I have a lot of problems with Star Jones.

But let's not go into that here. What this thread is all about is me helping you (yes, I'm awesome like that ).

If you have seen the current round of The Celebrity Apprentice, you will know one thing: In the face of the most godawful, vicious, merciless, relentless, motherfucking tsunami-like, verbal smackdown you could lay upon this woman, Star Jones could not only maintain her composure, she would probably have enough composure left over to take a quick nap, get her hair done and then whip up a composure omelette for breakfast the next day.

What I'm trying to say here, is that the woman knows how to stay composed, alright? Anyhoo...here's where you come in:

The next time someone gets "all up in your George Foreman Grill" (or whatever the kids say, nowadays), take a deep breath and...DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Good things cannot transpire until everyone calms down and cooler heads prevail. And also remember: Recrimination never accomplishes anything, folks.

Obama is also a master at equanimity and, until recently, he was my role-model in that regard. But move over, Barry! There's a new sheriff in town and she's had a gastric bypass!

All hail Star and may the Schwartz be with you.

Make no mistake: This is a superpower.

is it? there are passive people everywhere.

whistle said:

is it? there are passive people everywhere.

But wouldn't you say that she's equanimous, rather than passive? And I've encountered precious few people who possess that quality, unfortunately.

Trump kept saying that Star was "really scared," while I did not get that impression at all. I thought she handled herself with poise and dignity while that mongoose Nene was verbally attacking her. And indeed her, "I don't do threats." was an appropriate response to that tirade. And I think she is playing the game masterfully. Nene's stupid ass doesn't seem to understand that. What's the mantra of the corporate world? It's not personal, it's just business. While Star might not be the most trustworthy person as far as backstabbing, that's how the business world works. If you want to be very successful, sooner or later you're going to have to step on some toes and leapfrog over a few bodies.

Ace said:

Make no mistake: This is a superpower.

I know your thread is making light of this topic, but seriously Ace -

this is a goal of mine.

I've tried to find resources on how to train yourself to not react

emotionally to situations. I haven't been very successful, though.

How do you google "unemotional reactions" or "how to look calm when

someone says something crazy to you?"

I would love to control my natural facial reactions. I tend to wear my response on my face:

I think it can be very valuable professionally to learn how to control yourself.

Teach me more!!!

(I actually think Genesia and other actors might have some insight to this skill, too.)

Shyra said:

Trump kept saying that Star was "really scared," while I did not get that impression at all. I thought she handled herself with poise and dignity while that mongoose Nene was verbally attacking her. And indeed her, "I don't do threats." was an appropriate response to that tirade. And I think she is playing the game masterfully.

While Star might not be the most trustworthy person as far as backstabbing, that's how the business world works.

Here, I'd disagree. While there's no doubt the biz world can be vicious, I don't believe you have to conduct yourself in that way to be successful.

CallMeCarrie said:

I know your thread is making light of this topic, but seriously Ace -

this is a goal of mine.

Not at all. It's been a goal of mine, too. And every day (which I've heard told is a winding road), I get a little bit closer.

I know because of the wedding sponsor debacle on the View alot of people came to hate Star, but I have to say, seeing her on the Apprentice...this woman is a badass, for real.

Shyra said:

While Star might not be the most trustworthy person as far as backstabbing, that's how the business world works. If you want to be very successful, sooner or later you're going to have to step on some toes and leapfrog over a few bodies.

True. The business world is cold-hearted, cruel and not for the soft. At times, you have to be cruel.

Ace said:

CallMeCarrie said:

I know your thread is making light of this topic, but seriously Ace -

this is a goal of mine.

Not at all. It's been a goal of mine, too. And every day (which I've heard told is a winding road), I get a little bit closer.

How are you practicing??

CallMeCarrie said:

Ace said:

Not at all. It's been a goal of mine, too. And every day (which I've heard told is a winding road), I get a little bit closer.

How are you practicing??

Therapy's been a big help. When someone tries to throw down, NeNe-style, with me, I just let 'em sputter. When they're done, I say that I'd be glad to discuss it with them later. If possible, I put it off 'til the next day ("sleep on it" and all).

I also don't take shit personally, anymore. I just look at the absurdity of life and laugh it all off.

I imagine it is very difficult to keep ones composure when someone like Nene accosts you and threatens by invading your personal space. She is the antithesis of her so-called charity near and dear to her heart and a STRAIGHT UP UNMITIGATED BULLY. Anti domestic violence my ass. The bitch begs for an ass-kicking. One day she's going to spring that mess on someone who doesn't give a rat's ass and they're gonna clock her dead in her face. I just hope they tape it and put up on You-Tube. I don't EVER allow anyone to approach me like that. As soon as I hear, "Let me tell you..." I respond, "NO! You ARE NOT going to tell me a gotdamned thang because I am not listening. END OF DISCUSSION until you can approach me like you have some decent, common sense."

I hear what you are saying and I agree that Star handled THAT situation perfectly as did Latoya when she was attacked by NeNe- BUT Star is "passive aggressive"- and to me that should be measured the same way you would measure someone verbally aggressive- like NeNe.

I would not want you to behave like Star- you obviously have not been watching her closely- in fact she uses various forms of aggression to get her way- do you remember what she said to Lisa Rinna- how she treated her? Just watch her show profile.....

http://www.nbc.com/the-ap...s/1302598/

Evvy said:

I hear what you are saying and I agree that Star handled THAT situation perfectly as did Latoya when she was attacked by NeNe- BUT Star is "passive aggressive"- and to me that should be measured the same way you would measure someone verbally aggressive- like NeNe.

I would not want you to behave like Star- you obviously have not been watching her closely- in fact she uses various forms of aggression to get her way- do you remember what she said to Lisa Rinna- how she treated her? Just watch her show profile.....

http://www.nbc.com/the-ap...s/1302598/

Star seems like one of those stuck up, black, " I'm better than you because you're from the ghetto" type people. Did you hear what she said after NeNe went off....."I'm going to show people how educated black women handle this...." Something to that effect. I was like Bitch please. Star seems like one of those people who " throw a rock and then hide their hand." She knows just what buttons to push. I work with a chick like that....totally non-confrontational but she'll do shit or leave notes around that will have me ready to kick her ass. I'm one of the most mellow people in the world but this chick will do shit until you just can't take anymore and you have to tell her off. Then when you tell her off, you look like the crazy one.

Shyra said:

I imagine it is very difficult to keep ones composure when someone like Nene accosts you and threatens by invading your personal space. She is the antithesis of her so-called charity near and dear to her heart and a STRAIGHT UP UNMITIGATED BULLY. Anti domestic violence my ass. The bitch begs for an ass-kicking. One day she's going to spring that mess on someone who doesn't give a rat's ass and they're gonna clock her dead in her face. I just hope they tape it and put up on You-Tube. I don't EVER allow anyone to approach me like that. As soon as I hear, "Let me tell you..." I respond, "NO! You ARE NOT going to tell me a gotdamned thang because I am not listening. END OF DISCUSSION until you can approach me like you have some decent, common sense."

PREACH THAT SHIT!

I just say "do yourself a favor and keep walking..."

Ace said:

I have a lot of problems with Star Jones.

But let's not go into that here. What this thread is all about is me helping you (yes, I'm awesome like that ).

If you have seen the current round of The Celebrity Apprentice, you will know one thing: In the face of the most godawful, vicious, merciless, relentless, motherfucking tsunami-like, verbal smackdown you could lay upon this woman, Star Jones could not only maintain her composure, she would probably have enough composure left over to take a quick nap, get her hair done and then whip up a composure omelette for breakfast the next day.

What I'm trying to say here, is that the woman knows how to stay composed, alright? Anyhoo...here's where you come in:

The next time someone gets "all up in your George Foreman Grill" (or whatever the kids say, nowadays), take a deep breath and...DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Good things cannot transpire until everyone calms down and cooler heads prevail. And also remember: Recrimination never accomplishes anything, folks.

Obama is also a master at equanimity and, until recently, he was my role-model in that regard. But move over, Barry! There's a new sheriff in town and she's had a gastric bypass!

All hail Star and may the Schwartz be with you.

I am in tears.

To the topic at hand... when you are used to being around screaming seagulls ... you learn how to handle them. Nene is just a big noisy bird.

I do love it when a women handles her business this way.... its called being a "quiet storm". It's done in a classy way, then when the moment is right, all you have to do is quietly speak the truth. See, when you know you are right, you don't have to make a bunch of noise. Name call or anything of the sort... you just wait until the gulls stop squawking and just plainly speak the truth, and the truth usually shreds the gulls to pieces.

illimack said:

Evvy said:

I hear what you are saying and I agree that Star handled THAT situation perfectly as did Latoya when she was attacked by NeNe- BUT Star is "passive aggressive"- and to me that should be measured the same way you would measure someone verbally aggressive- like NeNe.

I would not want you to behave like Star- you obviously have not been watching her closely- in fact she uses various forms of aggression to get her way- do you remember what she said to Lisa Rinna- how she treated her? Just watch her show profile.....

http://www.nbc.com/the-ap...s/1302598/

Star seems like one of those stuck up, black, " I'm better than you because you're from the ghetto" type people. Did you hear what she said after NeNe went off....."I'm going to show people how educated black women handle this...." Something to that effect. I was like Bitch please. Star seems like one of those people who " throw a rock and then hide their hand." She knows just what buttons to push. I work with a chick like that....totally non-confrontational but she'll do shit or leave notes around that will have me ready to kick her ass. I'm one of the most mellow people in the world but this chick will do shit until you just can't take anymore and you have to tell her off. Then when you tell her off, you look like the crazy one.

Yeah, I caught that, too; however, do you really think this type of confrontation would have gone on between two "corporate black women" in a public place? Think about it. If this type of shenanigan had happened in the real world, what do you want to bet that the Nene character would not have been escorted to the door by security? Her big ass would have been booted out so fast, the weave would fly off her head. BUT, if two black professional women are behind closed doors, you might see some hair flying and teeth-gnashing. Just depends on how "they roll."

Shyra said:

illimack said:

Star seems like one of those stuck up, black, " I'm better than you because you're from the ghetto" type people. Did you hear what she said after NeNe went off....."I'm going to show people how educated black women handle this...." Something to that effect. I was like Bitch please. Star seems like one of those people who " throw a rock and then hide their hand." She knows just what buttons to push. I work with a chick like that....totally non-confrontational but she'll do shit or leave notes around that will have me ready to kick her ass. I'm one of the most mellow people in the world but this chick will do shit until you just can't take anymore and you have to tell her off. Then when you tell her off, you look like the crazy one.

Yeah, I caught that, too; however, do you really think this type of confrontation would have gone on between two "corporate black women" in a public place? Think about it. If this type of shenanigan had happened in the real world, what do you want to bet that the Nene character would not have been escorted to the door by security? Her big ass would have been booted out so fast, the weave would fly off her head. BUT, if two black professional women are behind closed doors, you might see some hair flying and teeth-gnashing. Just depends on how "they roll."

I really doubt that NeNe would have done that if the cameras weren't rolling. But then again, I don't even know who the hell she is so she might. I just don't like how Star equates telling someone off to their face as "uneducated." That has nothing to do with it. People like Star will keep playing mind games and acting all innocent until someone confronts them. NeNe could have confronted her in a different way, but she needed to get in her face. I'm telling you, I work wtih the white version of Star....very smart but not as smart as she thinks she is, very bossy, and does stuff intentionally to piss you off. The men around here are scared to confront which is probably part of the problem. She's been told off twice to her face by myself and another female officer. Guess who she leaves alone now? Once you confront a person like that, they back down.

illimack said:

Evvy said:

I hear what you are saying and I agree that Star handled THAT situation perfectly as did Latoya when she was attacked by NeNe- BUT Star is "passive aggressive"- and to me that should be measured the same way you would measure someone verbally aggressive- like NeNe.

I would not want you to behave like Star- you obviously have not been watching her closely- in fact she uses various forms of aggression to get her way- do you remember what she said to Lisa Rinna- how she treated her? Just watch her show profile.....

http://www.nbc.com/the-ap...s/1302598/

Star seems like one of those stuck up, black, " I'm better than you because you're from the ghetto" type people. Did you hear what she said after NeNe went off....."I'm going to show people how educated black women handle this...." Something to that effect. I was like Bitch please. Star seems like one of those people who " throw a rock and then hide their hand." She knows just what buttons to push. I work with a chick like that....totally non-confrontational but she'll do shit or leave notes around that will have me ready to kick her ass. I'm one of the most mellow people in the world but this chick will do shit until you just can't take anymore and you have to tell her off. Then when you tell her off, you look like the crazy one.

I don't think Starr will get in anybody's face after heart surgery. Remember she can not let herself get too steamed or she might keel over. Ol' girl ain't what she used to be.

She has reason for taking a higher road... she is savvy and knows how to use what she has to its fullest advantage. She is playing the game and making Nene purposefully look bad to set her up for the fall. I don't see Starr as stuck up at all.... just calculating. I think she really like Nene otherwise.

paintedlady said:

illimack said:

Star seems like one of those stuck up, black, " I'm better than you because you're from the ghetto" type people. Did you hear what she said after NeNe went off....."I'm going to show people how educated black women handle this...." Something to that effect. I was like Bitch please. Star seems like one of those people who " throw a rock and then hide their hand." She knows just what buttons to push. I work with a chick like that....totally non-confrontational but she'll do shit or leave notes around that will have me ready to kick her ass. I'm one of the most mellow people in the world but this chick will do shit until you just can't take anymore and you have to tell her off. Then when you tell her off, you look like the crazy one.

I don't think Starr will get in anybody's face after heart surgery. Remember she can not let herself get too steamed or she might keel over. Ol' girl ain't what she used to be.

She has reason for taking a higher road... she is savvy and knows how to use what she has to its fullest advantage. She is playing the game and making Nene purposefully look bad to set her up for the fall. I don't see Starr as stuck up at all.... just calculating. I think she really like Nene otherwise.

I can't see Star EVER getting in anyone's face.....she seems the type to think that sort of thing is undignified. You can tell a person off and still be dignigied....trust me...because of my job,I've become a pro at it. NeNe should have had more composure, but she still needed to get in Star's face. And I loved how Star tried to run and hide and walk away and NeNe went and stood right next to her.

Perhaps it's because I work with a Star Jones type chick that I'm on NeNe's side here. I understand being pushed to a point that you have to tell someone the hell off!!!

illimack said:

paintedlady said:

I don't think Starr will get in anybody's face after heart surgery. Remember she can not let herself get too steamed or she might keel over. Ol' girl ain't what she used to be.

She has reason for taking a higher road... she is savvy and knows how to use what she has to its fullest advantage. She is playing the game and making Nene purposefully look bad to set her up for the fall. I don't see Starr as stuck up at all.... just calculating. I think she really like Nene otherwise.

I can't see Star EVER getting in anyone's face.....she seems the type to think that sort of thing is undignified. You can tell a person off and still be dignigied....trust me...because of my job,I've become a pro at it. NeNe should have had more composure, but she still needed to get in Star's face. And I loved how Star tried to run and hide and walk away and NeNe went and stood right next to her.

Perhaps it's because I work with a Star Jones type chick that I'm on NeNe's side here. I understand being pushed to a point that you have to tell someone the hell off!!!

Agreed. I don't think you are biased, Nene usually does have good reason for being upset, but she doesn't handle herself well at all. So Nene just ends up making a fool of herself because she's a drama queen.

illimack said:

Shyra said:

Yeah, I caught that, too; however, do you really think this type of confrontation would have gone on between two "corporate black women" in a public place? Think about it. If this type of shenanigan had happened in the real world, what do you want to bet that the Nene character would not have been escorted to the door by security? Her big ass would have been booted out so fast, the weave would fly off her head. BUT, if two black professional women are behind closed doors, you might see some hair flying and teeth-gnashing. Just depends on how "they roll."

I really doubt that NeNe would have done that if the cameras weren't rolling. But then again, I don't even know who the hell she is so she might. I just don't like how Star equates telling someone off to their face as "uneducated." That has nothing to do with it. People like Star will keep playing mind games and acting all innocent until someone confronts them. NeNe could have confronted her in a different way, but she needed to get in her face. I'm telling you, I work wtih the white version of Star....very smart but not as smart as she thinks she is, very bossy, and does stuff intentionally to piss you off. The men around here are scared to confront which is probably part of the problem. She's been told off twice to her face by myself and another female officer. Guess who she leaves alone now? Once you confront a person like that, they back down.

True, but there is a way to "cuss someone out" without ever uttering a profane word. But I understand what you're saying. My mom lives in a retirement community where she comes in contact with rude people at times. She is rather timid and passive, which really pisses me off because she'll complain to me and be mad as a hatter. This one woman kept fucking with her and I told her, "Ma, the women is pulling your chain and will continue to do so until you cuss her ass out one good time. JUST ONCE! And I guarantee you she will leave you the hell alone." Next time they got into it, ma threatend to kick her ass!

Nene looks like a biter to me.....

Shyra said:

illimack said:

I really doubt that NeNe would have done that if the cameras weren't rolling. But then again, I don't even know who the hell she is so she might. I just don't like how Star equates telling someone off to their face as "uneducated." That has nothing to do with it. People like Star will keep playing mind games and acting all innocent until someone confronts them. NeNe could have confronted her in a different way, but she needed to get in her face. I'm telling you, I work wtih the white version of Star....very smart but not as smart as she thinks she is, very bossy, and does stuff intentionally to piss you off. The men around here are scared to confront which is probably part of the problem. She's been told off twice to her face by myself and another female officer. Guess who she leaves alone now? Once you confront a person like that, they back down.

True, but there is a way to "cuss someone out" without ever uttering a profane word. But I understand what you're saying. My mom lives in a retirement community where she comes in contact with rude people at times. She is rather timid and passive, which really pisses me off because she'll complain to me and be mad as a hatter. This one woman kept fucking with her and I told her, "Ma, the women is pulling your chain and will continue to do so until you cuss her ass out one good time. JUST ONCE! And I guarantee you she will leave you the hell alone." Next time they got into it, ma threatend to kick her ass!

But you can tell someone the hell off without cursing. That's what Nene needs to learn. Remember when Clair on the Cosby show used to go off on Elvin? She was totally dignigied but she would set him straight. Hell, Obama in his own way told Donald Trump the hell off at that roast. Totally clowned him in his face but kept his dignity. There are ways to do it, but I think that Neene keeps it in until she's at the breaking point and she lets it all loose. She needed to check Star's ass sooner.

illimack said:

Shyra said:

True, but there is a way to "cuss someone out" without ever uttering a profane word. But I understand what you're saying. My mom lives in a retirement community where she comes in contact with rude people at times. She is rather timid and passive, which really pisses me off because she'll complain to me and be mad as a hatter. This one woman kept fucking with her and I told her, "Ma, the women is pulling your chain and will continue to do so until you cuss her ass out one good time. JUST ONCE! And I guarantee you she will leave you the hell alone." Next time they got into it, ma threatend to kick her ass!

But you can tell someone the hell off without cursing. That's what Nene needs to learn. Remember when Clair on the Cosby show used to go off on Elvin? She was totally dignigied but she would set him straight. Hell, Obama in his own way told Donald Trump the hell off at that roast. Totally clowned him in his face but kept his dignity. There are ways to do it, but I think that Neene keeps it in until she's at the breaking point and she lets it all loose. She needed to check Star's ass sooner.

That was the EXACT episode I was thinking about! I remember when I saw that episode and thinking, "Now THAT'S how you cuss someone out with class and NO MERCY!" And the look on Elvin's face was, "Well, slap my ass and call me Sally!"

Shyra said:

illimack said:

But you can tell someone the hell off without cursing. That's what Nene needs to learn. Remember when Clair on the Cosby show used to go off on Elvin? She was totally dignigied but she would set him straight. Hell, Obama in his own way told Donald Trump the hell off at that roast. Totally clowned him in his face but kept his dignity. There are ways to do it, but I think that Neene keeps it in until she's at the breaking point and she lets it all loose. She needed to check Star's ass sooner.

That was the EXACT episode I was thinking about! I remember when I saw that episode and thinking, "Now THAT'S how you cuss someone out with class and NO MERCY!" And the look on Elvin's face was, "Well, slap my ass and call me Sally!"

Found it..........

http://www.youtube.com/wa...Yy1C7d0uLM

illimack said:

Shyra said:

True, but there is a way to "cuss someone out" without ever uttering a profane word. But I understand what you're saying. My mom lives in a retirement community where she comes in contact with rude people at times. She is rather timid and passive, which really pisses me off because she'll complain to me and be mad as a hatter. This one woman kept fucking with her and I told her, "Ma, the women is pulling your chain and will continue to do so until you cuss her ass out one good time. JUST ONCE! And I guarantee you she will leave you the hell alone." Next time they got into it, ma threatend to kick her ass!

But you can tell someone the hell off without cursing. That's what Nene needs to learn. Remember when Clair on the Cosby show used to go off on Elvin? She was totally dignigied but she would set him straight. Hell, Obama in his own way told Donald Trump the hell off at that roast. Totally clowned him in his face but kept his dignity. There are ways to do it, but I think that Neene keeps it in until she's at the breaking point and she lets it all loose. She needed to check Star's ass sooner.

Oh yes indeed you can.

God, this is a a goal of mine.

THere's one thing I'm very good at. I know how to get under sombeody's skin. If they get all up in my grill, it actually gives me perverse pleasure knowing they get pissed off.

Hell, even the moronic things said about me on some the recent threads (that I'm racist and hate women, etc.) made me burst out laughing. Desperation worn on the sleeves of those who try and attack me always makes me smile a bit.

I've had this conversation with PunkMistress before, but it's like an itch I can't scratch. I bite, and don't release. There are orgers here who absolutely hate me, even though I've done nothing to them. And it cracks me up...I take pleasure in it.

...and these feelings are wrong. I've been trying very hard to move beyond this. I think it's because growing up, it was one of the only ways I could lash back at people--if they were going to ruin my lunch, I would in some small way irritate them for the rest of their day.

I am, and always will be, the most loyal and caring friend. But what I have to work on is letting go of inventing enemies.

I'm trying to start with those less than talented self-proclaimed poets on this website like [actually it's best I don't mention this crazy person's name ] . Lawd, it's difficult.

.

not such a sweet thing edit

[Edited 5/3/11 17:08pm]