I guess we would have separated a long time ago already. Because asking such a thing implies that the dying one is rather selfish and never really cared about my happiness anyway.

I would not promise that. Instead I would talk and explore with my partner why they feel compelled to ask this of me.

Nothinbutjoy said:

You are a man or woman in your 40's. You are married, you have children, you are healthy. Your spouse is dying and asks you to swear not to remarry. Would you do it? And if you did swear not to remarry would you actually keep your word? What the hell kinda mess is this?? Why would someone do that??

If I truly loved them then yes. Your spouse isn't asking you to not have sex or have a meaningful relationship. They are asking you not to remarry. How hard a promise is that to keep especially since most second marriages fail anyway? Allegedly.

Also, wouldn't your new spouse reap the benefits of your dead spouse's social security, life insurance or whatever else they left behind? Now that's tacky and in poor taste.

HotGritz said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

You are a man or woman in your 40's. You are married, you have children, you are healthy. Your spouse is dying and asks you to swear not to remarry. Would you do it? And if you did swear not to remarry would you actually keep your word? What the hell kinda mess is this?? Why would someone do that??

If I truly loved them then yes. Your spouse isn't asking you to not have sex or have a meaningful relationship. They are asking you not to remarry. How hard a promise is that to keep especially since most second marriages fail anyway? Allegedly.

Also, wouldn't your new spouse reap the benefits of your dead spouse's social security, life insurance or whatever else they left behind? Now that's tacky and in poor taste.

I have a feeling they are asking you to become a Nun too

HotGritz said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

You are a man or woman in your 40's. You are married, you have children, you are healthy. Your spouse is dying and asks you to swear not to remarry. Would you do it? And if you did swear not to remarry would you actually keep your word? What the hell kinda mess is this?? Why would someone do that??

If I truly loved them then yes. Your spouse isn't asking you to not have sex or have a meaningful relationship. They are asking you not to remarry. How hard a promise is that to keep especially since most second marriages fail anyway? Allegedly.

Exactly.

HotGritz said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

HotGritz said:

If I truly loved them then yes. Your spouse isn't asking you to not have sex or have a meaningful relationship. They are asking you not to remarry. How hard a promise is that to keep especially since most second marriages fail anyway? Allegedly.

Also, wouldn't your new spouse reap the benefits of your dead spouse's social security, life insurance or whatever else they left behind? Now that's tacky and in poor taste.

I have a feeling they are asking you to become a Nun too

I'd lean over and whisper in their ear:

"FOOL! I WASN'T A NUN WHEN I MARRIED YO ASS AND I AINT GONNA BE ONE NOW! Love ya!"

Nothinbutjoy said:

HotGritz said:

If I truly loved them then yes. Your spouse isn't asking you to not have sex or have a meaningful relationship. They are asking you not to remarry. How hard a promise is that to keep especially since most second marriages fail anyway? Allegedly.

Also, wouldn't your new spouse reap the benefits of your dead spouse's social security, life insurance or whatever else they left behind? Now that's tacky and in poor taste.

But they're dying, what does any of that matter to them? The request just seems so controlling. The only thing I could see me asking my husband to do is make sure that, should he choose to remarry, that person is good and loving and generous to our children, because I have seen the pure hatefulness of some step parents and it makes me sick. [Edited 7/6/11 12:06pm]

To me it seems like it's a request of someone who's afraid to be forgotten and replaced.

Nothinbutjoy said:

HotGritz said:

If I truly loved them then yes. Your spouse isn't asking you to not have sex or have a meaningful relationship. They are asking you not to remarry. How hard a promise is that to keep especially since most second marriages fail anyway? Allegedly.

Also, wouldn't your new spouse reap the benefits of your dead spouse's social security, life insurance or whatever else they left behind? Now that's tacky and in poor taste.

But they're dying, what does any of that matter to them? The request just seems so controlling. The only thing I could see me asking my husband to do is make sure that, should he choose to remarry, that person is good and loving and generous to our children, because I have seen the pure hatefulness of some step parents and it makes me sick. [Edited 7/6/11 12:06pm]

You just answered your own question. I don't know about men per se but I've seen some bitch ass step moms. Women can be very competitive in life so you can imagine how a crazy heffa would act if she felt she had to compete with a ghost. Every woman, deep down inside, wants to be the one and only. No use trying to deny that shit.

Anyone who would ask a spouse to remain in mourning forever doesn't really love him/her.

Genesia said:

Anyone who would ask a spouse to remain in mourning forever doesn't really love him/her.

Being single is not being in mourning forever. There may be some financial aspect to not wanting your spouse to remarry.

HotGritz said:

JowiiCoco said:

I would make them whatever promise they wanted me to make, but I would not necessarily keep it.

My feeling is you say a lot of things to dying people, and they are not all true, but they are the things that the person wants to hear. Dying people may not always mean everything they say either.

It's not the words and their strict interpretation, it's the comfort of loved ones.

NDRU said:

I would make them whatever promise they wanted me to make, but I would not necessarily keep it.

My feeling is you say a lot of things to dying people, and they are not all true, but they are the things that the person wants to hear. Dying people may not always mean everything they say either.

It's not the words and their strict interpretation, it's the comfort of loved ones.

Awww

Dying people talk out of many fears as do their loved ones

THIS is why it's super important to TALK about these things while in good physical and mental health

and over again as kids grow and life changes ...

I think everyone is posting according to their own interpretation of what "don't remarry" means and none of us have a clue. Some folk are looking for loopholes through technicalities in the terminology and others are assuming it means don't ever look at another person romantically.

I wouldn't ask it either way. It's not a fair request, dying or not.

johnart said:

I think everyone is posting according to their own interpretation of what "don't remarry" means and none of us have a clue. Some folk are looking for loopholes through technicalities in the terminology and others are assuming it means don't ever look at another person romantically.

I wouldn't ask it either way. It's not a fair request, dying or not.

you would hope to not ask, but people's minds are not always the same when they are dying

johnart said:

I think everyone is posting according to their own interpretation of what "don't remarry" means and none of us have a clue. Some folk are looking for loopholes through technicalities in the terminology and others are assuming it means don't ever look at another person romantically.

I wouldn't ask it either way. It's not a fair request, dying or not.

Exactly

NDRU said:

johnart said:

I think everyone is posting according to their own interpretation of what "don't remarry" means and none of us have a clue. Some folk are looking for loopholes through technicalities in the terminology and others are assuming it means don't ever look at another person romantically.

I wouldn't ask it either way. It's not a fair request, dying or not.

you would hope to not ask, but people's minds are not always the same when they are dying

True ...again why it's very important to TALK during HEALTH ~ and talk often ...

HotGritz said:

Genesia said:

Anyone who would ask a spouse to remain in mourning forever doesn't really love him/her.

Being single is not being in mourning forever. There may be some financial aspect to not wanting your spouse to remarry.

The perpetual mourning is implied in the request. The dead spouse wants folks to say, "Oh, look at so-and-so. He was so busted up over whatsername that he never re-married."

And if it's about a financial aspect (like making sure the kids are taken care of), why not make it about that? Say, "Promise me that if you remarry, you won't leave everything to the new one and leave our kids out."

Nope. This is about control, pure and simple.

Machaela said:

NDRU said:

you would hope to not ask, but people's minds are not always the same when they are dying

True ...again why it's very important to TALK during HEALTH ~ and talk often ...

Excatly. I was just gonna post the same.

You gotta pity a person that even has to ask that to begin with.

HotGritz said:

You gotta pity a person that even has to ask that to begin with.

NO ...you do not gotta pity them ...

Machaela said:

HotGritz said:

You gotta pity a person that even has to ask that to begin with.

NO ...you do not gotta pity them ...

You are so fierce.

If they're dying in my arms a la Christopher Tracy at the end of Under the Cherry Moon [SPOILER ALERT!], I'd probably just say, "Oh, honey, don't speak! Conserve your energy!"

If it's a long, drawn-out affair, I'd probably just always have an excuse to change the subject. "Oh! The tea's ready!" or "Is it time for your medicine? I think so!"

Dying or no, do not put my passive-aggressiveness to the test.

It's a selfish and wrong request to make. It would be unfair to put someone you really love in that position.

Efan said:

If they're dying in my arms a la Christopher Tracy at the end of Under the Cherry Moon [SPOILER ALERT!], I'd probably just say, "Oh, honey, don't speak! Conserve your energy!"

If it's a long, drawn-out affair, I'd probably just always have an excuse to change the subject. "Oh! The tea's ready!" or "Is it time for your medicine? I think so!"

Dying or no, do not put my passive-aggressiveness to the test.

It's a selfish and wrong request to make. It would be unfair to put someone you really love in that position.

What if they're like "Conserve my energy for what? I'm fuckin dying here."