I'm a Virgo and Virgo's are caring and sensitive, so guess you know what my answer is.

SensualMelody said:

i would never direct such a thing towards you MY LOVE,
and don't think it did not cross my mind to wait a few,
but i thought it would all go away before you saw it again
:GRIN:
i have orgnotes???

ConsciousContact said:

Hmmm... Depends.

I am currently working on protecting myself and my identity from attacks or piss takes from others. That is something that I have had difficulty doing, I am learning that.

I am also learning that it is best to not confront someone about their behaviour, unless they have invited me to comment on their behaviour. This is respecting a persons boundaries.

What I can do, is try to understand. I can try to see how that person is feeling and perhaps say something about that. For example, 'You seem really angry and distant. Do you want to talk with me about how you are feeling?' This is an invitation to share, it is not a judgement on how another is feeling and it is not an attack.

Looking at another person and disliking behaviour that I am seeing, is always saying something about me. That's easy to say, I know. It really is true. Sometimes my mouth does open and I do say something that I later learn more about, that the behaviour I was picking at, actually had to do with x y or z in myself.

The more I give to myself, the more I can give to others.

Therapy said:

Very well said! I think they call that looking into the mirror...

sag10 said:

Yeah, sometimes, to avoid pain of looking at myself, I do look at others and slag them off in my head. In my head... Part of my healing has been about learning to contain my projections within myself, rather than open my trap and hurt someone, or get involved with confrontation.

That means, that I am actually still thinking about what I don't like in another, but I am still in contact with my own feelings. After spending a bit of time in contact with my own feelings, I realise that actually, what I am feeling in response to what I have acknowledged in another person, is about something to do with me and not the other person at all.

All I had done, was to split an unpleasant part of myself off from myself, kind of disown myself. I did that by projecting my painful feelings onto another person. Yet, I still had those feelings, they didn't go away... until I looked at where they may be coming from, what they were about. Then I have the chance to choose another way to do certain things in life. And at that point, I am opening more doors for myself, and in that very act, I accept those feelings, because all does not seem so hopeless, I can actually choose different ways of being in the world!!

Therapy said:

There's some deep work going on there

I am not confrontational by nature and I will only speak up about an issue if I feel there is a very legitimate reason to do so (like if the other person is doing something harmful to themselves or others, or to the relationship between the two of us, etc.) Otherwise I feel that what people do is their own business.

What is strange is, though I myself find it hard to be blunt/confrontational over anything less than an issue I feel is *very* important or necessary to address, I really do appreciate those with a more blunt, honest, in-your-face personality and attitude. I'd rather hear the unvarnished truth from people, or someone's honest opinion and thoughts vs. 'white lies' or them just saying nothing at all when, in actuality, they want to.

I appreciate it when my friends are *totally* up front and honest about EVERYTHING with me, even if it might cause a bit of tension for awhile.

But I just cannot be that way myself. I don't know why.

Therapy said:

From the sounds of it, you are well on your way to a brighter day!

IceNine said:

Bullshit.

mdiver said:

I am timid and you are scaring me... :O

Sorry Ice I can only apologise for my confrontational attitude.

I must have confused you with someone else.

Is it me or are there no meaty subjects on the org anymore?

it really depends on the situation...in some instances you can see the person is digging a hole for themselves and it's best to just let it run it's course...

in most cases even if somebody asks for advice, they don't really want advice..they just want to say out loud what is going on in their lives..so it's best to just listen...

if their behavior has a direct effect on me however, sometimes i can say..usually tactfully...that i don't appreciate the way certain things are being handled...and still other times i can put up with a lot..hit my boiling point and explode...of course i immediately regret that method, but it's very effective..heheh...

but if it's just an individual effing up their own life i will try to let them live it...it hasn't always been this way..but i realize i've got my own problems..

mdiver said:

None... zero... nothing... zilch...

No topics are any good right now...

Maybe we should make a lot of topics about stuff and things that are, like, interesting or something...

IceNine said:

Huh...that would be cool.huh...huh..the subject these days like suck ass...huhh..huhh

mdiver said:

And we could, like, get nachos... and, like, start a FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!

i try to avoid confrontation at all cost unless someone does something to upset me, then i'll say something.

if someone wants advice, i try to feel out where their head is at before i give it. most of the time, they just want someone to back them up or listen and not really say anything in response, even if they ask me for the truth.

I have never been in a confrontation, I avoid them at all costs.

ConsciousContact said:

i try to be nice...and if someone does something i dont like...ill try and deal

but there are those times i really get !

i try to keep that seldom tho'