JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

so how can guys tell if their lady really likes sexytime?

WHY don't women like sex?????

If she takes in the ass....odds are she's into sex.

Just kidding...I haven't a clue. People tend to be fake asses in general when looking for a mate.

And I dunno why women don't like sex. Upbringing? Not familiar with their own body? I dunno...

Or they've just had really shit sex so far? Bad first time? Molested as a kid?

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

If she takes in the ass....odds are she's into sex.

Just kidding...I haven't a clue. People tend to be fake asses in general when looking for a mate.

And I dunno why women don't like sex. Upbringing? Not familiar with their own body? I dunno...

Or they've just had really shit sex so far? Bad first time? Molested as a kid?

Sure, it could be anything.

I have to say, though, that I've never really had bad sex. I've had good, great and amazing but never bad.

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

If she takes in the ass....odds are she's into sex.

Just kidding...I haven't a clue. People tend to be fake asses in general when looking for a mate.

And I dunno why women don't like sex. Upbringing? Not familiar with their own body? I dunno...

Or they've just had really shit sex so far? Bad first time? Molested as a kid?

I'm sure all that is possible, but most of the time I don't think its all that serious. Like Erin mentioned, people do weird shit (that's putting it nicely) when they're trying to become involved, or stay involved, in a relationship (not to mention what they do when they're trying to get OUT of one). If relationships were all peachy and perfect the world would be a vastly different place.

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

Or they've just had really shit sex so far? Bad first time? Molested as a kid?

Sure, it could be anything.

I have to say, though, that I've never really had bad sex. I've had good, great and amazing but never bad.

I've had sex before, once just the other day, where I did it even though my brain was totally pre-occupied with something else, and in the middle of it I asked a question (about this something else) and we ended up in a heap of giggles because I was so obviously not on the job, but it wasn't BAD it was still lots of fun. That's as bad as it ever gets for me. I'd still initiated it, even if I have all this heavy stuff going on for me, sex is still my fun diversion.

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

Or they've just had really shit sex so far? Bad first time? Molested as a kid?

I'm sure all that is possible, but most of the time I don't think its all that serious. Like Erin mentioned, people do weird shit (that's putting it nicely) when they're trying to become involved, or stay involved, in a relationship (not to mention what they do when they're trying to get OUT of one). If relationships were all peachy and perfect the world would be a vastly different place.

that to me is signs of deep rooted issues I suppose there are a ton of damaged folks around

ZombieKitten said:

Cerebus said:

I'm sure all that is possible, but most of the time I don't think its all that serious. Like Erin mentioned, people do weird shit (that's putting it nicely) when they're trying to become involved, or stay involved, in a relationship (not to mention what they do when they're trying to get OUT of one). If relationships were all peachy and perfect the world would be a vastly different place.

that to me is signs of deep rooted issues I suppose there are a ton of damaged folks around

Well then you think more highly of human beings in general than I do (which, really, I guess is true for a lot of people ). Because to me this behavior is one of the most base aspects of human nature.

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

that to me is signs of deep rooted issues I suppose there are a ton of damaged folks around

Well then you think more highly of human beings in general than I do (which, really, I guess is true for a lot of people ). Because to me this behavior is one of the most base aspects of human nature.

Agree.

JustErin said:

Cerebus said:

Well then you think more highly of human beings in general than I do (which, really, I guess is true for a lot of people ). Because to me this behavior is one of the most base aspects of human nature.

Agree.

When I get on my tangents about no longer being interested in dealing with "the games" involved with dating and relationships, this is the starting point. When I was younger and cared more about having sex all the time it was easier to deal with. Now I have zero patience for that nonsense. That's why its so much more important to me these days to find someone with whom I share some interests and actually want to spend some time with.

Let me make sure I'm being clear though, this is only the BEGINNING of the games. There is OOOOOH so much more to get through.

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

that to me is signs of deep rooted issues I suppose there are a ton of damaged folks around

Well then you think more highly of human beings in general than I do (which, really, I guess is true for a lot of people ). Because to me this behavior is one of the most base aspects of human nature.

I do very much so, and I think that's wholly based on my (very lucky by the sounds of it) experiences which have not involved much game playing at all if any.

One guy I slept with was an idiot (in kind hindsight I realise he was in love with someone else who didn't love him back and I feel sorry for him now) that gave me a runaround, but I didn't keep chasing him after it was clear to me he didn't care for me. Apart from him, all the men I have been with were on the same page as me, enjoyed to spend time together and do fun stuff, LAUGH until we cry etc.

My parents are still together, my inlaws are still together, nobody is a drunk in my immediate family. My sister is a flake, but that's the worst I can say about her

Maybe I am naive or sheltered, but I do tend to have really WONDERFUL connections with people who are good and kind and helpful and thoughtful and every day I'm saying WOW how much I enjoy him or her.

My kids keep asking me if I know people that talk to me in the street, no, I don't know them, but they were very nice to me, yes.

ZombieKitten said:

Cerebus said:

Well then you think more highly of human beings in general than I do (which, really, I guess is true for a lot of people ). Because to me this behavior is one of the most base aspects of human nature.

I do very much so, and I think that's wholly based on my (very lucky by the sounds of it) experiences which have not involved much game playing at all if any.

One guy I slept with was an idiot (in kind hindsight I realise he was in love with someone else who didn't love him back and I feel sorry for him now) that gave me a runaround, but I didn't keep chasing him after it was clear to me he didn't care for me. Apart from him, all the men I have been with were on the same page as me, enjoyed to spend time together and do fun stuff, LAUGH until we cry etc.

My parents are still together, my inlaws are still together, nobody is a drunk in my immediate family. My sister is a flake, but that's the worst I can say about her

Maybe I am naive or sheltered, but I do tend to have really WONDERFUL connections with people who are good and kind and helpful and thoughtful and every day I'm saying WOW how much I enjoy him or her.

My kids keep asking me if I know people that talk to me in the street, no, I don't know them, but they were very nice to me, yes.

And you know me, so absolutely you're spot on with that assessment.

Fauxie said:

ZombieKitten said:

I do very much so, and I think that's wholly based on my (very lucky by the sounds of it) experiences which have not involved much game playing at all if any.

One guy I slept with was an idiot (in kind hindsight I realise he was in love with someone else who didn't love him back and I feel sorry for him now) that gave me a runaround, but I didn't keep chasing him after it was clear to me he didn't care for me. Apart from him, all the men I have been with were on the same page as me, enjoyed to spend time together and do fun stuff, LAUGH until we cry etc.

My parents are still together, my inlaws are still together, nobody is a drunk in my immediate family. My sister is a flake, but that's the worst I can say about her

Maybe I am naive or sheltered, but I do tend to have really WONDERFUL connections with people who are good and kind and helpful and thoughtful and every day I'm saying WOW how much I enjoy him or her.

My kids keep asking me if I know people that talk to me in the street, no, I don't know them, but they were very nice to me, yes.

And you know me, so absolutely you're spot on with that assessment.

I think I am going to become a hippy

ZombieKitten said:

Fauxie said:

And you know me, so absolutely you're spot on with that assessment.

I think I am going to become a hippy

Far out. I think I may already be one in some ways. I'm all passive and Taoist and nice and easy-going and unambitious and lazy and unmotivated and undisciplined... wait, I'm just a bum.

Fauxie said:

ZombieKitten said:

I think I am going to become a hippy

Far out. I think I may already be one in some ways. I'm all passive and Taoist and nice and easy-going and unambitious and lazy and unmotivated and undisciplined... wait, I'm just a bum.

Yeah, I've known a lot of hippies and it often involves large amounts of hard work to live that way.

ZombieKitten said:

Cerebus said:

Well then you think more highly of human beings in general than I do (which, really, I guess is true for a lot of people ). Because to me this behavior is one of the most base aspects of human nature.

I do very much so, and I think that's wholly based on my (very lucky by the sounds of it) experiences which have not involved much game playing at all if any.

One guy I slept with was an idiot (in kind hindsight I realise he was in love with someone else who didn't love him back and I feel sorry for him now) that gave me a runaround, but I didn't keep chasing him after it was clear to me he didn't care for me. Apart from him, all the men I have been with were on the same page as me, enjoyed to spend time together and do fun stuff, LAUGH until we cry etc.

My parents are still together, my inlaws are still together, nobody is a drunk in my immediate family. My sister is a flake, but that's the worst I can say about her

Maybe I am naive or sheltered, but I do tend to have really WONDERFUL connections with people who are good and kind and helpful and thoughtful and every day I'm saying WOW how much I enjoy him or her.

My kids keep asking me if I know people that talk to me in the street, no, I don't know them, but they were very nice to me, yes.

That's awsome. I'm glad you've had these experiences and its cool that they've instilled such positive qualities in you. You seem to be good people and I hope you're always that way. I'm in no way trying to change your mind, but I've definitely not had the same experiences. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at one point or another in my life I've witnessed every evil quality that mankind has to offer. Its left me with a less than stellar opinion of the human race as a whole.

Edit: For being a stupid head and not removing the 're.

[Edited 7/28/11 20:30pm]

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

I do very much so, and I think that's wholly based on my (very lucky by the sounds of it) experiences which have not involved much game playing at all if any.

One guy I slept with was an idiot (in kind hindsight I realise he was in love with someone else who didn't love him back and I feel sorry for him now) that gave me a runaround, but I didn't keep chasing him after it was clear to me he didn't care for me. Apart from him, all the men I have been with were on the same page as me, enjoyed to spend time together and do fun stuff, LAUGH until we cry etc.

My parents are still together, my inlaws are still together, nobody is a drunk in my immediate family. My sister is a flake, but that's the worst I can say about her

Maybe I am naive or sheltered, but I do tend to have really WONDERFUL connections with people who are good and kind and helpful and thoughtful and every day I'm saying WOW how much I enjoy him or her.

My kids keep asking me if I know people that talk to me in the street, no, I don't know them, but they were very nice to me, yes.

That's awsome. I'm glad you've had these experiences and its cool that they've instilled such positive qualities in you. You seem to be good people and I hope you're always that way. I'm in no way trying to change your mind, but I've definitely not had the same experiences. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at one point or another in my life I've witnessed every evil quality that mankind has to offer. Its left me with a less than stellar opinion of the human race as a whole.

I think that's a shame

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

I do very much so, and I think that's wholly based on my (very lucky by the sounds of it) experiences which have not involved much game playing at all if any.

One guy I slept with was an idiot (in kind hindsight I realise he was in love with someone else who didn't love him back and I feel sorry for him now) that gave me a runaround, but I didn't keep chasing him after it was clear to me he didn't care for me. Apart from him, all the men I have been with were on the same page as me, enjoyed to spend time together and do fun stuff, LAUGH until we cry etc.

My parents are still together, my inlaws are still together, nobody is a drunk in my immediate family. My sister is a flake, but that's the worst I can say about her

Maybe I am naive or sheltered, but I do tend to have really WONDERFUL connections with people who are good and kind and helpful and thoughtful and every day I'm saying WOW how much I enjoy him or her.

My kids keep asking me if I know people that talk to me in the street, no, I don't know them, but they were very nice to me, yes.

That's awsome. I'm glad you've had these experiences and its cool that they've instilled such positive qualities in you. You seem to be good people and I hope you're always that way. I'm in no way trying to change your mind, but I've definitely not had the same experiences. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at one point or another in my life I've witnessed every evil quality that mankind has to offer. Its left me with a less than stellar opinion of the human race as a whole.

Edit: For being a stupid head and not removing the 're.

[Edited 7/28/11 20:30pm]

Same here, but it hasn't changed my outlook. Just because there's evil literally next door to me doesn't mean humans as a whole are evil or even that the majority are. I've got a smile for everybody and I hope they don't do me wrong, but I'll try to be a nice person to them and others regardless. Nobody's going to bring me down.

ZombieKitten said:

Cerebus said:

That's awsome. I'm glad you've had these experiences and its cool that they've instilled such positive qualities in you. You seem to be good people and I hope you're always that way. I'm in no way trying to change your mind, but I've definitely not had the same experiences. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at one point or another in my life I've witnessed every evil quality that mankind has to offer. Its left me with a less than stellar opinion of the human race as a whole.

I think that's a shame

I'm alright with it. There are plenty of things about my life I wish hadn't happened, but at the same time all that stuff is what shaped me and made me who I am today. I know I'm not perfect and I know I don't think the same way about a lot of things as other people, which sometimes makes me hard to get along with. But I like me. That's really all that matter in the end, I think.

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

I think that's a shame

I'm alright with it. There are plenty of things about my life I wish hadn't happened, but at the same time all that stuff is what shaped me and made me who I am today. I know I'm not perfect and I know I don't think the same way about a lot of things as other people, which sometimes makes me hard to get along with. But I like me. That's really all that matter in the end, I think.

It's probably essential, I'd imagine.

Fauxie said:

Cerebus said:

That's awsome. I'm glad you've had these experiences and its cool that they've instilled such positive qualities in you. You seem to be good people and I hope you're always that way. I'm in no way trying to change your mind, but I've definitely not had the same experiences. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at one point or another in my life I've witnessed every evil quality that mankind has to offer. Its left me with a less than stellar opinion of the human race as a whole.

Edit: For being a stupid head and not removing the 're.

[Edited 7/28/11 20:30pm]

Same here, but it hasn't changed my outlook. Just because there's evil literally next door to me doesn't mean humans as a whole are evil or even that the majority are. I've got a smile for everybody and I hope they don't do me wrong, but I'll try to be a nice person to them and others regardless. Nobody's going to bring me down.

I agree about the last part, nobody is going to bring me down but me. And I do try to be a nice person, certainly a respectful and mannerly one, so long as no wrong has been done to me. But I don't have a smile for everybody and don't believe a majority of people are good. Yeah, I'ma delete the rest of what I wrote and stop there.

Cerebus said:

Fauxie said:

Same here, but it hasn't changed my outlook. Just because there's evil literally next door to me doesn't mean humans as a whole are evil or even that the majority are. I've got a smile for everybody and I hope they don't do me wrong, but I'll try to be a nice person to them and others regardless. Nobody's going to bring me down.

I agree about the last part, nobody is going to bring me down but me. And I do try to be a nice person, certainly a respectful and mannerly one, so long as no wrong has been done to me. But I don't have a smile for everybody and don't believe a majority of people are good. Yeah, I'ma delete the rest of what I wrote and stop there.

I always have a smile for you

(omg nearly typed SLIME )

Fauxie said:

Cerebus said:

I'm alright with it. There are plenty of things about my life I wish hadn't happened, but at the same time all that stuff is what shaped me and made me who I am today. I know I'm not perfect and I know I don't think the same way about a lot of things as other people, which sometimes makes me hard to get along with. But I like me. That's really all that matter in the end, I think.

It's probably essential, I'd imagine.

You would think so. But lack of self-esteem and love for ones self seems to be a pretty major issue in the world these days.

ZombieKitten said:

Cerebus said:

I agree about the last part, nobody is going to bring me down but me. And I do try to be a nice person, certainly a respectful and mannerly one, so long as no wrong has been done to me. But I don't have a smile for everybody and don't believe a majority of people are good. Yeah, I'ma delete the rest of what I wrote and stop there.

I always have a smile for you

(omg nearly typed SLIME )

I'll take your slime.

Cerebus said:

Fauxie said:

It's probably essential, I'd imagine.

You would think so. But lack of self-esteem and love for ones self seems to be a pretty major issue in the world these days.

I agree.

It's a shame you are bitter about human kind. I can understand, though. However, I disagree with you that people are evil and have bad intentions. I think most just listen to their instincts and natural 'survival' mode. That makes them trade in some values and morals for materialism and popularity or status. Those are pretty general forces.

I think people both are bad and good. However, in essence they want to be good. In reality that's pretty hard to live by. The persons who initiate and perform terrorist attacks, are convinced they are doing good to the world and helping us out. They themselves think they are good people.

I think it's a lot of not listening to eachother and not understanding where the other person comes from. I don't want to divide the world into enemies and/or friends. It's just all people, some ignorant some less.

Cerebus said:

JustErin said:

Oh no, they totally admit it....like they think all women are like that and it's totally normal and acceptable.

Sex as a weapon. The concept is as old as sex itself.

I really think it's sad that you would name it as a warfare material. As if it's war in the relationship.

When the relationship is in that state, it's hurtfull for everybody involved and probably best to seperate.

I would call it a sad ongoing miscommunication, not understanding eachother, not discussing eachothers needs and worries. Not being there for eachother and the two way dissapointments from that. Probably without at first any intention to harm the other. However, when there is no true communication, there is no way to solve those issues and a non-existing sex life is the result of that.

As in most things, desire for sex is on a scale of 1-10.

1=Never, ever, ever wants to have sex

10=CAN.NOT.EVER. get enough sex

Each individual falls somewhere on that scale. Sometimes it can be to underlying factors such as molestation, abuse etc. For some people, sex can even be physically painful for medical-type reasons.

IMHO, it's when a person isn't honest about it, like examples given previously, using sex as a weapon...using sex to catch a partner...or just not talking to your partner about the desire ratio when you're not close to evenly matched...That's when things fall out of balance.

If you are with someone seriously or you've committed to them for life and you cannot talk to them about sex, that's something big. IMHO, it says alot about the relationship and the people in it.

dJJ said:

Cerebus said:

Sex as a weapon. The concept is as old as sex itself.

I really think it's sad that you would name it as a warfare material. As if it's war in the relationship.

When the relationship is in that state, it's hurtfull for everybody involved and probably best to seperate.

I would call it a sad ongoing miscommunication, not understanding eachother, not discussing eachothers needs and worries. Not being there for eachother and the two way dissapointments from that. Probably without at first any intention to harm the other. However, when there is no true communication, there is no way to solve those issues and a non-existing sex life is the result of that.

I didn't name it anything. That term has existed forever. Like, I believe it dates back to ancient roman times (the concept certainly does). Also, its not just about what happens after you're in a relationship and its gone bad, or is going that way. Its about the way sex is used by everyone on a daily basis regardless of their relationship status. Its used like a weapon.

Cerebus said:

dJJ said:

I really think it's sad that you would name it as a warfare material. As if it's war in the relationship.

When the relationship is in that state, it's hurtfull for everybody involved and probably best to seperate.

I would call it a sad ongoing miscommunication, not understanding eachother, not discussing eachothers needs and worries. Not being there for eachother and the two way dissapointments from that. Probably without at first any intention to harm the other. However, when there is no true communication, there is no way to solve those issues and a non-existing sex life is the result of that.

I didn't name it anything. That term has existed forever. Like, I believe it dates back to ancient roman times (the concept certainly does). Also, its not just about what happens after you're in a relationship and its gone bad, or is going that way. Its about the way sex is used by everyone on a daily basis regardless of their relationship status. Its used like a weapon.

ok

Cerebus said:

dJJ said:

I really think it's sad that you would name it as a warfare material. As if it's war in the relationship.

When the relationship is in that state, it's hurtfull for everybody involved and probably best to seperate.

I would call it a sad ongoing miscommunication, not understanding eachother, not discussing eachothers needs and worries. Not being there for eachother and the two way dissapointments from that. Probably without at first any intention to harm the other. However, when there is no true communication, there is no way to solve those issues and a non-existing sex life is the result of that.

I didn't name it anything. That term has existed forever. Like, I believe it dates back to ancient roman times (the concept certainly does). Also, its not just about what happens after you're in a relationship and its gone bad, or is going that way. Its about the way sex is used by everyone on a daily basis regardless of their relationship status. Its used like a weapon.

True, it's a popular phrase:

^^ I figured somebody might do that.

Cerebus said:

^^ I figured somebody might do that.

I liked that song back in the day. Now, not so much.