't going to get laid off. I would have worked an extra 2 years to pay off all my debts, sell my house, and hightale it to Thailand debt free.

But you don't always get to chose your battles. When you visited last year, I was in a strange emotional slump. Not unhappy, but not fullof 'umph.

The past two months I have been exhuasted from projects. In the last 2 weeks, I've been to Chiang Mai, Ubon, Korat, and SiRacha--most places I hadn't experienced in great detail. I've had great little mini adventures and such. I wish I had started this 10 or 15 years ago instead of going the corporate route. I would have much rather been a backpacker than a corporate drone in my youth.

You don't always get to choose what happens to you I guess. Calamaties arise. But, I'm realizing more now that being a coward hasn't served me well. I'm not implying that you are a coward--just that in my case, I've chosen safety and status over adventure too many times. And transitioning from that is not easy.

Are you getting your exercise?

NDRU said:

Are you getting your exercise?

Yes she he has a new bicycle.

She just needs to chose a bike path that steers clear of Anxiety's place.

imago said:

NDRU said:

Are you getting your exercise?

Yes she he has a new bicycle.

She just needs to chose a bike path that steers clear of Anxiety's place.

Is this new Anx hating part of your new girl liking?

NDRU said:

imago said:

Yes she he has a new bicycle.

She just needs to chose a bike path that steers clear of Anxiety's place.

Is this new Anx hating part of your new girl liking?

I think I love him

Anyways, I just posted on his facebook page about Carrie's meltdown here, and told him to stop it.

imago said:

NDRU said:

Is this new Anx hating part of your new girl liking?

I think I love him

Anyways, I just posted on his facebook page about Carrie's meltdown here, and told him to stop it.

I'm sure he is finding just the right GIF to make amends for his wrongdoings

NDRU said:

imago said:

I think I love him

Anyways, I just posted on his facebook page about Carrie's meltdown here, and told him to stop it.

I'm sure he is finding just the right GIF to make amends for his wrongdoings

Youre' the only person who responds to my posts here in the org.

Isn't that something?

imago said:

NDRU said:

I'm sure he is finding just the right GIF to make amends for his wrongdoings

Youre' the only person who responds to my posts here in the org.

Isn't that something?

right back atcha, darlin!

NDRU said:

imago said:

Youre' the only person who responds to my posts here in the org.

Isn't that something?

right back atcha, darlin!

stop treating me like just another one of your org girls!

I'm classy!

ok, whatever.

This thread sucks now

imago said:

This thread sucks now

we have driven it deep into a rut

imago said:

This thread sucks now

I am so painfully bored at work right now. I serioiusly don't know if I will last the week. I don't know what to do other than call in sick.

NDRU said:

imago said:

This thread sucks now

we have driven it deep into a rut

omg

imago said:

hmmmm. My 'rut' came in two spurts. The first was with my job in the states. I lost all interest and motivation to do it. I spent hours and hours online like the org during work trying to get my mind off how bored I was.

I hated getting up, I hated driving into work, and I absolutely hated working for a large company with their sterile work environment and culture. Everything was routine.

I wanted to somewhere.... Anywhere different. I thought at one time it would be the UK. I almost desperately clinged to the notion that I could just get away.

But what was I running from? I had a house, a kayak, annual passes to all my favorite theme parks , my selection of the some of the world's greatest beaches, a pretty active life with fun hobbies, etc. And the weather in Tampa is perfect. Absolutely perfect. So what was I running from?

Looking back I think it was the routine that was killing me. I think I'm not designed to be 'normal'. I'm not meant to just live the American dream. I'm a lover of art, and travel, and culture. Working at a successful job to fund the time and expenses of experiencing those things was a business model that didn't work--why? Because I was doing it at a fraction of the amount of time I had to spend slumped over a computer executing thankless IT projects to accomplish that.

If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done a much more impressive job my last 2 years to ensure I wasn't going to get laid off. I would have worked an extra 2 years to pay off all my debts, sell my house, and hightale it to Thailand debt free.

But you don't always get to chose your battles. When you visited last year, I was in a strange emotional slump. Not unhappy, but not fullof 'umph.

The past two months I have been exhuasted from projects. In the last 2 weeks, I've been to Chiang Mai, Ubon, Korat, and SiRacha--most places I hadn't experienced in great detail. I've had great little mini adventures and such. I wish I had started this 10 or 15 years ago instead of going the corporate route. I would have much rather been a backpacker than a corporate drone in my youth.

You don't always get to choose what happens to you I guess. Calamaties arise. But, I'm realizing more now that being a coward hasn't served me well. I'm not implying that you are a coward--just that in my case, I've chosen safety and status over adventure too many times. And transitioning from that is not easy.

You know, while I meandered my way along, I feel like I've kinda done a lot of things "right". I don't have any debt, save my mortgage and I bought just 2 years ago and a foreclosure at that, so my place is actually still worth more than I owe. I didn't get married too young when I didn't know what I really wanted out of that. I don't have any kids, which is the best possible choice for me. I've got a 401k and an emergency savings fund.

I enjoy traveling but even though I loved every minute of my long visit last fall, when it was time to come home, I was ready. I missed my cats and my boyfriend and Minneapolis and my friends and american breakfast food and I even missed the cold. I still want to pursue travel regularly (maybe even months at a time?), but I think I'll always want to come back home.

Everything you say about the IT job, though, for me is spot on. I'm sick of the routine. I'm sick of sitting in meetings. I'm sick of the damned dress code.

My problem is my lack of vision in how to finance a life without all of that. I really have no idea what I want to do and how to make a living any other way. I'm not sure where to start. Maybe looking into a class or two will help.

Carrie, I appreciate your response, but NDRU and I have already moved the subject past your whining. You need to keep pace.

imago said:

Carrie, I appreciate your response, but NDRU and I have already moved the subject past your whining. You need to keep pace.

I totally have been feeling the same way for about the last year and I had been feeling kind of guilty about it, because now I'm in a place where I can say my life is completely satisfactory...It just kills me cause there is this looming feeling that something is missing, but I can't figure what it is.

My friend says I should just take a week off