JerseyKRS said:

Cerebus said:

That's really all that bothered me, too. That and her annoying friends. I didn't care what anybody else though about it, even though everyone made sure they let their opinion be known.

she was kind of annoying.

I liked her, but in hindsight I think I was being blinded by the sex (not necessarily a bad thing, really). After a while I noticed that when we weren't having sex or going out and doing something, we kind of sat around uncomfortably, not really having anything to talk about. But then when we got together with her friends and I observed what THEY were talking about, and how they talked about it, that's when I was like, "wtf?! I'm out!" Felt like I was hanging around with a bunch of kids and that made me SUPER uncomfortable.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

My dad was 23 years older than my mom. It sounds gross now but I never even thought about it when I was growing up.....it was just normal to me. They always got on fine and were happy.

About a year ago I dated a guy 12 years older than me, and the age thing was never a problem.

Now I'm married to a guy 4 years younger than me and the only problem that arises with age is from my own insecurtiys. Their not real issues.....just issues I create in my own head.

My dad is 20 years older than my mom, they did have problems, my dad was way too jealous! They finally got divorced around the time I turned 18!

veronikka said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

My dad was 23 years older than my mom. It sounds gross now but I never even thought about it when I was growing up.....it was just normal to me. They always got on fine and were happy.

About a year ago I dated a guy 12 years older than me, and the age thing was never a problem.

Now I'm married to a guy 4 years younger than me and the only problem that arises with age is from my own insecurtiys. Their not real issues.....just issues I create in my own head.

My dad is 20 years older than my mom, they did have problems, my dad was way too jealous! They finally got divorced around the time I turned 18!

My das was 16 years older than my mom and I didn't even think of that when I read this thread, but only that I am 8 years older than my bf .

I think it depends on what each of you are looking for. If it's just "dating" and having wild butt-naked sex, well then; go for it, lol. But if you or he are looking for more of a long-term type relationship, my experience has shown that there's probably little chance of that type of age difference working out for very long. There are of course exceptions to every rule.

Generally speaking, for serious minded relationships, I've found that 5 years above or 5 below work out best for me. When the age difference becomes any wider than that; at some point, it just becomes impossible for the two individuals to be on the same page in all areas.

Just my personal-O, of course.

Cerebus said:

2. IMO, once you get up over that ten year range, there really starts to be a breakdown in what you can relate to together in life. Fourteen years, especially in this day and age, means you grew up in two completely different worlds. You won't be into same stuff, won't know about the same stuff, won't be able to talk about the same stuff - at least not all of it. Will it be enough? Maybe. But I found it to be a huge issue when I dated someone who was only 11 years younger than me. It worked for about six months, but that was it. After that I didn't want to go to the mall anymore and her friends were just PURE annoyance.

Wow you guys are really putting me into deep thought. lol

Giselle said:

Wow you guys are really putting me into deep thought. lol

I re-read your original post:

So you've only seen him from a distance and at social events?

It could be that you sit down and talk with him, or go on a date and realize, "This dude is so not for me".

Attraction is one thing- at any age- but getting to know him is a while different thing.

Cerebus said:

Whatever you're comfortable with, really, but here's two quick opinions...

1. You will have to deal with what other people think about it all the time. People will question you and they will talk shit. Not all of them - some of them, I'm sure, will be supportive. But in general, once you get up over that ten year range people start lookin' sideways.

2. IMO, once you get up over that ten year range, there really starts to be a breakdown in what you can relate to together in life. Fourteen years, especially in this day and age, means you grew up in two completely different worlds. You won't be into same stuff, won't know about the same stuff, won't be able to talk about the same stuff - at least not all of it. Will it be enough? Maybe. But I found it to be a huge issue when I dated someone who was only 11 years younger than me. It worked for about six months, but that was it. After that I didn't want to go to the mall anymore and her friends were just PURE annoyance.

PS - Make sure he's not just tryin' to get some young booty.

Ultimately it's what YOU are comfortable and willing to deal with.

He may look younger than his age, but how does he act? What does he want? Is it on par with what YOU want?

I am pushing 41 and recently met someone "only" 25 who I would totally go for is she wasn't married to a good friend. Not only was she hot, but she carried herself with more maturity than many 40 year olds that I know.

So whatever you do, think it through and don't worry about the NUMBER as much as what comes along with it.

chocolate1 said:

Giselle said:

Wow you guys are really putting me into deep thought. lol

I re-read your original post:

So you've only seen him from a distance and at social events?

It could be that you sit down and talk with him, or go on a date and realize, "This dude is so not for me".

Attraction is one thing- at any age- but getting to know him is a while different thing.

No we had conversations & he's very nice, but I keep seeing him unexpected at certain events and get togethers. We just so "happened" to be the only single people at this party I went to last night. It was very obvious. But then, I find out his age & freaked out.

It depends on the two people involved: what their interest are, what their core values are, what they both want at that point and time... opposites do attract at any age.

Speaking from woman's point of view, its been my experience some men like younger women because they won't be "challenged"... demands be made of them. There's something to say about having life experience.... having been around the block several times. Knowing what you want, being clear about it, and spotting bullshit from jump.

I tend to agree with Cerebus, age seperation of more than a decade can be tenous at best. Most of the women I know who went way over the decade mark regretted it. Whole different energy level and social level...not to speak of sex. All of those women ended up with a man on the side.

I use to hear and read a lot that the best age difference was if he's 13 yrs older, which in my 20s sounded good, for some reason it's not sounding all that good these days. All I can say is you only live once, and experience is the best teacher, and there are no guarantees.

Giselle said:

There's a guy I find real attractive. I'm legal, but young. Thing is.. he's 33, so there's a 14 year age difference. He seems to have his life together, very respectful, handsome. He's been catching my eye, and I've been feeling somewhat guilty I guess because I'm so young plus I know what others may probably say. I keep seeing him around at random events & he acts shy only around me, but low-key mentioning he's single when in a conversation with a group of people. I'm starting to wonder if this is a sign or something. But just in case it is...Has anyone delt with age difference? If so, what was the outcome? Give me honest answers, it wont hurt my feelings. Pinky promise.

[Edited 7/23/11 23:33pm]

I couldn't knock you for it if you did; I've done it. The youngest guy I got mixed up with (up until about a few months ago, was about 15 years older than me).

I will say though to be careful and don't just immediately jump in headfirst. See what kind of guy he is and make sure that he's really into you and he isn't just chasing after you because you're young and he wants to take advantage of that.

I started to go out with a 40 year old man when I was 19.

It was tragic.

Age matters, I don't care what people say. It does matter.

morningsong said:

I use to hear and read a lot that the best age difference was if he's 13 yrs older, which in my 20s sounded good, for some reason it's not sounding all that good these days. All I can say is you only live once, and experience is the best teacher, and there are no guarantees.

For some strange reason 19 years olds are attracted to me. A couple of them were just sexual situations but 1 was more than dating. We really didn't have that much in common so it was kind of strange. He was sweet and F'ING hot. He moved back home and it all ended there. I'm 44 going on 20 by the way.

I know, I feel like a dirty old man.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

For some strange reason 19 years olds are attracted to me. A couple of them were just sexual situations but 1 was more than dating. We really didn't have that much in common so it was kind of strange. He was sweet and F'ING hot. He moved back home and it all ended there. I'm 44 going on 20 by the way.

I know, I feel like a dirty old man.

That's hot.

Alej said:

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

For some strange reason 19 years olds are attracted to me. A couple of them were just sexual situations but 1 was more than dating. We really didn't have that much in common so it was kind of strange. He was sweet and F'ING hot. He moved back home and it all ended there. I'm 44 going on 20 by the way.

I know, I feel like a dirty old man.

That's hot.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Alej said:

That's hot.

ing

Alej said:

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

ing

Ahw I want a hug too.

So I've read everyone's responses & I've come to a conclusion for myself it be better off just being friends and nothing more although I am highly attracted to him. It doesn't hurt to dream

Giselle said:

Alej said:

ing

Ahw I want a hug too.

Here you go

And you do whatever your gut tells you. Don't let your decisions be influenced by what people on an internet forum say.

Alej said:

Giselle said:

Ahw I want a hug too.

Here you go

And you do whatever your gut tells you. Don't let your decisions be influenced by what people on an internet forum say.

I agree and thank you.

Giselle said:

Alej said:

ing

Ahw I want a hug too.

And yes, like my fairy-god-son Alej said. Do what you feel. If it's a mistake then it is. If I didn't make so many mistakes I wouldn't have so many hilarious tales to tell.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Giselle said:

Ahw I want a hug too.

And yes, like my fairy-god-son Alej said. Do what you feel. If it's a mistake then it is. If I didn't make so many mistakes I wouldn't have so many hilarious tales to tell.

lol

JerseyKRS said:

I "dated" a 19 year old when I was 31 or so.

What's the big deal?

I will say though, we didn't have much in common.

I was in my mid-40's when I dated a woman in her mid-20's. Like you said, it was no big deal.

Depends. For a long-term thing:

Not fair, but if the woman is older, and dude is not into a mommy/granny thing, then she's got to do the work to keep up and keep things appealing. Yes it's a double standard, but that's how it goes. The same goes for activity level and interests.

My partner's mom and her husband (who's only a few years older than my partner) recently divorced after 25 years (he was 19 and she 37 when they married) and while that wasn't the only reason, if you saw them next to each other, you can't help but know it was one of the reasons.

For a short-term thing:

If he's legal, fuck him.

[Edited 7/25/11 21:55pm]

johnart said:

Depends. For a long-term thing:

Not fair, but if the woman is older, and dude is not into a mommy/granny thing, then she's got to do the work to keep up and keep things appealing. Yes it's a double standard, but that's how it goes. The same goes for activity level and interests.

My partner's mom and her husband (who's only a few years older than my partner) recently divorced after 25 years (he was 19 and she 37 when they married) and while that wasn't the only reason, if you saw them next to each other, you can't help but know it was one of the reasons.

For a short-term thing:

If he's legal, fuck him.

That's hot.

Alej said:

johnart said:

Depends. For a long-term thing:

Not fair, but if the woman is older, and dude is not into a mommy/granny thing, then she's got to do the work to keep up and keep things appealing. Yes it's a double standard, but that's how it goes. The same goes for activity level and interests.

My partner's mom and her husband (who's only a few years older than my partner) recently divorced after 25 years (he was 19 and she 37 when they married) and while that wasn't the only reason, if you saw them next to each other, you can't help but know it was one of the reasons.

For a short-term thing:

If he's legal, fuck him.

That's hot.

How u doin?

johnart said:

Alej said:

That's hot.

How u doin?

I'm totally hyper as fuck because I had a giant-ass cup of coffee.

How u doin?

Alej said:

johnart said:

How u doin?

I'm totally hyper as fuck because I had a giant-ass cup of coffee.

How u doin?