PurpleJedi said:

RenHoek said:

depends on who gets caught now, doesn't it...

There's three losers in the scenario...the betrayed wife/husband (obviously)...the cheating spouse for losing his/her dignity...and the extramarital lover for willingly being reduced to a piece of meat.

that sounds so hot...

RenHoek said:

PurpleJedi said:

There's three losers in the scenario...the betrayed wife/husband (obviously)...the cheating spouse for losing his/her dignity...and the extramarital lover for willingly being reduced to a piece of meat.

that sounds so hot...

I gave up - figured it was pointless. I applaud your effort.

Teacher said:

SexLovely said:

My bad, I was readin into to too much.

.

So you just simply didnt feel guilty. But why not? You didn't care for him? Is that why you cheated in the first place?

I was hypermanic at the time (still unmedicated bipo at that time), I didn't think about consequences. I cared for my boyfriend a lot, I loved him very much. I wasn't in love with the other guy. He was married, it was a mess. But I "woke up" after that one time and never let it happen again. The guy still wants me though, to this day. And he's still married. Talk about not feeling guilty. I never would now, EVER. He's married and I will take responsibility for that even if he will not. If he wants sex so bad he can go find somebody without any morals.

I just had to look hypermanic up! So were you herpsexual too? Is that what drove you to cheat you think? Interesting that it suddenyl snapped you out of it, and made u into a different state of mind. I saw on some other thread you said you had changed a great deal since those days.

Yeah, that guy needs to grow up and get a life.

Christypher said:

Teacher said:

I was hypermanic at the time (still unmedicated bipo at that time), I didn't think about consequences. I cared for my boyfriend a lot, I loved him very much. I wasn't in love with the other guy. He was married, it was a mess. But I "woke up" after that one time and never let it happen again. The guy still wants me though, to this day. And he's still married. Talk about not feeling guilty. I never would now, EVER. He's married and I will take responsibility for that even if he will not. If he wants sex so bad he can go find somebody without any morals.

I just had to look hypermanic up! So were you herpsexual too? Is that what drove you to cheat you think? Interesting that it suddenyl snapped you out of it, and made u into a different state of mind. I saw on some other thread you said you had changed a great deal since those days.

Yeah, that guy needs to grow up and get a life.

No I wasn't hypersexual, I was just swept up in the feeling of... attraction I guess. When I was hypermanic (haven't been since 2008 really, meds are working) it was almost like looking at myself from the outside - knowing the shit I did was wrong (flirting with the guy/responding to his flirting) but it felt so GOOD that I couldn't control it. Being myself, the true me, I would never do such a thing. And yes I've changed a lot, part of it is being medicated. The first 8 years of my time on the Org I was unmedicated bipo type II (less severe than type I) and I "did" loads of things I regret on this site. Drama shit, got totally sucked into the Org vortex of friends/enemies/sex/love. It could never happen again so I feel safe posting now, for lack of a better word. I know the oldschool orgers haven't forgotten what I used to be like, I just hope that they can see that I'm different now. I'm sorry for a whole lot of things I said to a lot of people, but I can't go around apologising for shit that happened years ago. If they're at all interested, they'll notice.

In 2004, not filing the proper paperwork as I should have costing me greatly in the end. still

Here is my greatest shame, the evilest and worst thing I've ever done......

In 2007 I stopped my then estranged husband from coming to the birth of our daughter. We knew she had heart failure, we knew she was going to die shortly after birth yet still, because of his on-going affair at the time, I didn't have him come with me to the hospital for her birth. At the time I didn't want his feelings for her to be a part of my dying childs birth, (he constantly sent her messages of how he was thinking of her even though he said he wanted to be with me), reardless, he never got to hold her, never saw her, never met her. She never heard her daddy's voice, he never had a chance to hold her. No matter what he did she had the right to her fathers love and I robbed them of that It's the greatest shame of my life it's simply inexcusible what I did was so incredibly wrong --I know I robbed him and her of something they both deserved no matter of the issues between us. I simply couldn't see it at the time--It's something I will NEVER forgive myself for doing.. May God forgive me.

That is the worst thing I have ever done and I'm so ashamed of it.

I've NEVER talked about it because of the shame and regret I feel until now. But that is the worst thing I've ever done.

nammie said:

ZombieKitten said:

nammie said:

Here is my greatest shame, the evilest and worst thing I've ever done......

In 2007 I stopped my then estranged husband from coming to the birth of our daughter. We knew she had heart failure, we knew she was going to die shortly after birth yet still, because of his on-going affair at the time, I didn't have him come with me to the hospital for her birth. At the time I didn't want his feelings for her to be a part of my dying childs birth, (he constantly sent her messages of how he was thinking of her even though he said he wanted to be with me), reardless, he never got to hold her, never saw her, never met her. She never heard her daddy's voice, he never had a chance to hold her. No matter what he did she had the right to her fathers love and I robbed them of that It's the greatest shame of my life it's simply inexcusible what I did was so incredibly wrong --I know I robbed him and her of something they both deserved no matter of the issues between us. I simply couldn't see it at the time--It's something I will NEVER forgive myself for doing.. May God forgive me.

That is the worst thing I have ever done and I'm so ashamed of it.

I've NEVER talked about it because of the shame and regret I feel until now. But that is the worst thing I've ever done.

Thanks Zombiekitten for not judging me. I wish I had that time to this do over, surly I would, the few minutes I spent with her I told her how much we loved her but he should have been there for so many reasons. I know now my reasons for keeping her to myself were selfish and self centered but at the time I thought I was rightoeus. I was only thinking of myself and I will never forgive myself for being so selfish. To this day I try to apologize to him but how can you ask forgiveness for something like that. I can only ask God to forgive me

nammie said:

Here is my greatest shame, the evilest and worst thing I've ever done......

In 2007 I stopped my then estranged husband from coming to the birth of our daughter. We knew she had heart failure, we knew she was going to die shortly after birth yet still, because of his on-going affair at the time, I didn't have him come with me to the hospital for her birth. At the time I didn't want his feelings for her to be a part of my dying childs birth, (he constantly sent her messages of how he was thinking of her even though he said he wanted to be with me), reardless, he never got to hold her, never saw her, never met her. She never heard her daddy's voice, he never had a chance to hold her. No matter what he did she had the right to her fathers love and I robbed them of that It's the greatest shame of my life it's simply inexcusible what I did was so incredibly wrong --I know I robbed him and her of something they both deserved no matter of the issues between us. I simply couldn't see it at the time--It's something I will NEVER forgive myself for doing.. May God forgive me.

That is the worst thing I have ever done and I'm so ashamed of it.

I've NEVER talked about it because of the shame and regret I feel until now. But that is the worst thing I've ever done.

we are all human.

JerseyKRS said:

nammie said:

Here is my greatest shame, the evilest and worst thing I've ever done......

In 2007 I stopped my then estranged husband from coming to the birth of our daughter. We knew she had heart failure, we knew she was going to die shortly after birth yet still, because of his on-going affair at the time, I didn't have him come with me to the hospital for her birth. At the time I didn't want his feelings for her to be a part of my dying childs birth, (he constantly sent her messages of how he was thinking of her even though he said he wanted to be with me), reardless, he never got to hold her, never saw her, never met her. She never heard her daddy's voice, he never had a chance to hold her. No matter what he did she had the right to her fathers love and I robbed them of that It's the greatest shame of my life it's simply inexcusible what I did was so incredibly wrong --I know I robbed him and her of something they both deserved no matter of the issues between us. I simply couldn't see it at the time--It's something I will NEVER forgive myself for doing.. May God forgive me.

That is the worst thing I have ever done and I'm so ashamed of it.

I've NEVER talked about it because of the shame and regret I feel until now. But that is the worst thing I've ever done.

we are all human.

Thank you, although I don't deserve it, I've never EVER been able to talk about her until just now. And I thank the OP for the topic.

nammie said:

dJJ said:

SaraWright10 said:

Yeah.. I don't think it's the WORST thing I've ever done but you're right it's definitely not good..

It's plain stupid.

Who's going to win anything in this situation?

You?

His wife (and kids if any)?

The married guy?

So, if screwing a married guy and his family isn't the worst thing you did, what is?

#1 - You're right.. it is a very absent minded thing to do.

#2 - I'm not much into the "winning" and "losing" outlook on life so I'll pass on this question.

#3 - Not once did I say I screwed him, never have. Maybe I should screw him and then I'll be able to justify that as the worst thing I've ever done?

Either way, I am the only one who knows the exact situation I've gotten myself into as well as the repercussions and how I feel about them. So although your opinion is not nessecarily needed, it's appreciated.

Poured bubble bath into my fish tank when I was 7, because I thought they would grow bigger bubbles. It killed my brothers and mine own goldfish, my mother went Krakatoic.

nammie said:

Here is my greatest shame, the evilest and worst thing I've ever done......

In 2007 I stopped my then estranged husband from coming to the birth of our daughter. We knew she had heart failure, we knew she was going to die shortly after birth yet still, because of his on-going affair at the time, I didn't have him come with me to the hospital for her birth. At the time I didn't want his feelings for her to be a part of my dying childs birth, (he constantly sent her messages of how he was thinking of her even though he said he wanted to be with me), reardless, he never got to hold her, never saw her, never met her. She never heard her daddy's voice, he never had a chance to hold her. No matter what he did she had the right to her fathers love and I robbed them of that It's the greatest shame of my life it's simply inexcusible what I did was so incredibly wrong --I know I robbed him and her of something they both deserved no matter of the issues between us. I simply couldn't see it at the time--It's something I will NEVER forgive myself for doing.. May God forgive me.

That is the worst thing I have ever done and I'm so ashamed of it.

I've NEVER talked about it because of the shame and regret I feel until now. But that is the worst thing I've ever done.

.

Behaviour breeds behaviour.....

.

A hard thing to admit, and brave to share even across the net. Please consider though that even though you're letting this regret rust your insides away, that the regret of your descision you feel will never be as large as the regret he feels for having comitted the affair in the first place!!

.

For ultimately this is his fault. Not yours. True you'll say well I shouldnt have let that affect my judgement on a life changing event, BUT your descision, as brash as it may now seem, was bred out of anger that he is at fault for, and so must take more blame than you - as behaviour breeds behaviour.

.

Take consolement in knowing that had he not have fucked up in first place you would have never been placed in such a horrible state of mind at a time where you were emotional and stressed. This is Karma, not you being spiteful.

.

His affair, as I can only imagine, must've destroyed you, but you got through it......dont let this destroy you.

Neither situation is a product of your doing or your mistakes. Try to give yourself some peace. Just in case there isn't a god. xx

nammie said:

Here is my greatest shame, the evilest and worst thing I've ever done......

In 2007 I stopped my then estranged husband from coming to the birth of our daughter. We knew she had heart failure, we knew she was going to die shortly after birth yet still, because of his on-going affair at the time, I didn't have him come with me to the hospital for her birth. At the time I didn't want his feelings for her to be a part of my dying childs birth, (he constantly sent her messages of how he was thinking of her even though he said he wanted to be with me), reardless, he never got to hold her, never saw her, never met her. She never heard her daddy's voice, he never had a chance to hold her. No matter what he did she had the right to her fathers love and I robbed them of that It's the greatest shame of my life it's simply inexcusible what I did was so incredibly wrong --I know I robbed him and her of something they both deserved no matter of the issues between us. I simply couldn't see it at the time--It's something I will NEVER forgive myself for doing.. May God forgive me.

That is the worst thing I have ever done and I'm so ashamed of it.

I've NEVER talked about it because of the shame and regret I feel until now. But that is the worst thing I've ever done.

I realize that you will carry this for the rest of your life...but given the circumstances, I doubt anyone can really & honestly throw stones at you. I have a feeling that many of us would do the same. Sure, many here would say "never" but if in your shoes in the same circumstances...?

Like running out of air... and you're drowning. You grab a hold of someone else and pull them down.

Sometimes it's so convenient because you can make an alternate excuse to explain an action but then you have to face it when it doesn't match up.

But when your pain thresh hold is crossed, you lash out.

A man who is bleeding to death doesn't think about the blood he smears all over his rescuers.

He's dying.

A person will lash out just to repay themselves when they are dying inside.

How much pain can a person take?

...and in a moment of clarity when you know it's wrong to pull someone down into the deep... you know it's wrong and so does everybody else but probably each and every one of us would do it each and every time when we are drowning. Try to take someone down.

i've never almost drown but i have been hurting to the point where I just don't know how much more i can take and i need to know I'm not the only one who feels it.

CM7 said:

Like running out of air... and you're drowning. You grab a hold of someone else and pull them down.

Sometimes it's so convenient because you can make an alternate excuse to explain an action but then you have to face it when it doesn't match up.

But when your pain thresh hold is crossed, you lash out.

A man who is bleeding to death doesn't think about the blood he smears all over his rescuers.

He's dying.

A person will lash out just to repay themselves when they are dying inside.

How much pain can a person take?

...and in a moment of clarity when you know it's wrong to pull someone down into the deep... you know it's wrong and so does everybody else but probably each and every one of us would do it each and every time when we are drowning. Try to take someone down.

i've never almost drown but i have been hurting to the point where I just don't know how much more i can take and i need to know I'm not the only one who feels it.

Is this a present thing??

Teacher said:

Christypher said:

I just had to look hypermanic up! So were you herpsexual too? Is that what drove you to cheat you think? Interesting that it suddenyl snapped you out of it, and made u into a different state of mind. I saw on some other thread you said you had changed a great deal since those days.

Yeah, that guy needs to grow up and get a life.

No I wasn't hypersexual, I was just swept up in the feeling of... attraction I guess. When I was hypermanic (haven't been since 2008 really, meds are working) it was almost like looking at myself from the outside - knowing the shit I did was wrong (flirting with the guy/responding to his flirting) but it felt so GOOD that I couldn't control it. Being myself, the true me, I would never do such a thing. And yes I've changed a lot, part of it is being medicated. The first 8 years of my time on the Org I was unmedicated bipo type II (less severe than type I) and I "did" loads of things I regret on this site. Drama shit, got totally sucked into the Org vortex of friends/enemies/sex/love. It could never happen again so I feel safe posting now, for lack of a better word. I know the oldschool orgers haven't forgotten what I used to be like, I just hope that they can see that I'm different now. I'm sorry for a whole lot of things I said to a lot of people, but I can't go around apologising for shit that happened years ago. If they're at all interested, they'll notice.

Didn't U have some kind of an Org relationship going on with Finess??

SexLovely said:

Teacher said:

No I wasn't hypersexual, I was just swept up in the feeling of... attraction I guess. When I was hypermanic (haven't been since 2008 really, meds are working) it was almost like looking at myself from the outside - knowing the shit I did was wrong (flirting with the guy/responding to his flirting) but it felt so GOOD that I couldn't control it. Being myself, the true me, I would never do such a thing. And yes I've changed a lot, part of it is being medicated. The first 8 years of my time on the Org I was unmedicated bipo type II (less severe than type I) and I "did" loads of things I regret on this site. Drama shit, got totally sucked into the Org vortex of friends/enemies/sex/love. It could never happen again so I feel safe posting now, for lack of a better word. I know the oldschool orgers haven't forgotten what I used to be like, I just hope that they can see that I'm different now. I'm sorry for a whole lot of things I said to a lot of people, but I can't go around apologising for shit that happened years ago. If they're at all interested, they'll notice.

Didn't U have some kind of an Org relationship going on with Finess??

I did. It was my first, but not the last. I learned eventually though. Took me 10 years, but I got there. It's not too late for you.

Teacher said:

SexLovely said:

Didn't U have some kind of an Org relationship going on with Finess??

I did. It was my first, but not the last. I learned eventually though. Took me 10 years, but I got there. It's not too late for you.

Aha! So it WAS you who phoned me up that time! I thought it was!

.

What did u learn?

SexLovely said:

Teacher said:

I did. It was my first, but not the last. I learned eventually though. Took me 10 years, but I got there. It's not too late for you.

Aha! So it WAS you who phoned me up that time! I thought it was!

.

What did u learn?

Phone you up? What am I not getting here?

I learned not to have internet based relationships.

Teacher said:

SexLovely said:

Didn't U have some kind of an Org relationship going on with Finess??

I did. It was my first, but not the last. I learned eventually though. Took me 10 years, but I got there. It's not too late for you.

What exactly is an "org relationship"? Strictly online stuff?

JustErin said:

Teacher said:

I did. It was my first, but not the last. I learned eventually though. Took me 10 years, but I got there. It's not too late for you.

What exactly is an "org relationship"? Strictly online stuff?

It depends on where you both live. In my case yes, since I didn't have the finances to go to the US and vice versa. So it was a stupid online thing. One of 3. But, I did learn after 10 years.

Teacher said:

SexLovely said:

Aha! So it WAS you who phoned me up that time! I thought it was!

.

What did u learn?

Phone you up? What am I not getting here?

I learned not to have internet based relationships.

Yes! U did! About 2003 I think it was I got a phone call from a Swedish orger who used to "get it on" with Finess, and back then we talked loads....so it must be you.

.

Well learned

SexLovely said:

Teacher said:

Phone you up? What am I not getting here?

I learned not to have internet based relationships.

Yes! U did! About 2003 I think it was I got a phone call from a Swedish orger who used to "get it on" with Finess, and back then we talked loads....so it must be you.

.

Well learned

Really? I don't remember. Sorry about that.

How the hell did this thread come to be about just me? Will I ever be able to outrun my past on this site?

Teacher said:

SexLovely said:

Yes! U did! About 2003 I think it was I got a phone call from a Swedish orger who used to "get it on" with Finess, and back then we talked loads....so it must be you.

.

Well learned

Really? I don't remember. Sorry about that.

I only remembered the other day! So if u ever remember ringing up an orger from England on his mobile several years ago, chances are it was me!

.

Shall we take the attention elsewhere now? Your past wasnt that bad!

SexLovely said:

Teacher said:

Really? I don't remember. Sorry about that.

I only remembered the other day! So if u ever remember ringing up an orger from England on his mobile several years ago, chances are it was me!

.

Shall we take the attention elsewhere now? Your past wasnt that bad!

It must've been me, yes. And yes please, let's!

Shanti0608 said:

I would never disclose that info on a public forum on the Internet.

I don't care, I don't know 99% of these people from a hole in the ground so they can't judge me. Or they can, but I don't give a shit. But for some people it's a very personal thing, I understand that.