BlackAdder7 said:

perhaps your wife was feeling ignored and lonely and had poor self image because of the financial difficulties you're going through. then, this "hunk" starts paying attention to her, and she feels a little better about herself, and the problems become secondary because the fantasies of the "affair" become focus of all her attention..not only thinking about him, but in the day to day coverup so that you don't find out about it. To her credit, she's not being defensive about it.

it doesn't matter what this guy looks like, what he does...it's the fact that it was a threat to your partnership at a time when you least needed one.

put yourself in her place for a moment.....you made a terrible mistake at the worst time. would you want her to forgive you?

would you want her to work things out with you?...your answer should determine how you treat her. certainly you'll both need some kind of couples therapy, and it will take months for her to gain your trust again. Does she want to earn that trust? if so, you're a fortunate man, because that means that despite all, she still believes in you, and that's a foundation you can build on. the mortar will be communication.

Well said, couldn't agree more.

She may have moved on already, but only you know the answer to this. If she really wants to work on your relationship, try to give her the space to do so- albeit with some healthy skepticism (because it's now up to her to make this happen, it can't be all you trying to save the relationship). If she has moved on, try to protect the relationships most important to you, like your kids, your extended family. Lean on your friends, siblings, or parents for good solid advice and peace of mind. It's hard. I've been there and it's not easy, but keeping yourself grounded is best for everyone involved, especially your kids.

PunkMistress said:

NDRU said:

yeah if you do trust her and want to make it work, then you have to forgive her and move on

everyone's human, and we have to decide every day to be faithful. It's like being in AA. You want to drink, it is part of your nature, but you stick to the program because its better for your life

that might not sound very romantic, but I don't believe that addicition of lust goes away just because you love your partner.

so people will be tempted, and sometimes they will succumb, but not always.

and even if they do...I think SOME couples can get past it because deep down we know that it's natural to want other people and it's a huge sacrifice (one that brings blessings) to commit to one person

This is interesting to me. I definitely see what you're saying, but I'm glad I don't relate. It's not a daily struggle for me to not fuck people who are not my husband.

well, that makes me sound really sleazy I wouldn't say it's a daily struggle, just that the risk is there every day

to use the drinking metaphor, I think you get used to being sober and most days go by where you see beer ads all around and it does not phase you, but some days you are weak and temptation is right there.

That is when your commitment is challenged. As sexual creatures, I think it can happen to any of us over the course of a lifetime of ups & downs spent with someone.

We are created to be thirsty, and we are surrounded all the time by icy cold beverages

But it would be hard to forgive. I'm not taking it lightly. I might not be able to forgive my gf making dates with someone else, fortunately I don't know

NDRU said:

PunkMistress said:

This is interesting to me. I definitely see what you're saying, but I'm glad I don't relate. It's not a daily struggle for me to not fuck people who are not my husband.

well, that makes me sound really sleazy I wouldn't say it's a daily struggle, just that the risk is there every day

to use the drinking metaphor, I think you get used to being sober and most days go by where you see beer ads all around and it does not phase you, but some days you are weak and temptation is right there.

That is when your commitment is challenged. As sexual creatures, I think it can happen to any of us over the course of a lifetime of ups & downs spent with someone.

We are created to be thirsty, and we are surrounded all the time by icy cold beverages

But it would be hard to forgive. I'm not taking it lightly. I might not be able to forgive my gf making dates with someone else, fortunately I don't know

Thanks for explaining it more.

I still don't feel that way, though. My thirst is well quenched all the time. I appreciate the views all around me, but they're not temptations as such.

PunkMistress said:

NDRU said:

well, that makes me sound really sleazy I wouldn't say it's a daily struggle, just that the risk is there every day

to use the drinking metaphor, I think you get used to being sober and most days go by where you see beer ads all around and it does not phase you, but some days you are weak and temptation is right there.

That is when your commitment is challenged. As sexual creatures, I think it can happen to any of us over the course of a lifetime of ups & downs spent with someone.

We are created to be thirsty, and we are surrounded all the time by icy cold beverages

But it would be hard to forgive. I'm not taking it lightly. I might not be able to forgive my gf making dates with someone else, fortunately I don't know

Thanks for explaining it more.

I still don't feel that way, though. My thirst is well quenched all the time. I appreciate the views all around me, but they're not temptations as such.

eh, you're still in the honeymoon phase of sobriety!

NDRU said:

PunkMistress said:

Thanks for explaining it more.

I still don't feel that way, though. My thirst is well quenched all the time. I appreciate the views all around me, but they're not temptations as such.

eh, you're still in the honeymoon phase of sobriety!

If you say so!

BlackAdder7 said:

perhaps your wife was feeling ignored and lonely and had poor self image because of the financial difficulties you're going through. then, this "hunk" starts paying attention to her, and she feels a little better about herself, and the problems become secondary because the fantasies of the "affair" become focus of all her attention..not only thinking about him, but in the day to day coverup so that you don't find out about it. To her credit, she's not being defensive about it.

it doesn't matter what this guy looks like, what he does...it's the fact that it was a threat to your partnership at a time when you least needed one.

put yourself in her place for a moment.....you made a terrible mistake at the worst time. would you want her to forgive you?

would you want her to work things out with you?...your answer should determine how you treat her. certainly you'll both need some kind of couples therapy, and it will take months for her to gain your trust again. Does she want to earn that trust? if so, you're a fortunate man, because that means that despite all, she still believes in you, and that's a foundation you can build on. the mortar will be communication.

I agree with this

You guys have come this far down the road, I reckon you can get over it together.

Gotta probably didn't even realise his wife has been feeling that way, but now he does he can certainly move to remedy it. I don't think all the other worries (house, money) are anywhere near as important as the 2 of you keeping your marriage and your family together.

As far as the other guy, don't waste any emotions on him, he wasn't your friend or anything.

PunkMistress said:

NDRU said:

well, that makes me sound really sleazy I wouldn't say it's a daily struggle, just that the risk is there every day

to use the drinking metaphor, I think you get used to being sober and most days go by where you see beer ads all around and it does not phase you, but some days you are weak and temptation is right there.

That is when your commitment is challenged. As sexual creatures, I think it can happen to any of us over the course of a lifetime of ups & downs spent with someone.

We are created to be thirsty, and we are surrounded all the time by icy cold beverages

But it would be hard to forgive. I'm not taking it lightly. I might not be able to forgive my gf making dates with someone else, fortunately I don't know

Thanks for explaining it more.

I still don't feel that way, though. My thirst is well quenched all the time. I appreciate the views all around me, but they're not temptations as such.

Lucky you!

if my husband was on the org, I'd make sure I say stuff like that too

yeah you probably haven't been giving her enough attention. That's the reason my umma cheats. Women like attention and to be treated like they are with a guy they just met. It's thrilling to be adored by a guy and obsessed over so you should probably do that.

before I would have said she's totally in the wrong, but I'm getting a one-sided story here soooo.....

This is why i think marriage is a bad thing.

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

So your problem is solved. Congratulations! Remember ignorance is bliss and I hope you never catch her cheating again.

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

Maytiana said:

So your problem is solved. Congratulations! Remember ignorance is bliss and I hope you never catch her cheating again.

good update - I wish you guys success and happiness

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

I've never met you, Gotta, but you are such a good person.

It's extremely clear that you are an incredibly loving person. My sincere wishes for your family are that this is all you ever have to deal with in terms of heartbreak, that she is telling you the truth, and that you will all be able to move on into happiness, honesty and longevity together.

RenHoek said:

call the restaurant and see if someone picked up her bankcard... case closed.

sorry to hear you're having troubles man...

Did you ever do this, Gotta?

I know you want to move on and be happy. But isn't it best to make sure now that you're dealing with the truth?

And I'm going to regret bringing this up, because I know how sensitive this is and how little we all really know. But are you satisfied with her explanation of why she suddenly fled from your street and then didn't answer her phone? Seems a lot of panic for a bank card that you know exactly where you left it. You said that at the time you didn't believe a word. Was that your gut? I think you owe it to yourself to at least see if that part is true. Don't you?

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

I am glad I read this update because my gut feeling was telling me there's three sides to every story, yours, hers, and the truth.

Praying for you right now, bro. Her, too. And especially for the children.

I'm sure the stress and pressure you guys are under because of the financial situation is horrendous. I know it is, I've been there myself. Probably the best thing that can happen is for you guys to get out from under as much debt as possible, and to not have to worry about what's happening to the house. Which means, probably, a new house. That will be hard but at least the worry will go away.

The one thing I keep coming back to, and let me know if I read this right, is that your wife decided against meeting the guy, and then had the courage to tell you about it. That had to be hard, but to me it shows that she values your marriage.

Best of luck. Let me know if I can do anything.

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

Thank you for the update.

I commend you both.

You still love her. Stay. Don't worry about, "a next time."

Don't put a block on her cell phone. If you want to rebuild trust, you have to step out in faith.

Your wife knows how you feel. She has to have the power to delete and not read his texts. She has to refuse any contact. Her commitment to you should be all that she needs to handle such distractions.

If you want to grow old together, you can't throw this in her face in the future. Unless it's the same situation. But if it happens again, love, children or not -I'd leave, even knowing how painful leaving would be. I speak from experience. For me, trust is just too integral to what a relationship is for me.

Your siblings growing up, no doubt did some painful and deceitful things. Things you've let go. You have to believe you can let this go too. You won't forget it, but your family can thrive if you can let it go.

you've taken a good first step, and it started with your ability to forgive

SUPRMAN said:

Thank you for the update.

I commend you both.

You still love her. Stay. Don't worry about, "a next time."

Don't put a block on her cell phone. If you want to rebuild trust, you have to step out in faith.

Your wife knows how you feel. She has to have the power to delete and not read his texts. She has to refuse any contact. Her commitment to you should be all that she needs to handle such distractions.

If you want to grow old together, you can't throw this in her face in the future. Unless it's the same situation. But if it happens again, love, children or not -I'd leave, even knowing how painful leaving would be. I speak from experience. For me, trust is just too integral to what a relationship is for me.

Your siblings growing up, no doubt did some painful and deceitful things. Things you've let go. You have to believe you can let this go too. You won't forget it, but your family can thrive if you can let it go.

Sometimes you're totally brilliant.

GottaLetItGo, I hope you know we're all pulling for you and your family.

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

I pray that one day these challenges and obstacles are but a distant memory as the two of you sit and bounce the grandchildren on your knees.

I think you need to do what your username says and LET IT GO. It's not worth it. Forget that dude.

[Edited 4/3/11 11:01am]

I'm glad to hear that things are on the mend...

What SUPRMAN said is effin' BRILLIANT!! I agree with him 100%...

(see, that's the Org as I know and love it... PMB take notes, ya big dummy! )

Excellent man! Excellent!

I'm praying for the two of you.

SUPRMAN said:

GottaLetitgo said:

Okay so here's the update.

First of all, my wife started to read this thread yesterday, which is the first time she has EVER read anything that I have wrote on the Org. The Org is for me; if I had asked her to read something she would have but otherwise she has facebook and I have y'all.

So anyway, she told me she wanted to read it to make sure there wasn't anything I wasn't telling her about how I felt. She felt I represented the situation accurately and both of us have continued to read as the thread has gone on.

There is a little bit of truth in just about everything that has been said thus far and I appreciate all the comments, as I always do when I write about something in my life and y'all respond.

She has been hurt by some of what has been said but I think it has further reinforced how crazy the action was.

I have also appreciated the insight on my lack of attention (or too much attention) may have contributed.

And I appreciate the concern of those of you who suspected I might be in jail right now for kicking Mr. Electrician's ass.

So this morning, I woke up, in the same bed as my wife and not the chair, and I began kind of digging in again. And I just got to this point, as she lay there and said "I deserve it, I deserve it", that it was just enough. It was not doing any good, not making me feel better, and she looked so tired. I said some things, nothing horribly offensive but giving details of how a divorce scenario would go if something like that happened again, and I felt I crossed a line with some of what I said. So I apologized for some of the things I said and just decided to make a concerted effort to make the day not be another day of trial.

So instead, we cleaned the garage. And we talked about the future. And even though I will miss our house there may be some opportunity to majorly improve our situation financially over the next few months. And we talked about how different life might be if we weren't stressed out over money.

Both of us make good income, the house thing was a product of getting a little behind, borrowing some, borrowing more to pay off what was borrowed, and then borrowing so much that it was impossible to pay it all. But there may be assistance with this and in a few months, if we do things right, we may be in a situation where we may actually have some decent money in the bank. The housing situation may have a solution through one of my siblings (too complicated to explain) and things might be okay. I would rather keep our house of 13 years than lose it but the most important thing is to keep my family.

We really did not fight the whole day after the morning. We went out to eat, went to Target, tried to see if we could be normal. Of course every time she got a text I was a little nervous. And I will be, for the immediate future. Trust is very hard to repair. It will be a while, a long time, maybe never where things will be like they were before this happened. But maybe that will be okay.

My wife has had a hard life. She has diabetes. She works two jobs. She wears 3 year old tennis shoes and always chooses our girls needs over her own. She did something cruel and deceitful but she has done hundreds of more wonderful things. I cannot define her completely by this one bad action.

She has suggested that we put a block on her cell phone to keep him from texting her. She insists there has been no contact since the day that she was supposed to meet him and I believe her. Maybe I'm a fool but she seems sincerely ready to move on and rebuild.

I love my wife. I hate what she did but I am not a person who is easily affected by people and she hit me like a ton of bricks 21 years ago when we met. She is imperfect just as I am but I have a hard time imagining my life without her. I want to grow old with her. I want us to have a life that does not feel like a warzone and if certain very realistic things happen over the next few months we will be in a better place.

Pray for us, those of you who are so inclined.

Thank you for the update.

I commend you both.

You still love her. Stay. Don't worry about, "a next time."

Don't put a block on her cell phone. If you want to rebuild trust, you have to step out in faith.

Your wife knows how you feel. She has to have the power to delete and not read his texts. She has to refuse any contact. Her commitment to you should be all that she needs to handle such distractions.

If you want to grow old together, you can't throw this in her face in the future. Unless it's the same situation. But if it happens again, love, children or not -I'd leave, even knowing how painful leaving would be. I speak from experience. For me, trust is just too integral to what a relationship is for me.

Your siblings growing up, no doubt did some painful and deceitful things. Things you've let go. You have to believe you can let this go too. You won't forget it, but your family can thrive if you can let it go.

that being said, it can't just be swept under the rug. the causes needed to be explored for both sides to have closure.

and yes, she's is to be afforded trust in order to be moved forward, but she is also going to have to put trust in Gotto, and be honest with him in case there is future contact. It's all going to rest on how Gotto and his wife communicate in the future.

RenHoek said:

I'm glad to hear that things are on the mend...

What SUPRMAN said is effin' BRILLIANT!! I agree with him 100%...

(see, that's the Org as I know and love it... PMB take notes, ya big dummy! )

This thread should be referenced anytime someone starts bitching about the org!

It touches my heart

You'r a wonderfull and goodhearted man.

I hope your wife will tell you the whole truth. And hope she will put a lot of effort in regaining your trust.

And after everything calmed down, sit together and don't deny what has happened and for what reasons. Both take responsibility for your patterns and interactions. There was a reason this all happened, what was it?

The way the two of you wanting to work it out and loving eachother is touching. Sending you positive thoughts and wishing you and your family well.

PunkMistress said:

SUPRMAN said:

Thank you for the update.

I commend you both.

You still love her. Stay. Don't worry about, "a next time."

Don't put a block on her cell phone. If you want to rebuild trust, you have to step out in faith.

Your wife knows how you feel. She has to have the power to delete and not read his texts. She has to refuse any contact. Her commitment to you should be all that she needs to handle such distractions.

If you want to grow old together, you can't throw this in her face in the future. Unless it's the same situation. But if it happens again, love, children or not -I'd leave, even knowing how painful leaving would be. I speak from experience. For me, trust is just too integral to what a relationship is for me.

Your siblings growing up, no doubt did some painful and deceitful things. Things you've let go. You have to believe you can let this go too. You won't forget it, but your family can thrive if you can let it go.

Sometimes you're totally brilliant.

GottaLetItGo, I hope you know we're all pulling for you and your family.

We certainly are!