spanking as a form of disciplining children.

Do you do it? Do you disapprove of it? When is spanking actually abuse? I've heard of people being hit with switches from trees, leather belts, paddles or just the back of mommy or daddy's hand when they were kids. I know a woman who was hit with switches and her legs are so scarred that she never wears skirts but she doesn't think she was abused.

Does spanking work as a means to keep a child in line and behaved?

Discuss.

Funny, I was thinking about starting this very thread just a couple of days ago.

I slap my nephews when they're naughty. Only really the youngest one these days though. I just slap the back of his leg usually. If he's starting to do something naughty then usually saying "mai khwen seua yuu nai?" (where's the clothes hanger?) is enough to make him stop with the quickness. We never actually have to hit him with one, but his grandfather's more old-school Thai in his disciplining of kids and has smacked him and hit him with all kinds of things. Kinda why just the threat now works for us though.

I don't agree with it in any way.

i don't think it's effective because parents 1) teach their children not to hit other people yet occasionally; 2) use this form of 'bad' behavior against children when the children are misbehaving? uh....?

time outs work best, imo. better to isolate the child. stop the activity and remove the child from the company of others until they can quiet down and behave.

XxAxX said:

i don't think it's effective because parents 1) teach their children not to hit other people yet occasionally; 2) use this form of 'bad' behavior against children when the children are misbehaving? uh....?

time outs work best, imo. better to isolate the child. stop the activity and remove the child from the company of others until they can quiet down and behave.

You can explain it to them if they're old enough. Kids aren't stupid. You're the adult and they're the child and it's not difficult for them to see the difference. Just have to talk to them.

.

[Edited 4/28/11 8:52am]

no i dont spank or hit my kids!!!!

i send them to their room, i get them to clean or read.... i talk to them..... but i would never hit or hurt them.

they r great kids and never get in trouble, they r well behaved and dont do anything worth getting hit for.

i have seen ppl in public hit their kids for no reason.... i cant stand it!!!!! i always feel like saying something.... but of course i dont

the way i c it is if kids r treated badly they will behave badly.... it's only natural

some kids need the paddle..but do it as a last option.

one good paddle will work wonders.

ive gotten the paddle when i was younger..but at certain age my parent stopped

[Edited 4/27/11 18:15pm]

I have dis-spelled all myths concerning spankings...

I BELIEVE in corporal punishment as ONE form of discipline.... it may not work for all kids, so it shouldn't be used for all kids.

I use all forms of discipline but I NEVER bargain with my kids... nope.

Too many parents make deals with thier kids in lew of spankings and they end up with brats that think they are entitled to doing what ever they want to do.

I have 3 kids.... all are well behaved because I lack patience. I am a single parent and I wear the pants in my family. So I am the disciplinarian, the nurturer, the one they cry to, the one they get mad at, the ONLY parent they learn to deal with. I think I actually have an advantage in the realm of discipline since little gets by me.

Now, just because I spank doesn't mean that all parents should. Not ever parent CAN spank, because not all parents are as smooth as me with it. Some parents do that when they are pissed and beat the shit outta their kids.

You can only spank when you are NOT mad. _walk away, give yourself time to calm down.

You can not bruise their bodies.

You MUST make them get the belt... don't ever use your hand to strike a child.

You MUST talk to your child during and after.

They must know why they are being spanked.

You must spank when all other forms fail.

Always hug your child and resolve any differences.

NEVER call your child any names... ever.

You do not have to agree with me, but I know how to spank... not beat my kids. As kids age, they grow older, spankings are not needed.

I usually only ever spank a child when they do something that will endanger their safety. As they get older and learn to speak and communicate, spankings are usually never handed out.

But a tween/teen will test you once..... they will rise up and try to tell you what's what...

that's when the LAST spanking is handed... with my twenty year old... this happened when he was 15. Yup.. I hit him once in the chest. He never raised up on me after that.

He does what he's told, and I couldn't be prouder of the fine young man he is today. Is is a better person than I could have ever hoped for.

I have witness major verbal-emotional abuse with parents that do not spank and do. It breaks my heart when I see it.

Its more about how you love a child that molds them into the people they become. If you don't spank but are distant, this is worse IMO.

and I never lock a child in a room... that shit is abuse.

[Edited 4/27/11 18:29pm]

physco185 said:

no i dont spank or hit my kids!!!!

i send them to their room, i get them to clean or read.... i talk to them..... but i would never hit or hurt them.

they r great kids and never get in trouble, they r well behaved and dont do anything worth getting hit for.

i have seen ppl in public hit their kids for no reason.... i cant stand it!!!!! i always feel like saying something.... but of course i dont

the way i c it is if kids r treated badly they will behave badly.... it's only natural

thats embrassing for the kid and parent.

I was spanked when my mother thought it necessary, which was not all frequently.

I did not grow up feeling I was abused or all wah-wah about it.

I did not grow up fearing my mother as a person. I feared the consequence of disrespectful actions. I love respect my mother immensely to this day.

XxAxX said:

i don't think it's effective because parents 1) teach their children not to hit other people yet occasionally; 2) use this form of 'bad' behavior against children when the children are misbehaving? uh....?

time outs work best, imo. better to isolate the child. stop the activity and remove the child from the company of others until they can quiet down and behave.

No.

My kids are NOT violent, and they are always complimented on their behavior in the schoolyard. They don't curse and they attract parents to invite them to various events since they tend to be so well behaved. I get complaints because my kids are unusually quite and polite. They tell me my kids are aliens.

Spankings doesn't cause that IMHO... it goes deeper with neglect, name calling etc.

Time out doesn't work for all kids... my kid was an only child until he was 10...

if you gave him time out, it wasn't effective, he would just dance in the corner and have a great time.

It would make me laugh too hard... he liked making me laugh, and would repeat the bad behavior. But that's just my kid.

johnart said:

I was spanked when my mother thought it necessary, which was not all frequently.

I did not grow up feeling I was abused or all wah-wah about it.

I did not grow up fearing my mother as a person. I feared the consequence of disrespectful actions. I love respect my mother immensely to this day.

Your mom spanked you...not beat you. She did an awesome job. Spanking do not rob a child of self-esteem.

people tend to equate spankings with beat downs.

I've seen people beat their kids like they hated their kids.

I learned by watching closely... you will notice that the discipline that any parent hands out is a true relection of how they truly feel about their children

If they hate their kids... they will be harsh, and I have seen parents emotionally abuse the hell outta a kid and say "Oh I would never spank my kid!"

They did... the kid would sport bruises the next day. I reported more parents that lie about NOT beating the shit outta their kids, and kids run to me to get away from home.

Its so hard to report a parent that abuses a kid in other ways, since you can't prove it.

Its tough for some kids around me... I wish I had a house with a hundred rooms sometimes, those kids don't have a prayer in being loved.

Abuse can come in many forms... if a parent can't abuse with beatings, they will abuse with "time-outs" and verbally. Especially when they grit their teeth and yell at them constantly.

I hate yellers. I never have to yell.

I won't hit my kids. Nope.

I wish no children were abused, with beatings, neglect, emotionally or any other way... but its rampant in today's society.

I wish some people couldn't have kids... some people should never have them but they do to try to fix something broken with them, and they only bring a child into a bad situation.

i haven't and wouldn't

but i have no prollum with those who do.

long as it kept within reason. a spankin

and a beatin/ ass whoopin is two

different animals.

i put my life at risk for a child at risk.

but an unruly child, who's battlecry is

"i'll call 911" need that ass tapped on

in public if possible. (those are usualy the kids

that talk to parents, teachers, and the general public

like shit)

Spinlight said:

I don't agree with it in any way.

Neither do I.

ZombieKitten said:

I won't hit my kids. Nope.

I always wonder if I were raised in a different culture would I use spanking as a tool....

Its not shunned in America, but here when parents say that^^^ they say it because they claim to have better control of their children.

They don't spank because they have better techniques...

but not all techniques work on all kids. There is no one formula to raise kids.

I still think it is better to not spank if a parent sees it as abuse. If spankings will only cause them to parent less effectively, then no, most parents should NOT spank if they do not know how to use it on an emotional level. If it will cause the parent grief, guilt and shame.... then no, a parent should never spank.

I noticed that a parent that hits a kids the wrong way also tends to yell, name call, neglect, let the kids run like crazy, are inconsistent...

is spanking that is the problem or should we take a closer look at bad parenting as a wholistic approach?

They way parents that beat kids don't talk, hug, or spend time with their kids really. Its more well rounded abuse. Kids that get beat, also get yelled at, neglected, and emotionally abused all the time, it never JUST spankings.

Spankings are the best and quickest indicator of abuse towards a child. Should we ban spankings when emotional abuse is so hard to prove?

I see beating as one symptom of bad perenting... most of those kids are treated like crap all day long.

why am I the only person posting?

paintedlady said:

ZombieKitten said:

I won't hit my kids. Nope.

I always wonder if I were raised in a different culture would I use spanking as a tool....

Its not shunned in America, but here when parents say that^^^ they say it because they claim to have better control of their children.

They don't spank because they have better techniques...

but not all techniques work on all kids. There is no one formula to raise kids.

I still think it is better to not spank if a parent sees it as abuse. If spankings will only cause them to parent less effectively, then no, most parents should NOT spank if they do not know how to use it on an emotional level. If it will cause the parent grief, guilt and shame.... then no, a parent should never spank.

It IS shunned here.

I would be horrified to see a parent hit their kid.

I come from sweden, hitting your kids has been illegal there since the 1970s, I'm sure that has an influence on my parenting.

I'm not saying at ALL that I have better control of my kids and therefore don't HAVE to hit them. I just think it's not right to hit a person, especially a child.

ZombieKitten said:

paintedlady said:

I always wonder if I were raised in a different culture would I use spanking as a tool....

Its not shunned in America, but here when parents say that^^^ they say it because they claim to have better control of their children.

They don't spank because they have better techniques...

but not all techniques work on all kids. There is no one formula to raise kids.

I still think it is better to not spank if a parent sees it as abuse. If spankings will only cause them to parent less effectively, then no, most parents should NOT spank if they do not know how to use it on an emotional level. If it will cause the parent grief, guilt and shame.... then no, a parent should never spank.

It IS shunned here.

I would be horrified to see a parent hit their kid.

I come from sweden, hitting your kids has been illegal there since the 1970s, I'm sure that has an influence on my parenting.

I'm not saying at ALL that I have better control of my kids and therefore don't HAVE to hit them. I just think it's not right to hit a person, especially a child.

yeah, that's the difference I speak of. I think its cultural... now I am Puerto Rican and not all American people spank their kids, some would be appauled at my stance.

Its more a thing my family does... I still wonder though if safety wasn't such an issue here would I not spank at all.

[img:$uid]http://wik.ed.uiuc.edu/images/a/ae/123magic.jpg[/img:$uid]

http://wik.ed.uiuc.edu/in.../123_Magic

ZombieKitten said:

Spanking your own kid should be illegal in all countries. In public or not.

Hitting children in any way is violent.

802 said:

yeah, i'll keep my opinions to myself on this topic...

Interesting to see the responses, especially how many are dead set against spanking. I discipline my nephews the same way my father disciplined me and I think it's right and fair, and it does include occasional spanking. Both nephews I take an active role in raising are good kids. I don't discipline the way the older generation of Thais seem to, though. I find that excessive.

ConsciousContact said:

Hitting children in any way is violent.

Yes.

If I may ask: at teaching them what exactly? That violence is a solution?...

Ok, I guess I should shut up, as I don't have kids of my own [yet]...

formallypickles said:

some kids need the paddle..but do it as a last option.

one good paddle will work wonders.

ive gotten the paddle when i was younger..but at certain age my parent stopped

[Edited 4/27/11 18:15pm]