Ladies, looka here...

I'm pretty sure no one likes it when their spouse or significant other cheats on them with another woman. But I've often wondered about this ethical quandry..

How does it feel to be the "other woman"? To know that you're betraying another woman with her husband/boyfriend? Would it bother you? Would you question who he really cares for?

If you met someone you cared about, but know he's with someone else, would you still pursue it? Or would you leave it and move on?

Discuss.

[Edited 3/16/11 16:53pm]

[Edited 3/16/11 17:59pm]

^^

i have never been the other woman i like to b sexclusive

but too many moral questions associated with this thread

physco185 said:

i have never been the other woman i like to b sexclusive

but too many moral questions associated with this thread

Oh come on now...I'm curious for the responses. It's a valid question, ain't it?

SherryJackson said:

physco185 said:

i have never been the other woman i like to b sexclusive

but too many moral questions associated with this thread

Oh come on now...I'm curious for the responses. It's a valid question, ain't it?

yes u r right it's a valid question...... i have nothing to tell really

oh wait BM... B4 Marriage.... i dated 2 guys at the same time and one of them knew, he didnt mind just as long as i saw him first

but i have never been the other woman - ever

many years ago b4 i was married or knew my husband i used to meet up with a married guy 4 sex,

i can't believe i did that..

i met him abroad on holiday & 'kept in touch' when we returned. never met his wife so i didn't even consider her, plus i was young & selfish. i didn't love him but he was as handsome as hell, he was a plaything, it was all about the nookie

[Edited 3/16/11 18:23pm]

I slept with my ex when he was engaged and then again after he was married and having marital problems. We were together a long time and had quite a history but it was a stupid thing to do. I was finally no longer in love with him and his wife hated me so I did it just in spite to be honest...and maybe it was to get back at him a little too. I would never, ever do it again.

More recently I was in a situation where I knowingly was the sidepiece. Again, it was with someone I had a history with and I was very emotionally attached to him. We met when he was single, then had some time apart and one night bumped into each other and the chemistry was still there. At this point he was with someone (unhappily he said of course) and I told him that he needed to get that straightened out first. He did, but eventually he got back with her and I was like, "whatever" and just didn't care that we didn't stop. It's actually a hell of a lot more complicated but I won't get into all that.

Another recent situation I waited until he was officially separated from his wife. And again, it was with someone I had known a long time.

Anyway, guess I can admit that I didn't really care about these women because I knew these dudes before they came along, there was history there and I also knew intimate details of their fucked up relationships due to being really close to them...but I can't see myself getting involved with someone in a relationship that I just met.

JustErin said:

I slept with my ex when he was engaged and then again after he was married and having marital problems. We were together a long time and had quite a history but it was a stupid thing to do. I was finally no longer in love with him and his wife hated me so I did it just in spite to be honest...and maybe it was to get back at him a little too. I would never, ever do it again.

More recently I was in a situation where I knowingly was the sidepiece. Again, it was with someone I had a history with and I was very emotionally attached to him. We met when he was single, then had some time apart and one night bumped into each other and the chemistry was still there. At this point he was with someone (unhappily he said of course) and I told him that he needed to get that straightened out first. He did, but eventually he got back with her and I was like, "whatever" and just didn't care that we didn't stop. It's actually a hell of a lot more complicated but I won't get into all that.

Another recent situation I waited until he was officially separated from his wife. And again, it was with someone I had known a long time.

Anyway, guess I can admit that I didn't really care about these women because I knew these dudes before they came along, there was history there and I also knew intimate details of their fucked up relationships due to being really close to them...but I can't see myself getting involved with someone in a relationship that I just met.

That seems to be a nasty little pattern you have going there. History with a man is just that...history. Its in the past and as you have no doubt noticed that it did not lead to a future with any of these men. A man will always say his situation is fucked up just to get easy pussy.

I don't like being used as a crutch or an excuse for a man to cheat. So no, I do not condone any woman knowingly going after someone's else's guy.

I always thought of it as a very shitty thing to do, especially when you know the woman/wife involved.

I never got girls who would fuck their friend's boyfriends and this runs in the same vein.

I turned down so many fine assed men over the fact that they were married. I just do not want drama or cheat myself by fucking a cheater. They always have the same lines they use to get you to think that they NEED you... playing their violins. Go tell that to your wife buddy.

StillGotIt said:

JustErin said:

I slept with my ex when he was engaged and then again after he was married and having marital problems. We were together a long time and had quite a history but it was a stupid thing to do. I was finally no longer in love with him and his wife hated me so I did it just in spite to be honest...and maybe it was to get back at him a little too. I would never, ever do it again.

More recently I was in a situation where I knowingly was the sidepiece. Again, it was with someone I had a history with and I was very emotionally attached to him. We met when he was single, then had some time apart and one night bumped into each other and the chemistry was still there. At this point he was with someone (unhappily he said of course) and I told him that he needed to get that straightened out first. He did, but eventually he got back with her and I was like, "whatever" and just didn't care that we didn't stop. It's actually a hell of a lot more complicated but I won't get into all that.

Another recent situation I waited until he was officially separated from his wife. And again, it was with someone I had known a long time.

Anyway, guess I can admit that I didn't really care about these women because I knew these dudes before they came along, there was history there and I also knew intimate details of their fucked up relationships due to being really close to them...but I can't see myself getting involved with someone in a relationship that I just met.

That seems to be a nasty little pattern you have going there. History with a man is just that...history. Its in the past and as you have no doubt noticed that it did not lead to a future with any of these men. A man will always say his situation is fucked up just to get easy pussy.

History and also the present, and I didn't want a future with 2 of them...and wasn't even sure if I really did with the third.

No doubt many men will say that to get laid, I know this. I'm not gullible. I did exactly what *I* wanted to do in each situation not what I thought they wanted me to do.

paintedlady said:

I don't like being used as a crutch or an excuse for a man to cheat. So no, I do not condone any woman knowingly going after someone's else's guy.

I always thought of it as a very shitty thing to do, especially when you know the woman/wife involved.

I never got girls who would fuck their friend's boyfriends and this runs in the same vein.

I turned down so many fine assed men over the fact that they were married. I just do not want drama or cheat myself by fucking a cheater. They always have the same lines they use to get you to think that they NEED you... playing their violins. Go tell that to your wife buddy.

I admire this stance. I'm the same way. I've never been the other woman either. I've turned down guys who wanted the extra on the side. They sicken me, really.

But there was one time when I found myself attracted to my best friend's guy. I could tell he was interested, but I never encouraged it and eventually I just let it fizzle out.

Never ever will I knowingly allow myself to be a sidepiece or jump-off to a man. Don't have the time or the energy for those games.

Plus after what my father put my mother through...I would hate myself for doing that to another woman.

SherryJackson said:

paintedlady said:

I don't like being used as a crutch or an excuse for a man to cheat. So no, I do not condone any woman knowingly going after someone's else's guy.

I always thought of it as a very shitty thing to do, especially when you know the woman/wife involved.

I never got girls who would fuck their friend's boyfriends and this runs in the same vein.

I turned down so many fine assed men over the fact that they were married. I just do not want drama or cheat myself by fucking a cheater. They always have the same lines they use to get you to think that they NEED you... playing their violins. Go tell that to your wife buddy.

I admire this stance. I'm the same way. I've never been the other woman either. I've turned down guys who wanted the extra on the side. They sicken me, really.

But there was one time when I found myself attracted to my best friend's guy. I could tell he was interested, but I never encouraged it and eventually I just let it fizzle out.

I've seen too many women hurt over believing some BS that guys say/do. These men know what they are doing. It never "just happens" and the cheater hurts the people on both sides the woman who the cheat on and the woman they cheat with.

towards the end of a marriage when u know it's truly over and that u will never allow your self to be intimate with your partner cheating is an option..... it allows a person to be held and touched and loved the way they deserve to be

just saying....

[Edited 3/16/11 20:16pm]

physco185 said:

towards the end of a marriage when u know it's truly over and that u will never allow your self to be intimate with your partner cheating is an option..... it allows a person to be held and touched and loved they way they deserve to be

just saying....

That's what I call "moving on" not cheating really.

If a person has moved on and is separated and onto divorce then the overlapping isn't in the best interest of the other woman/man, because they may be just a rebound.

Cheating to me is when a person is looking to keep both things going.

First off, let me say...the org is like therapy for me. I know Im longwinded and may give a little too much info, but I love these threads cause I can get shit out that I cant tell anyone else. Being anonymous is a wonderful thing.

I've never "physically" cheated on my wife, but I have cheated our relationship. I have been tempted and gotten myself into a little trouble due to flirtations that I took way too far, but I ran like a bitch when it was time to make it happen. I admit all situations were my fault because I can tell pretty quickly when a woman digs me and I should have stopped it there. Rather than cut it off because I know I'm not going to follow through, I kept things going simply because I love the fact that a woman wants me. Just always made sure I never got in a situation where something would happen. Bottom line-I'm an attention whore when it comes to females. I've always been this way...I saw nothing wrong with it when I was younger (as I cheated on every girlfriend I ever had save one) but it pisses me off now, especially because my wife gives me all the attention any man should need. She knows of two of the situations and has forgiven me...she actually blames herself which makes it worse. but I swear I will never let it happen again. Last situation-2 years ago.

None of the "other women" have ever cared about my wife's feelings. Comments like "If you really loved her you wouldnt be talking to me about this." and "Who's going to get hurt if no one knows?" or "She's not my wife." are pretty common. I have always been the one to eventually put a stop to it...never have one of them told me to take a hike.

Hell..I have a co-worker right now who is pregnant with her second child (and still ridiculously hot) who has let me know she wants a piece. She's married but her husband hasnt touched her since she got pregnant (she's due in May) and she is horny as hell. I didnt flirt with her at all and have tiptoed around her from the moment she started showing interest...but I seriously have a problem because I know it should not be this hard to resist her attention. I mean, come on...I know I'm not going to do anything but I start grinning everytime she approaches. Anyway...

"You're married and so am I. We cant do that...it's just wrong. How could you go through with something like that, especially when your ass is pregnant?"

Her response..."It's just sex."

Bottom line--most bitches dont care!!!

JustErin said:

I slept with my ex when he was engaged and then again after he was married and having marital problems. We were together a long time and had quite a history but it was a stupid thing to do. I was finally no longer in love with him and his wife hated me so I did it just in spite to be honest...and maybe it was to get back at him a little too. I would never, ever do it again.

More recently I was in a situation where I knowingly was the sidepiece. Again, it was with someone I had a history with and I was very emotionally attached to him. We met when he was single, then had some time apart and one night bumped into each other and the chemistry was still there. At this point he was with someone (unhappily he said of course) and I told him that he needed to get that straightened out first. He did, but eventually he got back with her and I was like, "whatever" and just didn't care that we didn't stop. It's actually a hell of a lot more complicated but I won't get into all that.

Another recent situation I waited until he was officially separated from his wife. And again, it was with someone I had known a long time.

Anyway, guess I can admit that I didn't really care about these women because I knew these dudes before they came along, there was history there and I also knew intimate details of their fucked up relationships due to being really close to them...but I can't see myself getting involved with someone in a relationship that I just met.

I've been the side piece once in a situation similar to this.. Pretty current actually... The guy and I are very good friends and always have been. Just friends till one drunken night and there ya go. I can't blame it on the alcohol though, Jamie Foxx... I knew what I was doing yet I still did it. I felt bad about it for sure but obviously not enough to stop it.

The guy and his girlfriend broke up and we are still the best of friends and occasionally hook up. But all in pleasure. I'd never ever consider dating or getting serious with him just because if they cheat with you it's more than likely they'll cheat ON you.

StonedImmaculate said:

She's married but her husband hasnt touched her since she got pregnant (she's due in May) and she is horny as hell.

What I always wonder is doesn't the other woman (or man) hate their married bedmate for not being able to commit to them 100%? Or is there something in the side-piece psyche that is kind of glad they don't have to commit 100% either?

I don't believe people are meant to stay together forever.

There is no way to stop someone from cheating if its what they want to do and have it within themselves to treat another human being (or beings, there could be partners on both sides) that way.

"Cheating" is such a strange term to use for this act. You slept with somebody other than your significant other. You didn't copy the answers for a test or some shit like that.

I realize none of this is an answer to your question, but I'm not a woman, and certainly not the other one, so I don't really have an answer in that regard.

Only time I ever "slept around" was near the end of a relationship and I never slept with the previous woman again. I also stayed with the woman I slept with for seven years. I still felt bad, though, because I knew I hurt the previous woman's feelings quite badly. ...probably hurt them even more when I moved all her shit out to the front porch, changed the locks and made her call her dad to help her move her shit into storage. Aaaaanyway.

when is the end of a relationship? is it in end days when or because one ups and strays?

ZombieKitten said:

when is the end of a relationship? is it in end days when or because one ups and strays?

I'm not sure its a quantifiable moment. In the case of the relationship mentioned above I knew I wasn't going to stay with that person much longer (and certainly not forever) regardless of whether or not either of us cheated. If I didn't know that I wouldn't even have been looking at other women. But that is the only time I've ever slept with another woman before ending the previous relationship (or without her being present ).

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

when is the end of a relationship? is it in end days when or because one ups and strays?

I'm not sure its a quantifiable moment. In the case of the relationship mentioned above I knew I wasn't going to stay with that person much longer (and certainly not forever) regardless of whether or not either of us cheated. If I didn't know that I wouldn't even have been looking at other women. But that is the only time I've ever slept with another woman before ending the previous relationship (or without her being present ).

yeah, I think it's only clear in hindsight

I was placed...or rather placed myself in a position last summer where I had a bf but I was friends with a guy who was so called "separated" from his wife. I wasn't dumb, I knew that he was most likely lying about the separated part, but he was fione as all get out and was a real gentleman. What started out as a seemingly innocent friendship turned into a lustful, flirtatious thing that was beginning to get out of hand. I ended it when I almost slept with him on a few occasions...but as far as thinking about his wife in all this, I have to admit, I didn't. I just didn't care. I wanted what I wanted out of him and that was it. And yes it's wrong to think that way, but I'm being honest. The only reason why I didn't sleep with him was because I didn't want it to come back on me someday and I knew he was most likely screwing other women at the same time of trying to get at me too.

[Edited 3/17/11 5:24am]

I never been "the other woman" but I have been the "other man".

I messed with a married guy before for a month or two. He was married for 20 years I believe. He just wanted what his wife could not give him; so I did. I never met her but seen pictures of her, she was nice looking woman. Looking back on it now...I'm glad I comforted him after his wife found out he was on a m2m website on his laptop. He really needed someone to talk to about it and that was me.

In the end I am glad that he had that experience with me to free himself of a life of hiding.

I've always believed that if you got your man through cheating, that's how you will lose your man.

I could never disrespect another woman

So attracted or not, I'd walk away.