I saw JR's blog today, and I read his part about good ol' Cena. See, I think everyone behind the scenes feels this way too, and that's why his ass will always remain STALE!! All they care about is his merchandise sales. If they actually spread the wealth around and groomed other fuckin' stars, they wouldn't have to worry about a drop off after Cena turned heel because there'd be another one there to take his place. This is what happens when they go to well waaaaay too often and don't let anyone else drink from it too.

And if they don't turn him heel by Wrestlemania time, does that mean The Rock will play the heel in their program?? God, I hope so, because he so much better as a cocky, arrogant, Hollywood heel than a fan-pandering face character.

Here's JR's blog:

Post Raw Thoughts, What Changes Lie Ahead in WWE?, Austin-Lesnar, 'Bad' Cena, JR to Iowa, JR's Products Now Shipped Worldwide

Wed, 07/20/2011 - 12:44pm — J.R.

Posted in:

• Wrestling

We appreciate you stopping by on a other sweltering day here in Oklahoma. Oppressive heat has struck much of America and I can only say to be careful, drink lots of water, and respect Mother Nature's power. Here are some random thoughts and the answers to a few of your questions.

We're looking forward to traveling to Waterloo, Iowa this weekend to participate in the Annual Dan Gable Museum and Wrestling Hall of Fame festivities. I'll be receiving the Lou Thesz Award Saturday night and will be introduced by my old friend Jerry Brisco. Mick Foley is the master of ceremony for the event of which we are honored and humbled with which to be involved. Hope to see some of you that follow us here or on Twitter @JRsBBQ in Iowa.

Been asked several questions regarding the way Monday Night Raw went off the air in Green Bay Monday night. Mr. McMahon being 'relieved of his post' as Chairman of WWE was a major surprise to me and one that I never saw coming.

It certainly sets up numerous, new, storyline opportunities which will hopefully be capitalized upon in the near and long term future. What changes will be made under HHH's watch, if any, and how will those assumed changes affect the presentation of WWE's top TV priority?

As a fan and after working with and for Mr. McMahon for many years, I simply can't see the sports entertainment visionary "going quietly into the night." That's TBD I assume and will be one of the catalysts that encourage fans to tune into Raw Monday night.

Many times in this space I speak of talents 'maximizing their minutes' and several talents got that opportunity to do so in a wrestling heavy Raw Monday night. Sometimes I feel that some talents simply don't feel the sense of urgency to do all they physically and mentally can to 'steal the show' to whatever degree that they can depending on the hand that they are dealt.

At least we do know that a new, WWE champion will be crowed Monday night between Rey Mysterio and the Miz. Tough spot for both to be in considering that CM Punk won the WWE Title in the ring against the former champion John Cena. Whoever wins between Mysterio and Miz or even the MITB winner Alberto Del Rio, will be standing in the shadow of Punk who has left the company and apparently has zero plans to return in the immediate future of which I am aware.

What happened to Sin Cara? According to the WWE website, Cara violated the rules of the Wellness Program which resulted in him receiving a 30 day suspension. Some fans didn't even know what the Wellness Program is and the best way that I can explain it is that the Wellness Program is essentially WWE's drug policy. Very unfortunate for the fans, WWE, and especially for the Talent. I like and endorse '2nd chances' if they are deserved and desired by all parties. Time will tell on this one.

Crazy question...do I think that HHH will move to the announce booth? Nope. He's too busy with other, higher priority matters. I don't expect any announcing changes to any WWE show any time soon. I would like to see Josh Mathews and Booker T work a two man booth on Smackdown but that's merely a personal preference.

Yes, a new Steve Austin DVD is being produced for release prior to the holidays later this year. Filming at Steve's Broken Skull Ranch in South Texas begins this Monday. I was interviewed by a producer for approximately 3 hours on the day that I conducted the HBK-Hitman sit down interview in Stamford and expect that will be the extent of my involvement in the Stone Cold DVD. I did send Steve an email with a litany of content suggestions but I have no idea what the final, final edit will remotely resemble.

You asked...I buy my hats at 'Shorty's Kaboy Hattery' located in the OKC Stockyards district. They are custom made and I'm sure that they have a website. They make hats and ship they all over the world. Best hats I ever owned. I wore Resistol for years, never Stetson, but have gone the custom made route the past several hats. The particular hat that I wear runs approximately $800 and is 100% beaver.

Where can one find WWE merchandise in stores? I'm sure that there are a few places but one would think in Wal Mart and K-Mart stores.

Will John Cena become a 'villain?' I get this one all the time. Same answer. I don't see it any time soon. I wouldn't do it. The guy sells too much merchandise plus he is beloved by a significant section of the audience including younger fans and ladies. I would not tinker with the company's top guy simply because some male fans want it as many of the same also regularly espouse the virtues of PG-14. IMO, WWE doesn't need TV-14 to be a success or for Jon Cena to become a hated villain.....for my two cents.

What was one storyline that never happened that I would have liked to have seen? There's likely many if I stopped to think about it but off the top of my head I'd say Austin vs. Brock Lesnar. Hogan vs. Austin would have been intriguing but not as compelling in the ring.

Interesting idea to use our Chipotle Ketchup in a backwash to batter homemade onion rings. Made me hungry.

Do I feel sorry for WWE Divas? No...they all have jobs, earn a decent living, are doing what they want to do and getting some TV exposure. Are the Divas fully maximized? That one is arguable. Some may be while others not so much.

WWEShop is working on several 'tweaks' to our product presentation. Lots of interesting ideas being discussed that I feel that you will like. Stay tuned for more on that. Plus, we're getting orders @ http://www.wweshop.com/Category/JimRoss from all over the world since we started using WWEShop as our official on line distributor.

We do not expect to re-open our store as it relates to shipping our BBQ Sauces, Main Event Mustard Mustard, Beef Jerky and Chipotle Ketchup. However we will likely open it back up to sell a few items such as our personally, autographed cookbooks, etc.

Our Twitter followers grow daily. We are up to north of 186,000 followers @JRsBBQ. You're certainly invited to join us.

The new, Legends Roundtable debuts Friday July 22 on selected cable systems only in the USA and Canada. WWE On Demand isn't technically available on satellite TV nor does it air outside the USA as I understand it. I also don't know if WWE is going to release all the Roundtables on a DVD at some point in the future. Might not be a bad idea but the one that they did release sold somewhat softly I am told.

If you attend Summer Slam Axxess this year in LA, hit the WWE Merchandise stand as I personally signed a bunch of BBQ Sauce and Beef Jerky to be sold during the two day affair. I sure would love to hear that what we provided sold out. I have no plans at this time on attending Summer Slam but am really pleased that our products will be at the WWE Merchandise Stand at Axxess.

Thanks for stopping by and for all of you who support our family's efforts at http://www.wweshop.com/Ca...y/JimRoss. There's PLENTY of grilling time left.

Boomer Sooner!

J.R.

[Edited 7/20/11 15:06pm]

Well in that case, the booing would only get worse for Cena.

Timmy84 said:

Well in that case, the booing would only get worse for Cena.

Let's hope so!!

alexnvrmnd777 said:

Timmy84 said:

Well in that case, the booing would only get worse for Cena.

Let's hope so!!

It ain't hope it's a guarantee.

Timmy84 said:

alexnvrmnd777 said:

Let's hope so!!

It ain't hope it's a guarantee.

i'm hoping so but skeptical after when HHH said that cena wouldn't be fired and he cheered and those in the front rows of the ramp were cheering. it would have been nice if the whole arena booed the decision 2 keep him then i could have faith that no matte where he went, he would be booed off the fucking stage

L4OATheOriginal said:

Timmy84 said:

It ain't hope it's a guarantee.

i'm hoping so but skeptical after when HHH said that cena wouldn't be fired and he cheered and those in the front rows of the ramp were cheering. it would have been nice if the whole arena booed the decision 2 keep him then i could have faith that no matte where he went, he would be booed off the fucking stage

It was probably a mixture of boos and cheers as always anyway.

L4OATheOriginal said:

Timmy84 said:

It ain't hope it's a guarantee.

i'm hoping so but skeptical after when HHH said that cena wouldn't be fired and he cheered and those in the front rows of the ramp were cheering. it would have been nice if the whole arena booed the decision 2 keep him then i could have faith that no matte where he went, he would be booed off the fucking stage

Yeah, I remembered that, and I also noticed that when he was introduced, the boos weren't as loud or pronounced as usual. These guys in the office have to get it in their thick skulls that Cena's character is BORING!! It's 110% doo-doo, and they always talk about "shaking things up", yet they leave this shit the same way for years for the sole fact that he sells so much merchandise.

This is pretty much Vince's way, though. When Hulk was in WWF the first time, he was a face the entire time. He was preaching the prayers and vitamins (the anabolic kind, obviously), and his Hulkamania stuff was flying off the shelves. He only turned heel after going over to WCW. So, Vince obviously had no interest in turning him because he didn't want to interrupt his cash flow. Fucker.

alexnvrmnd777 said:

L4OATheOriginal said:

i'm hoping so but skeptical after when HHH said that cena wouldn't be fired and he cheered and those in the front rows of the ramp were cheering. it would have been nice if the whole arena booed the decision 2 keep him then i could have faith that no matte where he went, he would be booed off the fucking stage

Yeah, I remembered that, and I also noticed that when he was introduced, the boos weren't as loud or pronounced as usual. These guys in the office have to get it in their thick skulls that Cena's character is BORING!! It's 110% doo-doo, and they always talk about "shaking things up", yet they leave this shit the same way for years for the sole fact that he sells so much merchandise.

This is pretty much Vince's way, though. When Hulk was in WWF the first time, he was a face the entire time. He was preaching the prayers and vitamins (the anabolic kind, obviously), and his Hulkamania stuff was flying off the shelves. He only turned heel after going over to WCW. So, Vince obviously had no interest in turning him because he didn't want to interrupt his cash flow. Fucker.

and Hogan had the belt for 4 YEARS

alex, the 80s run was Hogan's second time in WWF. Remember he was there as a heel then Vince Sr. fired him and he went to AWA then after being in the Rocky movie, he went back to WWF

bboy87 said:

alexnvrmnd777 said:

Yeah, I remembered that, and I also noticed that when he was introduced, the boos weren't as loud or pronounced as usual. These guys in the office have to get it in their thick skulls that Cena's character is BORING!! It's 110% doo-doo, and they always talk about "shaking things up", yet they leave this shit the same way for years for the sole fact that he sells so much merchandise.

This is pretty much Vince's way, though. When Hulk was in WWF the first time, he was a face the entire time. He was preaching the prayers and vitamins (the anabolic kind, obviously), and his Hulkamania stuff was flying off the shelves. He only turned heel after going over to WCW. So, Vince obviously had no interest in turning him because he didn't want to interrupt his cash flow. Fucker.

and Hogan had the belt for 4 YEARS

alex, the 80s run was Hogan's second time in WWF. Remember he was there as a heel then Vince Sr. fired him and he went to AWA then after being in the Rocky movie, he went back to WWF

Well, that was with the WWWF though, wasn't it?

Cena could still sell those fruit loops t-shirts without getting so much screen time and having to be champ. After Triple H had the belt for a while, it was a year or 2 before he even challenged for the title. They kept him mid-card, same with Shawn Michaels either as DX or solo. Did that hurt DX shirt sales by not having titles? Lame.

What if Cena gets hurt and is out of commission for months to a year? Who do you set up? They have to think about that and push others. They are pushing Alex Riley hella hard but only in matches against the Miz so far. The Miz in all honesty is the only one they could turn face n would have the crowd behind him. His mic skills are cool as a heel but they need a "face" dammit.

It is interesting before the Money In The bank Pay Per View and after Randy Savage died, Punk wrestled on Monday Night Raw with Bret Hart as ref and Bret hit the Sharp Shooter on Punk and then counted the 1 2 3 on Punk. Nothing followed up on that. Could have had something with Punk for Summer Slam or something. Unsanctioned shit or something since Punk is no longer in the wwe. Could use the whole Bret screwed Bret angle and Punk screwed Vince angle to sell it.

Glad Christian is champ but I need to see more out of Captain Charisma. I want him to be a funny heel again. The whole spitting in face being an accident is funny, but I want more. That whole thing at a casino last week was weak!

Back to Cena, no one saw Edge's injury coming and his forced retirement. You would think after that, the WWE would be planning for something in case Cena goes down. Relying too much on Cena is bad all the way around.......

jseven said:

Cena could still sell those fruit loops t-shirts without getting so much screen time and having to be champ. After Triple H had the belt for a while, it was a year or 2 before he even challenged for the title. They kept him mid-card, same with Shawn Michaels either as DX or solo. Did that hurt DX shirt sales by not having titles? Lame.

What if Cena gets hurt and is out of commission for months to a year? Who do you set up? They have to think about that and push others. They are pushing Alex Riley hella hard but only in matches against the Miz so far. The Miz in all honesty is the only one they could turn face n would have the crowd behind him. His mic skills are cool as a heel but they need a "face" dammit.

It is interesting before the Money In The bank Pay Per View and after Randy Savage died, Punk wrestled on Monday Night Raw with Bret Hart as ref and Bret hit the Sharp Shooter on Punk and then counted the 1 2 3 on Punk. Nothing followed up on that. Could have had something with Punk for Summer Slam or something. Unsanctioned shit or something since Punk is no longer in the wwe. Could use the whole Bret screwed Bret angle and Punk screwed Vince angle to sell it.

Glad Christian is champ but I need to see more out of Captain Charisma. I want him to be a funny heel again. The whole spitting in face being an accident is funny, but I want more. That whole thing at a casino last week was weak!

Back to Cena, no one saw Edge's injury coming and his forced retirement. You would think after that, the WWE would be planning for something in case Cena goes down. Relying too much on Cena is bad all the way around.......

Agreed. Well they're still going to lose in ratings no matter how many times they push Cena on people.

Did you guys hear what happened at Comic Con? CM Punk Showed up n TRASHED Triple H!!!!

[Edited 7/21/11 15:13pm]

http://www.youtube.com/wa...NAvDqglbAE

<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/em...NAvDqglbAE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

"Its a new regime Punk. Things aren't the same as they used to be.Give me a call. Maybe we can work something out.'-Triple H

"You know where to find me. I'm sure Stephanie has my phone number.."-CM Punk

This. Is. Classic!

[Edited 7/21/11 15:09pm]

Listen to this retard quit his job with a minor league baseball team and completely rip CM Punk off in the process.

jseven said:

http://www.youtube.com/wa...NAvDqglbAE

<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/em...NAvDqglbAE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

"Its a new regime Punk. Things aren't the same as they used to be.Give me a call. Maybe we can work something out.'-Triple H

"You know where to find me. I'm sure Stephanie has my phone number.."-CM Punk

This. Is. Classic!

[Edited 7/21/11 15:09pm]

Here, let me help you out with that link:

This feud is gonna be GOOD!!! It was kinda funny seeing him surrounded by (I'm sure) WWE-paid security, though, but we all know this is just an angle anyway. A very intriguing one that only Punk could probably pull off, though, and that's saying something!

jseven said:

http://www.youtube.com/wa...NAvDqglbAE

<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/em...NAvDqglbAE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

"Its a new regime Punk. Things aren't the same as they used to be.Give me a call. Maybe we can work something out.'-Triple H

"You know where to find me. I'm sure Stephanie has my phone number.."-CM Punk

This. Is. Classic!

[Edited 7/21/11 15:09pm]

that was classic!

jseven said:

Cena could still sell those fruit loops t-shirts without getting so much screen time and having to be champ. After Triple H had the belt for a while, it was a year or 2 before he even challenged for the title. They kept him mid-card, same with Shawn Michaels either as DX or solo. Did that hurt DX shirt sales by not having titles? Lame.

What if Cena gets hurt and is out of commission for months to a year? Who do you set up? They have to think about that and push others. They are pushing Alex Riley hella hard but only in matches against the Miz so far. The Miz in all honesty is the only one they could turn face n would have the crowd behind him. His mic skills are cool as a heel but they need a "face" dammit.

It is interesting before the Money In The bank Pay Per View and after Randy Savage died, Punk wrestled on Monday Night Raw with Bret Hart as ref and Bret hit the Sharp Shooter on Punk and then counted the 1 2 3 on Punk. Nothing followed up on that. Could have had something with Punk for Summer Slam or something. Unsanctioned shit or something since Punk is no longer in the wwe. Could use the whole Bret screwed Bret angle and Punk screwed Vince angle to sell it.

Glad Christian is champ but I need to see more out of Captain Charisma. I want him to be a funny heel again. The whole spitting in face being an accident is funny, but I want more. That whole thing at a casino last week was weak!

Back to Cena, no one saw Edge's injury coming and his forced retirement. You would think after that, the WWE would be planning for something in case Cena goes down. Relying too much on Cena is bad all the way around.......

Thank you!! There's so much more to Christian than what they're showing or giving him!!! I wonder if it's deliberate from the office. I want him to be that funny heel again too, but one that kicks complete ass. At least last week's vignettes were a step towards more humor from him. That "That's What I Am" clip where he added himself was hella weaksauce!! It was almost embarrassing, esp since I know he's done so much better material.

As far as Alex Riley's concerned, he's way too green to really do anything right now. That match he had against The Miz on Raw was booty and showed that he's just not ready for the super big time. He's not on the Miz's level, let alone a couple of the top people he's been in tag matches with already. He's gotta cool entrance theme, but that's about it.

I don’t know why people don’t have faith in Christian he was pretty good on TNA overall he’s decent imo.

bboy87 said:

alexnvrmnd777 said:

All right, people!! I agree with pretty much all of you when you say that Raw was a COMPLETE let down from the PPV where they damn near did everything right!! I shouldn't be surprised, though, because it's typical WWE.

Why not have Truth in the finals? He was the last one to challenge for the title and NEVER got a rematch. Oh yeah, I forgot. Thanks for reminding me, L4OA. He's BLACK, and he for damn sure doesn't want him being the face of the company. Rey, who's already been champion, is possibly needed to be champ so they can keep bringing in that Latino crowd/money. The Miz, I don't really have too much of a problem with. I like him. Why they even had a spot for ADR when he can challenge for the title at any time, I'll never know. What, he was going to be the champ AND have a chance to beat himself at any time?? He beats himself off every day, so that wouldn't work.

So, the board decides to oust Vince early on Monday morning and told Triple H to let him know, and he waits until 11:00 pm to come out and tell him on TV in front of the whole world?? Suuuure. Cuz that's how ALL big business is run. And I sure hope Trips isn't on TV every damn week, or even every other week. Let his ass stay BEHIND the camera. His first bit of business should be to fire than dumbass anonymous GM...or at least out him.

And of course I'm like all of you. The whole Cena thing is a damn joke. Punk even told Cena last week that his being "fired" is a joke. They even had a chance to turn him heel and really shake things up even more. But, they can't ruin that golden egg, now can they? Heel Cena won't sell as many T-shirts and shit as SuperCena, so they'll continue to poison the product until they're left with a .5 rating. Hell, The Rock and Austin turned heel way before this, and they were waaaaaaay more over than Cena's EVER been, and that was in the Attitude Era when it was way harder to impress than in this Mickey Mouse age they're stuffing down everyone's throats!

I'm done with my rant...

Since you brought Triple H up, it reminded me of when the Helmsley-McMahon thing was going on in 1999-2000 when He and Stephanie took over the company, and how tired I got of HHH soon after because he was ALL OVER THE SHOW. Not just Raw, but on Smackdown. It made step back and start watching WCW more, and that's how I'm feeling with Cena. It feels the same, but at least with the HHH-Stephanie, they weren't as predictable

Also, I was watching ECW's November To Remember PPV from '95, and WOW, these old school ECW PPVs are the truth. These guys were fighting in front of maybe 2,000 people tops and they put their hearts and souls into the matches and the fans really appreciated it

That era had some of the last good storylines yeah they had good moments after it was over but those days was when The Rock was on fire , Austin returning I pick those days over anything WWE doing right now. Cm Punk storyline is the only thing that‘s really getting me excited. And Cena help in their downfall because they overexposed him but to blame WWE fail ness all on one guy please they need to get it together in general.

once again last night TNA knockouts proved that the divas ain't shit! so what belle said bout TNA just goes 2 prove that she don't know what she is talking about!

tho i had 2 chuckle at their "mitb" ladder match

L4OATheOriginal said:

once again last night TNA knockouts proved that the divas ain't shit! so what belle said bout TNA just goes 2 prove that she don't know what she is talking about!

tho i had 2 chuckle at their "mitb" ladder match

Damn, I missed TNA last night! So, they had a MITB-type ladder match?? Lol!! I'm gonna have to download the episode or watch it on YouTube.

How was the Sting-oker?

Great column on wrestling entrance themes, for anybody who's interested.

http://www.grantland.com/...lord-music

By Bill SimmonsPOSTED JULY 21, 2011 Bob Levey/Getty Images

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The WWE's recent CM Punk angle was the most brilliantly executed storyline in recent wrestling history. Starting with a candid "shoot" interview on Monday Night Raw, Punk parlayed his impending free agency into something more significant: He transformed himself into the People's Champ, a carefree renegade who aired real-life gripes with Vince McMahon's company in his "fake" interviews. The sport (you're damned right I called it a sport) always works best when it straddles that real/fake line and makes you think, "Wait a second, what the hell am I watching?" No wrestler straddled that line better than CM Punk these past few weeks. In the words of our own David Shoemaker, Punk mastered the art of the "worked shoot."¹

Last Sunday's Money In The Bank pay-per-view — held in Chicago, Punk's hometown — cemented his superstardom and nudged him towards the mainstream. After outlasting John Cena in 45 grueling minutes to capture the WWE title, Punk hopped into the crowd right before McMahon and his flunkies reclaimed the belt. Only an hour from hitting the open market (or so we were expected to believe), Punk scurried up the steps as fans happily slapped his back, stopping atop the lower section and holding up his championship belt triumphantly. Say what you want about wrestling, but this was a moment. So was the whole match, actually. I can't remember the last wrestling crowd that stood for an entire match, or reacted to every big spot like the Cameron Crazies during a crucial home game against North Carolina.

Lost in the aftermath (and all the questions about Punk's future, as well as where this storyline is going) was Punk's actual entrance for that match.

Those initial two minutes set the tone for everything that followed: the crowd chanting "C-M PUNK! C-M PUNK! C-M PUNK!" and waiting for his music, the first sounds of the song itself (blistering guitars), then a singer screaming (the signature hook), then Punk slowly ambling from the back and milking the cheers. And finally, a lull as Punk crouched, followed by the music ratcheting back up as Punk cupped his hands and screamed … and the crowd exploding a second time as Punk pumped his fist. You can't bang out a wrestling entrance much better than that.

In more than 30 years of following wrestling, the first time I can remember an entrance song mattering was when Hulk Hogan rejoined the WWF in 1983. Coming off Hulk's iconic appearance as Thunderlips, McMahon piggybacked that visibility by using Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" (the Rocky III theme, as any AMC junkie will tell you) for Hogan's entrances. You can't say Hogan invented entrance music because Gorgeous George used "Pomp and Circumstance" once upon a time; even the Fabulous Freebirds predated Hogan's music by a couple of years. (They used Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird," a counterproductive choice unless they wanted fans to think everyone was getting stoned.) But Hogan was the first to capitalize on the potential of entrance music.

Back then, good guys jogged from backstage, waved to the crowd like Richie Cunningham and pumped their fists upon stepping into the ring. Bad guys strutted out, unleashed a slew of "I can't believe how good I am" head-nodding, climbed through the ropes and pretended to be revolted by the crowd's jeers. Nobody deviated from those two tactics. (Here's a clip of a 1980 title match between Hogan and Bob Backlund if you don't believe me.) Once Hogan started crushing his "Eye of the Tiger" entrances and perfecting the finger-pointing/eye-bulging/shirt-ripping routine, it dwarfed everyone else's entrances so dramatically that the mindset changed overnight. Suddenly, everyone needed their own music. In retrospect, Hogan's song worked perfectly because of its recognizable hook at the beginning ("Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da … DAH! DAH DAH DA! DAH DAH DA! DAH DAH DAHHHHHHHHHH"), then the energy of the song itself (pretty consistent, no dips), so really, we owe the wrestling entrance boom to Sly Stallone more than anyone.²

"Eye of the Tiger" launched a two-year free-for-all of wrestlers copying Hogan with mainstream entrance songs such as Rush's "Tom Sawyer"(Kerry Von Erich), ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" (Jimmy Garvin) , Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" (Junkyard Dog), George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone" (Chris Adams and Gino Hernandez), Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" (Wendi Richter), Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The U.S.A." (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham)³, and the best of them all, the Alan Parsons Project's "SIRIUS" (Ricky Steamboat).⁴ (And I didn't even mention two obscure-but-awesome movie theme song choices: Ric Flair's using "2001: A Space Odyssey" theme or Midnight Express' going with music from Midnight Express.) I wish this era could have lasted forever. Unfortunately, music companies started saying, "Hey, wait … you're going to pay us rights fees for that, right?"

Uh-oh.

Vince McMahon moved quickly, like always, creating an original theme song for Hogan that everyone despised, inadvertently proving that pounding piano music can't work for wrestling entrances. (That fiasco ended up costing poor John Tesh millions when everything was said and done.) Needing a quick fix, Vince hijacked Rotundo/Windham's entrance music and gave it to Hogan. Their song? The soon-to-be-immortal "Real American," a patriotic ditty that the White House should consider blaring before every Obama speech.

When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside
Ya gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide
Well, you hurt my friends and you hurt my pride
I gotta be a man — I can't let it slide
I am a real American
Fight for the rights of every man
I am a real American
Fight for what's right, fight for your life!

USA! USA! USA!⁵ That song officially ushered in the "Let's Create Original Songs For Every Wrestler" era, which launched a year earlier with 1985's The Wrestling Album but needed another decade to evolve into a consistently listenable form. We learned four valuable lessons about entrance music over that time:

1. You have to be careful of crippling someone's gimmick with shitty entrance music. Even after all these years, the WWE hasn't totally learned this lesson — as evidenced by Mr. Kennedy's career imploding because they saddled him with such an atrocious theme song, you could almost hear fans pleading during the chorus, "Just get to the ring! GET TO THE RING!"

2. Just from hearing the first 1.75 seconds of the song, the crowd needs to realize instantly who's emerging from backstage — you need a recognizable hook at the top, whether it's the sound of glass shattering, a peculiar guitar riff, a bloodcurdling scream, a motorcycle revving, a gong, a crazed laugh, a quick catch phrase or whatever. It's always amazing to me how many wrestlers ignore this rule. That's right, I'm looking at you, Sheamus.

3. You don't want to peak with those first few seconds; the crowd needs to remain jazzed as the wrestler walks towards the ring (and when they bring back the music after the match if he wins). That's why you need a solid chorus, and if you can squeeze in an everything-gets-quiet-then-explodes-again moment during the middle of the song, even better — that opens the door for fireworks, guttural screaming, water-spitting, chest-pounding, syringe-juggling or whatever else might buy a second pop.⁶

4. You shouldn't be afraid to change a superstar's music just because he's a superstar. Like poor Bret Hart, who was saddled with the worst entrance song of the 1990s.The beginning hook worked; the rest sounded like the hideous music cable providers play after a game when the channel reverts to a "Thank you for watching the MLB Package" graphic. Did they ever change it, soup it up, add vocals, anything? God forbid. And by the way, Bret Hart was already boring enough — the last thing he needed was boring music.⁷

Hart's song was the bizarro version of the kick-ass song used by his biggest rival, Shawn Michaels, who never gets enough credit for creating wrestling's first great modern entrance. His "Sexy Boy" theme underwent multiple incarnations after the Heartbreak Kid threw tag-team partner Marty Jannetty through a plate-glass window; you could say HBK's career ebbed and flowed with his entrance music. When he was carrying Jannetty as part of the Rockers, their mullets were just as terrible as their theme (this excruciating heavy metal song). Once Michaels turned heel in 1992, they created "Sexy Boy" for him … and let's just say that the first version hasn't aged too well. (It sounds like the Backstreet Boys recording a B-side single with Slash.) By 1994, they worked out most of the kinks (watch this version if only for the funny promos at the top); by 1997, the song had been extended into two effective minutes with a blistering guitar solo near the end.

Unsatisfied, Michaels became the Bo Jackson of wrestling entrance songs, forming D-Generation X with Triple H and unveiling an all-time classic called "Break It Down". Within a few months, they were interspersing video footage with their actual entrance, incorporating signature wrinkles (their group crotch-chop and Triple H's water spray/spit), extending past the song with Michaels screaming, "Cut the music!" and Triple H doing his "Let's get ready to suck it!" riff, and then — assuming the New Age Outlaws were there as well — weaving in Jesse James' spot-on introductions and Bad Ass Billy Gunn's plea for the crowd to scream, "SUCK IT!"⁸ Each DX entrance had roughly the same beats, almost like the song itself, only nobody cared. Fans just wanted to scream at their prompts. Like they were attending the Rocky Horror Picture Show or something. They enjoyed that experience more than the actual match.

So that's how we got here. Starting with DX, the next 14 years became something of a heyday for wrestling entrances. The WWE opened their wallets for original music (owning everything, of course), released a new album of theme songs nearly every year (we're up to 10 total)⁹ and finagled things so that entrances became synonymous with the characters themselves. My friend Grande (a fan since 1980 like me) believes these entrances assumed greater importance in recent years because of the homogenization of the wrestling industry. Even if there's more talent than ever, these guys look the same, wrestle the same, hit the same beats, take the same bumps, jump back and forth between TV shows … it's just becoming harder for anyone to stand out.¹⁰ For instance, Sunday's Money In The Bank featured two chaotic multiwrestler ladder matches with so many reckless spots that, three days later, I can't remember who did what. And the degree of difficulty keeps climbing to the point that we're three years away from someone falling off a 35-foot ladder into a hot tub filled with nails and broken glass. Back when Mick Foley was taking those suicidal risks, he stood out. Now, 20 guys are taking them.

So entrances have become a wrestler's only chance to steal everyone's attention for a set length of time, a mindset that's even trickled into other mediums. Baseball closers and hitters use entrance music, as do UFC fighters and more than a few boxers. Bill Clinton came out to Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" during the 2008 Democratic convention — a callback to when they used that song for his 1992 campaign; it was a little like Hulk Hogan returning with "Real American" blaring behind him, only if "Real American" was a toothless, sexually ambiguous soft rock song. We're still a few years away from David Stern using music for his NBA Draft entrances (I vote for "How You Like Me Now" by The Heavy), but I wouldn't rule it out.

Anyway, that's how we landed in Chicago with Punk's epic entrance last Sunday, with the crowd knowing exactly what to expect … but totally eating it up, anyway. Where does Punk rank among the best "modern" entrances from 1997 to 2011? Here's one man's list in descending order …

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"I WALK ALONE" (BATISTA)

An awful heavy metal song that's built around a prolonged lull at the 30-second mark … which actually, turns out to be a good thing, because it allows for five seconds of fireworks and a (possibly PED-induced) screaming seizure from Batista.¹¹ I'm all for fireworks and (possibly PED-induced) screaming seizures. I also like how the song abruptly ends, like the guy who wrote it told his bandmates, "Look, Vince told me 30 seconds of heavy guitar, then a five-second lull, but he didn't really tell me anything beyond that … screw it, let's just wrap it up."

"ASS MAN" (BILLY GUNN)

Look, it's not like I don't appreciate a song that starts with the hook, "I'm an ass man!" and includes the chorus, "Cuz I'm an ass man … yeahhhhh!" I would never marginalize classic lyrics like "I love to love 'em … I love to kick 'em … I love to shove 'em … I love to stick 'em" and "So many asses, so little time, only a tight one can stop me on a dime." And I wouldn't want to seem unsupportive of someone who renamed himself "Mr. Ass," wore "Mr. Ass" on his shorts and basically built an entire gimmick around asses. But how far are you going with an "Ass Man" theme song and gimmick? Are you really holding the WWE title for five years? I think this is why Billy Gunn made my wife a grande caramel low-fat macchiato last week.

"VOODOO CHILD" (HULK HOGAN)

"ENTER SANDMAN" (THE SANDMAN)

Docking these points because they happened in the WCW (now defunct — as far as I'm concerned, if you lost the Monday Night Wars, you lose in this column as well) and ECW (also defunct), and because they cheated by using real songs by Jimi Hendrix and Metallica. On the other hand … Jimi Hendrix and Metallica! Have there ever been two cooler songs for a wrestling entrance? Hogan's entrance gets additional points for his stunning villain swerve, the goofiness of his colored beard and the ingenuity of that New World Order angle. Sandman's entrance gets additional points for eliciting such a frenzied response from those ECW crowds, for incorporating props such as sticks and beer, for ripping off Mariano Rivera, and for inspiring the announcer in that clip to say with a straight face, "This might be the most inebriated we've ever seen the Sandman."¹²

"UNTITLED" (GOLDBERG)

Gets demoted to honorable mention for its lack of ingenuity (he used his same entrance blueprint from WCW) and the lack of a decent song (it sounds like a FOX NFL broadcast theme gone horribly wrong). But give him credit for the whole "follow me with your cameras as I walk through backstage like a boxer and the crowd sings "Golllllllldberg … Golllllllldberg" idea, as well as the "what if I stood dangerously close to two tons of fireworks and emerged from a haze of fire and smoke?" brainstorm, and of course, his "after those fireworks go off, I think I'll do some screaming, some fist pumps, some awkward karate kicks and maybe even lose my balance and fall backwards" wrinkle. Goldberg proved irrefutably that anyone can become a superstar as long as they have a great entrance and 1½ moves.

"MY TIME IS NOW" (JOHN CENA)

Whatever.

"GRAVEYARD SYMPHONY" (UNDERTAKER)

You can't argue with the first 35 seconds or so: It's creepy, it sets the tone ("this guy buries bodies"), there's fire involved … and yet, there always comes a point with Undertaker's entrances when he's near the ring walking at that same methodical pace and you're thinking, "All right, this is getting a little weird, speed it up, buddy." They spruced it up over the years with fireballs at the beginning, fireworks in the ring, Undertaker emerging from fire pits and basically anything that involved the word "fire" (with Undertaker even accidentally catching on fire once), but could never sustain the momentum.

In my opinion, this is the single most overrated wrestling entrance. You know how we know it didn't totally work? For two years, Undertaker was reinvented as the "American Bad Ass" and given the Limp Bizkit song "Rollin'," leading to this WrestleMania 19 entrance when Limp Bizkit sang the song live and Undertaker drove a motorcycle towards the ring while wearing bandanas and a leather jacket. Did it make sense for the Prince of Darkness to suddenly become a motorcycle-riding redneck? Hold on, I'll answer that question for you … NO!!!!! No, it didn't! What the hell were they thinking? Within a few years, Undertaker returned to his underworld roots and every wrestling fan agreed to pretend that the American Bad Ass era never happened. But it did. It's on YouTube and everything. For that historic misstep, I'm demoting "Graveyard Symphony" to honorable mention.

"S.O.S." (KOFI KINGSTON)

The happiest of the WWE's entrance songs — with its rasta/rap feel, it makes you feel like you're sitting on a beach sipping a poorly made tropical drink and wondering where you left your passport the night before. And there are fireworks!¹³ My toughest omission.

THE TOP 12

12. "THE GAME" (TRIPLE-H)

I'm torn on this one. The song itself is appalling — just someone screaming in a raspy voice, "It's all about the Game" over and over again and making you feel like you're trapped in the cellar during a Saw movie. Your eyes start glazing over after about 25 seconds. But you have to give Triple H credit for (a) having a second nickname for his nickname ("The Game"), (b) coming up with a song titled after that nickname (tough to pull off), (c) doing everything possible to spruce up the entrance (like the hammer/window routine in the link from WrestleMania 25 above), (d) mastering the posing/seizure/"I am literally BURSTING with PEDs!!!!" trifecta upon entering the ring,¹⁴ and (e) perfecting his water spit to the point that "Triple H water spit" has 141 results on YouTube. Add everything up and I'm giving Triple H the win with this line: 7.1 IP, 8 H, 4 ER, 9 K, 5 BB, 141 pitches.

11. "OH HELL YEAH" (STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN)
10. "IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING" (THE ROCK)

These were basically the same two songs: Killer hooks at the top (Austin's broken glass, the Rock's "If you smellllllllllll … what the Rock is cooking!") followed by 45 seconds of dreary music that almost sounds like the same eight-second song on a loop. To their credit, both guys bolted for the ring as fast as possible so they could fast-forward to their signature ploys: Austin climbed each turnbuckle and waved his middle fingers at fans (for some reason, they always enjoyed this), while the Rock cut the music short and launched into his, "Finally the Rock has COME BACK TO (FILL IN THE CITY)." Great beginning, great end, lousy middle. Just good enough to crack the top 12, nothing more.

9. "NO CHANCE IN HELL" (VINCE MCMAHON)

Vince's over-the-top entrance swagger/strut always slays me — I don't know how someone can walk like that without blowing out both of their ACLs. In general, it's just a really smart entrance with a good chorus ("You've got … NO CHANCE!!!! NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!!") that accomplishes its objective … namely, that any wrestling novice could watch Vince's entrance and conclude, "He's the boss, he's cocky and I shouldn't like him."¹⁵

8. "WHAT'S UP?" (R-TRUTH)

Kudos to R-Truth for (a) singing the song live every time, (b) selling the shit out of it, and (c) tapping into every wrestling fan's desire to mindlessly repeat a two-word chorus like "What's up?" for as long as you keep prompting them. It's a really fun two minutes.¹⁶ My only issue is with the song itself, which features the most impossible-to-understand lyrics since "Yellow Ledbetter." As far as I can tell, the lyrics go like this …

Y'all know what time it is
Let's crank it up!
Dgdgshjs jcjfjufjjj pqpqpzhfdhj papfrhfrhfhf what's up
Bbbdkdkd mmmmmmsmam hkkhldl nmdsmdmdmd what's up
What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?
Dgdgshjs jcjfjufjjj pqpqpzhfdhj papfrhfrhfhf what's up
Bbbdkdkd mmmmmmsmam hkkhldl nmdsmdmdmd what's up
What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?

… so you can hear the crowd mumbling every other lyric except for "What's up?" (which they invariably scream). Although, maybe that was R-Truth's plan — to confuse fans with every lyric other than "What's up?" so they'd be more excited for each "What's up?" prompt. I need to think about this some more.

7. "THIS FIRE BURNS" (CM PUNK)
We covered this one already.

6. "SEXY BOY" (SHAWN MICHAELS)
5. "BREAK IT DOWN" (DX)

These, too. I ranked "Break It Down" higher for two reasons: it's probably the most ripped-off entrance song in wrestling history (how many variations of the "starts slow and mysterious, then kicks in quickly with a loud chorus" formula have we heard?), and it's a good enough song that I bought WWF: The Music, Vol. 3 in 1998 just to crank it in my car a few times. (Thinking.) I probably shouldn't have just admitted that.

4. "ON THIS DAY" (EDGE)

Was this song legitimately good or am I crazy? On this day … I see clearly … everything has come to liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife. It's so good that Edge dumped another quality entrance song ("You Think You Know Me") for this one, almost like a rich dude upgrading luxury cars or something. I know I already have an M3, but I love that Maybach! "On This Day" worked so beautifully that it inspired a Great Moments In Entrance Song History moment: Edge's saying goodbye on Smackdown earlier this year by standing in the ring, then asking if it would be OK if he performed his entrance one last time … and doing it! This actually happened. Can you imagine Mariano Rivera retiring from the Yankees, standing on the mound one last time and asking the crowd, "Hey guys, what if I ran back to the bullpen, then entered the game to 'Enter Sandman' one last time … would you be cool with that?"

3. "BREATHE" (AL SNOW)

I'm breaking every pre-established rule with this pick: It's a commercial song (The Prodigy's "Breathe"), it happened in the ECW (not WWE), and it involves wrestler who didn't have a long-lasting impact … but you know what? Al Snow was pure magic in 1998 and nobody can tell me differently. Anyone who can blend electronic music with mannequin heads and sway an entire crowd to chant "Head! Head! Head! Head!" deserves the rules to be bent.¹⁷

2. "UNTITLED" (NEW AGE OUTLAWS)

This was too good for its own good — fans loved it so much that the Outlaws (Jesse James and Bad Ass Billy Gunn¹⁸) felt obligated to stick to the same script every time. You had the guitar hook at the top (you knew it was them right away), then James screaming, "Ohhhhhhhhhh, you didn't know? Your ass better callllllllllllll somebodyyyyyyy!" and everyone going ballistic. The song wasn't that creative, so James ad-libbed for the next 35 seconds to kill time before doing his fake-announcer routine in the ring … which, by the way, went over so well that the fans shouted every word along with him, capped off by everyone screaming in unison, "The NEW … AGE … OUTLAWS!!!!!" And just when you thought it was over, Gunn grabbed the mic and yelled, "And if you're not down with that, I got two words for you … SUCK IT!!!!!"

You're not going to believe this, but wrestling fans liked screaming "SUCK IT!" So much that the New Age Outlaws became trapped by their entrance — even after it became stale, they had to keep doing it the same exact way, leading to the first case of a fantastic entrance definitively affecting two career trajectories.¹⁹ By the way, Jesse James could come waltzing through my front door right now yelling, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, you didn't know?" and I'd be 110 percent fired up without even knowing what was happening or how he got there. I wish my wife had thought of this for my 40th birthday party.

1. "BREAK THE WALLS DOWN" (CHRIS JERICHO)

That's a link from Jericho's WWE debut in 1999. In the span of two minutes, he steals the crowd's attention from The Rock with a "COUNTDOWN TO THE MILLENNIUM" video (bonus points for getting Jerry Lawler to stammer, "What? What?"), followed by the lights going dark (always a winner), then fireworks (ditto), then a really catchy song with a quick hook kicking in ("Break the wall downnnnnnnnnn"), then his name flashing on the video screen (huge pop as everyone says, "Good God, it's Chris Jericho! He's here!") … and then, he keeps it going by milking the "standing still with my arms out while facing the other direction" move (one of my all-time favorites), unleashing his soon-to-be signature "Welcome to Raw … is … JERICHO!" line (more cheers), then pulling a second signature pose (slightly hunched over, staring at the crowd defiantly) with the song cranking behind him. From there, he establishes his "Y2J" theme (a clever play on the whole Y2K scare) and a general expectation of ensuing anarchy.

This entrance nails every point on my checklist: great use of video, great hook at the top, great posing, some underlying emotion (WWE fans felt like Jericho was underutilized at WCW, so they cheered extra-hard as something of an Eff You to the other guys), fireworks, a catch phrase … really, it's the G.O.A.T. of wrestling entrances. Throw in his in-ring skills (top-notch) and I would have wagered anything at that specific moment that Chris Jericho was going to become a superduperstar. Didn't quite happen.

That's the thing about wrestling — momentum ebbs and flows, fans get bored easily, everyone's always looking for the Next Guy. Twelve years ago, it was Chris Jericho. Right now, it's CM Punk. We'll see if he can hold on for the ride.

Chris Jericho had one of the best wrestling themes of all time.

Timmy84 said:

Chris Jericho had one of the best wrestling themes of all time.

Yeah, and he had one of the best wrestling intros ever. No other person went from one company to another and had their debut in the new company be as cool and impactful as Jericho's. I honestly can't think of anyone who's debut was as hot and anticipated as his. Perfect!

alexnvrmnd777 said:

L4OATheOriginal said:

once again last night TNA knockouts proved that the divas ain't shit! so what belle said bout TNA just goes 2 prove that she don't know what she is talking about!

tho i had 2 chuckle at their "mitb" ladder match

Damn, I missed TNA last night! So, they had a MITB-type ladder match?? Lol!! I'm gonna have to download the episode or watch it on YouTube.

How was the Sting-oker?

yeah it's one thing when it's the X division and going 4 the X but another when its a 10 pt thing for the glory ppv lol

sting wasn't as wild due 2 kurt angle being serious about their match at bound for glory but overall i enjoyed it more than Raw this week

alexnvrmnd777 said:

Great column on wrestling entrance themes, for anybody who's interested.

http://www.grantland.com/...lord-music

By Bill SimmonsPOSTED JULY 21, 2011 Bob Levey/Getty Images

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The WWE's recent CM Punk angle was the most brilliantly executed storyline in recent wrestling history. Starting with a candid "shoot" interview on Monday Night Raw, Punk parlayed his impending free agency into something more significant: He transformed himself into the People's Champ, a carefree renegade who aired real-life gripes with Vince McMahon's company in his "fake" interviews. The sport (you're damned right I called it a sport) always works best when it straddles that real/fake line and makes you think, "Wait a second, what the hell am I watching?" No wrestler straddled that line better than CM Punk these past few weeks. In the words of our own David Shoemaker, Punk mastered the art of the "worked shoot."¹

Last Sunday's Money In The Bank pay-per-view — held in Chicago, Punk's hometown — cemented his superstardom and nudged him towards the mainstream. After outlasting John Cena in 45 grueling minutes to capture the WWE title, Punk hopped into the crowd right before McMahon and his flunkies reclaimed the belt. Only an hour from hitting the open market (or so we were expected to believe), Punk scurried up the steps as fans happily slapped his back, stopping atop the lower section and holding up his championship belt triumphantly. Say what you want about wrestling, but this was a moment. So was the whole match, actually. I can't remember the last wrestling crowd that stood for an entire match, or reacted to every big spot like the Cameron Crazies during a crucial home game against North Carolina.

Lost in the aftermath (and all the questions about Punk's future, as well as where this storyline is going) was Punk's actual entrance for that match.

Those initial two minutes set the tone for everything that followed: the crowd chanting "C-M PUNK! C-M PUNK! C-M PUNK!" and waiting for his music, the first sounds of the song itself (blistering guitars), then a singer screaming (the signature hook), then Punk slowly ambling from the back and milking the cheers. And finally, a lull as Punk crouched, followed by the music ratcheting back up as Punk cupped his hands and screamed … and the crowd exploding a second time as Punk pumped his fist. You can't bang out a wrestling entrance much better than that.

In more than 30 years of following wrestling, the first time I can remember an entrance song mattering was when Hulk Hogan rejoined the WWF in 1983. Coming off Hulk's iconic appearance as Thunderlips, McMahon piggybacked that visibility by using Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" (the Rocky III theme, as any AMC junkie will tell you) for Hogan's entrances. You can't say Hogan invented entrance music because Gorgeous George used "Pomp and Circumstance" once upon a time; even the Fabulous Freebirds predated Hogan's music by a couple of years. (They used Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird," a counterproductive choice unless they wanted fans to think everyone was getting stoned.) But Hogan was the first to capitalize on the potential of entrance music.

Back then, good guys jogged from backstage, waved to the crowd like Richie Cunningham and pumped their fists upon stepping into the ring. Bad guys strutted out, unleashed a slew of "I can't believe how good I am" head-nodding, climbed through the ropes and pretended to be revolted by the crowd's jeers. Nobody deviated from those two tactics. (Here's a clip of a 1980 title match between Hogan and Bob Backlund if you don't believe me.) Once Hogan started crushing his "Eye of the Tiger" entrances and perfecting the finger-pointing/eye-bulging/shirt-ripping routine, it dwarfed everyone else's entrances so dramatically that the mindset changed overnight. Suddenly, everyone needed their own music. In retrospect, Hogan's song worked perfectly because of its recognizable hook at the beginning ("Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da … DAH! DAH DAH DA! DAH DAH DA! DAH DAH DAHHHHHHHHHH"), then the energy of the song itself (pretty consistent, no dips), so really, we owe the wrestling entrance boom to Sly Stallone more than anyone.²

"Eye of the Tiger" launched a two-year free-for-all of wrestlers copying Hogan with mainstream entrance songs such as Rush's "Tom Sawyer"(Kerry Von Erich), ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" (Jimmy Garvin) , Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" (Junkyard Dog), George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone" (Chris Adams and Gino Hernandez), Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" (Wendi Richter), Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The U.S.A." (Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham)³, and the best of them all, the Alan Parsons Project's "SIRIUS" (Ricky Steamboat).⁴ (And I didn't even mention two obscure-but-awesome movie theme song choices: Ric Flair's using "2001: A Space Odyssey" theme or Midnight Express' going with music from Midnight Express.) I wish this era could have lasted forever. Unfortunately, music companies started saying, "Hey, wait … you're going to pay us rights fees for that, right?"

Uh-oh.

Vince McMahon moved quickly, like always, creating an original theme song for Hogan that everyone despised, inadvertently proving that pounding piano music can't work for wrestling entrances. (That fiasco ended up costing poor John Tesh millions when everything was said and done.) Needing a quick fix, Vince hijacked Rotundo/Windham's entrance music and gave it to Hogan. Their song? The soon-to-be-immortal "Real American," a patriotic ditty that the White House should consider blaring before every Obama speech.

When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside
Ya gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide
Well, you hurt my friends and you hurt my pride
I gotta be a man — I can't let it slide
I am a real American
Fight for the rights of every man
I am a real American
Fight for what's right, fight for your life!

USA! USA! USA!⁵ That song officially ushered in the "Let's Create Original Songs For Every Wrestler" era, which launched a year earlier with 1985's The Wrestling Album but needed another decade to evolve into a consistently listenable form. We learned four valuable lessons about entrance music over that time:

1. You have to be careful of crippling someone's gimmick with shitty entrance music. Even after all these years, the WWE hasn't totally learned this lesson — as evidenced by Mr. Kennedy's career imploding because they saddled him with such an atrocious theme song, you could almost hear fans pleading during the chorus, "Just get to the ring! GET TO THE RING!"

2. Just from hearing the first 1.75 seconds of the song, the crowd needs to realize instantly who's emerging from backstage — you need a recognizable hook at the top, whether it's the sound of glass shattering, a peculiar guitar riff, a bloodcurdling scream, a motorcycle revving, a gong, a crazed laugh, a quick catch phrase or whatever. It's always amazing to me how many wrestlers ignore this rule. That's right, I'm looking at you, Sheamus.

3. You don't want to peak with those first few seconds; the crowd needs to remain jazzed as the wrestler walks towards the ring (and when they bring back the music after the match if he wins). That's why you need a solid chorus, and if you can squeeze in an everything-gets-quiet-then-explodes-again moment during the middle of the song, even better — that opens the door for fireworks, guttural screaming, water-spitting, chest-pounding, syringe-juggling or whatever else might buy a second pop.⁶

4. You shouldn't be afraid to change a superstar's music just because he's a superstar. Like poor Bret Hart, who was saddled with the worst entrance song of the 1990s.The beginning hook worked; the rest sounded like the hideous music cable providers play after a game when the channel reverts to a "Thank you for watching the MLB Package" graphic. Did they ever change it, soup it up, add vocals, anything? God forbid. And by the way, Bret Hart was already boring enough — the last thing he needed was boring music.⁷

Hart's song was the bizarro version of the kick-ass song used by his biggest rival, Shawn Michaels, who never gets enough credit for creating wrestling's first great modern entrance. His "Sexy Boy" theme underwent multiple incarnations after the Heartbreak Kid threw tag-team partner Marty Jannetty through a plate-glass window; you could say HBK's career ebbed and flowed with his entrance music. When he was carrying Jannetty as part of the Rockers, their mullets were just as terrible as their theme (this excruciating heavy metal song). Once Michaels turned heel in 1992, they created "Sexy Boy" for him … and let's just say that the first version hasn't aged too well. (It sounds like the Backstreet Boys recording a B-side single with Slash.) By 1994, they worked out most of the kinks (watch this version if only for the funny promos at the top); by 1997, the song had been extended into two effective minutes with a blistering guitar solo near the end.

Unsatisfied, Michaels became the Bo Jackson of wrestling entrance songs, forming D-Generation X with Triple H and unveiling an all-time classic called "Break It Down". Within a few months, they were interspersing video footage with their actual entrance, incorporating signature wrinkles (their group crotch-chop and Triple H's water spray/spit), extending past the song with Michaels screaming, "Cut the music!" and Triple H doing his "Let's get ready to suck it!" riff, and then — assuming the New Age Outlaws were there as well — weaving in Jesse James' spot-on introductions and Bad Ass Billy Gunn's plea for the crowd to scream, "SUCK IT!"⁸ Each DX entrance had roughly the same beats, almost like the song itself, only nobody cared. Fans just wanted to scream at their prompts. Like they were attending the Rocky Horror Picture Show or something. They enjoyed that experience more than the actual match.

So that's how we got here. Starting with DX, the next 14 years became something of a heyday for wrestling entrances. The WWE opened their wallets for original music (owning everything, of course), released a new album of theme songs nearly every year (we're up to 10 total)⁹ and finagled things so that entrances became synonymous with the characters themselves. My friend Grande (a fan since 1980 like me) believes these entrances assumed greater importance in recent years because of the homogenization of the wrestling industry. Even if there's more talent than ever, these guys look the same, wrestle the same, hit the same beats, take the same bumps, jump back and forth between TV shows … it's just becoming harder for anyone to stand out.¹⁰ For instance, Sunday's Money In The Bank featured two chaotic multiwrestler ladder matches with so many reckless spots that, three days later, I can't remember who did what. And the degree of difficulty keeps climbing to the point that we're three years away from someone falling off a 35-foot ladder into a hot tub filled with nails and broken glass. Back when Mick Foley was taking those suicidal risks, he stood out. Now, 20 guys are taking them.

So entrances have become a wrestler's only chance to steal everyone's attention for a set length of time, a mindset that's even trickled into other mediums. Baseball closers and hitters use entrance music, as do UFC fighters and more than a few boxers. Bill Clinton came out to Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop" during the 2008 Democratic convention — a callback to when they used that song for his 1992 campaign; it was a little like Hulk Hogan returning with "Real American" blaring behind him, only if "Real American" was a toothless, sexually ambiguous soft rock song. We're still a few years away from David Stern using music for his NBA Draft entrances (I vote for "How You Like Me Now" by The Heavy), but I wouldn't rule it out.

Anyway, that's how we landed in Chicago with Punk's epic entrance last Sunday, with the crowd knowing exactly what to expect … but totally eating it up, anyway. Where does Punk rank among the best "modern" entrances from 1997 to 2011? Here's one man's list in descending order …

HONORABLE MENTIONS

"I WALK ALONE" (BATISTA)

An awful heavy metal song that's built around a prolonged lull at the 30-second mark … which actually, turns out to be a good thing, because it allows for five seconds of fireworks and a (possibly PED-induced) screaming seizure from Batista.¹¹ I'm all for fireworks and (possibly PED-induced) screaming seizures. I also like how the song abruptly ends, like the guy who wrote it told his bandmates, "Look, Vince told me 30 seconds of heavy guitar, then a five-second lull, but he didn't really tell me anything beyond that … screw it, let's just wrap it up."

"ASS MAN" (BILLY GUNN)

Look, it's not like I don't appreciate a song that starts with the hook, "I'm an ass man!" and includes the chorus, "Cuz I'm an ass man … yeahhhhh!" I would never marginalize classic lyrics like "I love to love 'em … I love to kick 'em … I love to shove 'em … I love to stick 'em" and "So many asses, so little time, only a tight one can stop me on a dime." And I wouldn't want to seem unsupportive of someone who renamed himself "Mr. Ass," wore "Mr. Ass" on his shorts and basically built an entire gimmick around asses. But how far are you going with an "Ass Man" theme song and gimmick? Are you really holding the WWE title for five years? I think this is why Billy Gunn made my wife a grande caramel low-fat macchiato last week.

"VOODOO CHILD" (HULK HOGAN)

"ENTER SANDMAN" (THE SANDMAN)

Docking these points because they happened in the WCW (now defunct — as far as I'm concerned, if you lost the Monday Night Wars, you lose in this column as well) and ECW (also defunct), and because they cheated by using real songs by Jimi Hendrix and Metallica. On the other hand … Jimi Hendrix and Metallica! Have there ever been two cooler songs for a wrestling entrance? Hogan's entrance gets additional points for his stunning villain swerve, the goofiness of his colored beard and the ingenuity of that New World Order angle. Sandman's entrance gets additional points for eliciting such a frenzied response from those ECW crowds, for incorporating props such as sticks and beer, for ripping off Mariano Rivera, and for inspiring the announcer in that clip to say with a straight face, "This might be the most inebriated we've ever seen the Sandman."¹²

"UNTITLED" (GOLDBERG)

Gets demoted to honorable mention for its lack of ingenuity (he used his same entrance blueprint from WCW) and the lack of a decent song (it sounds like a FOX NFL broadcast theme gone horribly wrong). But give him credit for the whole "follow me with your cameras as I walk through backstage like a boxer and the crowd sings "Golllllllldberg … Golllllllldberg" idea, as well as the "what if I stood dangerously close to two tons of fireworks and emerged from a haze of fire and smoke?" brainstorm, and of course, his "after those fireworks go off, I think I'll do some screaming, some fist pumps, some awkward karate kicks and maybe even lose my balance and fall backwards" wrinkle. Goldberg proved irrefutably that anyone can become a superstar as long as they have a great entrance and 1½ moves.

"MY TIME IS NOW" (JOHN CENA)

Whatever.

"GRAVEYARD SYMPHONY" (UNDERTAKER)

You can't argue with the first 35 seconds or so: It's creepy, it sets the tone ("this guy buries bodies"), there's fire involved … and yet, there always comes a point with Undertaker's entrances when he's near the ring walking at that same methodical pace and you're thinking, "All right, this is getting a little weird, speed it up, buddy." They spruced it up over the years with fireballs at the beginning, fireworks in the ring, Undertaker emerging from fire pits and basically anything that involved the word "fire" (with Undertaker even accidentally catching on fire once), but could never sustain the momentum.

In my opinion, this is the single most overrated wrestling entrance. You know how we know it didn't totally work? For two years, Undertaker was reinvented as the "American Bad Ass" and given the Limp Bizkit song "Rollin'," leading to this WrestleMania 19 entrance when Limp Bizkit sang the song live and Undertaker drove a motorcycle towards the ring while wearing bandanas and a leather jacket. Did it make sense for the Prince of Darkness to suddenly become a motorcycle-riding redneck? Hold on, I'll answer that question for you … NO!!!!! No, it didn't! What the hell were they thinking? Within a few years, Undertaker returned to his underworld roots and every wrestling fan agreed to pretend that the American Bad Ass era never happened. But it did. It's on YouTube and everything. For that historic misstep, I'm demoting "Graveyard Symphony" to honorable mention.

"S.O.S." (KOFI KINGSTON)

The happiest of the WWE's entrance songs — with its rasta/rap feel, it makes you feel like you're sitting on a beach sipping a poorly made tropical drink and wondering where you left your passport the night before. And there are fireworks!¹³ My toughest omission.

THE TOP 12

12. "THE GAME" (TRIPLE-H)

I'm torn on this one. The song itself is appalling — just someone screaming in a raspy voice, "It's all about the Game" over and over again and making you feel like you're trapped in the cellar during a Saw movie. Your eyes start glazing over after about 25 seconds. But you have to give Triple H credit for (a) having a second nickname for his nickname ("The Game"), (b) coming up with a song titled after that nickname (tough to pull off), (c) doing everything possible to spruce up the entrance (like the hammer/window routine in the link from WrestleMania 25 above), (d) mastering the posing/seizure/"I am literally BURSTING with PEDs!!!!" trifecta upon entering the ring,¹⁴ and (e) perfecting his water spit to the point that "Triple H water spit" has 141 results on YouTube. Add everything up and I'm giving Triple H the win with this line: 7.1 IP, 8 H, 4 ER, 9 K, 5 BB, 141 pitches.

11. "OH HELL YEAH" (STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN)
10. "IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING" (THE ROCK)

These were basically the same two songs: Killer hooks at the top (Austin's broken glass, the Rock's "If you smellllllllllll … what the Rock is cooking!") followed by 45 seconds of dreary music that almost sounds like the same eight-second song on a loop. To their credit, both guys bolted for the ring as fast as possible so they could fast-forward to their signature ploys: Austin climbed each turnbuckle and waved his middle fingers at fans (for some reason, they always enjoyed this), while the Rock cut the music short and launched into his, "Finally the Rock has COME BACK TO (FILL IN THE CITY)." Great beginning, great end, lousy middle. Just good enough to crack the top 12, nothing more.

9. "NO CHANCE IN HELL" (VINCE MCMAHON)

Vince's over-the-top entrance swagger/strut always slays me — I don't know how someone can walk like that without blowing out both of their ACLs. In general, it's just a really smart entrance with a good chorus ("You've got … NO CHANCE!!!! NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!!") that accomplishes its objective … namely, that any wrestling novice could watch Vince's entrance and conclude, "He's the boss, he's cocky and I shouldn't like him."¹⁵

8. "WHAT'S UP?" (R-TRUTH)

Kudos to R-Truth for (a) singing the song live every time, (b) selling the shit out of it, and (c) tapping into every wrestling fan's desire to mindlessly repeat a two-word chorus like "What's up?" for as long as you keep prompting them. It's a really fun two minutes.¹⁶ My only issue is with the song itself, which features the most impossible-to-understand lyrics since "Yellow Ledbetter." As far as I can tell, the lyrics go like this …

Y'all know what time it is
Let's crank it up!
Dgdgshjs jcjfjufjjj pqpqpzhfdhj papfrhfrhfhf what's up
Bbbdkdkd mmmmmmsmam hkkhldl nmdsmdmdmd what's up
What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?
Dgdgshjs jcjfjufjjj pqpqpzhfdhj papfrhfrhfhf what's up
Bbbdkdkd mmmmmmsmam hkkhldl nmdsmdmdmd what's up
What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?

… so you can hear the crowd mumbling every other lyric except for "What's up?" (which they invariably scream). Although, maybe that was R-Truth's plan — to confuse fans with every lyric other than "What's up?" so they'd be more excited for each "What's up?" prompt. I need to think about this some more.

7. "THIS FIRE BURNS" (CM PUNK)
We covered this one already.

6. "SEXY BOY" (SHAWN MICHAELS)
5. "BREAK IT DOWN" (DX)

These, too. I ranked "Break It Down" higher for two reasons: it's probably the most ripped-off entrance song in wrestling history (how many variations of the "starts slow and mysterious, then kicks in quickly with a loud chorus" formula have we heard?), and it's a good enough song that I bought WWF: The Music, Vol. 3 in 1998 just to crank it in my car a few times. (Thinking.) I probably shouldn't have just admitted that.

4. "ON THIS DAY" (EDGE)

Was this song legitimately good or am I crazy? On this day … I see clearly … everything has come to liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife. It's so good that Edge dumped another quality entrance song ("You Think You Know Me") for this one, almost like a rich dude upgrading luxury cars or something. I know I already have an M3, but I love that Maybach! "On This Day" worked so beautifully that it inspired a Great Moments In Entrance Song History moment: Edge's saying goodbye on Smackdown earlier this year by standing in the ring, then asking if it would be OK if he performed his entrance one last time … and doing it! This actually happened. Can you imagine Mariano Rivera retiring from the Yankees, standing on the mound one last time and asking the crowd, "Hey guys, what if I ran back to the bullpen, then entered the game to 'Enter Sandman' one last time … would you be cool with that?"

3. "BREATHE" (AL SNOW)

I'm breaking every pre-established rule with this pick: It's a commercial song (The Prodigy's "Breathe"), it happened in the ECW (not WWE), and it involves wrestler who didn't have a long-lasting impact … but you know what? Al Snow was pure magic in 1998 and nobody can tell me differently. Anyone who can blend electronic music with mannequin heads and sway an entire crowd to chant "Head! Head! Head! Head!" deserves the rules to be bent.¹⁷

2. "UNTITLED" (NEW AGE OUTLAWS)

This was too good for its own good — fans loved it so much that the Outlaws (Jesse James and Bad Ass Billy Gunn¹⁸) felt obligated to stick to the same script every time. You had the guitar hook at the top (you knew it was them right away), then James screaming, "Ohhhhhhhhhh, you didn't know? Your ass better callllllllllllll somebodyyyyyyy!" and everyone going ballistic. The song wasn't that creative, so James ad-libbed for the next 35 seconds to kill time before doing his fake-announcer routine in the ring … which, by the way, went over so well that the fans shouted every word along with him, capped off by everyone screaming in unison, "The NEW … AGE … OUTLAWS!!!!!" And just when you thought it was over, Gunn grabbed the mic and yelled, "And if you're not down with that, I got two words for you … SUCK IT!!!!!"

You're not going to believe this, but wrestling fans liked screaming "SUCK IT!" So much that the New Age Outlaws became trapped by their entrance — even after it became stale, they had to keep doing it the same exact way, leading to the first case of a fantastic entrance definitively affecting two career trajectories.¹⁹ By the way, Jesse James could come waltzing through my front door right now yelling, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, you didn't know?" and I'd be 110 percent fired up without even knowing what was happening or how he got there. I wish my wife had thought of this for my 40th birthday party.

1. "BREAK THE WALLS DOWN" (CHRIS JERICHO)

That's a link from Jericho's WWE debut in 1999. In the span of two minutes, he steals the crowd's attention from The Rock with a "COUNTDOWN TO THE MILLENNIUM" video (bonus points for getting Jerry Lawler to stammer, "What? What?"), followed by the lights going dark (always a winner), then fireworks (ditto), then a really catchy song with a quick hook kicking in ("Break the wall downnnnnnnnnn"), then his name flashing on the video screen (huge pop as everyone says, "Good God, it's Chris Jericho! He's here!") … and then, he keeps it going by milking the "standing still with my arms out while facing the other direction" move (one of my all-time favorites), unleashing his soon-to-be signature "Welcome to Raw … is … JERICHO!" line (more cheers), then pulling a second signature pose (slightly hunched over, staring at the crowd defiantly) with the song cranking behind him. From there, he establishes his "Y2J" theme (a clever play on the whole Y2K scare) and a general expectation of ensuing anarchy.

This entrance nails every point on my checklist: great use of video, great hook at the top, great posing, some underlying emotion (WWE fans felt like Jericho was underutilized at WCW, so they cheered extra-hard as something of an Eff You to the other guys), fireworks, a catch phrase … really, it's the G.O.A.T. of wrestling entrances. Throw in his in-ring skills (top-notch) and I would have wagered anything at that specific moment that Chris Jericho was going to become a superduperstar. Didn't quite happen.

That's the thing about wrestling — momentum ebbs and flows, fans get bored easily, everyone's always looking for the Next Guy. Twelve years ago, it was Chris Jericho. Right now, it's CM Punk. We'll see if he can hold on for the ride.

damn these songs took me back!! i just might have 2 pull out my Vol 3 edition!!

top 3 still are dx, hhh and jerhico's .

L4OATheOriginal said:

damn these songs took me back!! i just might have 2 pull out my Vol 3 edition!!

top 3 still are dx, hhh and jerhico's .

Lol! You have their "The Music" CD? I remember when that was the hottest shit, though! I think DX and Jericho were the only themes I wouldn't mind hearing in my car or something. I liked The Rock's old theme too, but mainly cuz it's simple and it originally made me laugh with his little funny phrases all throughout.

So I'm watching the "Legends Of Wrestling" roundtable about the NWO and while you get some cool insights from Kevin Nash about how the whole faction started and the whole negotiations that he and Hall had with WCW in the spring of 1996, it gets annoying because the whole "Bash WCW" stuff creeps in. It's a bit over an hour and they don't really talk about the high points, but more about why the NWO failed in the end, Bischoff's agenda to put WWF out of business, and why WCW went out business, and you can tell JR still has hurt feelings about the whole thing IMO

Michael Hayes mentioned that he was angry about the whole NWO thing taking off was because money was being taken away from the people who worked in WWF's offices

The '96-98 period had other great moments

-The cruiserweight division

-the Best of 7 series between Booker T and Benoit

-Jericho's fued with Dean Malenko (am I the only who remembers this fued? it put Jericho on the map IMO)

-The whole "fake Sting" incident, thus causing Sting to use the crow persona

-The WCW tag division

-DDP's face turn

With all the flaws that WCW dealt with, and we know lack of mangement, overblown egos, and agendas brought the company down, the NWO wasn't the ONLY thing that made Nitro work or what made people turn to WCW instead of WWF. It got to the point when JR started talking, I fast forward because I felt he was still catching feelings about the whole situation

JR was right about the dilution of the NWO. The adding more and more guys was definitely overkill

and I STILL think the Arn Anderson retirement speech parody was hilarious

[Edited 7/23/11 7:07am]

alexnvrmnd777 said:

L4OATheOriginal said:

damn these songs took me back!! i just might have 2 pull out my Vol 3 edition!!

top 3 still are dx, hhh and jerhico's .

Lol! You have their "The Music" CD? I remember when that was the hottest shit, though! I think DX and Jericho were the only themes I wouldn't mind hearing in my car or something. I liked The Rock's old theme too, but mainly cuz it's simple and it originally made me laugh with his little funny phrases all throughout.

yeh i even have that cd agression where it was hip hop meeting the wwe ..worst one had 2 be ice t's godfather theme lol

bboy87 said:

So I'm watching the "Legends Of Wrestling" roundtable about the NWO and while you get some cool insights from Kevin Nash about how the whole faction started and the whole negotiations that he and Hall had with WCW in the spring of 1996, it gets annoying because the whole "Bash WCW" stuff creeps in. It's a bit over an hour and they don't really talk about the high points, but more about why the NWO failed in the end, Bischoff's agenda to put WWF out of business, and why WCW went out business, and you can tell JR still has hurt feelings about the whole thing IMO

Michael Hayes mentioned that he was angry about the whole NWO thing taking off was because money was being taken away from the people who worked in WWF's offices

The '96-98 period had other great moments

-The cruiserweight division

-the Best of 7 series between Booker T and Benoit

-Jericho's fued with Dean Malenko (am I the only who remembers this fued? it put Jericho on the map IMO)

-The whole "fake Sting" incident, thus causing Sting to use the crow persona

-The WCW tag division

-DDP's face turn

With all the flaws that WCW dealt with, and we know lack of mangement, overblown egos, and agendas brought the company down, the NWO wasn't the ONLY thing that made Nitro work or what made people turn to WCW instead of WWF. It got to the point when JR started talking, I fast forward because I felt he was still catching feelings about the whole situation

JR was right about the dilution of the NWO. The adding more and more guys was definitely overkill

and I STILL think the Arn Anderson retirement speech parody was hilarious

[Edited 7/23/11 7:07am]

See, I actually have a subscription to WWEClassics.com, which is - if you don't already know - their online subscription service to a whole bunch of old (and new) school WWE/WWF/ECW/WCW/WCCW shows and matches. It also has some newly recorded/put-together shows and people's lists of favorite matches, old PPVs, etc... on there. Now, why in the hell doesn't it get this Legends of Wrestling show or that Rountables show I've heard about?? Why is it ONLY available on the WWE Classics On Demand channel which is ONLY available on cable programming?? People with DirecTV or DISH Network can't get it, so wouldn't you think it would be available on their website as a part of their videos online subscription deal??? Gawd, they're stupid! I wanna see this show, along with some of the previous episodes too.

Now that I've gotten that rant out of the way...Hayes and whoever else (I'm looking at you too Gerry Brisco)needs to stop acting so damn asshurt over the fact that WCW in 90s was competing with WWF for viewers and dollars. I'm tired of hearing how Bischoff and WCW were trying to take food out of the mouths of the families of the WWF workers and make them homeless because they wanted to put them out of business. Um, this shit is/was a competition. Either man the fuck up and fight back (which they did) and shut up (which they didn't) or lay down.

You're right about WCW being more than just the NWO, but the NWO was the main angle that helped to spike up the ratings. Obviously, Nitro had to have more than just the NWO to have won the ratings battle for 84 straight weeks, but they only focus on the main ratings spark. The things you mentioned (and yes, I definitely remember Jericho/Malenko feud where Jericho says he knows 4 more holds than Malenko, LOL!; the cruiserweight division was better than TNA's X Division, IMO) were all quality, but the money shot was always the NWO. It really jumped the shark when it was the original NWO vs the Wolfpac and damn near everybody was in the group. It should've just been an elite group, not a gang of jobbers.

How long is the show, bboy?