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PrintableSoapstone said: The words have been said but the events are yet to take place, how do you go separate ways nicely? Or is someone always going to come out being a bastard?
 Oh, I know what's up. You're gonna break up with her right before Valentine's Day then pick her back up shortly after Feb 14th. 
Am I right? | |
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grandebelle said: Soapstone said: The words have been said but the events are yet to take place, how do you go separate ways nicely? Or is someone always going to come out being a bastard?
Arent there 50 ways to leave your lover? If u really want 2 know, org note me? " Slip out the back jack" (LOL} | |
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My advice is to be honest and kind with your feelings and just do it, and be understanding to their emotions during this time.
There is nothing worse than not knowing where the relationship stands, so just get it all out so there isn't anything left open... that can confuse the mind and cause great heartache... wondering and hoping. | |
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Soapstone said: The answer, I suppose, is simple and quite obvious…… you don’t.
It doesn’t matter what shit goes through your head or what baggage you have to deal with. Love, it seems, is forever. If I broke up it would be only words (as it was yesterday) I would remain in love even if we were no longer together. I am not condoning love, for tis evil  , but once you have it you are stuck with it until the day you die.
I am still confused whether love is a privilege or a curse? A few things that were said yesterday on the org made me think, not just the sound advice (that was much appreciated though) but the jokes, jibes and other comments. Many make you think that you are a lot better off than most, count yourself lucky. I have been single and yea it is fun (for a while) I have dumped and been dumped, serious relationships, flings and affairs; but I have never been more fulfilled with my life as I have in this relationship; 1st love, yea maybe. I still feel that I am way too young to be dealing with this shit. Thanks for the advice, but this ones a keeper, I just have to grow up and get stuck in I guess. awww. that's sweet. it's a wacky roller coaster ride hey? | |
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CalhounSq said: Therapy said: I did this yesterday.
My reason is this. I love him, I am unable to give love to him, as I used to hardly see him and then didn't see him at all in January. I want to see him, I am available to see him. He doesn't want to see me, is unavailable to see me. I make all the effort with calling, texts. I had enough of putting in effort and attempting to love a person who, quite obviously, is not willing or able to accept me or give himself. I want to give to those that want me in their life. Other wise, it is a waste of time. So - once I got it straight in my mind, I told him exactly how it is for me. That's the only way I think that makes sense to break up with someone you love. Decide why you are doing it and just tell them your reasons.  Therapy That sucks Therapy, one way love must be the worst. Ignore what I said as I don't think it applies in your case and if it's any consolation I think you did the right thing. You will soon find someone who will love you as much as you love them, untill then, enjoy the search  | |
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like a band-aid - just rip it off
it hurts for a little while but then you forget where the scar is | |
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Therapy said: I did this yesterday.
My reason is this. I love him, I am unable to give love to him, as I used to hardly see him and then didn't see him at all in January. I want to see him, I am available to see him. He doesn't want to see me, is unavailable to see me. I make all the effort with calling, texts. I had enough of putting in effort and attempting to love a person who, quite obviously, is not willing or able to accept me or give himself. I want to give to those that want me in their life. Other wise, it is a waste of time. So - once I got it straight in my mind, I told him exactly how it is for me. That's the only way I think that makes sense to break up with someone you love. Decide why you are doing it and just tell them your reasons. Although this thread is about breaking up with a romantic partner, I had to do this same thing with someone I thought was my friend--and for exactly the same reasons you give, Therapy. It's hard to deal with constantly extending yourself in so many ways, and getting zero response, or (in my case) being told you're trying too hard. Makes you feel unloved, unworthy, like something's "wrong" with you. Some people just don't know that it takes 2...
Anyway, like you, I realized it was only hurting me and that it wasn't fair, constantly setting myself up to be hurt, hoping the friend would realize I was important enough to pay attention to. I wish you healing, Therapy! [This message was edited Wed Feb 5 22:02:42 PST 2003 by AnotherLover2] | |
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edited [This message was edited Wed Feb 5 16:23:30 PST 2003 by XxAxX] | |
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. [This message was edited Wed Feb 5 16:24:21 PST 2003 by MrBliss] | |
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have an ORG WEDDING and let the moooderaters do it for you I AM King BAD a.k.a. BAD,
YOU EITHER WANNA BE ME, OR BE JUST LIKE ME  ™ | |
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stop capturing my posts i work hard to edit these things [This message was edited Mon Apr 21 20:10:14 PDT 2003 by ScarLett] ~Live Free ... Be Wyld~AlwaysOnlyMakeBelieve - LiveUrLyfe... laissez le bon temps rouler...vivre sans être sauvage...हमेशा ही बना विश्वास ~Change and do so CONSTANTLY... | |
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Brother915 said: grandebelle said: Soapstone said: The words have been said but the events are yet to take place, how do you go separate ways nicely? Or is someone always going to come out being a bastard?
Arent there 50 ways to leave your lover? If u really want 2 know, org note me? " Slip out the back jack" (LOL} "Dont b coy, roy set yourself free..." (lol) if it only WAS THAT easy! some might say it is TOO easy. I say listen 2 your instincts. they know best! the heart, is too sentimental. the brain, not always logical & too emotional. our instincts r more like inner feelings...indeed connected 2 the brain, but more intuitive. they always say if this mechanism says "move on" then go 4 it. instincts should b correct MOST of the times, 4 every individual has different needs & if they r not being met, & one is unhappy, it's usually not wise to stay in a relationship bcuz the partner is content. we must b selfish at these times, as life is so short. unfortunately, one of the 2 does, often, turn into the "bad guy", but certain couples DO & CAN agree that oil & water does not mix, if thats the case, and parting ways is best. i guess it's often not easy especially 4 the one that loves more & there usually is an uneven distribution of love in EVERY relationship. u find one of the 2 usually does the initiating & maintaining the relationship 2 b on a even keel. thats bcuz each of us is so unique & different, we couldnt possibly match up that CLOSELY in mirroring the image of ourselves in another, however i feel a couple having as many similarities opposed 2 alot of non-similarities have a much better chance of staying together happily. May the BELLS ring 4 U even when ur not in love.  | |
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AnotherLover2 said: Therapy said: I did this yesterday.
My reason is this. I love him, I am unable to give love to him, as I used to hardly see him and then didn't see him at all in January. I want to see him, I am available to see him. He doesn't want to see me, is unavailable to see me. I make all the effort with calling, texts. I had enough of putting in effort and attempting to love a person who, quite obviously, is not willing or able to accept me or give himself. I want to give to those that want me in their life. Other wise, it is a waste of time. So - once I got it straight in my mind, I told him exactly how it is for me. That's the only way I think that makes sense to break up with someone you love. Decide why you are doing it and just tell them your reasons. Although this thread is about breaking up with a romantic partner, I had to do this same thing with someone I thought was my friend--and for exactly the same reasons you give, Therapy. It's hard to deal with constantly extending yourself in so many ways, and getting zero response, or (in my case) being told you're trying too hard. Makes you feel unloved, unworthy, like something's "wrong" with you. Some people just don't know that it takes 2...
Anyway, like you, I realized it was only hurting me and that it wasn't fair, constantly setting myself up to be hurt, hoping the friend would realize I was important enough to pay attention to. I wish you healing, Therapy!
[This message was edited Wed Feb 5 22:02:42 PST 2003 by AnotherLover2] Thanks CalhounSq, Soapstone... Thank you AnotherLover2... I did enjoy giving love to him, infact, taught me a big lesson. That it really is about giving, not waiting to receive. That applies to everyone, not just a man in my life. But when he withdrew further and further, then I had to realise that he didn't want to be loved. I told this story to my friend the other night. Imagine two strangers. Both, I have the intention to give love to. The first, has arms open and is willing to receive what I want to give. The second, is saying go away, leave me alone. The second person was him. The act of loving him in this instance is to do what he is asking. To leave him alone. So I am. On one level, I wish that we could have and still be exchanging love with each other. On another level, I need to become a whole person before I can properly do this. I was attempting to be a whole person while with him... (very complicated...!) By loving him the way that I have, I have realised what love is all about. It just is. I guess also, during that time with him, I was sometimes feeling that way with myself. I was just *with* love inside of myself. What I need to do now, is focus on being with love inside myself, until I feel that I am a whole person. I am not a whole person until I have healed from the wounds of abuse from my parents, which have been hanging around unhealed for years. Through therapy I have now got to the last stages of that healing. So all is not lost, infact, all is to gain. As long as I can love, I'm alive  | |
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Therapy said: Thanks CalhounSq, Soapstone...
Thank you AnotherLover2... I did enjoy giving love to him, infact, taught me a big lesson. That it really is about giving, not waiting to receive. That applies to everyone, not just a man in my life. But when he withdrew further and further, then I had to realise that he didn't want to be loved. I told this story to my friend the other night. Imagine two strangers. Both, I have the intention to give love to. The first, has arms open and is willing to receive what I want to give. The second, is saying go away, leave me alone. The second person was him. The act of loving him in this instance is to do what he is asking. To leave him alone. So I am. On one level, I wish that we could have and still be exchanging love with each other. On another level, I need to become a whole person before I can properly do this. I was attempting to be a whole person while with him... (very complicated...!) By loving him the way that I have, I have realised what love is all about. It just is. I guess also, during that time with him, I was sometimes feeling that way with myself. I was just *with* love inside of myself. What I need to do now, is focus on being with love inside myself, until I feel that I am a whole person. I am not a whole person until I have healed from the wounds of abuse from my parents, which have been hanging around unhealed for years. Through therapy I have now got to the last stages of that healing. So all is not lost, infact, all is to gain. As long as I can love, I'm alive AWW!  You're so beautiful for sharing this, Therapy   I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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Therapy said: AnotherLover2 said: Therapy said: I did this yesterday.
My reason is this. I love him, I am unable to give love to him, as I used to hardly see him and then didn't see him at all in January. I want to see him, I am available to see him. He doesn't want to see me, is unavailable to see me. I make all the effort with calling, texts. I had enough of putting in effort and attempting to love a person who, quite obviously, is not willing or able to accept me or give himself. I want to give to those that want me in their life. Other wise, it is a waste of time. So - once I got it straight in my mind, I told him exactly how it is for me. That's the only way I think that makes sense to break up with someone you love. Decide why you are doing it and just tell them your reasons. Although this thread is about breaking up with a romantic partner, I had to do this same thing with someone I thought was my friend--and for exactly the same reasons you give, Therapy. It's hard to deal with constantly extending yourself in so many ways, and getting zero response, or (in my case) being told you're trying too hard. Makes you feel unloved, unworthy, like something's "wrong" with you. Some people just don't know that it takes 2...
Anyway, like you, I realized it was only hurting me and that it wasn't fair, constantly setting myself up to be hurt, hoping the friend would realize I was important enough to pay attention to. I wish you healing, Therapy!
[This message was edited Wed Feb 5 22:02:42 PST 2003 by AnotherLover2] Thanks CalhounSq, Soapstone... Thank you AnotherLover2... I did enjoy giving love to him, infact, taught me a big lesson. That it really is about giving, not waiting to receive. That applies to everyone, not just a man in my life. But when he withdrew further and further, then I had to realise that he didn't want to be loved. I told this story to my friend the other night. Imagine two strangers. Both, I have the intention to give love to. The first, has arms open and is willing to receive what I want to give. The second, is saying go away, leave me alone. The second person was him. The act of loving him in this instance is to do what he is asking. To leave him alone. So I am. On one level, I wish that we could have and still be exchanging love with each other. On another level, I need to become a whole person before I can properly do this. I was attempting to be a whole person while with him... (very complicated...!) By loving him the way that I have, I have realised what love is all about. It just is. I guess also, during that time with him, I was sometimes feeling that way with myself. I was just *with* love inside of myself. What I need to do now, is focus on being with love inside myself, until I feel that I am a whole person. I am not a whole person until I have healed from the wounds of abuse from my parents, which have been hanging around unhealed for years. Through therapy I have now got to the last stages of that healing. So all is not lost, infact, all is to gain. As long as I can love, I'm alive You are absolutely headed in the right direction, Therapy But you certainly don't need to hear that from me, lol. I'm glad we were both able to determine that saying "goodbye" to someone was saying "hello" to ourselves, and that we deserve basic human kindness and love. | |
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AnotherLover2 said: Therapy said: AnotherLover2 said: Therapy said: I did this yesterday.
My reason is this. I love him, I am unable to give love to him, as I used to hardly see him and then didn't see him at all in January. I want to see him, I am available to see him. He doesn't want to see me, is unavailable to see me. I make all the effort with calling, texts. I had enough of putting in effort and attempting to love a person who, quite obviously, is not willing or able to accept me or give himself. I want to give to those that want me in their life. Other wise, it is a waste of time. So - once I got it straight in my mind, I told him exactly how it is for me. That's the only way I think that makes sense to break up with someone you love. Decide why you are doing it and just tell them your reasons. Although this thread is about breaking up with a romantic partner, I had to do this same thing with someone I thought was my friend--and for exactly the same reasons you give, Therapy. It's hard to deal with constantly extending yourself in so many ways, and getting zero response, or (in my case) being told you're trying too hard. Makes you feel unloved, unworthy, like something's "wrong" with you. Some people just don't know that it takes 2...
Anyway, like you, I realized it was only hurting me and that it wasn't fair, constantly setting myself up to be hurt, hoping the friend would realize I was important enough to pay attention to. I wish you healing, Therapy!
[This message was edited Wed Feb 5 22:02:42 PST 2003 by AnotherLover2] Thanks CalhounSq, Soapstone... Thank you AnotherLover2... I did enjoy giving love to him, infact, taught me a big lesson. That it really is about giving, not waiting to receive. That applies to everyone, not just a man in my life. But when he withdrew further and further, then I had to realise that he didn't want to be loved. I told this story to my friend the other night. Imagine two strangers. Both, I have the intention to give love to. The first, has arms open and is willing to receive what I want to give. The second, is saying go away, leave me alone. The second person was him. The act of loving him in this instance is to do what he is asking. To leave him alone. So I am. On one level, I wish that we could have and still be exchanging love with each other. On another level, I need to become a whole person before I can properly do this. I was attempting to be a whole person while with him... (very complicated...!) By loving him the way that I have, I have realised what love is all about. It just is. I guess also, during that time with him, I was sometimes feeling that way with myself. I was just *with* love inside of myself. What I need to do now, is focus on being with love inside myself, until I feel that I am a whole person. I am not a whole person until I have healed from the wounds of abuse from my parents, which have been hanging around unhealed for years. Through therapy I have now got to the last stages of that healing. So all is not lost, infact, all is to gain. As long as I can love, I'm alive You are absolutely headed in the right direction, Therapy But you certainly don't need to hear that from me, lol. I'm glad we were both able to determine that saying "goodbye" to someone was saying "hello" to ourselves, and that we deserve basic human kindness and love.Sorry that I wasn't really able to say anything about what you wrote in your post... Was too filled with raw emotion at that point. You are right, it is hard to extend to other people and get zero response - something that I have realised is that it has a lot to do with my past and patterns of how I interacted with my parents repeating themselves, that drove me to carry on extending in that way. Guess I just got used to being like that. I think though, when the other person is saying no and doesn't realise that it takes two, the only thing to do is to love and understand... that is sooo hard at times. I really do know what you mean man, self worth, being told that you are trying too hard - maybe you were compensating for what he didn't want or wasn't able to share? Maybe choosing to give to someone for an amount of time is good - I think that I went beyond the time limit on 'us' - actually, I think that I was self abusing by giving to someone who didn't want what I was offering. It is torture to live with the pain of not being wanted. Which is why I agree whole heartedly that it is the right thing that you and I have done to embrace ourselves and that kindness and love within. Much to you and warmth  | |
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