omg!!!!

neither does mine

ZombieKitten said:

Serious said:

For me as a woman it is essential that I feel loved and desired by the man I am with. I feel sorry for the men and women who are in relationships like the one described by the OP.

Me too if I don't feel desired, I'm not happy

Yep. The key to continuous good sex.

If it's allways just about his dick, I think he better just go to a club and pay for it to get his needs met. If I'm not cherished physically, I loose interest.

For me being pestered is never good, no matter who is doing it.

Being told and shown that I am loved, wanted, needed and attractive is totally differerent.

Sexual attraction and libido is very complicated and many factors contribute to changes.

If someone is in a relationship and they are unhappy about the amount or quality of sex they are having, they need to communicate it to their partner.

I have seen pent up frustration & resentment happen when a spouse feels like they are just there to cook, clean & have sex. I have seen the same when a spouse feels rejected or unwanted.

In most relationships that I have been in, desires & needs can change or things in life become important for a period of time (such as health issues or fatique) and if you communicate your feelings and needs, it usually leaves little room for resentment or misunderstanding.

If you expect to be intimate with your partner and have a lasting relationship then you need to be open and discuss sex and intimacy. You can never assume or expect without expressing what you want and need.

I personally don't compare my sex life with what statistics say. It makes me think about these lyrics from a funny song:

64 percent of all the world's statistics are made up right there on the spot
82.4 percent of people believe 'em whether they're accurate statistics or not
I don't know what you believe but I do know there's no doubt
I need another double shot of something 90 proof
I got too much to think about

I guess if they are both content in their situations then there is no need to pity anyone. If they are not then they both need to fix it.

I've learned that not all women are on the same level when it comes to sex and the enjoyment of it.

Some women look at sex as a chore because they just are not interested in learning how to climax with their partner. The sex isn't great, but the love is there, so sex itself isn't the priority... they prefer companionship. So a cuddle fest on a couch, or a nice stroll through a garden is more than satisfactory for the couple who gets off of talk more than they do exchanging body fluids. That couple seems fine with limited sexual activity, they are on the same page with one another and to me that's not sad, that's a perfect situtaion that they have found eachother.

As couple like this I just could never understand... I'm gonna be getting my fuck on when I am 105 years old. I like my orgasms and I am bossy enough to tell my man how to do me right and has the same sex drive that I do. Yup... that is ideal!

paintedlady said:

I've learned that not all women are on the same level when it comes to sex and the enjoyment of it.

Some women look at sex as a chore because they just are not interested in learning how to climax with their partner. The sex isn't great, but the love is there, so sex itself isn't the priority... they prefer companionship. So a cuddle fest on a couch, or a nice stroll through a garden is more than satisfactory for the couple who gets off of talk more than they do exchanging body fluids. That couple seems fine with limited sexual activity, they are on the same page with one another and to me that's not sad, that's a perfect situtaion that they have found eachother.

As couple like this I just could never understand... I'm gonna be getting my fuck on when I am 105 years old. I like my orgasms and I am bossy enough to tell my man how to do me right and has the same sex drive that I do. Yup... that is ideal!

Spot on. Again.

I need to add "normal" is a relative term... normal varies from person to person.

We need to be careful how we judge other people's lives by our own personal "normal".

Who the fuck are we to say what is "normal" in someone's else's life?

If I fuck my man 3x's a day, do I want someone to say...

"Oh my God! That isn't normal... she has issues, she should talk to a therapist."

or if I only fuck my man once every year...

"Oh my God, that poor woman! They should see a therapist, or Dr. someothing isn't normal."

Really? Who gives a fuck as long as that couple is HAPPY! I guess being happy isn't normal enough?

I don't say this to judge anyone here... but if you feel judged then that means you need to pull back on judging on how other people live their lives. As long as folks are happy... let em be.

and yes... I am menstrual right now, so don't take shit personal from me in the next three days.

Shanti0608 said:

For me being pestered is never good, no matter who is doing it.

Being told and shown that I am loved, wanted, needed and attractive is totally differerent.

Sexual attraction and libido is very complicated and many factors contribute to changes.

If someone is in a relationship and they are unhappy about the amount or quality of sex they are having, they need to communicate it to their partner.

I have seen pent up frustration & resentment happen when a spouse feels like they are just there to cook, clean & have sex. I have seen the same when a spouse feels rejected or unwanted.

In most relationships that I have been in, desires & needs can change or things in life become important for a period of time (such as health issues or fatique) and if you communicate your feelings and needs, it usually leaves little room for resentment or misunderstanding.

If you expect to be intimate with your partner and have a lasting relationship then you need to be open and discuss sex and intimacy. You can never assume or expect without expressing what you want and need.

I personally don't compare my sex life with what statistics say. It makes me think about these lyrics from a funny song:

64 percent of all the world's statistics are made up right there on the spot
82.4 percent of people believe 'em whether they're accurate statistics or not
I don't know what you believe but I do know there's no doubt
I need another double shot of something 90 proof
I got too much to think about

I guess if they are both content in their situations then there is no need to pity anyone. If they are not then they both need to fix it.

Lisa10 said:

paintedlady said:

I've learned that not all women are on the same level when it comes to sex and the enjoyment of it.

Some women look at sex as a chore because they just are not interested in learning how to climax with their partner. The sex isn't great, but the love is there, so sex itself isn't the priority... they prefer companionship. So a cuddle fest on a couch, or a nice stroll through a garden is more than satisfactory for the couple who gets off of talk more than they do exchanging body fluids. That couple seems fine with limited sexual activity, they are on the same page with one another and to me that's not sad, that's a perfect situtaion that they have found eachother.

As couple like this I just could never understand... I'm gonna be getting my fuck on when I am 105 years old. I like my orgasms and I am bossy enough to tell my man how to do me right and has the same sex drive that I do. Yup... that is ideal!

Spot on. Again.

Shanti said it more eloquently that I did... but yeah... as long as both parties are in agreement about sex, the kudos to them for being happy.

paintedlady said:

Lisa10 said:

Spot on. Again.

Shanti said it more eloquently that I did... but yeah... as long as both parties are in agreement about sex, the kudos to them for being happy.

Yeah, Shanti put it well too.

If both partners are really happy and satisfied with having hardly any sex than good for them. I just very much doubt it is really like that in most relationships where not much sex is happening. Usually one of the 2 would want to have more sex, but just gives up to beg for it after some time. And that is very sad IMO. And even the one who isn't interested much in sex anymore with the long time partner might suddenly be interested more again if they met somebody else.

ZombieKitten said:

I do realise sex isn't everything, but it's such an enjoyable and CORE part of a relationship, that without it (for me) the rest of it would feel hollow.

Sex is very important to us/me ~ it's something we do ( STILL after 26 yrs together ! ) often

I would not be pleased in a low sex situation at this time and I am 47

I think many of you would DIE in my relationship

We have sex like, quarterly. I'm not happy about it.

Serious said:

If both partners are really happy and satisfied with having hardly any sex than good for them. I just very much doubt it is really like that in most relationships where not much sex is happening. Usually one of the 2 would want to have more sex, but just gives up to beg for it after some time. And that is very sad IMO. And even the one who isn't interested much in sex anymore with the long time partner might suddenly be interested more again if they met somebody else.

Ever hear the phrase "Ignorance is bliss" ?

Well, how do you miss out on something if you don't know anything about it?

Some people just aren't as frequent as others, and if both parties are happy, then they really are. Like I said, who are we to say something is broken/wrong if the people are satisfied and happy?

Now if her husband "pestered" her for sex all the time then that would be sad to me IMO. If she is glad he ain't bugging her for sex, then homegirl is getting all the dick she requires and is satisfied with.

Now me being a dick worshipper can come to all kinds of conclusions... but instead of trying to size up her situation because I think there MUST be something wrong in her relationship ...is wrong. Heck if she's happy, I am happy for her.

Nothing sad about that. You can't fix what's not broken... as they say.

good grief can I spell ANYTHING right?!!

[Edited 7/27/11 6:50am]

abigail05 said:

I think many of you would DIE in my relationship

We have sex like, quarterly. I'm not happy about it.

^^^ Now this... this is a different story. Not happy?

I wish I could snap my fingers and give you an ideal situation, but I can't...

But I do wish you all the happiness in the world dear.

Shanti0608 said:

For me being pestered is never good, no matter who is doing it.

Being told and shown that I am loved, wanted, needed and attractive is totally differerent.

Sexual attraction and libido is very complicated and many factors contribute to changes.

If someone is in a relationship and they are unhappy about the amount or quality of sex they are having, they need to communicate it to their partner.

I have seen pent up frustration & resentment happen when a spouse feels like they are just there to cook, clean & have sex. I have seen the same when a spouse feels rejected or unwanted.

In most relationships that I have been in, desires & needs can change or things in life become important for a period of time (such as health issues or fatique) and if you communicate your feelings and needs, it usually leaves little room for resentment or misunderstanding.

If you expect to be intimate with your partner and have a lasting relationship then you need to be open and discuss sex and intimacy. You can never assume or expect without expressing what you want and need.

I personally don't compare my sex life with what statistics say. It makes me think about these lyrics from a funny song:

64 percent of all the world's statistics are made up right there on the spot
82.4 percent of people believe 'em whether they're accurate statistics or not
I don't know what you believe but I do know there's no doubt
I need another double shot of something 90 proof
I got too much to think about

I guess if they are both content in their situations then there is no need to pity anyone. If they are not then they both need to fix it.

Very well said! For the first few years of our relationship, my husband and I were like bunny rabbits when it came to sex. Then, he had some heart problems and was put on medication. One of the side effects, loss of sex drive. It did cause some problems because he was afraid to talk to me about it. I brought it up gently and we had a good chat about it. Things improved over time and we once again had a thriving sex life.

Last year, I got laid off and became physically exhausted. For the first time in my life, I had no desire to have sex. I then became sick and sex wasn't an option. After I was diagnosed and slowly began to feel better, then we started having sex again. I talked to my husband and let him know how I felt physically and the lack of desire for sex had nothing to do with him. He understood this and was fine with it.

We as a couple go through different stages with life and sometimes this effects our sex life. We both could be exhausted and be happy just to cuddle. The key for us is to communicate about it and just move on. Like someone said, if you are having sex problems with your partner, talk about it. It causes a lot less anger, resentment, and hurt feelings.

[Edited 7/27/11 6:59am]

paintedlady said:

I need to add "normal" is a relative term... normal varies from person to person.

We need to be careful how we judge other people's lives by our own personal "normal".

Who the fuck are we to say what is "normal" in someone's else's life?

If I fuck my man 3x's a day, do I want someone to say...

"Oh my God! That isn't normal... she has issues, she should talk to a therapist."

or if I only fuck my man once every year...

"Oh my God, that poor woman! They should see a therapist, or Dr. someothing isn't normal."

Really? Who gives a fuck as long as that couple is HAPPY! I guess being happy isn't normal enough?

I don't say this to judge anyone here... but if you feel judged then that means you need to pull back on judging on how other people live their lives. As long as folks are happy... let em be.

and yes... I am menstrual right now, so don't take shit personal from me in the next three days.

To each his own I say, and as long as BOTH partners are consentual about WHATEVER lifetsyle or arrangement they have, then it's fine.

Like u said, once a day or once a year, so long as they're HAPPY (truly happy and not just following someone else's definition for happiness) then all is well.

I'd like to point out to those out there unaware of the fact that sometimes people have physical conditions for their lack of drive. If the husband mentioned by Zombie is suffering from Andropause, and his wife is naturally frigid, then who's to say that they aren't just right the way they are? If suddenly he or she wakes up and says; "Wait a minute! This isn't enough for me." then those around them should be supportive and helpful (instead of judgemental for example) and help them reach a common ground.

My best friend (anyone remember my "When A Friend Cheats" thread from last year?) wound up leaving his wife b/c she has a very low drive and he is a horndog. For years he pushed it aside and found other venues to distract himself with (music, work, etc.)...until he met someone with a similar drive (who is hot as HELL) and worships the ground he walks on. As a friend who values the concept of marriage I advised him OVER & OVER to make sure that he TRULY no longer loved his wife and that it wasn't just about sex and suggested he tell his wife to find out why she was fine with sex once every three months when she's only in her early 30's. He even left the girlfriend and tried to make a go with the wife (for all of 3 weeks), but eventually he realized that there really wasn't any LOVE there anymore (or at least, not the passionate love that he gets now) and now they're in the midst of a divorce. But until the bitter end, I urged him to search his feelings and make sure that his love for his wife was DEAD and not just eclipsed. Mostly because I wish someone had offered my wife that advice instead of enabling the extramarital shit.

What can I say? Relationships suck.

paintedlady said:

abigail05 said:

I think many of you would DIE in my relationship

We have sex like, quarterly. I'm not happy about it.

^^^ Now this... this is a different story. Not happy?

I wish I could snap my fingers and give you an ideal situation, but I can't...

But I do wish you all the happiness in the world dear.

thanks

paintedlady said:

Serious said:

If both partners are really happy and satisfied with having hardly any sex than good for them. I just very much doubt it is really like that in most relationships where not much sex is happening. Usually one of the 2 would want to have more sex, but just gives up to beg for it after some time. And that is very sad IMO. And even the one who isn't interested much in sex anymore with the long time partner might suddenly be interested more again if they met somebody else.

Ever hear the phrase "Ignorance is bliss" ?

Well, how do you miss out on something if you don't know anything about it?

Some people just aren't as frequent as others, and if both parties are happy, then they really are. Like I said, who are we to say something is broken/wrong if the people are satisfied and happy?

Now if her husband "pestered" her for sex all the time then that would be sad to me IMO. If she is glad he ain't bugging her for sex, then homegirl is getting all the dick she requires and is satisfied with.

Now me being a dick worshipper can come to all kinds of conclusions... but instead of trying to size up her situation because I think there MUST be something wrong in her relationship ...is wrong. Heck if she's happy, I am happy for her.

Nothing sad about that. You can't fix what's not broken... as they say.

good grief can I spell ANYTHING right?!!

[Edited 7/27/11 6:50am]

It's true what you said. I just think that some women think their men are happy in situations like that because they don't bring sex up much anymore, but in reality the men are unhappy and sooner or later might find their "sexual happiness" elsewehere. And of couse it can be the same for a woman too. But yes if they are really happy then good for them .

Michelesky said:

Shanti0608 said:

For me being pestered is never good, no matter who is doing it.

Being told and shown that I am loved, wanted, needed and attractive is totally differerent.

Sexual attraction and libido is very complicated and many factors contribute to changes.

If someone is in a relationship and they are unhappy about the amount or quality of sex they are having, they need to communicate it to their partner.

I have seen pent up frustration & resentment happen when a spouse feels like they are just there to cook, clean & have sex. I have seen the same when a spouse feels rejected or unwanted.

In most relationships that I have been in, desires & needs can change or things in life become important for a period of time (such as health issues or fatique) and if you communicate your feelings and needs, it usually leaves little room for resentment or misunderstanding.

If you expect to be intimate with your partner and have a lasting relationship then you need to be open and discuss sex and intimacy. You can never assume or expect without expressing what you want and need.

I personally don't compare my sex life with what statistics say. It makes me think about these lyrics from a funny song:

64 percent of all the world's statistics are made up right there on the spot
82.4 percent of people believe 'em whether they're accurate statistics or not
I don't know what you believe but I do know there's no doubt
I need another double shot of something 90 proof
I got too much to think about

I guess if they are both content in their situations then there is no need to pity anyone. If they are not then they both need to fix it.

Very well said! For the first few years of our relationship, my husband and I were like bunny rabbits when it came to sex. Then, he had some heart problems and was put on medication. One of the side effects, loss of sex drive. It did cause some problems because he was afraid to talk to me about it. I brought it up gently and we had a good chat about it. Things improved over time and we once again had a thriving sex life.

Last year, I got laid off and became physically exhausted. For the first time in my life, I had no desire to have sex. I then became sick and sex wasn't an option. After I was diagnosed and slowly began to feel better, then we started having sex again. I talked to my husband and let him know how I felt physically and the lack of desire for sex had nothing to do with him. He understood this and was fine with it.

We as a couple go through different stages with life and sometimes this effects our sex life. We both could be exhausted and be happy just to cuddle. The key for us is to communicate about it and just move on. Like someone said, if you are having sex problems with your partner, talk about it. It causes a lot less anger, resentment, and hurt feelings.

[Edited 7/27/11 6:59am]

I really like your post! Best of luck that you and your husband continue to have that kind of relationship where you understand where the other one is coming from and talk about things before they turn into big problems.

ZombieKitten said:

WTF!

This is what a friend of mine told me. It made me VERY sad.

This thread is about the female libido. I know we have a ton of hornbags on here (myself included ) who just can't get enough, but if what the married guys on here are all complaining about is true, then their wives hardly ever put out, and horny orgladies are more exceptions than the rule.

What is up with that?

I've never heard a man say " damn my wife wants it all the time". I do think a lot of women use the bait and switch technique to find a man. Women often times screw their man's brains out while they are dating and cut off the sex soon after marriage....Very sad...but it happens all the time. Your friend is probably a bait and switcher

On a similar note...

I can't remember what site I saw it on, but some dude had been with his wife for years and he had NEVER seen her naked, because she had never LET him see her naked. And the dude was talking about how great that was, that there was some mystery to their relationship, and how he respected his woman's courage,m that other men should try it and yadda yadda...

Adisa said:

On a similar note...

I can't remember what site I saw it on, but some dude had been with his wife for years and he had NEVER seen her naked, because she had never LET him see her naked. And the dude was talking about how great that was, that there was some mystery to their relationship, and how he respected his woman's courage,m that other men should try it and yadda yadda...

I don't have a libido anymore and I'm very happy about that. Never did gratify myself anyways, and not having to deal with the male gender is a lot simpler. NOT KIDDING.

ZombieKitten said:

armpit said:

I laugh, sure, but I was actually kinda serious. As long as she's happy - and she appears to be - everything is good.

I would add as long as THEY are happy. I don't know his side of the story! I hope he isn't like spanky and just got to the point where he realized not trying anymore is better than constant rejection!

Or maybe, as the first reply pointed out, the husband is getting it somewhere else. Late 50s (as you suspected is his age) doesn't mean his sex drive is completely gone. If your friend is happy knowing her husband is seeing another woman for sex so she's not bothered anymore, then give her the high five.

jaimestarr79 said:

ZombieKitten said:

WTF!

This is what a friend of mine told me. It made me VERY sad.

This thread is about the female libido. I know we have a ton of hornbags on here (myself included ) who just can't get enough, but if what the married guys on here are all complaining about is true, then their wives hardly ever put out, and horny orgladies are more exceptions than the rule.

What is up with that?

I've never heard a man say " damn my wife wants it all the time". I do think a lot of women use the bait and switch technique to find a man. Women often times screw their man's brains out while they are dating and cut off the sex soon after marriage....Very sad...but it happens all the time. Your friend is probably a bait and switcher

I really don’t think it’s a “bait & switch” so much as sex drive and priorities changing over time. I’m not saying that bait and switch doesn’t happen at all, but men are just as guilty of that kind of behavior - buying flowers, planning romantic dates, generally being more of a gentleman and a few months in to living together (let alone saying “I do”) and that’s all gone. In long term relationships you can expect that people will change and grow and needs and wants will change and grow.

Women’s sexuality is complex. Many women won’t feel sexual unless their other needs are being met. The reality of adding young children to the mix and being exhausted all the time changes things as well.

Which brings it back to communication about wants and needs being key – for both partners.

And I have absolutely known couples where the woman had a higher sex drive than the man. Most people don't have a magic synch up on that front, there's always a partner who wants more. It's more often the man but when it's not what guy is going to complain about that to his buddies? It's not "manly".

CarrieMpls said:

jaimestarr79 said:

I've never heard a man say " damn my wife wants it all the time". I do think a lot of women use the bait and switch technique to find a man. Women often times screw their man's brains out while they are dating and cut off the sex soon after marriage....Very sad...but it happens all the time. Your friend is probably a bait and switcher

I really don’t think it’s a “bait & switch” so much as sex drive and priorities changing over time. I’m not saying that bait and switch doesn’t happen at all, but men are just as guilty of that kind of behavior - buying flowers, planning romantic dates, generally being more of a gentleman and a few months in to living together (let alone saying “I do”) and that’s all gone. In long term relationships you can expect that people will change and grow and needs and wants will change and grow.

Women’s sexuality is complex. Many women won’t feel sexual unless their other needs are being met. The reality of adding young children to the mix and being exhausted all the time changes things as well.

Which brings it back to communication about wants and needs being key – for both partners.

And I have absolutely known couples where the woman had a higher sex drive than the man. Most people don't have a magic synch up on that front, there's always a partner who wants more. It's more often the man but when it's not what guy is going to complain about that to his buddies? It's not "manly".

Lisa10 said:

paintedlady said:

Shanti said it more eloquently that I did... but yeah... as long as both parties are in agreement about sex, the kudos to them for being happy.

Yeah, Shanti put it well too.

I think men just need to find women that are Prince fans.(Moderate fans, not crazy fans like Tame though, that could cause other issues that would be off topic)

We enjoy our sexy time!

Michelesky said:

Shanti0608 said:

For me being pestered is never good, no matter who is doing it.

Being told and shown that I am loved, wanted, needed and attractive is totally differerent.

Sexual attraction and libido is very complicated and many factors contribute to changes.

If someone is in a relationship and they are unhappy about the amount or quality of sex they are having, they need to communicate it to their partner.

I have seen pent up frustration & resentment happen when a spouse feels like they are just there to cook, clean & have sex. I have seen the same when a spouse feels rejected or unwanted.

In most relationships that I have been in, desires & needs can change or things in life become important for a period of time (such as health issues or fatique) and if you communicate your feelings and needs, it usually leaves little room for resentment or misunderstanding.

If you expect to be intimate with your partner and have a lasting relationship then you need to be open and discuss sex and intimacy. You can never assume or expect without expressing what you want and need.

I personally don't compare my sex life with what statistics say. It makes me think about these lyrics from a funny song:

64 percent of all the world's statistics are made up right there on the spot
82.4 percent of people believe 'em whether they're accurate statistics or not
I don't know what you believe but I do know there's no doubt
I need another double shot of something 90 proof
I got too much to think about

I guess if they are both content in their situations then there is no need to pity anyone. If they are not then they both need to fix it.

Very well said! For the first few years of our relationship, my husband and I were like bunny rabbits when it came to sex. Then, he had some heart problems and was put on medication. One of the side effects, loss of sex drive. It did cause some problems because he was afraid to talk to me about it. I brought it up gently and we had a good chat about it. Things improved over time and we once again had a thriving sex life.

Last year, I got laid off and became physically exhausted. For the first time in my life, I had no desire to have sex. I then became sick and sex wasn't an option. After I was diagnosed and slowly began to feel better, then we started having sex again. I talked to my husband and let him know how I felt physically and the lack of desire for sex had nothing to do with him. He understood this and was fine with it.

We as a couple go through different stages with life and sometimes this effects our sex life. We both could be exhausted and be happy just to cuddle. The key for us is to communicate about it and just move on. Like someone said, if you are having sex problems with your partner, talk about it. It causes a lot less anger, resentment, and hurt feelings.

[Edited 7/27/11 6:59am]

Shanti0608 said:

Lisa10 said:

Yeah, Shanti put it well too.

I think men just need to find women that are Prince fans.(Moderate fans, not crazy fans like Tame though, that could cause other issues that would be off topic)

We enjoy our sexy time!

O yes......nail on the head Shanti...find a woman that is a prince fan....

ZombieKitten said:

WTF!

This is what a friend of mine told me. It made me VERY sad.

This thread is about the female libido. I know we have a ton of hornbags on here (myself included ) who just can't get enough, but if what the married guys on here are all complaining about is true, then their wives hardly ever put out, and horny orgladies are more exceptions than the rule.

What is up with that?

she may not be getting her sexual needs met. there are women in their 50s that have never had an orgasm!? many women dont share what they want and like in bed. that confuses me. i feel bad for both of them. not a healthy relationship. as a friend buy her a vibrator tell her to get her engine started. but im one of those horny orgers. the more im satisfied the more i want personnaly