dJJ said:

I was a happy single. Since two days I'm back in the love trap.

Since sunday I had contact with last summer's fling; JL. He's a vj, sampling video/lights/ laser/ images live to the music of the DJ. Sunday there was a photo on the Dutch newsite and I recognized his back. texted him and now we are emailing again. And since then I can't concentrate on anything anymore.

We had a great time together (hot summer 2010), and I love him dearly, however I can't see us in a relationship. We sort of tried.

1. He's 11 years younger. The 5 months that we've been together was his first relationship. He doesn't know shit about what a relationship entails. I don't feel like explaining the basics of communication, thinking about the agenda of the other etc. all over again.

2. We differ on taste. He bought me a gift after his holiday. That was so sweet. It was the most ugly gift I ever got. I put it at central exposure in my living room. Just because I love him. I feel awkward walking with him on the street. I just hate his haircut, his dressing style. I don't want to change him. I also find it hard to ignore his looks. Clothes off: he looks great!

3. He's a great vj. Just starting his career. So he spends all his time to his career. So he should. During the week he's workin on his material (late hours) and in the weekend he's traveling to the show he has to perform (inlcuding flying all over Europe).

I'm a nanny at the moment recovering from high life expectations that weren't met.

So, I start at 7.30 in the morning. Want to sleep during the night. When we were together, he got home around two. I would wake up, we would talk and/or love eachother, then I wasn't able to fall back to sleep. So I requested him not to stay over at my place during the week because or different sleeping patterns. In the weekends I only could see him if I accompinied him to all these dance events. Allthough I love electronic music, his music style (early hard core) was quite different than what I like. And I didn't feel like staying up till 7 in the morning. Which I had to, he would have to work till the end, wrap up etc. And we travel back home together (I don't own a car, not even have my license). We just couldn't get our agenda's straightened out. Because we did not see eachother that much and I needed more, I quit. He understood and we separated respecting and loving eachother highly.

4. I persuaded him to stand in line with me for the Paradiso when P might have performed his aftershow there. P didn't show up, however, we did have a fun night. He went home with me. I hoped we would get back together, however he was sticking to his guns. I really respected him for that. He said that going back together we would face the same problems again. His work still has hours incompatable with mine, I need more time to spend together than he can give me because he prioritizes his career (as he should, he's 26).

I'm still in the whole divorce thing and licking my wounds of the marriage. I trust JL, but it's hard for me since I have been lied to by exHubbie. JL performs for 25.000 - 40.000 people weekly. Groupies are common. I think he should live that whole glittery lifestyle. Just to find out for himself that it's empty.

So many good reasons for us not to be together. However, when I was with him, I just felt sheer love. The warmth in my body and hart was so overwhelming. I know he genuinely loves me too.

When I think about his pure soul and the good person he is (beacuse that's why I love him soooo much, he's truly a good person) and how he allways could make me laugh, I just cry. I still love him badly. So, I've not responded his last email, will do it in a few days. I don't want to get back into contact on a regular basis (we've been texting/ calling once a month), because it just distracts me too much. I get all these feellings, feel so much love for him, and sadness because I think we should not be together. And I'm not doing the things I need to do.

Sorry, guys, just had to get it of my chest. Anybody have a good advice?

I feel your emotions are all over the shop from your previous relationship, i think you need to grab hold of some happiness and run with it for a while.

Your both gonna be just fine, just take your time and learn to "Trust" again....

Thanks. You'r right. The ex-husband thing is still in my way of healthy functioning in any relationship.

I was doing a great job letting last summer's boyfriend JL go. I still think I was right breaking it up because too much upheaval. However, my hart just takes a run with my emotions when I catch a glimpse of him. He's a special soul. And I can let go if I avoid him. It's not easy when he appears in mainstream media

I'll just wait a few days. Stay out of contact. Next week my hart will calm down again. And my emotions will follow.

I'll sit trough it. I also would not want to miss being able to feel genuine love and strong emotions. I'm happy to know that I can listen to advise nowadays and not act on my rocky inner world.

physco185 said:

i rather b single than b in a fucked up relationship

i dont think i'll b lonely, as i do have loved ones in my life....,.

plus i rather die alone than spend the rest of my life with husband...... he has won the ass hole of the year award consecutively for the past 20 years......

it's just weeks away now and he will b gone 4 ever it's taking long cause he keeps on changing his mind..... all i can do is

i can't wait to start my new life with just me n the kids.... i really hate dramas

one thing 4 sure.... and this i know 100%..... is that i will never get married again...EVER!!!!

[Edited 2/11/11 14:21pm]

if he won't leave...you should. otherwise, he gets off on mindfucking you.