my partner of 5 years now is a smoker...not heavy but about 10 - 15 a day....and i have always been a non smoker and have always hated it...not just because it is disgusting but for health reasons...my uncle died at an early age because of heavy smoking...

.

the problem is that when we were talking 3 years ago about buying a house together and making a commitment...i was unsure because as far as i was concerned....the smoking put me off going near her and....i know this may sound silly to some people....it made me think twice about making a commitment to her because i knew it would affect the relationship...

.

so i let her know that i was unsure about making a commitment and she promised me that she wanted to make a new start and if we bought the house together...she would give up smoking...it has been banned from public places in scotland now for a number of years and i thought all of this plus my support and a new start would be enough ...

.

but it hasnt...she has never really stopped and ...now....it is badly affecting the relationship because i dont really want to kiss her or get close to her ...unless i am really ...well...you know....i had a crap relationship before and i wanted to have a close loving one this time and for life but now its just a so so one and i dont know what to do...

.

should i just accept it as....i know....she was a smoker when i met and fell for her...

.

or should i tell her she has broken her promises to me about making a new start and giving up the cancer sticks ??...

.

i dont know....maybe i am making too much of a big deal out of it...

i hate hate hate kissing smokers.... yuck!!!!!

i know women who stopped cause they were having babies, and never lit up after that....

if she really wants to stop she will..... nothing u say will make her do it

how is the fleshlight going..... is it smoking????

I cannot and will not date a smoker.

Besides the fact that I'm allergic and get all wheezy, I can't stand the fact that MY hair, clothes, furniture, car, etc. will smell like someone else's smoke.

And forget kissing a smoker.

I have seen guys who I think are so fine, and if they light up...

I believe it should be outlawed, and I cannot fathom why anyone with even a lick of sense would ever smoke.

I don't want anything to happen to my lungs, ew. I would just worry all the time if my 'lover' was smoking, they could die . it's really bad

i dont want to sound all high and mighty....i know its very difficult to give up....i just think if you make a big promise like that...you should keep to it....

.

i just thought i would mean more to her than cigarettes.. ...

.

.

.

.

for love...i would give up whatever it took for her....

.

.

feel a song coming on....

[Edited 3/2/11 6:02am]

I use to smoke. So, no it's not a BIG deal to me.

The men I dated including my husband never said anything about my smoking. If it's an issue for you, than it's an issue.

TD3 said:

I use to smoke. So, no it's not a BIG deal to me.

The men I dated including my husband never said anything about my smoking. If it's an issue for you, than it's an issue.

how difficult was it ?...

I am an asthmatic and my body reacts negatively to cigarette smoke, so its a total deal breaker for me.

The current guy I am seeing stopped smoking weed cold turkey within the first two weeks of dating me. His lips tasted funny when we first kissed and I asked if he smoked. He said "only weed".. then I said, sorry can't be with a smoker, assuming that his smoking included cigars or cigaretts. So then he quit. We are still together, he's the only man that has done that.

I will say this, there is a smoker at my butcher shop... but he's just all around gross and when I saw him smoking outside the shop I changed my mind and didn't buy meat for dinner today. I may go back and buy some steaks later today(if he's not there), but this guy makes me want to stick to a vegan lifestyle ... he's nasty and the smoking is the icing on the nasty patty. I HATE that smell, its intense and it sticks to the smoker. Its worse than smelling shit to me.

RodeoSchro said:

I believe it should be outlawed, and I cannot fathom why anyone with even a lick of sense would ever smoke.

you sound like a freakin' nazi

who are you to deny me anything

why not just let everyone enjoy their fag

[Edited 3/2/11 6:09am]

blackbob said:

my partner of 5 years now is a smoker...not heavy but about 10 - 15 a day....and i have always been a non smoker and have always hated it...not just because it is disgusting but for health reasons...my uncle died at an early age because of heavy smoking...

.

the problem is that when we were talking 3 years ago about buying a house together and making a commitment...i was unsure because as far as i was concerned....the smoking put me off going near her and....i know this may sound silly to some people....it made me think twice about making a commitment to her because i knew it would affect the relationship...

.

so i let her know that i was unsure about making a commitment and she promised me that she wanted to make a new start and if we bought the house together...she would give up smoking...it has been banned from public places in scotland now for a number of years and i thought all of this plus my support and a new start would be enough ...

.

but it hasnt...she has never really stopped and ...now....it is badly affecting the relationship because i dont really want to kiss her or get close to her ...unless i am really ...well...you know....i had a crap relationship before and i wanted to have a close loving one this time and for life but now its just a so so one and i dont know what to do...

.

should i just accept it as....i know....she was a smoker when i met and fell for her...

.

or should i tell her she has broken her promises to me about making a new start and giving up the cancer sticks ??...

.

i dont know....maybe i am making too much of a big deal out of it...

start smoking too

Dewrede said:

RodeoSchro said:

I believe it should be outlawed, and I cannot fathom why anyone with even a lick of sense would ever smoke.

you sound like a freakin nazi

why not just ler everyone enjoy their fag

I think it wouldn't be so bad if the smell didn't stick to the smoker so much. I can smell it in their clothes, hair, car and I catch a whiff if a smoking woman set her purse down on a table next to me.

Why does the smell never fade? I think this is why a non-smoker may have an issue living in the same household... heck even the washer and dryer will smell of cigarettes.

Hi bob

I was a smoker, among other much worse things including a (not so) healthy drug habit.

Then i met the girl i wanted to be with and with a lot of help from her and other people i quit the lot.

Smoking cigarettes was the last thing i gave up, and as my partner was a non smoker, she was very patient with me in the year or two it took to get totally clean. We are apart now, and i never returned to smoking or anything else, i sometimes find myself moaning silently to myself if i'm near smokers, but it's no big deal really.

It is a hard thing to give up, but compared to other things, it's a walk in the park.

Sounds like you two need to have a serious sit down talk about her smoking, and be honest with the way it is making you feel towards her. It may hurt her a bit to start with, but it needs to be done.

If she decides to give up, remember she will need a lot of support from you too.

Good luck man, please don't let this spoil your relationship with her.

btw imho all that 'second hand' smoke talk is a lie funded by the farmaceutical industry

fuck the smoking ban in café's and clubs

people are losing their busineses because of it

not to mention it's boring and it smells of sweat everywhere

while 90% of the people are standing outside smoking

[Edited 3/2/11 6:18am]

Dewrede said:

RodeoSchro said:

I believe it should be outlawed, and I cannot fathom why anyone with even a lick of sense would ever smoke.

you sound like a freakin' nazi

who are you to deny me anything

why not just let everyone enjoy their fag

[Edited 3/2/11 6:09am]

True that Dewrede, it's a choice after all.

TheDigitalGardener said:

Hi bob

I was a smoker, among other much worse things including a (not so) healthy drug habit.

Then i met the girl i wanted to be with and with a lot of help from her and other people i quit the lot.

Smoking cigarettes was the last thing i gave up, and as my partner was a non smoker, she was very patient with me in the year or two it took to get totally clean. We are apart now, and i never returned to smoking or anything else, i sometimes find myself moaning silently to myself if i'm near smokers, but it's no big deal really.

It is a hard thing to give up, but compared to other things, it's a walk in the park.

Sounds like you two need to have a serious sit down talk about her smoking, and be honest with the way it is making you feel towards her. It may hurt her a bit to start with, but it needs to be done.

If she decides to give up, remember she will need a lot of support from you too.

Good luck man, please don't let this spoil your relationship with her.

I am a former smoker. All the clichés about smoking and quitting are true. It is harder to give up than heroin. She needs to quit for herself, not for you. Her smoking has absolutely nothing to do with you.

And I can guarantee you that deep down she wants to quit and she HATES that she hasn’t been able to already. It makes her feel weak and like a failure. So you harping on her about not quitting yet will only make her feel worse, which will impede any attempts on her part to quit.

Once I quit I never thought I’d date a smoker. But I fell in love and my bf smokes. He was trying to quit when we met and didn’t smoke around me hardly at all for the first few months. He’d wear the patch whenever we were together, wouldn’t smoke if I was in the car, etc. He even made a big attempt to quit in January and made it a month, but ultimately went back to smoking. I loooooooooooooved how much better he smelled and such and made sure to always tell him so. When he went back to smoking I was upset but I ultimately understood as I know how hard it is. He still talks about quitting again and has talked to his doctor about it as well. I know he will quit when he is ready. It just takes a long time to get there.

You need to decide what you can live with and what you can’t but if you want to stay with her and for her to quit smoking you need to be positive, supportive and encouraging.

Dewrede said:

btw imho all that 'second hand' smoke talk is a lie funded by the farmaceutical industry

fuck the smoking ban in café's

people are losing their busineses because of it

I have asthma, I get really sick around that smoke... its not the same with weed weirdly enough. Cigarett smoke IS more intense. So the second-hand stuff affects me directly and it isn't BS.

As soon as I smell cigaretts I go into an asthma attack like someone is sitting on my chest. I have weak lungs since I was a second hand smoker as a child and now live with weak lungs.

can't spell at all edit

[Edited 3/2/11 6:19am]

CarrieMpls said:

I am a former smoker. All the clichés about smoking and quitting are true. It is harder to give up than heroin. She needs to quit for herself, not for you. Her smoking has absolutely nothing to do with you.

And I can guarantee you that deep down she wants to quit and she HATES that she hasn’t been able to already. It makes her feel weak and like a failure. So you harping on her about not quitting yet will only make her feel worse, which will impede any attempts on her part to quit.

Once I quit I never thought I’d date a smoker. But I fell in love and my bf smokes. He was trying to quit when we met and didn’t smoke around me hardly at all for the first few months. He’d wear the patch whenever we were together, wouldn’t smoke if I was in the car, etc. He even made a big attempt to quit in January and made it a month, but ultimately went back to smoking. I loooooooooooooved how much better he smelled and such and made sure to always tell him so. When he went back to smoking I was upset but I ultimately understood as I know how hard it is. He still talks about quitting again and has talked to his doctor about it as well. I know he will quit when he is ready. It just takes a long time to get there.

You need to decide what you can live with and what you can’t but if you want to stay with her and for her to quit smoking you need to be positive, supportive and encouraging.

I do hope that statement is one of the cliches about smoking, because that is utter nonsense.

TheDigitalGardener said:

Hi bob

I was a smoker, among other much worse things including a (not so) healthy drug habit.

Then i met the girl i wanted to be with and with a lot of help from her and other people i quit the lot.

Smoking cigarettes was the last thing i gave up, and as my partner was a non smoker, she was very patient with me in the year or two it took to get totally clean. We are apart now, and i never returned to smoking or anything else, i sometimes find myself moaning silently to myself if i'm near smokers, but it's no big deal really.

It is a hard thing to give up, but compared to other things, it's a walk in the park.

Sounds like you two need to have a serious sit down talk about her smoking, and be honest with the way it is making you feel towards her. It may hurt her a bit to start with, but it needs to be done.

If she decides to give up, remember she will need a lot of support from you too.

Good luck man, please don't let this spoil your relationship with her.

.

.

cheers pal...i have had talks about it with her but...at the end of the day...she has to do it for herself...me on her back aint going to help it...i think i will now have to walk away from the relationship soon because i dont want another....it will do relationship .....i want more....i want to be able to have a full loving relationship and i cant at the moment...

.

i am sure i dont always smell like roses but if she said something to me...i would do something about it....

.

anyway...thanks..

TheDigitalGardener said:

CarrieMpls said:

I am a former smoker. All the clichés about smoking and quitting are true. It is harder to give up than heroin. She needs to quit for herself, not for you. Her smoking has absolutely nothing to do with you.

And I can guarantee you that deep down she wants to quit and she HATES that she hasn’t been able to already. It makes her feel weak and like a failure. So you harping on her about not quitting yet will only make her feel worse, which will impede any attempts on her part to quit.

Once I quit I never thought I’d date a smoker. But I fell in love and my bf smokes. He was trying to quit when we met and didn’t smoke around me hardly at all for the first few months. He’d wear the patch whenever we were together, wouldn’t smoke if I was in the car, etc. He even made a big attempt to quit in January and made it a month, but ultimately went back to smoking. I loooooooooooooved how much better he smelled and such and made sure to always tell him so. When he went back to smoking I was upset but I ultimately understood as I know how hard it is. He still talks about quitting again and has talked to his doctor about it as well. I know he will quit when he is ready. It just takes a long time to get there.

You need to decide what you can live with and what you can’t but if you want to stay with her and for her to quit smoking you need to be positive, supportive and encouraging.

I do hope that statement is one of the cliches about smoking, because that is utter nonsense.

From a Time magazine article:

Anyone who has ever tried to give up smoking cigarettes knows the meaning of being hooked. Even those who succeed in quitting for the first time suffer the same 75% relapse rate as recovering alcoholics and heroin addicts.

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,149368,00.html#ixzz1FS7e2DBm

ex-heroin users have reported that tobacco's grip was harder to break than their illicit drug habit

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,149368,00.html#ixzz1FS7Z71RT

Headline on a New York Times article (http://www.nytimes.com/19...eroin.html)

NICOTINE: HARDER TO KICK...THAN HEROIN

Your experience may vary, but as someone who has quit myself and wacthed all kinds of my friends and family struggle with this addiction, I can assure it's no joke.

Dewrede said:

RodeoSchro said:

I believe it should be outlawed, and I cannot fathom why anyone with even a lick of sense would ever smoke.

you sound like a freakin' nazi

who are you to deny me anything

why not just let everyone enjoy their fag

[Edited 3/2/11 6:09am]

I couldn't care less what you think about me or how you think I sound.

Cigarettes are a lethal product and responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths each year. They negatively affect the quality of life of millions more. My insurance premiums are higher because of the health costs of treating the constantly sick smokers. Tell me why I should have to pay for YOUR bad health?

There is not one redeeming feature of cigarettes, while there are countless downsides to the product. If it were invented today, cigarettes would stand absolutely zero chance of gaining legalization anywhere.

I am sorry you are addicted to the one product that, when used EXACTLY to the manufacturer's specifications, will kill you.

CarrieMpls said:

TheDigitalGardener said:

Headline on a New York Times article (http://www.nytimes.com/19...eroin.html)

NICOTINE: HARDER TO KICK...THAN HEROIN

Your experience may vary, but as someone who has quit myself and wacthed all kinds of my friends and family struggle with this addiction, I can assure it's no joke.

My mom quit a 3 pack a day smoking habit, she told me it wasn't that hard. She just got tired of spending her money on cigaretts. I guess it all varies.

I sympathize with how genuinely tough it must be for a smoker to quit, and I think any smoker in my life would be deserving of my support while trying. Just the same, I don't know that I have what it takes to be a full-on partner to them.

[Edited 3/2/11 6:39am]

blackbob said:

TD3 said:

I use to smoke. So, no it's not a BIG deal to me.

The men I dated including my husband never said anything about my smoking. If it's an issue for you, than it's an issue.

how difficult was it ?...

To quite smoking . . . hard as hell with a couple of relaspes. The last time I had a fag was the year of 2000. I use to like having a smoke on my lunch hour with a cocktail, I really miss that. But I've gotten over it that . . .

ParanoidAndroid said:

I'd never date any smoker.

Co-sign. Lips that touch tobacco will never touch mine. Yuck!

blackbob said:

TheDigitalGardener said:

Hi bob

I was a smoker, among other much worse things including a (not so) healthy drug habit.

Then i met the girl i wanted to be with and with a lot of help from her and other people i quit the lot.

Smoking cigarettes was the last thing i gave up, and as my partner was a non smoker, she was very patient with me in the year or two it took to get totally clean. We are apart now, and i never returned to smoking or anything else, i sometimes find myself moaning silently to myself if i'm near smokers, but it's no big deal really.

It is a hard thing to give up, but compared to other things, it's a walk in the park.

Sounds like you two need to have a serious sit down talk about her smoking, and be honest with the way it is making you feel towards her. It may hurt her a bit to start with, but it needs to be done.

If she decides to give up, remember she will need a lot of support from you too.

Good luck man, please don't let this spoil your relationship with her.

.

.

cheers pal...i have had talks about it with her but...at the end of the day...she has to do it for herself...me on her back aint going to help it...i think i will now have to walk away from the relationship soon because i dont want another....it will do relationship .....i want more....i want to be able to have a full loving relationship and i cant at the moment...

.

i am sure i dont always smell like roses but if she said something to me...i would do something about it....

.

anyway...thanks..

Its a quality of life issue... same reason why people with allergies don't own a cat/dog.

I understand and agree wholeheartedly with your decision.

Stopping smoking does not give you massive cramps, make you paranoid to the point of suicide, or any of the other general nastiness that comes with heroin withdrawl.

And yes, every person who has gone through that will have a different experience, but having been someone who has has experienced both smoking and heroin, i would have to say that the people in that article must have been taking heroin that was weak as piss, to think that stopping smoking was harder than giving up heroin.

Thanks for posting that anyway, interesting read.