I really have no idea what forgiveness truly means.

do NOT forgive her jedi.

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

No. It ain't easy and sometimes painful.
Yes

Yes

Yes

No

JerseyKRS said:

do NOT forgive her jedi.

dJJ said:

Machaela said:

Most times I can/do ~ forgiveness really is for the self and healthy healing ~ holding onto stuff is self distructive

Yes I would forgive them ~ after the work of ending the relationship was underway

I think self accountability is in order ~ "you" allowed them to " destroy " your life ( on some level concious or not ) so while forgiving self for that choice forgiving the other would help as well ...

I disagree.

How can you defend yourself against someone you love and trust because they made you believe it was a save thing to do. And than you find out it was a scam, just for money and ego. Sorry, but when someone preys on you, telling you they love you, and you love them, that is not allowing them.

What is there to do? Not to trust anybody anymore in your life? In order to defend yourself and 'not allow anybody to destroy me?'

And forgiveness is about telling the other that it's allright. Why should you tell another that what they did was okay, so you relieve their guilt? I would feel like I woul loose the last bit of self respect I have, when I would tell the persons in my life, who knew that what they did was wrong, that they don't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Not that they do, people without a conscience are the only ones who can act like that. And they don't feel true remorse. Neither true shame. They just feel bad for themselves that they got caught and now have a bad reputations. They don't really care about the other person. That's just drama to make you belief that they care.

Forgiveness is not telling someone 'it's alright.' Forgiving doesn't mean you aren't hurt or angry but especially if it's someone you love, you forgive them because you already know you aren't going to hate as hurt and angry as you are/were.

Frogiveness has NOTHING to do with how the other person feels. Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain. It ends your emotional investment in the matter.

You can forgive someone and still end the relationship. You don't hate them but the two of you may not be meant to be at this time. Forgiveness doesn't mean there won't be and/or aren't changes.

SUPRMAN said:

Frogiveness has NOTHING to do with how the other person feels. Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain. It ends your emotional investment in the matter.

You can forgive someone and still end the relationship.

Forgiveness doesn't mean there won't be and/or aren't changes.

SUPRMAN said:

. Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain. It ends your emotional investment in the matter.

i like the way you put that. makes me think of unforgiveness as investing your life in a bad investment instead of letting go so that you can invest it in something else. i'm not saying it's easy, but worth it anyways. i think death of a loved one would be hardest to forgive, but i hope i would try to invest my life in what the loved one loved, and not give the one who took any of my thinking.

PunkMistress said:

JerseyKRS said:

do NOT forgive her jedi.

SUPRMAN said:

Forgiveness is not telling someone 'it's alright.' Forgiving doesn't mean you aren't hurt or angry but especially if it's someone you love, you forgive them because you already know you aren't going to hate as hurt and angry as you are/were.

Frogiveness has NOTHING to do with how the other person feels. Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain. It ends your emotional investment in the matter.

You can forgive someone and still end the relationship. You don't hate them but the two of you may not be meant to be at this time. Forgiveness doesn't mean there won't be and/or aren't changes.

PurpleJedi said:

SUPRMAN said:

Forgiveness is not telling someone 'it's alright.' Forgiving doesn't mean you aren't hurt or angry but especially if it's someone you love, you forgive them because you already know you aren't going to hate as hurt and angry as you are/were.

Frogiveness has NOTHING to do with how the other person feels. Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain. It ends your emotional investment in the matter.

You can forgive someone and still end the relationship. You don't hate them but the two of you may not be meant to be at this time. Forgiveness doesn't mean there won't be and/or aren't changes.

forgiveness means admitting you're a sucker

whistle said:

forgiveness means admitting you're a sucker

On all accounts???

Machaela said:

PurpleJedi said:

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

. makes me think of unforgiveness as investing your life in a bad investment instead of letting go so that you can invest it in something else.

I can let go without forgiving. The offender becomes dead to me - doesn't exist in my world. I cut them off and go on with my life.

Forgiveness gets easier the more you do it... but it is important to remember what caused you pain

it is good to remember so you protect yourself, and do not allow the same pain to happen the same way... but forgiveness is allowing an act of grace to allow peace in your life.

I don't like staying angry... it makes room for bitterness, and bitterness eats away at your soul and steals precious time away from you that you could have spent being happy.

uPtoWnNY said:

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

yes. i get mad, but don't stay that way for long

yes. i'd need a medical time out to be checked for STDs and stuff though

maybe, but i'd make damn sure it didn't happen again to me or anyone

maybe, but see above

not really. everyone makes mistakes. i think that's the point of living. and, if i expect to be forgiven, then i must extend forgiveness to other people as well.

XxAxX said:

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

yes. i get mad, but don't stay that way for long

yes. i'd need a medical time out to be checked for STDs and stuff though

maybe, but i'd make damn sure it didn't happen again to me or anyone

maybe, but see above

not really. everyone makes mistakes. i think that's the point of living. and, if i expect to be forgiven, then i must extend forgiveness to other people as well.

dJJ said:

How can you defend yourself against someone you love and trust because they made you believe it was a save thing to do. And than you find out it was a scam, just for money and ego. Sorry, but when someone preys on you, telling you they love you, and you love them, that is not allowing them.

This is not the case all the time, but, often times, there are signs there that the other person is a scammer and a user but you choose not to see the signs or ignore the signs because you love the other person so much. It recently happened to me where I was being deceived by someone I thought was a true friend. The signs were there that he is a user and opportunist but I choose to ignore them.

I don't think you can really know until any of those things happen to you.

Genesia said:

I don't think you can really know until any of those things happen to you.

Absolutely.

Your mind can be certain that you will act a certain way...up until the point where you actually are faced with the situation, and then the madness of emotions and uncertainty takes over!

uPtoWnNY said:

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

. makes me think of unforgiveness as investing your life in a bad investment instead of letting go so that you can invest it in something else.

I can let go without forgiving. The offender becomes dead to me - doesn't exist in my world. I cut them off and go on with my life.

That works!

just curious what you would do if by chance you crossed paths with them in a way that required some interaction

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I can let go without forgiving. The offender becomes dead to me - doesn't exist in my world. I cut them off and go on with my life.

That works!

just curious what you would do if by chance you crossed paths with them in a way that required some interaction

There would be no interaction - I'd treat him/her as if they were invisible.

uPtoWnNY said:

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

That works!

just curious what you would do if by chance you crossed paths with them in a way that required some interaction

There would be no interaction - I'd treat him/her as if they were invisible.

Anything else (such as a punch in the face) would mean that you're still not "over" it.

PurpleJedi said:

uPtoWnNY said:

There would be no interaction - I'd treat him/her as if they were invisible.

Anything else (such as a punch in the face) would mean that you're still not "over" it.

Not wrecking my life and going to jail over a person who's not worth it.

[Edited 5/20/11 6:38am]

uPtoWnNY said:

PurpleJedi said:

Anything else (such as a punch in the face) would mean that you're still not "over" it.

Not wrecking my life and going to jail over a person who's not worth it.

amen.

I've been told more than once that in my situation, I should drive to a certain someone's house with a baseball bat and defend my "honor".

Not to say that it wasn't something I almost did (at about 2:00am one time, if u can believe it)...but in the end I'd end up in jail, or worse; getting my own ass beat with said bat, or maybe even shot (the asshole packs heat I think), or all of the above. Over someone that ultimately isn't worth it. And if that's what she wants me to do in order to "want" me again, then fuck her as well.

You got the right idea. She's definitely becoming invisible in my eyes.

PurpleJedi said:

uPtoWnNY said:

Not wrecking my life and going to jail over a person who's not worth it.

amen.

I've been told more than once that in my situation, I should drive to a certain someone's house with a baseball bat and defend my "honor".

Not to say that it wasn't something I almost did (at about 2:00am one time, if u can believe it)...but in the end I'd end up in jail, or worse; getting my own ass beat with said bat, or maybe even shot (the asshole packs heat I think), or all of the above. Over someone that ultimately isn't worth it. And if that's what she wants me to do in order to "want" me again, then fuck her as well.

You got the right idea. She's definitely becoming invisible in my eyes.

uPtoWnNY said:

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

That works!

just curious what you would do if by chance you crossed paths with them in a way that required some interaction

There would be no interaction - I'd treat him/her as if they were invisible.

This is much like how I have handled a situation like this in the past. I simply am only going to let a person push me so far. I'm not going to lose sleep over someone else's dysfunction. It's like taking a smudge stick in Photoshop and just wiping the person away. Done it on more than one occasion.

I'm very choosy about friendship, but if I call you friend, that means I put you on the same level as my family. I consider TRUE friendship a sacred trust. Breaking that trust(spreading lies about me, borrowing money and not paying it back, etc.) is unforgivable. You only get one shot to burn me. Goodbye, leave me alone and have a nice life. We're only here a short time, and I will not waste it dealing with other folks' bullshit.

Now others here are more forgiving than I am. Maybe I'm too extreme, but that's how I roll.

uPtoWnNY said:

I'm very choosy about friendship, but if I call you friend, that means I put you on the same level as my family. I consider TRUE friendship a sacred trust. Breaking that trust(spreading lies about me, borrowing money and not paying it back, etc.) is unforgivable. You only get one shot to burn me. Goodbye, leave me alone and have a nice life. We're only here a short time, and I will not waste it dealing with other folks' bullshit.

Now others here are more forgiving than I am. Maybe I'm too extreme, but that's how I roll.

Nah, you're spot-on.

There are FRIENDS, and then there are ACQUAINTANCES.

If you consider someone a friend, truly and honestly, then they are nearly family.

If you can't really trust that person, then he/she is merely an acquaintance.