Wth do I do? Get a life? I already got one, lol. How do I make it stop??

check out this thread, you are not alone! lol

http://prince.org/msg/100/358207

start a group for us

We should start a new site for recovering org addicts.

PurpleJedi said:

We should start a new site for recovering org addicts.

It's called Facebook

thekidsgirl said:

PurpleJedi said:

We should start a new site for recovering org addicts.

It's called Facebook

I'm an org addict lol, its crazy I remember when I got hooked, it was far before I even registered lol

thekidsgirl said:

PurpleJedi said:

We should start a new site for recovering org addicts.

It's called Facebook

...that's another addiction altogether!

Hello Iamfunkey7

Let's start with step 1

In 12 weeks we maybe only log on once a week

I could be socializing with friends IRL.

Somehow, I choose to be here. I just have social issues I guess.

So, why are you guys spending your time here?

Why is it so addictive?

My life lacks adventure and all I do is play music and go to college, and all the other stuff. Other than that I rarely go out with friends anymore because we don't do the same things. I don't date, I just sit here and chill... So... I spend my time on here

PurpleJedi said:

thekidsgirl said:

It's called Facebook

...that's another addiction altogether!

I can't get into facebook as much

dJJ said:

I could be socializing with friends IRL.

Somehow, I choose to be here. I just have social issues I guess.

So, why are you guys spending your time here?

Why is it so addictive?

During the day I'm supposed to be working, so my computer is on and temptation is a keystroke away, and during the evening I'm usually stuck at home with the kids while my rock star husband is out there rockin

dJJ said:

I just read about a Anna Terruwe, a Dutch Psychiatrist, who theorized in 1950 that angst and anxiety stems emotional deprivation (in stead of the then dominant idea of surpressing sexual desires causing anxiety)

According to her emotional deprivation theory, there are different modes of resolving (Adler became famous for this subject). In short:

There almost allways has been some sort of emotional deprivation in childhood. When a child didn't get recognized in their existance, they don't develop an self image of being worthy. They resolve that by seeking outside validation for existence. Thus validating your own existing by means of being needed by other people.

A person elicits validation of others by:

- shouting real loud that they are more special than others. Validate your existence by rising above others. The compliments of others affirms your existence.

- Putting others down and degrade them. That will validate you, because in that way the other is pulled down to your own (perceived) level. The respect of others affirms your existence. Even if the respect stems from fear and hate.

(think crabs in a basket and the thread about Boston girls bullying other girl, leading to suicide)

However, there are also people who don't even try to affirm their existence, because the internalized that they are not worthy of it.

So they don't want to act in public, because they expect rejection. Thus no validation, however a denial of their existence. They don't act overtly and withdraw socially. If the do something, they feel a strong need for validation of their acts/ deeds, because of the low self esteem.

This is called frustration neuroses (or low frustation tolerance).

I recognized myself in the withdrawing person. I'm lucky to have parents who realized what happened and recognized their neglect as parents. Now we have a healthy intimate bond. It dit help me in my personal growth. My self esteem is getting better.

And it helps that I got out of a marriage where my partner bullied me, and I allowed him for almost 4 years. However, I do spend an awfull lot of time here on the org. And the time spend here, I'm socially withdrawing IRL.

Does anybody recognize one of these defense mechanisms?

I recognize that my wife's lack of childhood attention (as in, her older, thinner, prettier sister got all of it) may have to do with the way that she "acts out" sometimes...much in the way that you noted above (the bolded part). She has many demons to work through.

^ Well, it's not intended as a black and white theory, people have a dominant tendency, however do vary between the three different modes. I recognize all three modes of behavior. I never yelled hard in volume, however I use a lot of words and do tend to tell other how they should behave. That's also part of the first two.

I also shy away, that's what I do at the moment.

what about yourself? I mean, I understand that you'r angry with your wife and feel like analyzing her. However, is there already some space to look in the mirror and analyze your own behavior?

It's something to be careful of, i used to visit the chatroom back in 97 and got pretty addicted to it and had major withdrawl symptoms when I went on holiday where there was no internet access, so now i'm careful not to do that, i try not to spend too much time online. Also, at that time the internet cost money (paid per minute) so it ended up costing me a bit.

The other thing to bear in mind is that you often project attributes to people you chat to in the absence of their appearance and voice, this can make you think the person is amazing or your saviour.

It's one of those dangers where you only realise the addiction when you have to go cold turkey, like being away from the net, so its probablt best to test youself now by staying away for a few days and see how you manage.

[Edited 5/6/11 10:33am]

dJJ said:

^ Well, it's not intended as a black and white theory, people have a dominant tendency, however do vary between the three different modes. I recognize all three modes of behavior. I never yelled hard in volume, however I use a lot of words and do tend to tell other how they should behave. That's also part of the first two.

I also shy away, that's what I do at the moment.

what about yourself? I mean, I understand that you'r angry with your wife and feel like analyzing her. However, is there already some space to look in the mirror and analyze your own behavior?

Absolutely. My therapist has been great.

My passive/timid character is a fault for many of our issues. My tendancy to procrastinate and sweep things under the rug rather than meet them head-on is another.

I am acknowledging things about myself that I need to improve, and looking forward to changing for the better.

People do change, as change is a part of life, but IMO we have an obligation as mature, civilized human beings to make sure that we change for the BETTER and not the worse. That's where my conflict lies. To accept change that leads to questionable, immoral and even illegal behavior? ...not a positive change and not worth it, regardless of how "good" it makes you feel.

TheFreakerFantastic said:

It's something to be careful of, i used to visit the chatroom back in 97 and got pretty addicted to it and had major withdrawl symptoms when I went on holiday where there was no internet access, so now i'm careful not to do that, i try not to spend too much time online. Also, at that time the internet cost money (paid per minute) so it ended up costing me a bit.

The other thing to bear in mind is that you often project attributes to people you chat to in the absence of their appearance and voice, this can make you think the person is amazing or your saviour.

It's one of those dangers where you only realise the addiction when you have to go cold turkey, like being away from the net, so its probablt best to test youself now by staying away for a few days and see how you manage.

[Edited 5/6/11 10:33am]

I'm already in addiction area. Have withdrawal symptoms. Don't manage abstinance.

Worked on my "love and relationship addiction", "nicotine addiction", "t.v. addiction", "work addiction". Actually I'm proud of myself that I'm not trying to get recognized by unrelentless ambitions and while at that, in the evenings I was that smoking, couch potatoe watching tv, obsessed with partners behaviour.

However, in the meanwhile I developed this "org addiction". So, I have found a new strategy for avoiding to deal with my own life.

I'm not ready for cold turkey. Next week very stressful.

However, I think I can decrease over the next three weeks. and set my date for cold turkey.

P his birthday is a good date. From then on, I will withdraw for a few months.

So everybody who is irritated with my presence here, please do remind me of my org addiction when I do turn up. It is very kind of you to help me stay out if this place for a while, my abstinance starts the 8th June. So, for some that means a double party

As for what you posted, I recognize that within myself. I am a very withdrawn person and I always wondered was it because I was different, I don't mean to be closed off. Don't want to go into my childhood, but I believe that this makes perfect since. I am 22 yet I act 50 lol, my mom calls me old lady because I don't really act like the people my age. I often keep myself in the house or go out to eat by myself. I always take myself to the movies, but I don't really like going out with people. When I do hang out with people, I get tired of them very fast lol. I can be very social when I want to be.. but I haven't done it in a while.

However, when I come on here I feel more mellow when socializing. It's a web thang lol..

[Edited 5/6/11 12:40pm]

The trouble is internet addiction shuts off your real friends and family and so you increasingly turn more and more to it as a support mechanism when really it is only a virtual mechanism, its just pixels on a screen.

A book I would recommend for those on a spiritual journey would be The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck, it makes some interesting psychological insights to life, love and relationships and makes a lot of sense.

PurpleJedi said:

dJJ said:

what about yourself? I mean, I understand that you'r angry with your wife and feel like analyzing her. However, is there already some space to look in the mirror and analyze your own behavior?

Absolutely. My therapist has been great.

My passive/timid character is a fault for many of our issues. My tendancy to procrastinate and sweep things under the rug rather than meet them head-on is another.

I am acknowledging things about myself that I need to improve, and looking forward to changing for the better.

People do change, as change is a part of life, but IMO we have an obligation as mature, civilized human beings to make sure that we change for the BETTER and not the worse. That's where my conflict lies. To accept change that leads to questionable, immoral and even illegal behavior? ...not a positive change and not worth it, regardless of how "good" it makes you feel.

I'm with you on that. I'm an avoider too. It's great to hear that you are so positive and working hard on improving your life and learning from all that has happened. I found it hard at times to confront myself and admit to myself that I inflicted so many things on myself. And still do.

I also know, that I needed all that, because I needed these lessons. If I already had known it, it would not have routed the way it did. Some wise statements of my friends I would love to share, because during the rockiest times, I hold on to those statements, trusting that things would improve when I would just continue the right path.

1st: There is always at least one lesson to learn. You just have to go through it all, and in time you will realize what you needed to learn.

(I think by now I realize some things I had to learn, however I just know that there is more I need to learn. For two years, during the darkest times, I would rely on her words and say to myself, just wait, I will learn later why did is happening to me. That one advise has been a great support for me.

2nd: If you have a black spot, you are stubborn and you don't improve your skills, then life will has it's own way of supporting you with that.

First you will get a litlle pebble thrown at you. However, if you don't get the message.

You will get a boulder in your face. When you didn't get the warning,

A stone will hit you. Then, if you didn't get the lesson,

You will get a brick thrown at you. When you still don't understand what you had to learn,

You will get a big rock falling on your head. Hopefully you will learn your lesson. Because life will support you till the end throwing bigger stones and rocks at you if you stubbornly or ignorantly don't learn the lesson.

When I felt sorry for myself or obsessed with hatred, I think about that, so true warning. And I know, I better get up on my feet and start to open my mind for the lessons I have to learn. Because, I really don't want another rock to hit my head

dJJ said:

Thank you.

It became an addiction though. Currently I don't have the discipline to control it. So, I just have to be strickt with myself. I do hope to get some help from all of you. Maybe I should request a temporary ban status

TheFreakerFantastic said:

It's something to be careful of, i used to visit the chatroom back in 97 and got pretty addicted to it and had major withdrawl symptoms when I went on holiday where there was no internet access, so now i'm careful not to do that, i try not to spend too much time online. Also, at that time the internet cost money (paid per minute) so it ended up costing me a bit.

The other thing to bear in mind is that you often project attributes to people you chat to in the absence of their appearance and voice, this can make you think the person is amazing or your saviour.

It's one of those dangers where you only realise the addiction when you have to go cold turkey, like being away from the net, so its probablt best to test youself now by staying away for a few days and see how you manage.

[Edited 5/6/11 10:33am]

Thank you for that story. Made me feel not alone and understood.

Because I would can't tell anybody IRL about my org addiction. My neighbours know, and make fun of it, so they take care of me and their jokes warn me that I should try to control it, eventhough they know I do get a lot of support and distraction that I need at the moment.

dJJ said:

TheFreakerFantastic said:

It's something to be careful of, i used to visit the chatroom back in 97 and got pretty addicted to it and had major withdrawl symptoms when I went on holiday where there was no internet access, so now i'm careful not to do that, i try not to spend too much time online. Also, at that time the internet cost money (paid per minute) so it ended up costing me a bit.

The other thing to bear in mind is that you often project attributes to people you chat to in the absence of their appearance and voice, this can make you think the person is amazing or your saviour.

It's one of those dangers where you only realise the addiction when you have to go cold turkey, like being away from the net, so its probablt best to test youself now by staying away for a few days and see how you manage.

[Edited 5/6/11 10:33am]

Thank you for that story. Made me feel not alone and understood.

Because I would can't tell anybody IRL about my org addiction. My neighbours know, and make fun of it, so they take care of me and their jokes warn me that I should try to control it, eventhough they know I do get a lot of support and distraction that I need at the moment.

That's ok - you aren't alone, many people on here are addicts, you only have to see that post the other day where people were comparing how much tiime they'd spent on here.

I think the fact you know its an issue is the first step to changing things, so try to wean yourself off and develop friendships IRL, failing that make yourself go out to things and you can meet people that way. Weaning yourself off now is easier than cold turkey later which is painful.

TheFreakerFantastic said:

dJJ said:

Thank you for that story. Made me feel not alone and understood.

Because I would can't tell anybody IRL about my org addiction. My neighbours know, and make fun of it, so they take care of me and their jokes warn me that I should try to control it, eventhough they know I do get a lot of support and distraction that I need at the moment.

That's ok - you aren't alone, many people on here are addicts, you only have to see that post the other day where people were comparing how much tiime they'd spent on here.

I think the fact you know its an issue is the first step to changing things, so try to wean yourself off and develop friendships IRL, failing that make yourself go out to things and you can meet people that way. Weaning yourself off now is easier than cold turkey later which is painful.

I actually have a fair amount of friends. I have neglected and avoided them a lot. And hid myself at the org.

So, the issue is not about not being able to build relationships and become friends. The opposite is true. I feel overwhelmed and always guilty for not spending enough time and attention to my friends. And I should, because I don't give them the attention they deserve.

I'm actually very happy that I lost some friends last year. I do miss them. However, I find it sort of hard to handle. I like to be on my own and do my own thing. When I go out, you can find me alone in a corner, dancing to the music. Sometimes I joke around with the people around me.

That oftentimes gets confused for flirting. And that easily leads to drama.

Girl thinks I'm after her boyfriend and starts drama with him or to me (no, we are just harmless joking together, no worries).

Boy thinks I'm interested in more than just dancing and laughing (recently I found out that telling them I'm gay is the best and harmless way of declining)

Well, thank you, because by writing this I realize what I'm avoiding and finding a solution for feeling fenced by people around me.

DJJ...its ok, i see on other posts you are going through a divorce so its OK to go on here as its probably a form of relaxation for now. At times of upheaval for me i've spent more time on here as a distraction, so for now its probably ok but once the case is settled try to wean yourself off and maybe have a rule that if a friend asks you out you have to say Yes even if you don't feel like it. Its not always easy but I think gaining more IRL will help, in my experience friends definately help when these things are tricky.

thekidsgirl said:

PurpleJedi said:

We should start a new site for recovering org addicts.

It's called Facebook