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Do you relate? Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To BullshitCLEVELAND—During an unexpected moment of clarity Tuesday, open-minded man Blake Richman was suddenly struck by the grim realization that he's squandered a significant portion of his life listening to everyone's bullshit, the 38-year-old told reporters.
A visibly stunned and solemn Richman, who until this point regarded his willingness to hear out the opinions of others as a worthwhile quality, estimated that he's wasted nearly three and a half years of his existence being open to people's half-formed thoughts, asinine suggestions, and pointless, dumbfuck stories.
"Jesus Christ," said Richman, taking in the overwhelming volume of useless crap he's actively listened to over the years. "My whole life I've made a concerted effort to give people a fair shake and understand different points of view because I felt that everyone had something valuable to offer, but it turns out most of what they had to offer was complete bullshit."
"Seriously," Richman added, "what have I gained from treating everyone's opinion with respect? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
According to Richman, it was just now hitting him how many hours of his life he's pissed away listening intently to nonsense about celebrity couples, how good or bad certain pens are, and why a particular sports team might have a chance this year. The husband and father of two said that every time he's felt at all put out or bored by a bullshit conversation—especially a speculative one about how bad allergy season was going to be—he should have just turned around, walked away, and gone rafting or rappelling or done any of the millions of other things he's always wanted to do but never thought he had time for.
At various points throughout the day, Richman could be heard muttering to himself that he couldn't believe he was almost 40 years old.
"Twenty minutes here, 10 minutes there. It all starts to add up," said Richman, who sat down and figured out that between stupid discussions about favorite baby names and reviews of restaurants in cities he'll never visit, he'd wasted 390 hours of his life. "And you know what the worst part is? It's my fault. Here I thought being considerate to others by always listening patiently to what they had to say was the right thing to do. Well, fuck me, right?"
According to Richman, he started thinking about how much time he's flushed down the toilet being an approachable person after a work meeting in which he let a coworker, David Martin, ramble on and on with an idea everyone knew was "total shit" the moment the man opened his mouth. Richman said that a single glance at the clock made him realize he had just spent 14 minutes of his finite time on earth not playing with his kids or being with his wife, but listening to garbage.
"It was like I stepped out of my body and saw myself actually listening to this man's worthless drivel—but it wasn't him who looked like a moron, it was me," Richman said. "I was nodding my head like an asshole and saying ridiculous things like, 'Right,' and, 'I see your point, Dave,' when I should have just said, 'Dave, your idea isn't good and you are wasting our time and you need to shut up right now.'"
By his estimates, Richman's receptiveness has resulted in 160 irreplaceable hours of listening to grossly uninformed political opinions, 300 hours of carefully hearing out both sides of pointless arguments, and at least a month of listening to his parents' bullshit about how important it is to be open-minded.
Eighty days have been wasted on the inane blather of his college friend Brian alone.
"All those hours I could have been relaxing, or reading all these great books, or getting into shape, or working on side projects that I'm really excited about," Richman said. "But instead I've been listening to overrated albums recommended to me by my asshole friends."
"Did you know that in my life I've listened to five days' worth of people talking about their furniture?" he added. "It's true. That's a trip to Europe right there."
While Richman has vowed to cease being open-minded to absolute horseshit, acquaintances reflected on his approachability.
"I love Blake," coworker David Martin said. "He's such a good listener. A lot of people are closed-minded and self-absorbed, but Blake always makes an effort to hear where I'm coming from. The world could use more people like him."
We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Many people in Eddie Long's church are feeling this way also I am sure.... | |
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...painted said it all. fin. ..lol THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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Guy's almost 40 years old....beginnings of a mid-life crisis.
He's not wrong, but he's not right either.
Advertising has gotten completely out of control. You can't blink your eyes without someone trying to sell you something. It's ridiculous and I can see his frustration about that.
Celebrity "news" has gotten completely out of control. Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Charlie Sheen...enough said.
I understand his frustration where he's trying to be nice, listen, be there for people and see their points of view to find that they are half-formed opinions etc. More people are starting to accept opinions as fact and will defend their opinions as if they were civil rights.
I understand his frustration in realizing how much time he's wasted.
IMHO...not fact...not a civil rights declaration...he needs to find some balance. He can still be nice and not listen to/give attention to each and every little thing people want him to listen to/give attention to. He can take a more active role in deciding what is important to him. He can choose to spend his time doing the things he's mentioned he's missed out on.
I like the article. I echo his sentiments, I just hope the guy doesn't go from being this really nice guy who really listens, to being this jackass who doesn't listen to anyone and thinks what everyone else has to say is bullshit. We, as a whole, need to start rejecting garbage information and getting back to real research and real fact and still have respect for each other.
I'm firmly planted in denial | |
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I loved the whole piece, but that part right there really cracked me up. I can definitely relate.
The article reminds me of how I feel anytime somebody begins a sentence with "Ohmygod, I had this really weird dream last night!" I want to shoot myself because I know I'm about to hear a longwinded story that is of interest to precisely one person in the entire world.
Also, Nothinbutjoy, you know this isn't a real guy, right? | |
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That's okay that he's not...I still relate to the sentiment of the article...he's no guy and every guy. I'm firmly planted in denial | |
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