Without brown syrup, Mrs. Butterworth’s ethnicity becomes clear.

(AKRON, OHIO) Henry Louis Gates’ latest program on ancestry reveals the stunning fact that syrup icon Joy Butterworth is, in fact, not black. Butterworth is white, but has spent the last 45 years passing.

“In actuality, it was the syrup that made her look black,” Gates told The Peoples News. His show, Faces of America, airs Wednesday. He discusses heritage with Meryl Streep, Stephen Colbert, Kristi Yamaguchi and others. While he learned that Colbert and Shaquille O’Neal share the same mother, Gates was most shocked by the revelations about Butterworth.

“You know she’s not even married,” he said. “She started using Mrs. in 1957 when she got pregnant out of wedlock, to hide that the child she was carrying was a bastard.”

Butterworth offered no apologies for living a lie. She said she never would have become such a success had she been white.

“I was all about the syrup, knowwhatI’msayin?’ Shit, them fools was like ‘you ain’t no Betty Crocker,’ and, you know, I was all like ‘I know I ain’t no Betty Crocker, I’m better than her,” Butterworth said. “So then, I was like, OK, play it like that. I got something fo yo ass. KnowwhatI’msayin?”

She decided to follow in the paths of other culinary icons by pretending she was something she was not. In Butterworth’s case, she chose a black woman. But others, like Trixie Rabbit, a Hasidic man raised in Brooklyn, or Anthony Tiger, a transgendered woman living in Seattle, chose animals. Musicians J.J. and Fred Keebler pretended to be elves who, for no good reason, lived in a tree.

Butterworth’s subterfuge worked for decades. But with the advent of DNA testing, she knew her days of passing were coming to an end. In recent years, she became so distraught that she developed a serious cocaine addiction. Finding her strung out one morning, Butterworth’s friends Aunt Jemima and Frank White (the chef on the Cream of Wheat box) encouraged her to fess up.

“She was about to start pimping herself to make more money for drugs,” said Jemima, whose first name is Auntella. “I didn’t want her to end up like that.”

Butterworth contacted Gates, saying she had a bombshell to lay on him. Gates immediately booked her for the show, squashing a controversial segment that would have proven Lady Gaga is a man.

Butterworth doesn’t know how the revelation will affect her sales. She hopes she can still be as rich and thick and that her no-drip spout will thrill children the world over. Regardless of whether she’s white, brown, yellow, or eerily resembling a plastic bottle, Mrs. Butterworth has one eternal fan.

“I still love her,” said Kim Fields.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2010 The Peoples News

SCNDLS said:

Without brown syrup, Mrs. Butterworth’s ethnicity becomes clear.

(AKRON, OHIO) Henry Louis Gates’ latest program on ancestry reveals the stunning fact that syrup icon Joy Butterworth is, in fact, not black. Butterworth is white, but has spent the last 45 years passing.

“In actuality, it was the syrup that made her look black,” Gates told The Peoples News. His show, Faces of America, airs Wednesday. He discusses heritage with Meryl Streep, Stephen Colbert, Kristi Yamaguchi and others. While he learned that Colbert and Shaquille O’Neal share the same mother, Gates was most shocked by the revelations about Butterworth.

“You know she’s not even married,” he said. “She started using Mrs. in 1957 when she got pregnant out of wedlock, to hide that the child she was carrying was a bastard.”

Butterworth offered no apologies for living a lie. She said she never would have become such a success had she been white.

“I was all about the syrup, knowwhatI’msayin?’ Shit, them fools was like ‘you ain’t no Betty Crocker,’ and, you know, I was all like ‘I know I ain’t no Betty Crocker, I’m better than her,” Butterworth said. “So then, I was like, OK, play it like that. I got something fo yo ass. KnowwhatI’msayin?”

She decided to follow in the paths of other culinary icons by pretending she was something she was not. In Butterworth’s case, she chose a black woman. But others, like Trixie Rabbit, a Hasidic man raised in Brooklyn, or Anthony Tiger, a transgendered woman living in Seattle, chose animals. Musicians J.J. and Fred Keebler pretended to be elves who, for no good reason, lived in a tree.

Butterworth’s subterfuge worked for decades. But with the advent of DNA testing, she knew her days of passing were coming to an end. In recent years, she became so distraught that she developed a serious cocaine addiction. Finding her strung out one morning, Butterworth’s friends Aunt Jemima and Frank White (the chef on the Cream of Wheat box) encouraged her to fess up.

“She was about to start pimping herself to make more money for drugs,” said Jemima, whose first name is Auntella. “I didn’t want her to end up like that.”

Butterworth contacted Gates, saying she had a bombshell to lay on him. Gates immediately booked her for the show, squashing a controversial segment that would have proven Lady Gaga is a man.

Butterworth doesn’t know how the revelation will affect her sales. She hopes she can still be as rich and thick and that her no-drip spout will thrill children the world over. Regardless of whether she’s white, brown, yellow, or eerily resembling a plastic bottle, Mrs. Butterworth has one eternal fan.

“I still love her,” said Kim Fields.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2010 The Peoples News

Kim is a fo real ride or die

noimageatall said:

Gurl, get OUT my damn head!

I want some pancakes!!!

paintedlady said:

I want some pancakes!!!

Damn, we posted a minute part. I got IHOP on the brain now.

SCNDLS said:

noimageatall said:

Gurl, get OUT my damn head!

Never!

I, respectfully, don't post on your threads since we can't really seem to get along but I can't help myself this once.

I been telling folk that bitch is white for YEARS.

johnart said:

I, respectfully, don't post on your threads since we can't really seem to get along but I can't help myself this once.

I been telling folk that bitch is white for YEARS.

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

paintedlady said:

johnart said:

I, respectfully, don't post on your threads since we can't really seem to get along but I can't help myself this once.

I been telling folk that bitch is white for YEARS.

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

Who the fuck could make up that shit?

I Charlie Murphy.

[Edited 4/22/11 21:31pm]

noimageatall said:

paintedlady said:

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

Who the fuck could make up that shit?

I Charlie Murphy.

[Edited 4/22/11 21:31pm]

Charlie Murphy is THE best for sharing that story.

"the blouses win..."

paintedlady said:

johnart said:

I, respectfully, don't post on your threads since we can't really seem to get along but I can't help myself this once.

I been telling folk that bitch is white for YEARS.

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

EDIT:

No for real, I've had people argue me on that she's black. I'm like bitch NO, that's just a lil old white lady with a syrup tan!

[Edited 4/22/11 22:03pm]

paintedlady said:

johnart said:

I, respectfully, don't post on your threads since we can't really seem to get along but I can't help myself this once.

I been telling folk that bitch is white for YEARS.

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

I love this place.

noimageatall said:

paintedlady said:

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

Who the fuck could make up that shit?

I Charlie Murphy.

[Edited 4/22/11 21:31pm]

Game...blouses

johnart said:

paintedlady said:

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

EDIT:

No for real, I've had people argue me on that she's black. I'm like bitch NO, that's just a lil old white lady with a syrup tan!

[Edited 4/22/11 22:03pm]

Plus the back of the bottle is flat........

bboy87 said:

johnart said:

EDIT:

No for real, I've had people argue me on that she's black. I'm like bitch NO, that's just a lil old white lady with a syrup tan!

[Edited 4/22/11 22:03pm]

Plus the back of the bottle is flat........

johnart said:

paintedlady said:

Pancakes bring people together.... Prince knows that!

where's that Dave Chapelle skit?........

EDIT:

No for real, I've had people argue me on that she's black. I'm like bitch NO, that's just a lil old white lady with a syrup tan!

[Edited 4/22/11 22:03pm]

anyone I know?

I heard Uncle Ben divorced her upon finding this out, claiming she was "passing".

bboy87 said:

johnart said:

EDIT:

No for real, I've had people argue me on that she's black. I'm like bitch NO, that's just a lil old white lady with a syrup tan!

[Edited 4/22/11 22:03pm]

Plus the back of the bottle is flat........

DAMN!

You see the irony in this, don't you? Pancakes.

Again, damn

Harlepolis said:

bboy87 said:

Plus the back of the bottle is flat........

DAMN!

You see the irony in this, don't you? Pancakes.

Again, damn

I assume Aunt Jemima's lineage is not in question?

SonOfSoul said:

I heard Uncle Ben divorced her upon finding this out, claiming she was "passing".

SCNDLS said:

SonOfSoul said:

I heard Uncle Ben divorced her upon finding this out, claiming she was "passing".

I always did love pourin' her brains all over my flapjacks...

RenHoek said:

I always did love pourin' her brains all over my flapjacks...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! this thread is amazing!