What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Accepting a sincere apology and attempting to put the transgression behind you.

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

I'm not a believer in romantic relationships. But, let's say I were... Forgive? Yes. Remain? Possibly. But if it happened a second time, I'd hit the road and never look back.

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

I don't think someone else can destroy your life emotionally. Financially? If it were intentional, it would be incredibly difficult, but I suppose possible, under certain circumstances.

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

That would be tough. But I've seen stuff on TV where a victim's family members do so, so I suppose it's possible.

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

I guess not.

I think forgiveness is a virtue and it’s as much for yourself as it is for the person who wronged you.

But it really depends on the circumstances. I don’t think you can say until your are in the situation and work through all of the details.

Is the person you are forgiving remorseful? Have they learned something from it? Are they working to make amends as much as possible? How much time has passed?

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

Most times I can/do ~ forgiveness really is for the self and healthy healing ~ holding onto stuff is self distructive

Yes I would forgive them ~ after the work of ending the relationship was underway

I think self accountability is in order ~ "you" allowed them to " destroy " your life ( on some level concious or not ) so while forgiving self for that choice forgiving the other would help as well ...

CarrieMpls said:

I think forgiveness is a virtue and it’s as much for yourself as it is for the person who wronged you.

But it really depends on the circumstances. I don’t think you can say until your are in the situation and work through all of the details.

Is the person you are forgiving remorseful? Have they learned something from it? Are they working to make amends as much as possible? How much time has passed?

Machaela said:

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

Most times I can/do ~ forgiveness really is for the self and healthy healing ~ holding onto stuff is self distructive

Yes I would forgive them ~ after the work of ending the relationship was underway

I think self accountability is in order ~ "you" allowed them to " destroy " your life ( on some level concious or not ) so while forgiving self for that choice forgiving the other would help as well ...

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

1) Depends on the betrayal.

2) I have, once. Love won out.

3) No. Why should I?

4) My brother was killed in a drunk driving accident by a friend of his who was driving about 3.5 years ago. I will never forgive it.

5) Yes. I feel the benchmark for unforgivable sin is permanence. How soon I will forgive is roughly equidistant to how soon the wrong is made right.

Machaela said:

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

Most times I can/do ~ forgiveness really is for the self and healthy healing ~ holding onto stuff is self distructive

Yes I would forgive them ~ after the work of ending the relationship was underway

I think self accountability is in order ~ "you" allowed them to " destroy " your life ( on some level concious or not ) so while forgiving self for that choice forgiving the other would help as well ...

Ahh Mach...always the voice of reason and good conscience.

Ace said:

CarrieMpls said:

I think forgiveness is a virtue and it’s as much for yourself as it is for the person who wronged you.

But it really depends on the circumstances. I don’t think you can say until your are in the situation and work through all of the details.

Is the person you are forgiving remorseful? Have they learned something from it? Are they working to make amends as much as possible? How much time has passed?

Spinlight said:

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

1) Depends on the betrayal.

2) I have, once. Love won out.

3) No. Why should I?

4) My brother was killed in a drunk driving accident by a friend of his who was driving about 3.5 years ago. I will never forgive it.

5) Yes. I feel the benchmark for unforgivable sin is permanence. How soon I will forgive is roughly equidistant to how soon the wrong is made right.

That sounds about right.

Machaela said:

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

Most times I can/do ~ forgiveness really is for the self and healthy healing ~ holding onto stuff is self distructive

Yes I would forgive them ~ after the work of ending the relationship was underway

I think self accountability is in order ~ "you" allowed them to " destroy " your life ( on some level concious or not ) so while forgiving self for that choice forgiving the other would help as well ...

I disagree.

How can you defend yourself against someone you love and trust because they made you believe it was a save thing to do. And than you find out it was a scam, just for money and ego. Sorry, but when someone preys on you, telling you they love you, and you love them, that is not allowing them.

What is there to do? Not to trust anybody anymore in your life? In order to defend yourself and 'not allow anybody to destroy me?'

And forgiveness is about telling the other that it's allright. Why should you tell another that what they did was okay, so you relieve their guilt? I would feel like I woul loose the last bit of self respect I have, when I would tell the persons in my life, who knew that what they did was wrong, that they don't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Not that they do, people without a conscience are the only ones who can act like that. And they don't feel true remorse. Neither true shame. They just feel bad for themselves that they got caught and now have a bad reputations. They don't really care about the other person. That's just drama to make you belief that they care.

dJJ said:

Machaela said:

Most times I can/do ~ forgiveness really is for the self and healthy healing ~ holding onto stuff is self distructive

Yes I would forgive them ~ after the work of ending the relationship was underway

I think self accountability is in order ~ "you" allowed them to " destroy " your life ( on some level concious or not ) so while forgiving self for that choice forgiving the other would help as well ...

I disagree.

How can you defend yourself against someone you love and trust because they made you believe it was a save thing to do. And than you find out it was a scam, just for money and ego. Sorry, but when someone preys on you, telling you they love you, and you love them, that is not allowing them.

What is there to do? Not to trust anybody anymore in your life? In order to defend yourself and 'not allow anybody to destroy me?'

And forgiveness is about telling the other that it's allright. Why should you tell another that what they did was okay, so you relieve their guilt? I would feel like I woul loose the last bit of self respect I have, when I would tell the persons in my life, who knew that what they did was wrong, that they don't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Not that they do, people without a conscience are the only ones who can act like that. And they don't feel true remorse. Neither true shame. They just feel bad for themselves that they got caught and now have a bad reputations. They don't really care about the other person. That's just drama to make you belief that they care.

I think that Mach's comment is more aimed at addressing the fact that if someone's actions lead to utter devastation to you emotionally, financially, or whatever...you are partly to blame because perhaps you surrendered too much control over YOU. Plenty of people get wronged and just shrug and move on. They maintained control.

:shug: At least that's MY take on it.

As for forgiveness...it doesn't mean saying "what you did is alright"...but rather, "I'm no longer bitter/angry/despondent over what you did".

No?

PurpleJedi said:

dJJ said:

I disagree.

How can you defend yourself against someone you love and trust because they made you believe it was a save thing to do. And than you find out it was a scam, just for money and ego. Sorry, but when someone preys on you, telling you they love you, and you love them, that is not allowing them.

What is there to do? Not to trust anybody anymore in your life? In order to defend yourself and 'not allow anybody to destroy me?'

And forgiveness is about telling the other that it's allright. Why should you tell another that what they did was okay, so you relieve their guilt? I would feel like I woul loose the last bit of self respect I have, when I would tell the persons in my life, who knew that what they did was wrong, that they don't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Not that they do, people without a conscience are the only ones who can act like that. And they don't feel true remorse. Neither true shame. They just feel bad for themselves that they got caught and now have a bad reputations. They don't really care about the other person. That's just drama to make you belief that they care.

I think that Mach's comment is more aimed at addressing the fact that if someone's actions lead to utter devastation to you emotionally, financially, or whatever...you are partly to blame because perhaps you surrendered too much control over YOU. Plenty of people get wronged and just shrug and move on. They maintained control.

:shug: At least that's MY take on it.

As for forgiveness...it doesn't mean saying "what you did is alright"...but rather, "I'm no longer bitter/angry/despondent over what you did".

No?

Very wise and helpful words.

Thank you

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you? Basically means you're kinda weak but you mean well.

Do you forgive easily? NO

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner? A cheating partner? Yes. A cheating spouse? No.

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)? HELL NOT NO HOW EVA EVA!!!!

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life? HELL NOT NO HOW NEVA EVA EVA!

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"? YEAH...MURDER, RAPE/MOLESTATION, WIPING OUT YOUR JOINT FINANCES, RUINING YOUR STANDING IN YOUR COMMUNITY, CHEATING ON YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOUR HEALTH HAS BECOME COMPROMISED AND STEALING SOMETHING VALUABLE!

I forgive orgers for being nuts!

dJJ said:

PurpleJedi said:

I think that Mach's comment is more aimed at addressing the fact that if someone's actions lead to utter devastation to you emotionally, financially, or whatever...you are partly to blame because perhaps you surrendered too much control over YOU. Plenty of people get wronged and just shrug and move on. They maintained control.

:shug: At least that's MY take on it.

As for forgiveness...it doesn't mean saying "what you did is alright"...but rather, "I'm no longer bitter/angry/despondent over what you did".

No?

Very wise and helpful words.

Thank you

HotGritz said:

PurpleJedi said:

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner? A cheating partner? Yes. A cheating spouse? No.

Care to elaborate?

I'll tell you what I think about your comment...

...a cheating partner means what it means; you're with someone without a formal commitment and he/she strayed.

Meanwhile a cheating spouse made that formal commitment to be with you "Til death do us part" and all that bullsht, so the betrayal is more unforgiveable.

Do I have that right?

YET...I'd like to point out that after 10, 15, 20 years of being with that person, it's harder to just say "See Ya!" than it is with someone whom you've only shared a few months or a few years with. (Typically after a few years, most people make the formal commitment). Then you have kids and a home and all that crap and saying "See Ya!" pretty much fucks up everyone's lives. Of course, after more than a decade of being together, the betrayal hurts WORSE than if you'd ben together only a few months...so forgiving may be a complicated process.

PurpleJedi said:

HotGritz said:

Care to elaborate?

I'll tell you what I think about your comment...

...a cheating partner means what it means; you're with someone without a formal commitment and he/she strayed.

Meanwhile a cheating spouse made that formal commitment to be with you "Til death do us part" and all that bullsht, so the betrayal is more unforgiveable.

Do I have that right? Indeed you do!

YET...I'd like to point out that after 10, 15, 20 years of being with that person, it's harder to just say "See Ya!" than it is with someone whom you've only shared a few months or a few years with.

A 10, 15, 20 year relationships is IMO a committment. A couple years or less of playing house is not a committment IMO and therefore if the other person steps out on you...you've got no real grounds to feel like your forgiveness needs to be asked for or earned because you never had a real committment and never invested any real time into the relationship. ( i already know some orgers will cry foul but too fuckin' bad)

(Typically after a few years, most people make the formal commitment). Then you have kids and a home and all that crap and saying "See Ya!" pretty much fucks up everyone's lives. Of course, after more than a decade of being together, the betrayal hurts WORSE than if you'd ben together only a few months...so forgiving may be a complicated process.

BOOM! And there you have it!

HotGritz said:

PurpleJedi said:

Care to elaborate?

I'll tell you what I think about your comment...

...a cheating partner means what it means; you're with someone without a formal commitment and he/she strayed.

Meanwhile a cheating spouse made that formal commitment to be with you "Til death do us part" and all that bullsht, so the betrayal is more unforgiveable.

Do I have that right? Indeed you do!

YET...I'd like to point out that after 10, 15, 20 years of being with that person, it's harder to just say "See Ya!" than it is with someone whom you've only shared a few months or a few years with.

A 10, 15, 20 year relationships is IMO a committment. A couple years or less of playing house is not a committment IMO and therefore if the other person steps out on you...you've got no real grounds to feel like your forgiveness needs to be asked for or earned because you never had a real committment and never invested any real time into the relationship. ( i already know some orgers will cry foul but too fuckin' bad)

(Typically after a few years, most people make the formal commitment). Then you have kids and a home and all that crap and saying "See Ya!" pretty much fucks up everyone's lives. Of course, after more than a decade of being together, the betrayal hurts WORSE than if you'd ben together only a few months...so forgiving may be a complicated process.

BOOM! And there you have it!

Do you forgive easily? Usually, but it may take time.

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner? I have done so in the past.

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)? Well, it didn't destroy my life but what my friend did was very detrimental to my employment. I did end up forgiving her, but I don't trust her as far as I can see her.

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life? Depends on why and how.

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"? Yes, child molestation/torture

i have been forgiven for some of the

most reprihensible acts one can commit

in life.

so i get to be foriving to myself and others.

there is no limit to whut i will forgive. and

i am bein forgiven on a daily bassis, because

i still act out from time to time.

i find that being able to forgive me, makes me

able to forgive others.

KingBAD said:

i have been forgiven for some of the

most reprihensible acts one can commit

in life.

so i get to be foriving to myself and others.

there is no limit to whut i will forgive. and

i am bein forgiven on a daily bassis, because

i still act out from time to time.

i find that being able to forgive me, makes me

able to forgive others.

So what are you doing out of jail?

HotGritz said:

KingBAD said:

i have been forgiven for some of the

most reprihensible acts one can commit

in life.

so i get to be foriving to myself and others.

there is no limit to whut i will forgive. and

i am bein forgiven on a daily bassis, because

i still act out from time to time.

i find that being able to forgive me, makes me

able to forgive others.

So what are you doing out of jail?

KingBAD said:

HotGritz said:

So what are you doing out of jail?

my name is not whut it is for no reason.

AND big ole *side-eye* wit 3 coats of mascara

HotGritz said:

KingBAD said:

my name is not whut it is for no reason.

AND big ole *side-eye* wit 3 coats of mascara

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

No to all these questions except the last one.

PurpleJedi said:

What does FORGIVENESS mean to you?

Do you forgive easily? No.

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner? No.

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)? No.

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life? Absolutely not.

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"? Yep.

PurpleJedi said:

dJJ said:

I disagree.

How can you defend yourself against someone you love and trust because they made you believe it was a save thing to do. And than you find out it was a scam, just for money and ego. Sorry, but when someone preys on you, telling you they love you, and you love them, that is not allowing them.

What is there to do? Not to trust anybody anymore in your life? In order to defend yourself and 'not allow anybody to destroy me?'

And forgiveness is about telling the other that it's allright. Why should you tell another that what they did was okay, so you relieve their guilt? I would feel like I woul loose the last bit of self respect I have, when I would tell the persons in my life, who knew that what they did was wrong, that they don't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Not that they do, people without a conscience are the only ones who can act like that. And they don't feel true remorse. Neither true shame. They just feel bad for themselves that they got caught and now have a bad reputations. They don't really care about the other person. That's just drama to make you belief that they care.

I think that Mach's comment is more aimed at addressing the fact that if someone's actions lead to utter devastation to you emotionally, financially, or whatever...you are partly to blame because perhaps you surrendered too much control over YOU. Plenty of people get wronged and just shrug and move on. They maintained control.

:shug: At least that's MY take on it.

As for forgiveness...it doesn't mean saying "what you did is alright"...but rather, "I'm no longer bitter/angry/despondent over what you did".

No?

Machaela said:

PurpleJedi said:

I think that Mach's comment is more aimed at addressing the fact that if someone's actions lead to utter devastation to you emotionally, financially, or whatever...you are partly to blame because perhaps you surrendered too much control over YOU. Plenty of people get wronged and just shrug and move on. They maintained control.

:shug: At least that's MY take on it.

As for forgiveness...it doesn't mean saying "what you did is alright"...but rather, "I'm no longer bitter/angry/despondent over what you did".

No?

In that case, for me it's more like: fuck you and I'll never have anything else to do with you. I used to hold on to bitterness til it made me sick but I say "fuck you" and keep it movin'.

PurpleJedi said:

Do you forgive easily?

Would you forgive a cheating spouse/partner?

Would you forgive someone who destroyed your life (financially, emotionally, whatever)?

Would you forgive someone who took a loved one's life?

Are there things that you consider absolutely & unequivocally "unforgiveable"?

No

Maybe, but I'd never want to see them again.

No

Hell no.

Yes, any violent crime.