We all know why men cheat! For sex reasons only. Because they are not getting enough at home or the relationship they are in. Men can separate sex and love. Not saying its ok to cheat....that's just the reason why men cheat. The number one reason married men cheat is because the Bait and Switch. The wife does all kinds of freaky shit when they are dating....but cuts off the sex shortly after marriage.

Why Do women cheat?

I would say women cheat for 3 main reasons:

1) because their man is either cheating on them or their men are suspected of cheating

2) because they are not getting enough attention in the relationship they are in

2) financial upgrade ( they want a man that makes more money)

Ladies, if you have ever cheated on a man...what was your reason?

[Edited 5/19/11 10:21am]

The reason is universally the same: because human beings were not made to be monagamous. It is a mental choice society says we 'should' do.

The points you have established to occur for most women. My three reasons why men do it is because:

1. Men have more testosterone than women

2. Men want more.

3. Unsatisfied with their gf / wife

When a woman cheats....you know the relationship is over.

paisleypark4 said:

The reason is universally the same: because human beings were not made to be monagamous. It is a mental choice society says we 'should' do.

Sums it up quite nicely.

I don't think the reasons are the same for the most part.

I won't speak for women, but I believe men are programed to want to cheat (or seek out new women at least). That doesn't mean we have to cheat or that we should cheat, but that the biological impulse to spread seeds is built into us whether we love the woman we are with or not.

But I do believe men & women's reasons for cheating can overlap.

First of all, many marriages are just RUSHED.

if we don't understand/accept this, tryin' to understand why men cheat is even harder to understand/accept

that said, yes, many men cheat because they want to bang a superior body and /or they need/want to try something nastier that the wife refuses to do...

It looks like the ladies on the org have no comment on this one.

NDRU said:

I won't speak for women, but I believe men are programed to want to cheat (or seek out new women at least). That doesn't mean we have to cheat or that we should cheat, but that the biological impulse to spread seeds is built into us whether we love the woman we are with or not.

TRUE

NDRU said:

I don't think the reasons are the same for the most part.

I won't speak for women, but I believe men are programed to want to cheat (or seek out new women at least). That doesn't mean we have to cheat or that we should cheat, but that the biological impulse to spread seeds is built into us whether we love the woman we are with or not.

But I do believe men & women's reasons for cheating can overlap.

Programmed like we were programmed to forage for food and to gouge out attackers' eyes, etc? I don't think so. It's funny how people (usually men) justify their insatiable hunger for sex by saying we were programmed that way when we've lost most if not all of our vestigial "programming"...

Monogamy isn't even a societal thing. Plenty of monogamist animals exist and I am betting monogamy has always been a "thing" for humans. But that's just my own justifications.

It's not something that is inevitable. People cheat for any number of reasons that stretch from interpersonal conflict in the relationship to baggage from one's childhood, etc. Everyone is a potential cheater, not just men.

I cheated once when I was young (21). I did because we were geographically separated and I felt ignored, not valued.

I think that's a reason many women come up with as an excuse. I don't understand why anybody would cheat. If you want to be a bigot, why not just say so, in stead of breaching the trust a loved one has in you?

Spinlight said:

NDRU said:

I don't think the reasons are the same for the most part.

I won't speak for women, but I believe men are programed to want to cheat (or seek out new women at least). That doesn't mean we have to cheat or that we should cheat, but that the biological impulse to spread seeds is built into us whether we love the woman we are with or not.

But I do believe men & women's reasons for cheating can overlap.

Programmed like we were programmed to forage for food and to gouge out attackers' eyes, etc? I don't think so. It's funny how people (usually men) justify their insatiable hunger for sex by saying we were programmed that way when we've lost most if not all of our vestigial "programming"...

Monogamy isn't even a societal thing. Plenty of monogamist animals exist and I am betting monogamy has always been a "thing" for humans. But that's just my own justifications.

It's not something that is inevitable. People cheat for any number of reasons that stretch from interpersonal conflict in the relationship to baggage from one's childhood, etc. Everyone is a potential cheater, not just men.

um, yeah! when did humans eliminate violence? Do you really think we are so removed from our base impulses when sex & violence permeate every facet of society?

some species are monogamous, I am not sure if humans are. That is an interesting question, certainly

But you say men are the ones justifying their insatiable urges. Why is it always men? Because we are ALL pigs, or because it is natural to feel that way?

I am kind of tired of us being called pigs for having feelings that (I believe) are natural. Especially if we have the strength to not act upon those feelings!

But I agree everyone is a potential cheater, just as everyone has the potential to exercise free will and not betray the one they love. I'm not justifying being bad, just speculating on impulses.

I've been with several women that have cheated on their spouses / bfs with me (let's not mention any numbers). I haven't really gotten the impression that their motives for doing it would be that different from the motives of the men that cheat. People just want to introduce some variation into their lives and seek for different type of experiences once in a while. Being physically close with another person can feel quite different with different individuals. There's also the increased amount of excitement involved when you meet a new person, which is something that a lot of people tend to miss once they settle down with someone.

While I also take the "evolutionary" reasons seriously, I don't think they are a sufficient explanation for the phenomenon.

I heard somewhere (John Tesh radio maybe?) that men cheat for physical gratification while women cheat for emotional satisfaction.

Meaning, a man sees an opportunity for a quick lay, scores, and goes home to his wife as if nothing happened. Meanwhile a woman is usually unhappy/bored/unsatisfied/depressed and decides to fill a void with another man.

Those are generalizations, I understand, but I think it's pretty accurate. Doesn't mean that either case is justified in ANY way, but for the majority of people out there I think it fits the bill.

NDRU said:

Spinlight said:

Programmed like we were programmed to forage for food and to gouge out attackers' eyes, etc? I don't think so. It's funny how people (usually men) justify their insatiable hunger for sex by saying we were programmed that way when we've lost most if not all of our vestigial "programming"...

Monogamy isn't even a societal thing. Plenty of monogamist animals exist and I am betting monogamy has always been a "thing" for humans. But that's just my own justifications.

It's not something that is inevitable. People cheat for any number of reasons that stretch from interpersonal conflict in the relationship to baggage from one's childhood, etc. Everyone is a potential cheater, not just men.

um, yeah! when did humans eliminate violence? Do you really think we are so removed from our base impulses when sex & violence permeate every facet of society?

some species are monogamous, I am not sure if humans are. That is an interesting question, certainly

But you say men are the ones justifying their insatiable urges. Why is it always men? Because we are ALL pigs, or because it is natural to feel that way?

I am kind of tired of us being called pigs for having feelings that (I believe) are natural. Especially if we have the strength to not act upon those feelings!

But I agree everyone is a potential cheater, just as everyone has the potential to exercise free will and not betray the one they love. I'm not justifying being bad, just speculating on impulses.

Well, who knows where one can begin to describe why men are classified as pigs. It didn't begin with a rash of cheating, I'm sure. But if men do cheat, and there's more men than women so the instances are obviously higher, then of course attention would be brought to it. Men are no more pigs than all of one minority is their biggest stereotype.

I'm tired of it, too. Sometimes, I feel that the men I meet in the gay world are all entirely duped into feeling that they HAVE to behave like pigs because that's just what men do and how people perceive men. There's a lot to be said, IMO, for groupthink and the ebb and flow of societal norms in regards to why people cheat on each other. It's too easy to blame it on monogamy because there's tons of evidence proving monogamy is perfectly successful - if not preferable.

In all honesty, I believe it boils down to people simply getting to know themselves. It's like when you pick up a record at 16 and you eat, sleep, and breathe this record. You put it down somewhere along the way and don't pick it up for 20 years. Do you feel the same? Maybe briefly. But you never really recapture the same fondness. The same can be said about romantic relationships. People are chameleons and ever-growing and -evolving beings. Their passions can thrive for eternity or for just a moment in time. There's no inherent evil in cheating. Sure, it's not the most tactful thing to do, but not everyone handles their transitions that poorly. Plenty people simply call these feelings "falling out of love" and they handle it gracefully (as much as the situation COULD be handled gracefully, lol).

TL;DR, I know.

women cheat cuz there unhappy!!!!!! men cheat even if they r happy!!!!! men r men!! thats it!!.

I don't think I'll ever understand what would make men or women cheat. Also most folks who are pressured into marriage has to be for a number of reasons:

• Pressure from family/friends to marry because they prefer him.
• You suddenly get pregnant with the man's child.
• Reputation.

Maybe it's easy to use emotional satisfaction for women and sexual gratification for men as excuses/reasons. But I think people who cheat are too chicken to tell someone the relationship is not working out.

I find many people cheat because the opportunity presents itself and man and women think their chances of being caught and/or getting "caught up are unlikely. I find woman cheat as much as men now because they can. Woman have the montary means to take care of themselves, birth control, and yes, if it come to this, they can terminate an unwanted pregnancy legally and safely.

As my mother always says, "The best things that ever happened to women are birth control and pantyhose".

================================================================

[Edited 5/26/11 22:42pm]

People are bored with their marriage/relationship/life and want some excitement?

Childhood events set them up to want to act out?

Other person doesn t meet their expectations?

They don t meet their own expectations of how they should be in a relationship?

I find what the word "cheating" stands for in our society to be quite ridiculous, superficial, childish and narrow-minded. People want to have sex with other people than the ones they are having sex with, because they feel a need for it, whether it be sexual, romantic etc.

So, the "problem" (which supposedly makes so many men pigs and women nasty bitches) is not the "cheating", because it's just the effect. The cause is the desire that makes people want to do things. I'd be a cheat if I pretended I was happy, when I'm actually not, but I'm not a cheat for being unhappy.

To sum it up, if I don't sleep with other women but the one I am sleeping with right now, the one that I love, I don't do it because it is regarded as socially inacceptable (which is stupid, in my opinion), but because I simply don't want to have sex with another woman. If there was an urge to, something would be wrong in the first place.

Therefore I'd let a person I love have sex with and love someone else, if they needed it, instead of blaming them only, being possessive and forcing them to stay with me, even if they don't want to. The relationship might not last if my woman wants to fuck someone else, but the reason would be the cause (a problem between us) and not the effect (her wanting to have someone else).

ConsciousContact said:

People are bored with their marriage/relationship/life and want some excitement?

Childhood events set them up to want to act out?

Other person doesn t meet their expectations?

They don t meet their own expectations of how they should be in a relationship?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

&

Yes.

Dave1992 said:

I find what the word "cheating" stands for in our society to be quite ridiculous, superficial, childish and narrow-minded. People want to have sex with other people than the ones they are having sex with, because they feel a need for it, whether it be sexual, romantic etc.

So, the "problem" (which supposedly makes so many men pigs and women nasty bitches) is not the "cheating", because it's just the effect. The cause is the desire that makes people want to do things. I'd be a cheat if I pretended I was happy, when I'm actually not, but I'm not a cheat for being unhappy.

To sum it up, if I don't sleep with other women but the one I am sleeping with right now, the one that I love, I don't do it because it is regarded as socially inacceptable (which is stupid, in my opinion), but because I simply don't want to have sex with another woman. If there was an urge to, something would be wrong in the first place.

Therefore I'd let a person I love have sex with and love someone else, if they needed it, instead of blaming them only, being possessive and forcing them to stay with me, even if they don't want to. The relationship might not last if my woman wants to fuck someone else, but the reason would be the cause (a problem between us) and not the effect (her wanting to have someone else).

If you love someone and are in a relationship with that person, then that person has to love you back. To say that you'd allow that other person to go ahead and LOVE someone else if they "needed" it sounds far-fetched. Perhaps you think that you could handle it, but TRUST me, it's basically the end of the relationship and the love you share(d). Just allowing a physical affair to happen is bad enough...if your significant other actually begins to LOVE that third party, then it's over & done with. Might as well pack your bags and move on.

Of course (sorry I don't mean to offend or generalize, but it's my experience) women are more cunning than men. Many men will cheat if an opportunity arises and they think they can get away with it. Many women will usually cheat once they have emotionally disconnected, and are much better at covering up their tracks and even leading their man on to think everything's OK. Or worse yet, even when it's out in the open a woman (usually for financial reasons) can often convince her husband that she's sorry and wants to reconcile, make him feel good, make him feel wanted, while still finding a way to sneak out (take personal days off for example) and fuck other men. And because men are typically easier to please, it can work, unless the man really knows her and gets that "gut" feeling that makes him spy on her and confirm the duplicity.

In contrast, most guys will - if actually falling in LOVE with someone else - just pack their bags and leave.

Dave1992 said:

I find what the word "cheating" stands for in our society to be quite ridiculous, superficial, childish and narrow-minded. People want to have sex with other people than the ones they are having sex with, because they feel a need for it, whether it be sexual, romantic etc.

So, the "problem" (which supposedly makes so many men pigs and women nasty bitches) is not the "cheating", because it's just the effect. The cause is the desire that makes people want to do things. I'd be a cheat if I pretended I was happy, when I'm actually not, but I'm not a cheat for being unhappy.

To sum it up, if I don't sleep with other women but the one I am sleeping with right now, the one that I love, I don't do it because it is regarded as socially inacceptable (which is stupid, in my opinion), but because I simply don't want to have sex with another woman. If there was an urge to, something would be wrong in the first place.

Therefore I'd let a person I love have sex with and love someone else, if they needed it, instead of blaming them only, being possessive and forcing them to stay with me, even if they don't want to. The relationship might not last if my woman wants to fuck someone else, but the reason would be the cause (a problem between us) and not the effect (her wanting to have someone else).

PurpleJedi said:

Dave1992 said:

Therefore I'd let a person I love have sex with and love someone else, if they needed it, instead of blaming them only, being possessive and forcing them to stay with me, even if they don't want to. The relationship might not last if my woman wants to fuck someone else, but the reason would be the cause (a problem between us) and not the effect (her wanting to have someone else).

If you love someone and are in a relationship with that person, then that person has to love you back. To say that you'd allow that other person to go ahead and LOVE someone else if they "needed" it sounds far-fetched. Perhaps you think that you could handle it, but TRUST me, it's basically the end of the relationship and the love you share(d). Just allowing a physical affair to happen is bad enough...if your significant other actually begins to LOVE that third party, then it's over & done with. Might as well pack your bags and move on.

That is exactly the point. When a someone feels the need to cheat on his/her partner, that is a sign that there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship. And forcing someone to stay doesn't fix that. Also allowing the other to cheat/ hurt doesn't fix the fundamental problem.

Packing your bags is the fundamental fix.

dJJ said:

PurpleJedi said:

If you love someone and are in a relationship with that person, then that person has to love you back. To say that you'd allow that other person to go ahead and LOVE someone else if they "needed" it sounds far-fetched. Perhaps you think that you could handle it, but TRUST me, it's basically the end of the relationship and the love you share(d). Just allowing a physical affair to happen is bad enough...if your significant other actually begins to LOVE that third party, then it's over & done with. Might as well pack your bags and move on.

That is exactly the point. When a someone feels the need to cheat on his/her partner, that is a sign that there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship. And forcing someone to stay doesn't fix that. Also allowing the other to cheat/ hurt doesn't fix the fundamental problem.

Packing your bags is the fundamental fix.

Absolutely.

Of course, if that other person truly LOVED you, then you wouldn't need to "force" them to stay...they'd want to stay and try to fix what's wrong. I'm a hopeless optimist and believe that most times, just about any problem can be fixed or resolved if both parties truly WANT to do it.

But nowadays it's so much easier to pack those bags...physically and emotionally.

PurpleJedi said:

dJJ said:

That is exactly the point. When a someone feels the need to cheat on his/her partner, that is a sign that there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship. And forcing someone to stay doesn't fix that. Also allowing the other to cheat/ hurt doesn't fix the fundamental problem.

Packing your bags is the fundamental fix.

Absolutely.

Of course, if that other person truly LOVED you, then you wouldn't need to "force" them to stay...they'd want to stay and try to fix what's wrong. I'm a hopeless optimist and believe that most times, just about any problem can be fixed or resolved if both parties truly WANT to do it.

But nowadays it's so much easier to pack those bags...physically and emotionally.

I believe the same thing. However, sometimes one party knows the problem is only resolved when you separate. That counts as resolving and fixing the problem.

And both parties are inclined to solve the problem, I mean nobody wants to stay in a messy, dishonest relationship, right? Rather fix the problem structurally. So, separation can be a solution in stead of a problem.

PurpleJedi said:

Dave1992 said:

I find what the word "cheating" stands for in our society to be quite ridiculous, superficial, childish and narrow-minded. People want to have sex with other people than the ones they are having sex with, because they feel a need for it, whether it be sexual, romantic etc.

So, the "problem" (which supposedly makes so many men pigs and women nasty bitches) is not the "cheating", because it's just the effect. The cause is the desire that makes people want to do things. I'd be a cheat if I pretended I was happy, when I'm actually not, but I'm not a cheat for being unhappy.

To sum it up, if I don't sleep with other women but the one I am sleeping with right now, the one that I love, I don't do it because it is regarded as socially inacceptable (which is stupid, in my opinion), but because I simply don't want to have sex with another woman. If there was an urge to, something would be wrong in the first place.

Therefore I'd let a person I love have sex with and love someone else, if they needed it, instead of blaming them only, being possessive and forcing them to stay with me, even if they don't want to. The relationship might not last if my woman wants to fuck someone else, but the reason would be the cause (a problem between us) and not the effect (her wanting to have someone else).

If you love someone and are in a relationship with that person, then that person has to love you back. To say that you'd allow that other person to go ahead and LOVE someone else if they "needed" it sounds far-fetched. Perhaps you think that you could handle it, but TRUST me, it's basically the end of the relationship and the love you share(d). Just allowing a physical affair to happen is bad enough...if your significant other actually begins to LOVE that third party, then it's over & done with. Might as well pack your bags and move on.

Of course (sorry I don't mean to offend or generalize, but it's my experience) women are more cunning than men. Many men will cheat if an opportunity arises and they think they can get away with it. Many women will usually cheat once they have emotionally disconnected, and are much better at covering up their tracks and even leading their man on to think everything's OK. Or worse yet, even when it's out in the open a woman (usually for financial reasons) can often convince her husband that she's sorry and wants to reconcile, make him feel good, make him feel wanted, while still finding a way to sneak out (take personal days off for example) and fuck other men. And because men are typically easier to please, it can work, unless the man really knows her and gets that "gut" feeling that makes him spy on her and confirm the duplicity.

In contrast, most guys will - if actually falling in LOVE with someone else - just pack their bags and leave.

That's basically what I said.

Can't comment on the other part, because I don't have any experience about my woman sleeping with someone else for financial reasons or whatsoever. In fact, none of my past lovers ever slept with someone else while sleeping with me, and still I feel that I have been cheated on before. It's about trust, honesty, love and harmony. The (negative) rest would be just an effect of this not being present in the first place.

Dave1992 said:

PurpleJedi said:

If you love someone and are in a relationship with that person, then that person has to love you back. To say that you'd allow that other person to go ahead and LOVE someone else if they "needed" it sounds far-fetched. Perhaps you think that you could handle it, but TRUST me, it's basically the end of the relationship and the love you share(d). Just allowing a physical affair to happen is bad enough...if your significant other actually begins to LOVE that third party, then it's over & done with. Might as well pack your bags and move on.

Of course (sorry I don't mean to offend or generalize, but it's my experience) women are more cunning than men. Many men will cheat if an opportunity arises and they think they can get away with it. Many women will usually cheat once they have emotionally disconnected, and are much better at covering up their tracks and even leading their man on to think everything's OK. Or worse yet, even when it's out in the open a woman (usually for financial reasons) can often convince her husband that she's sorry and wants to reconcile, make him feel good, make him feel wanted, while still finding a way to sneak out (take personal days off for example) and fuck other men. And because men are typically easier to please, it can work, unless the man really knows her and gets that "gut" feeling that makes him spy on her and confirm the duplicity.

In contrast, most guys will - if actually falling in LOVE with someone else - just pack their bags and leave.

That's basically what I said.

Can't comment on the other part, because I don't have any experience about my woman sleeping with someone else for financial reasons or whatsoever. In fact, none of my past lovers ever slept with someone else while sleeping with me, and still I feel that I have been cheated on before. It's about trust, honesty, love and harmony. The (negative) rest would be just an effect of this not being present in the first place.

OK...so I maybe I misunderstood, 'cuz it sounded to me like you would give someone a "free pass" or something. I guess I read it wrong. You would just cut them loose then if I read it diffefrently.

PurpleJedi said:

Dave1992 said:

That's basically what I said.

Can't comment on the other part, because I don't have any experience about my woman sleeping with someone else for financial reasons or whatsoever. In fact, none of my past lovers ever slept with someone else while sleeping with me, and still I feel that I have been cheated on before. It's about trust, honesty, love and harmony. The (negative) rest would be just an effect of this not being present in the first place.

OK...so I maybe I misunderstood, 'cuz it sounded to me like you would give someone a "free pass" or something. I guess I read it wrong. You would just cut them loose then if I read it diffefrently.

Women usually cheat because they need emotional closeness. Although, there are some women who will cheat for both sex and emotional fulfillment.

Spinlight said: