I read an article about this recently and found it interesting.

Have you ever bought something for yourself (or even for the kids) and hidden the receipt from your partner?

Has your partner ever hidden a purchase from you and you found out about it later?

I won't ask if you have any secret bank accounts.

How big a deal is financial infidelity to you?

No. And if I ever felt like I had to then we would no longer be together.

I though couples pooled enough money to cover the household bills and whatever was left was to be used at each person's discretion. Why would anyone have to hide purchases unless a bill for the home wasn't going to be paid.?

I have never been in a relationship where we shared our income or pooled resources, so there’s never been anything to hide.

If I found myself in such a relationship, though, I can’t imagine that I ever would. I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship where that was a consideration on either of our parts.

I bought ALIEN ANTHOLOGY on blu-ray without her knowing... but I work hard for my money! so hard for my money.

My wife and I don't pool our finances (at least we don't have joint accounts), and while we can generally do whatever we want with our discretionary money, sure, I've been hush on small things like, say, buying a CD or a pair of shoes when I knew I was supposed to be saving for an upcoming trip or something -- and I know I'd catch a side eye. I think it's a punk thing to do, and I do think honesty has a place in all parts of a relationship, but considering it "financial infidelity" is a bit lofty, IMHO.

Something warranting the title "financial infidelity" would be like habitually hiding finances from a partner or hiding it in such quantities that it has some efffect on your life together, in my mind. I can't see doing that in good conscience.

[Edited 2/11/11 13:30pm]

No.

I handle all the money in our family; my husband really doen't doesn't pay much attention to our finances.

Yes, all my Prince albums.

I do whatever I want to do with my money and my boyfriends always knew that. So no need to hide anything.

Lammastide said:

Something warranting the title "financial infidelity" would be like habitually hiding finances from a partner or hiding it in such quantities that it has some efffect on your life together, in my mind. I can't see doing that in good conscience.

True, that is real financial infidelity, but I did not think any orger would admit to that so I kept the questions light.

sextonseven said:

Lammastide said:

Something warranting the title "financial infidelity" would be like habitually hiding finances from a partner or hiding it in such quantities that it has some efffect on your life together, in my mind. I can't see doing that in good conscience.

True, that is real financial infidelity, but I did not think any orger would admit to that so I kept the questions light.

IMO it's not always necessary that your partner knows about your financial situation in detail.

sextonseven said:

Lammastide said:

Something warranting the title "financial infidelity" would be like habitually hiding finances from a partner or hiding it in such quantities that it has some efffect on your life together, in my mind. I can't see doing that in good conscience.

True, that is real financial infidelity, but I did not think any orger would admit to that so I kept the questions light.

So what about you, sir? Have you done this sort of thing?

[Edited 2/11/11 13:30pm]

Lammastide said:

My wife and I don't pool our finances (at least we don't have joint accounts), and while we can generally do whatever we want with our discretionary money, sure, I've been hush on small things like, say, buying a CD or a pair of shoes when I knew I was supposed to be saving for an upcoming trip or something -- and I know I'd catch a side eye I think it's a punk thing to do, and I do think honesty has a place in all parts of a relationship, but considering it "financial infidelity" is a bit lofty, IMHO.

Something warranting the title "financial infidelity" would be like habitually hiding finances from a partner or hiding it in such quantities that it has some efffect on your life together, in my mind. I can't see doing that in good conscience.

[Edited 2/11/11 13:18pm]

Yeah, picking up a CD now and again is like really light and occasional flirting with strangers. You’re both probably doing it a little bit here and there with no ill intentions whatsoever, still, there could be some minor annoyance so there’s no real need to share any details.

Serious said:

sextonseven said:

True, that is real financial infidelity, but I did not think any orger would admit to that so I kept the questions light.

IMO it's not always necessary that your partner knows about your financial situation in detail.

This comes into play if you are living together with kids and lots of joint bills. In that case I'd think it would be agreed that outrageous purchases should be talked about beforehand.

Lammastide said:

sextonseven said:

True, that is real financial infidelity, but I did not think any orger would admit to that so I kept the questions light.

So what about you, sir? Have you done this sort of thing?

[Edited 2/11/11 13:30pm]

I've never been in a relationship where our income was pooled so no. I have been in one however, where I should have hid purchases not because of the cost, but because it was proof that I was not disclosing my whereabouts every minute of every day to my significant other. That relationship did not last very long afterward.

My husband has no idea I payed 79 dollars or whatever it was to join that dumass Prince website Prince was pushing a few years back, not out of he would not approve, it was more about I felt stupid paying Prince to watch his videos, listen to tracks online.

PaisleyPark5083 said:

My husband has no idea I payed 79 dollars or whatever it was to join that dumass Prince website Prince was pushing a few years back, not out of he would not approve, it was more about I felt stupid paying Prince to watch his videos, listen to tracks online.

In this case, I would call what you did "financial infidelity." You were letting Prince screw you.

sextonseven said:

Serious said:

IMO it's not always necessary that your partner knows about your financial situation in detail.

This comes into play if you are living together with kids and lots of joint bills. In that case I'd think it would be agreed that outrageous purchases should be talked about beforehand.

Well that's true but you can't hide a car or boat can you? Big ticket items, we've always discussed prior to purchase . . . but those purchases have to go through me anyways. As far as a parnter not knowing your finanical situation in detail, that seems silly if not down right foolish to me. That's me. . . . . .

================

[Edited 2/11/11 13:54pm]

Just to further clarify, I'm talking about examples like, "I'd be in the doghouse if he/she ever found out I paid this much this."

sextonseven said:

Serious said:

IMO it's not always necessary that your partner knows about your financial situation in detail.

This comes into play if you are living together with kids and lots of joint bills. In that case I'd think it would be agreed that outrageous purchases should be talked about beforehand.

I don't have kids, but was living together with my my ex and he and I just payed half of all things that were concerning both of us and apart from that we both bought whatever we wanted to buy. I didn't even know how much money he made as I wasn't interested. But he never was hiding it from me.

TD3 said:

sextonseven said:

This comes into play if you are living together with kids and lots of joint bills. In that case I'd think it would be agreed that outrageous purchases should be talked about beforehand.

Well that's true but you can't hide a car or boat can you? Big ticket items, we've always discussed prior to purchase . . . but those purchases have to go through me anyways. As far as a parnter not knowing your finanical situation in detail, that seem silly if not down right foolish to me. That's me. . . . . .

It depends on the individual situation.

Lammastide said:

PaisleyPark5083 said:

My husband has no idea I payed 79 dollars or whatever it was to join that dumass Prince website Prince was pushing a few years back, not out of he would not approve, it was more about I felt stupid paying Prince to watch his videos, listen to tracks online.

In this case, I would call what you did "financial infidelity." You were letting Prince screw you.

He screwed me big time!

no way. I've bought stuff and then she's like "where did that come from", but probably because I don't even think about having to mention it.

Hm. Interesting thread. I've never been in a relationship where every aspect of the other persons finances were open to inspection. Even the times I've been in longterm relationships (three of them longer than five years), our money was still our own. We paid bills together, were on the leases together, knew how much each other made and certainly had some kind of awareness of how much money the other person had saved and/or available to spend. But never have I been in a situation where someone could look at what I did with my money and decide whether or not they thought it was right or wrong. That's just asking for trouble. I guess if you were married maybe that would be different. But by that time, imo, you shouldn't need to hide your spending habits from your spouse, anyway. Why marry someone you have to hide things from?

TD3 said:

sextonseven said:

This comes into play if you are living together with kids and lots of joint bills. In that case I'd think it would be agreed that outrageous purchases should be talked about beforehand.

Well that's true but you can't hide a car or boat can you? Big ticket items, we've always discussed prior to purchase . . . but those purchases have to go through me anyways. As far as a parnter not knowing your finanical situation in detail, that seem silly if not down right foolish to me. That's me. . . . . .

How about hiding clothing or electronic items? Or more specifically, how much you paid for them?

Oh, that? I got that on SALE. 75% off!

sextonseven said:

Just to further clarify, I'm talking about examples like, "I'd be in the doghouse if he/she ever found out I paid this much this."

lol

meh, if your partner knows you at all, she'll know what that shit costs.

sextonseven said:

How about hiding clothing or electronic items? Or more specifically, how much you paid for them?

Oh, that? I got that on SALE. 75% off!

I can't say I haven't done that once or twice. Again, punk thing to do. And Jersey's right: It's also a stupid thing to do because a spouse -- my spouse, anyway -- knows what you'll spend on something.

[Edited 2/11/11 14:10pm]

JerseyKRS said:

sextonseven said:

Just to further clarify, I'm talking about examples like, "I'd be in the doghouse if he/she ever found out I paid this much this."

lol

meh, if your partner knows you at all, she'll know what that shit costs.

Maybe I should have skipped the softball questions and gone straight ahead to asking "have you ever hidden money from your spouse?"

edit: bad grammar

[Edited 2/11/11 14:22pm]

no, when i was with my ex i never hid my purchases. why should i? i worked, it was my money. we split the bills back then. i don't see why i'd ever give a partner crap about his personal purchases, unless he was compulsive about spending. likewise, i expect a certain amount of autonomy in making my financial decisions.

if i were with someone and we were to agree on a common goal, and one of us fail to honor that goal, maybe that might be an issue.

[Edited 2/11/11 16:05pm]

we ask each other if the ticket price is more than say $200, but for anything less he doesn't even want to be bothered with it. As long as I get a good deal