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Don't Mess With Retired People! TRIP TO COSTCO Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
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THAT!!! Was AWESOME!!!!
My mom would have been that lady asking you questions and totally believing you! | |
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I love telling fake stories too 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Ok, I know I'm supposed to laugh & holler at your crazy ass, Miss Shyra(and I did, loudly)
Food is the devil's friend though when it comes to you, did you notice? I've read your stories, doll, and eeeeeeverytime you raise hell on somebody, food is usually a prominent reason to start the shit [Edited 2/17/11 11:57am] | |
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but how the fuck is it your fault? 
This idiot asked you if you had a dog knowing full & well that the dog food is on display, what the fuck did she think? You're gonna cook it for supper and invite everybody from your block to chime in and help themselves? no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
Its too bad I'm not a TV producer, if I were your retirement plan would be postponed, I swear o' god | |
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Jesus hit the brakes 
O.M.G. I'm dying ova here. | |
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Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections... unknown | |
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The best ever.
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Right after Diana Ross got in trouble for slapping the guard for touching her breasts at the airport, I dropped off my friend and she was chosen for a "random" screening. all serious I reached out towards the lady that was doing the screening and said:
Oh my God, are you going to grab her boobs like they did to Diana Ross?!
No honey! We don't do that here!
She was taken aback 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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WTF was that about? | |
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You don't remember Diana Ross getting arrested for assault because she slapped a guard for searching her too hard? 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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I knew from the start that I loved you with all my heart. | |
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OMG!!! YOU AIN'T NO GOOD!!! | - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
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Oh I remember, I just hollered when you said that out of the blue to the lady | |
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I just felt like seeing a lady's eyes pop out of her head
2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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Guuuuurl! you a trip!! Can't wait to come visit, just let me get this job situation situated. | |
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I knew from the start that I loved you with all my heart. | |
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i wish i could think fast and come up with sarcastic stuff like that in real life too.i can only on the computer  i don't wear a cross?!!? i wear a prince symbol     I When Prince's cum dries, diamonds are formed.    no one tops prince in concert! | |
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This. was. HILARIOUS! My husband John (who doesn't understand my little org sanctuary) couldn't keep himself from laughing. Classic! LMAO!!!! My 20 year old sister says you are her role model! | |
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