Okay....so I'm in a room with w friends, one is a therapist and the other is an office accountant. The accountant shared that she put her husband out like a year and a half ago but decided not to divorce him. Their accounts and everything are still the same like when they lived together. He pays ALL the bills and she just chills while she raises the kids. After she kicked him out, her husband is probably never coming back. So I'm like...dayum....she is living beautifully but the therapist friend told her she needed to get counseling and that she shouldnt allow him to pay the bills even though he told her he wanted to.

I dont know anything about psycho stuff, but this looked like she had it good to me.....so please, enlighten me if you understand the therapist. The accountant kept asking her what was wrong and the therapist just kept telling her that she doesn't counsel people she knows. So whats wrong with this woman's fabulous life? I mean from a therapeutic standpoint......WTF.

I was thinking about it today. If a guy leaves his partner (and say his 3 kids) would he want his kids to live from that day forth in poverty (or at least not continuing to live at the same standard of living they have been used to all their lives?). I know the father of my kids wouldn't want his offspring growing up in housing commission flats or being latchkey kids while I tried to make ends meet. I mean, you might hate your ex, but your kids don't deserve the shit, right? And if your ex was a good parent before the split, they'd probably continue to be one, and it your ex good parent was the primary care-giver of your precious kids, wouldn't you make sure they were OK?

the only way i would ever feel comfortable living off a man would be if

our plane crashed in the arctic and i'd have to eat his remains to stay

alive long enough for help to arrive.

well, perhaps 'comfortable' is not the right word here

IstenSzek said:

the only way i would ever feel comfortable living off a man would be if

our plane crashed in the arctic and i'd have to eat his remains to stay

alive long enough for help to arrive.

well, perhaps 'comfortable' is not the right word here

What's the problem again?

She's got his kids, so he needs to provide for them. And she's got a good job so has skills and income of her own. Sounds all good to me. Where do I sign up (except for the kids part)?

She isn't "living off him." She's raising his (their) children.

If they were divorced and he was paying child support, would you still feel she's "living off him?" Because depending on his income and the number of kids, he'd be paying a lot.

I think that the point is that she kicked him out, yet everything remains the same economically for her as if he hadn't left. I can only assume that he has alot of money and can afford two households.

Well, I'm glad to see that everyone is scratching their heads, because she was serious when she said this to her. I was like WTF...... The accountant is not super wealthy, but her lifestyle is definitely doable. He pays her car, mortgage, vacations (like 2 a year), gives her kids spending $, timeshare fees, grocery. She works like 3 days a week because she doesnt have to work FT.

So.....I think I should try to meet this man and seduce him....

and IstenSzek....YOU GOT ISSUES!

[Edited 6/30/11 9:01am]

Genesia said:

She isn't "living off him." She's raising his (their) children.

If they were divorced and he was paying child support, would you still feel she's "living off him?" Because depending on his income and the number of kids, he'd be paying a lot.

totally agreed......

The only thing I can come up with is that your therapist friend thinks it gives him the power of the leash if he's not only paying his children's bills but hers too, that it might give him some feeling of entitlement to her, he owns her on some level.

IstenSzek said:

the only way i would ever feel comfortable living off a man would be if

our plane crashed in the arctic and i'd have to eat his remains to stay

alive long enough for help to arrive.

well, perhaps 'comfortable' is not the right word here

and Wow, just wow.

IstenSzek said:

the only way i would ever feel comfortable living off a man would be if

our plane crashed in the arctic and i'd have to eat his remains to stay

alive long enough for help to arrive.

well, perhaps 'comfortable' is not the right word here

I was thinking along the same line when I saw the header for this...

[Edited 6/30/11 20:51pm]

IstenSzek said:

the only way i would ever feel comfortable living off a man would be if

our plane crashed in the arctic and i'd have to eat his remains to stay

alive long enough for help to arrive.

well, perhaps 'comfortable' is not the right word here

I would say "This", but actually I don't think I could do that, either.

IMO, if any two people can figure out a way that makes a relationship work for them, great! Too much pressure is put on people from a very young age to do everything in a traditional and socially accepted manner. Unfortunately, a vast majority of the time those ways just don't work (look at our divorce rates). At the same time, I'm not disparaging those who do chose to go that route and have success with it.

I also think its a little crazy how much this part of people's lives has become "fair game" in regards to casual, public conversation. Its nobodies business how somebody else chooses to live/arrange their personal, private life. That's why its personal and private (no judgment on you StillGotIt - just my two cents).