Dave1992 said:

I had the most exciting, horrible, embarrassing and funny "first date" I could possibly have. I'll never forget that.

Some of you might know that I participated in a nationwide TV talent show last year, which, of course, got me lots of new (female) facebook friends . One of them was very good-looking, so I started answering her emails until we even exchanged phone numbers (it took lots of writing and a couple of weeks until we got to that stage). Her biggest wish was to see me one day, sort of like a "date".

I was at a recording studio in Vienna and remembered that she lived next door, so I called her and asked if she wanted to join me for a snack and a drink afterwards, as I was really hungry. I told her not to put on anything fancy, because I was low-key too. Needless to say she came wearing the sweetest cologne, the highest heels, the perfect make-up and having perfect hair. "I know this nice and cozy place where you can get something to eat. I'll just have a cup of tea". She took me to the most expensive restaurant I've ever been to (bitch).

We talked for a while, but she became so pushy and sexual it was too much for me. I said "tell me something about you I don't already know", she leaned forward, looked into my eyes and whispered "I'm addicted to sex". Yeah, that's hot, but it was just too much for me, as she seemed to be a really sweet person until that point. But then the horror happened. "Do you mind if I smoke?", she asked. "No, but I find women who don't usually sexier". She wanted to be a bad, sexy girl, took her smoke and put it into her mouth, slowly and softly, leaned over the table and blowed all the smoke right into my face.

Suddenly there was this smell; it smelled like a big burning insect. It was horrible. I looked up and her fucking hair was on fire. She had used so much hair spray the candle on the table set her hair on fire the moment she leaned over the table. Her whole fucking head was on fire. I jumped up and down on my chair, yelling that her head was on fire, not knowing what to do. All that pretty hair burned and burned until she took a glass of water and poured it over her head. The people round us were shocked, everything was quiet, so were we. She seemed to be alright, so I couldn't help but start laughing really hard, because it was just so embarrassing. First she laughed too, then she cried, then she laughed again.

All her hair was gone, she was nearly bold, so I quickly payed and we went home. I gave her a huge hug and said that she shouldn't worry and that I was all cool with me, because she was worried I wouldn't be interested in her anymore.

When I hugged her I whispered into her ear "I'll never forget this date, because I really felt the fire between the both of us."

You just made this up!

paintedlady said:

I once had a guy stab himself with a fork up his nostril, he bled in his chili... so he scurries to the bathroom and emerges with half a roll of toilet paper stuck up his nose... I looked down the entire time since he refused to leave. I ate dinner with a man that had a face full of toilet paper.

I dated this other guy, the first night I met his mother she hit me up for 100 bucks. She was mad I said I didn't have any money to give her. I should have taken this as an omen and ran for the hills.

One dude took me out to a movie and then took me to his place, he was a big dude, threatening... he wouldn't let me leave his place until he got a nut. I guess he felt I owed him something for the price of a fucking movie ticket. I sucked his peepee and he came, he finally took me home. I had him drop me off blocks from my real apartment. I never called him after. He did call me like almost 6 months after to complain and tell me that "I was fired" because I never called his trifling ass back. Asshole.

and then there was this phimosis dude... but you guys already know about that mess.

Oh I'm so sorry! THat is SO WRONG!

PenelopePaige said:

paintedlady said:

I once had a guy stab himself with a fork up his nostril, he bled in his chili... so he scurries to the bathroom and emerges with half a roll of toilet paper stuck up his nose... I looked down the entire time since he refused to leave. I ate dinner with a man that had a face full of toilet paper.

I dated this other guy, the first night I met his mother she hit me up for 100 bucks. She was mad I said I didn't have any money to give her. I should have taken this as an omen and ran for the hills.

One dude took me out to a movie and then took me to his place, he was a big dude, threatening... he wouldn't let me leave his place until he got a nut. I guess he felt I owed him something for the price of a fucking movie ticket. I sucked his peepee and he came, he finally took me home. I had him drop me off blocks from my real apartment. I never called him after. He did call me like almost 6 months after to complain and tell me that "I was fired" because I never called his trifling ass back. Asshole.

and then there was this phimosis dude... but you guys already know about that mess.

Oh I'm so sorry! THat is SO WRONG!

Do you know that bastard was all sweet to me after and actually was all teary eyed when he dropped me off? He knew he was wrong for that shit he did to me. Creep! Saying he thought I was special n shit? He made me promise to call him after that he NEEDED to see me soon. I never called him.

I was just glad to get home that night. Thank goodness I never have to spend any time with ever.

I once went out on a blind date with a girl I'd been warned not to go out with, but I forgot the blind date was that girl. I realized it as I was taking a shower to get ready, and screamed like Janet Leigh in "Psycho". Well, maybe not so high-pitched, and maybe I shouted the F word instead of "Eeeeee!!!!!" but you get the picture.

OK, maybe not the actual picture, because that would be creepy. Any way, I digress.

I think I left her at a concert, but I made sure she had a ride home first. I think.

It was a horrible experience. For her. Kind of for me, too.

thisisit said:

i've never been on a date.

Well then, it's time for you to go to the wire.

imago said:

I had a date with a girl once who had an unnatural fixation on American football.

But, I think the funniest thing I ever read was once in which some girl had a date here on the org with a dude that took her to the cinema. He brought fried chicken with him to the theatre.

Remember when I told you I went to a Texans/Buccaneers game, and asked all the Tampa Bay fans if they knew you, and none of them said they did?

I didn't really do that. Sorry.

Well, I did go to the game, but I didn't canvass the Tampa Bay fans. I wish now that I had.

RodeoSchro said:

thisisit said:

i've never been on a date.

Well then, it's time for you to go to the wire.

lol reading all these stories i'm glad i never have

thisisit said:

RodeoSchro said:

Well then, it's time for you to go to the wire.

lol reading all these stories i'm glad i never have

Stories?

I was just reading your signature.

RodeoSchro said:

thisisit said:

lol reading all these stories i'm glad i never have

Stories?

I was just reading your signature.

no i meant all these dating stories

missfee said:

scandalousalan said:

You sound high maintenance

Hmm well shouldn't a guy at least be polite and mannerable on dates? I thought that was something that is basic?

I dont mind a little bit of phone fiddling on a date. I see no problem with picking or being picked up outside. I kind of know what you mean, but a quick phone call usually gives me enough time to grab things like house keys, wallet, condoms etc on my way out the door without someone leering in at my from the porch as i run about like a tit looking for stuff.

paintedlady said:

PenelopePaige said:

Oh I'm so sorry! THat is SO WRONG!

Do you know that bastard was all sweet to me after and actually was all teary eyed when he dropped me off? He knew he was wrong for that shit he did to me. Creep! Saying he thought I was special n shit? He made me promise to call him after that he NEEDED to see me soon. I never called him.

I was just glad to get home that night. Thank goodness I never have to spend any time with ever.

Uhm...that was sort of "rape" no? He's lucky you didn't get his crazy ass arrested!

x 1,000

btw...I didn't know the phimosis story, in fact I just had to google it.

yeah painted engrained in all of the us the horrific event...i think i remember a power point presentation...

PurpleJedi said:

paintedlady said:

Do you know that bastard was all sweet to me after and actually was all teary eyed when he dropped me off? He knew he was wrong for that shit he did to me. Creep! Saying he thought I was special n shit? He made me promise to call him after that he NEEDED to see me soon. I never called him.

I was just glad to get home that night. Thank goodness I never have to spend any time with ever.

Uhm...that was sort of "rape" no? He's lucky you didn't get his crazy ass arrested!

x 1,000

btw...I didn't know the phimosis story, in fact I just had to google it.

Thank you! I'm sorry you thought you had to do that in order to get out safely. I would have screamed my head off. You should have chomped down hard on his dick while it was in your mouth. That would have given you time to get the hell outta Dodge.

JustErin said:

Dave1992 said:

I had the most exciting, horrible, embarrassing and funny "first date" I could possibly have. I'll never forget that.

Some of you might know that I participated in a nationwide TV talent show last year, which, of course, got me lots of new (female) facebook friends . One of them was very good-looking, so I started answering her emails until we even exchanged phone numbers (it took lots of writing and a couple of weeks until we got to that stage). Her biggest wish was to see me one day, sort of like a "date".

I was at a recording studio in Vienna and remembered that she lived next door, so I called her and asked if she wanted to join me for a snack and a drink afterwards, as I was really hungry. I told her not to put on anything fancy, because I was low-key too. Needless to say she came wearing the sweetest cologne, the highest heels, the perfect make-up and having perfect hair. "I know this nice and cozy place where you can get something to eat. I'll just have a cup of tea". She took me to the most expensive restaurant I've ever been to (bitch).

We talked for a while, but she became so pushy and sexual it was too much for me. I said "tell me something about you I don't already know", she leaned forward, looked into my eyes and whispered "I'm addicted to sex". Yeah, that's hot, but it was just too much for me, as she seemed to be a really sweet person until that point. But then the horror happened. "Do you mind if I smoke?", she asked. "No, but I find women who don't usually sexier". She wanted to be a bad, sexy girl, took her smoke and put it into her mouth, slowly and softly, leaned over the table and blowed all the smoke right into my face.

Suddenly there was this smell; it smelled like a big burning insect. It was horrible. I looked up and her fucking hair was on fire. She had used so much hair spray the candle on the table set her hair on fire the moment she leaned over the table. Her whole fucking head was on fire. I jumped up and down on my chair, yelling that her head was on fire, not knowing what to do. All that pretty hair burned and burned until she took a glass of water and poured it over her head. The people round us were shocked, everything was quiet, so were we. She seemed to be alright, so I couldn't help but start laughing really hard, because it was just so embarrassing. First she laughed too, then she cried, then she laughed again.

All her hair was gone, she was nearly bold, so I quickly payed and we went home. I gave her a huge hug and said that she shouldn't worry and that I was all cool with me, because she was worried I wouldn't be interested in her anymore.

When I hugged her I whispered into her ear "I'll never forget this date, because I really felt the fire between the both of us."

You just made this up!

Nope, every single detail about it is true. I don't ever make things up unless I write lyrics to a song.

Shyra said:

PurpleJedi said:

Uhm...that was sort of "rape" no? He's lucky you didn't get his crazy ass arrested!

x 1,000

btw...I didn't know the phimosis story, in fact I just had to google it.

Thank you! I'm sorry you thought you had to do that in order to get out safely. I would have screamed my head off. You should have chomped down hard on his dick while it was in your mouth. That would have given you time to get the hell outta Dodge.

Shyra said:

PurpleJedi said:

Uhm...that was sort of "rape" no? He's lucky you didn't get his crazy ass arrested!

x 1,000

btw...I didn't know the phimosis story, in fact I just had to google it.

Thank you! I'm sorry you thought you had to do that in order to get out safely. I would have screamed my head off. You should have chomped down hard on his dick while it was in your mouth. That would have given you time to get the hell outta Dodge.

I wished I had the nerve! I felt punked that night. It was our second date, so I guess he needed sex this time around. He had us locked INSIDE his livingroom. The door had some funky lock on it and I couldn't turn the knob. I even looked for a sharp object or something... but nope, nada but a huge candle. So I weighed my chances and told him I was mestrual so I couldn't do nothing but suck him off.

He happily whipped out his dick and it was over in under 3 minutes. I got up fast as demanded he take me home, he then gave in and unlocked the frekkin' door. I was at his house for 3 hours before that.

I was pissed. I think he saw that I was angry, maybe that's why he was so nice after. Probably to make sure I didn't call the police.

paintedlady said:

Shyra said:

Thank you! I'm sorry you thought you had to do that in order to get out safely. I would have screamed my head off. You should have chomped down hard on his dick while it was in your mouth. That would have given you time to get the hell outta Dodge.

I wished I had the nerve! I felt punked that night. It was our second date, so I guess he needed sex this time around. He had us locked INSIDE his livingroom. The door had some funky lock on it and I couldn't turn the knob. I even looked for a sharp object or something... but nope, nada but a huge candle. So I weighed my chances and told him I was mestrual so I couldn't do nothing but suck him off.

He happily whipped out his dick and it was over in under 3 minutes. I got up fast as demanded he take me home, he then gave in and unlocked the frekkin' door. I was at his house for 3 hours before that.

I was pissed. I think he saw that I was angry, maybe that's why he was so nice after. Probably to make sure I didn't call the police.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. To me it feels like he violated you against your will.

Dave1992 said:

JustErin said:

You just made this up!

Nope, every single detail about it is true. I don't ever make things up unless I write lyrics to a song.

Dave, I think you are sitting on a song that has basically written itself!

And the video! Think of the video! Straight to number one, no doubt.

paintedlady said:

PenelopePaige said:

Oh I'm so sorry! THat is SO WRONG!

Do you know that bastard was all sweet to me after and actually was all teary eyed when he dropped me off? He knew he was wrong for that shit he did to me. Creep! Saying he thought I was special n shit? He made me promise to call him after that he NEEDED to see me soon. I never called him.

I was just glad to get home that night. Thank goodness I never have to spend any time with ever.

Can you believe? People can be downright insane! Once when I was in high school my parents forgot to pick me up from a football game and this big ass football player (who was all sweet in the beginning) said he would take me home- well, he proceeded to drive me around for HOURS and finally told me he wanted to show me where he went fishing and drove me out in the middle of nowhere, I really think he was going rape me or kill me, I remembered that his father had recently died so I started talking real fast about his daddy, saying his daddy would be so proud yada yada yada, finally when he was about to cry cause I kept going on about his dadddy, I jumped out of the car- ran through the woods, until, I found, Thank God, a gas station! I called my friend to come pick me up. It was so scary. But it's a valuable lesson- like what happened to you- You still have to watch out for people- even something as innocent as a date or a ride home with a star football player.

missfee said:

paintedlady said:

I wished I had the nerve! I felt punked that night. It was our second date, so I guess he needed sex this time around. He had us locked INSIDE his livingroom. The door had some funky lock on it and I couldn't turn the knob. I even looked for a sharp object or something... but nope, nada but a huge candle. So I weighed my chances and told him I was mestrual so I couldn't do nothing but suck him off.

He happily whipped out his dick and it was over in under 3 minutes. I got up fast as demanded he take me home, he then gave in and unlocked the frekkin' door. I was at his house for 3 hours before that.

I was pissed. I think he saw that I was angry, maybe that's why he was so nice after. Probably to make sure I didn't call the police.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. To me it feels like he violated you against your will.

Yes definately I'm giving you a hug too!

paintedlady said:

Shyra said:

Thank you! I'm sorry you thought you had to do that in order to get out safely. I would have screamed my head off. You should have chomped down hard on his dick while it was in your mouth. That would have given you time to get the hell outta Dodge.

I wished I had the nerve! I felt punked that night. It was our second date, so I guess he needed sex this time around. He had us locked INSIDE his livingroom. The door had some funky lock on it and I couldn't turn the knob. I even looked for a sharp object or something... but nope, nada but a huge candle. So I weighed my chances and told him I was mestrual so I couldn't do nothing but suck him off.

He happily whipped out his dick and it was over in under 3 minutes. I got up fast as demanded he take me home, he then gave in and unlocked the frekkin' door. I was at his house for 3 hours before that.

I was pissed. I think he saw that I was angry, maybe that's why he was so nice after. Probably to make sure I didn't call the police.

add another few digits;

x 100,000

PenelopePaige said:

paintedlady said:

Do you know that bastard was all sweet to me after and actually was all teary eyed when he dropped me off? He knew he was wrong for that shit he did to me. Creep! Saying he thought I was special n shit? He made me promise to call him after that he NEEDED to see me soon. I never called him.

I was just glad to get home that night. Thank goodness I never have to spend any time with ever.

Can you believe? People can be downright insane! Once when I was in high school my parents forgot to pick me up from a football game and this big ass football player (who was all sweet in the beginning) said he would take me home- well, he proceeded to drive me around for HOURS and finally told me he wanted to show me where he went fishing and drove me out in the middle of nowhere, I really think he was going rape me or kill me, I remembered that his father had recently died so I started talking real fast about his daddy, saying his daddy would be so proud yada yada yada, finally when he was about to cry cause I kept going on about his dadddy, I jumped out of the car- ran through the woods, until, I found, Thank God, a gas station! I called my friend to come pick me up. It was so scary. But it's a valuable lesson- like what happened to you- You still have to watch out for people- even something as innocent as a date or a ride home with a star football player.

Kudos to you for keeping your wits about you!

PurpleJedi said:

PenelopePaige said:

Can you believe? People can be downright insane! Once when I was in high school my parents forgot to pick me up from a football game and this big ass football player (who was all sweet in the beginning) said he would take me home- well, he proceeded to drive me around for HOURS and finally told me he wanted to show me where he went fishing and drove me out in the middle of nowhere, I really think he was going rape me or kill me, I remembered that his father had recently died so I started talking real fast about his daddy, saying his daddy would be so proud yada yada yada, finally when he was about to cry cause I kept going on about his dadddy, I jumped out of the car- ran through the woods, until, I found, Thank God, a gas station! I called my friend to come pick me up. It was so scary. But it's a valuable lesson- like what happened to you- You still have to watch out for people- even something as innocent as a date or a ride home with a star football player.

Kudos to you for keeping your wits about you!

Thank you. Paintedlady did what she had to do to get out of her situation too. Sometimes you just have to size up the situation and figure out, "Fight or Flight"

Dave1992 said:

I had the most exciting, horrible, embarrassing and funny "first date" I could possibly have. I'll never forget that.

Some of you might know that I participated in a nationwide TV talent show last year, which, of course, got me lots of new (female) facebook friends . One of them was very good-looking, so I started answering her emails until we even exchanged phone numbers (it took lots of writing and a couple of weeks until we got to that stage). Her biggest wish was to see me one day, sort of like a "date".

I was at a recording studio in Vienna and remembered that she lived next door, so I called her and asked if she wanted to join me for a snack and a drink afterwards, as I was really hungry. I told her not to put on anything fancy, because I was low-key too. Needless to say she came wearing the sweetest cologne, the highest heels, the perfect make-up and having perfect hair. "I know this nice and cozy place where you can get something to eat. I'll just have a cup of tea". She took me to the most expensive restaurant I've ever been to (bitch).

We talked for a while, but she became so pushy and sexual it was too much for me. I said "tell me something about you I don't already know", she leaned forward, looked into my eyes and whispered "I'm addicted to sex". Yeah, that's hot, but it was just too much for me, as she seemed to be a really sweet person until that point. But then the horror happened. "Do you mind if I smoke?", she asked. "No, but I find women who don't usually sexier". She wanted to be a bad, sexy girl, took her smoke and put it into her mouth, slowly and softly, leaned over the table and blowed all the smoke right into my face.

Suddenly there was this smell; it smelled like a big burning insect. It was horrible. I looked up and her fucking hair was on fire. She had used so much hair spray the candle on the table set her hair on fire the moment she leaned over the table. Her whole fucking head was on fire. I jumped up and down on my chair, yelling that her head was on fire, not knowing what to do. All that pretty hair burned and burned until she took a glass of water and poured it over her head. The people round us were shocked, everything was quiet, so were we. She seemed to be alright, so I couldn't help but start laughing really hard, because it was just so embarrassing. First she laughed too, then she cried, then she laughed again.

All her hair was gone, she was nearly bold, so I quickly payed and we went home. I gave her a huge hug and said that she shouldn't worry and that I was all cool with me, because she was worried I wouldn't be interested in her anymore.

When I hugged her I whispered into her ear "I'll never forget this date, because I really felt the fire between the both of us."

Brilliant.

I just read this out to my wife and she was hanging on every word.

Oh, and I've never been on a date. I guess the closest thing to a fit for this thread would be the ol' finger up the bum during our first time together story. In some circles I imagine that might be quite rude or unusual for a lady to do.

PenelopePaige said:

paintedlady said:

Do you know that bastard was all sweet to me after and actually was all teary eyed when he dropped me off? He knew he was wrong for that shit he did to me. Creep! Saying he thought I was special n shit? He made me promise to call him after that he NEEDED to see me soon. I never called him.

I was just glad to get home that night. Thank goodness I never have to spend any time with ever.

Can you believe? People can be downright insane! Once when I was in high school my parents forgot to pick me up from a football game and this big ass football player (who was all sweet in the beginning) said he would take me home- well, he proceeded to drive me around for HOURS and finally told me he wanted to show me where he went fishing and drove me out in the middle of nowhere, I really think he was going rape me or kill me, I remembered that his father had recently died so I started talking real fast about his daddy, saying his daddy would be so proud yada yada yada, finally when he was about to cry cause I kept going on about his dadddy, I jumped out of the car- ran through the woods, until, I found, Thank God, a gas station! I called my friend to come pick me up. It was so scary. But it's a valuable lesson- like what happened to you- You still have to watch out for people- even something as innocent as a date or a ride home with a star football player.

OMG!!! You are a fast thinker. I wish I was as quick witted as you... I tried to talk my way out of that mess, but that damn thug wasn't having it. I am glad you were able to find a gas station and get a friend to come get you. What a scary thing to hop in a car end up in the middle of nowhere.

I am glad you didn't have to do anything you regret.

RodeoSchro said:

Dave1992 said:

Nope, every single detail about it is true. I don't ever make things up unless I write lyrics to a song.

Dave, I think you are sitting on a song that has basically written itself!

And the video! Think of the video! Straight to number one, no doubt.

paintedlady said:

PenelopePaige said:

Can you believe? People can be downright insane! Once when I was in high school my parents forgot to pick me up from a football game and this big ass football player (who was all sweet in the beginning) said he would take me home- well, he proceeded to drive me around for HOURS and finally told me he wanted to show me where he went fishing and drove me out in the middle of nowhere, I really think he was going rape me or kill me, I remembered that his father had recently died so I started talking real fast about his daddy, saying his daddy would be so proud yada yada yada, finally when he was about to cry cause I kept going on about his dadddy, I jumped out of the car- ran through the woods, until, I found, Thank God, a gas station! I called my friend to come pick me up. It was so scary. But it's a valuable lesson- like what happened to you- You still have to watch out for people- even something as innocent as a date or a ride home with a star football player.

OMG!!! You are a fast thinker. I wish I was as quick witted as you... I tried to talk my way out of that mess, but that damn thug wasn't having it. I am glad you were able to find a gas station and get a friend to come get you. What a scary thing to hop in a car end up in the middle of nowhere.

I am glad you didn't have to do anything you regret.

I was just lucky his damn daddy had just died! And kudos to you for thinking up the bit about your period!

RodeoSchro said:

Dave1992 said:

Nope, every single detail about it is true. I don't ever make things up unless I write lyrics to a song.

Dave, I think you are sitting on a song that has basically written itself!

And the video! Think of the video! Straight to number one, no doubt.

It is a funny story, but it's really difficult turning such stories into classy, catchy pop lyrics. I might give it a try, though!

When I was still single and going through my divorce this one police officer I met (yes he was called out to handle a problem btw my ex husband and his family and I ) Anyways, he came out took care of the problem and he realised that he didn't have a pencil to fill out the report with and he needed my address. Then he gave me his number and said I could just text it to him and he'd fill it out when he got to the station.

Anyways, long story short we started texting on occasion and he actually helped me out of several jams I found myself in throughout the divorce process. Well, whenever he'd come over to help me with stuff wether it be car probs or whatever I'd make him dinner and we'd drink a cpl beers. He'd always ask me to dinner and I'd always tell him I wasn't interested in dating him. That I only liked him as a friend.

Anyways, one night after MONTHS. MONTHS! of him begging me to go out with him I gave in and we went out for a cpl drinks. It was the night before easter and he told me there was gonna be a lot of checkpoints so he said he'd drive me (I just wanted to meet him at the bar but I let him pick me up). So that was fine, on the way to the bar he had mentioned that he was having drama with his sons mother that day, and I was like join the club yanno whatever whatever.

We get to the bar and a lot of my friends are there so I'm just sorta mingling when we first get there. No need to be glued to eachother, yanno? So I'm talking friends in the back of the bar, and hes up at the bar and next thing I know I get a TEXT MESSAGE from him saying he's gonna leave cuz his kids mom is starting all kinds of shit and keeps calling him. So I txt him back and I'm like.....okkkkkkk well lets go then, and he's like I'm going up over Tumbling Run so I CAN'T TAKE YOU HOME!!!!

WTF? So your gonna STRAND me at the bar????? So I don't even bother txting him back the son of a bitch and so I guess he left I dunno.

BUT, I met my husband in the bar that night so it's all good.

Althoughhhhhhh that sick son of a bitch of a cop never gave me my jacket back out of his car and I KNOW he drives thru here all the time. Whatever.