Do you have the intestinal fortitude to walk out on your spouse/mate/significant-other BEFORE you found another lover?

Relationships are difficult to maintain, and people do grow apart.

So, if it came to the point where you have decided that your relationshipo is over...would you have the decency to just up & leave before screwing someone else? Or are you one of those people that are so attached to belongings and comfort that you'd have an affair?

Honestly.

I dont understand affairs.. if im that miserable in my relationship that I want to find others, than I need to leave....

If I felt or was in the situation where cheating and dishonesty showed it's face

I'd leave

I in no way see that happening

BUT

one never knows now do they

One never knows, and one may think that they know the perosn with whom they've spent 17 years of their life wit5h,...anbd then when things get bad, all bets are off apparently. I guess you shouldn't trust anyone 110%. Exceopt your mother maybe.

PurpleJedi said:

One never knows, and one may think that they know the perosn with whom they've spent 17 years of their life wit5h,...anbd then when things get bad, all bets are off apparently. I guess you shouldn't trust anyone 110%. Exceopt your mother maybe.

I have done both and i find that what is out there is worse than keepin a casual friend

let the people decide.....

[Edited 1/30/11 15:06pm]

At one time I would have cheated.

Now I would jsut leave.

PurpleJedi said:

Do you have the intestinal fortitude to walk out on your spouse/mate/significant-other BEFORE you found another lover?

Relationships are difficult to maintain, and people do grow apart.

So, if it came to the point where you have decided that your relationshipo is over...would you have the decency to just up & leave before screwing someone else? Or are you one of those people that are so attached to belongings and comfort that you'd have an affair?

Honestly.

I would leave.

PurpleJedi said:

Do you have the intestinal fortitude to walk out on your spouse/mate/significant-other BEFORE you found another lover?

Relationships are difficult to maintain, and people do grow apart.

So, if it came to the point where you have decided that your relationshipo is over...would you have the decency to just up & leave before screwing someone else? Or are you one of those people that are so attached to belongings and comfort that you'd have an affair?

Honestly.

Just walk out. No point in staying if I feel it's not worth it.

i would never cheat

leave

If you don't walk out first, you're a coward. The idea "intestinal fortitude" sort of implies it's some giant undertaking, but if you aren't feeling it then you need to leave.

If you are having trouble leaving and you need to create a disaster to break it off (aka cheat), then you've got a lot of issues you should work through before engaging in another relationship with a human being.

(BTW, all "you" comments are general yous, not YOU yous.)

PurpleJedi said:

One never knows, and one may think that they know the perosn with whom they've spent 17 years of their life wit5h,...anbd then when things get bad, all bets are off apparently. I guess you shouldn't trust anyone 110%. Exceopt your mother maybe.

Though my bf who I was together with for 17 years never cheated on me I can very much relate to that . It is very hard and painful to end a relationship that long. I never cheated on a partner, but I am not sure if sometimes it might be better to try first with somebody else as you migth find out how much you still love the one you are with afterwards then to just end it. What I would also suggest would be some counselling.

From this post and others I see you are struggling right now . Best of luck to you .

Mach said:

If I felt or was in the situation where cheating and dishonesty showed it's face

I'd leave

I in no way see that happening

BUT

one never knows now do they

YES! I never ever cheated on any of my partners in my life and I don't see it happening as it is just natural for me to be loyal to the one I love even when I am in a long distance relationship like now when I don't see my man for many months. But to all these people who say they would never cheat: You never know what circumstances might come up in life that might make you do things you cannot imagine right now.

I would just leave.

Since anything is possible, if I were to imagine some circumstance that would lead me to cheating, I'm guessing I'd have to have grown to hate the person I'm with to the point of wanting to hurt them. That's not in my nature, but I guess it's not impossible for someone to push me to the point I despise them. This is just a guess.

Leave.

Serious said:

Mach said:

If I felt or was in the situation where cheating and dishonesty showed it's face

I'd leave

I in no way see that happening

BUT

one never knows now do they

YES! I never ever cheated on any of my partners in my life and I don't see it happening as it is just natural for me to be loyal to the one I love even when I am in a long distance relationship like now when I don't see my man for many months. But to all these people who say they would never cheat: You never know what circumstances might come up in life that might make you do things you cannot imagine right now.

Huh? I've never understood that idea. What do you mean you never know if you would cheat? How is that even a difficult concept to adhere to? If you -allow- for that behavior to be acceptable in your mind then you will rationalize your bad behavior if and when it happens. Why leave the door open? Close the door and retain your dignity.

No matter WHAT gripes you have in a relationship, you completely blow your argument to smithereens the moment you cheat on someone. You are INSTANTLY the villain and if you were already the bad guy in the situation and the stress of being the bad guy made you cheat, then you not only look like an asshole, but you look like a COMPLETE asshole.

Spinlight said:

Serious said:

YES! I never ever cheated on any of my partners in my life and I don't see it happening as it is just natural for me to be loyal to the one I love even when I am in a long distance relationship like now when I don't see my man for many months. But to all these people who say they would never cheat: You never know what circumstances might come up in life that might make you do things you cannot imagine right now.

Huh? I've never understood that idea. What do you mean you never know if you would cheat? How is that even a difficult concept to adhere to? If you -allow- for that behavior to be acceptable in your mind then you will rationalize your bad behavior if and when it happens. Why leave the door open? Close the door and retain your dignity.

No matter WHAT gripes you have in a relationship, you completely blow your argument to smithereens the moment you cheat on someone. You are INSTANTLY the villain and if you were already the bad guy in the situation and the stress of being the bad guy made you cheat, then you not only look like an asshole, but you look like a COMPLETE asshole.

I know how much it hurts te be left by somebody you love. IMO cheating on somebody might sometimes be better than leaving that person. Better for that person. I know for a fact hat my bf would prefer me to cheat on him than me to leave him for example. And no I cannot imagine I will ever do that. And I sure won't do it more likely just because I cannot complety rule it out.

Serious said:

Spinlight said:

Huh? I've never understood that idea. What do you mean you never know if you would cheat? How is that even a difficult concept to adhere to? If you -allow- for that behavior to be acceptable in your mind then you will rationalize your bad behavior if and when it happens. Why leave the door open? Close the door and retain your dignity.

No matter WHAT gripes you have in a relationship, you completely blow your argument to smithereens the moment you cheat on someone. You are INSTANTLY the villain and if you were already the bad guy in the situation and the stress of being the bad guy made you cheat, then you not only look like an asshole, but you look like a COMPLETE asshole.

I know how much it hurts te be left by somebody you love. IMO cheating on somebody might sometimes be better than leaving that person. Better for that person. I know for a fact hat my bf would prefer me to cheat on him than me to leave him for example. And no I cannot imagine I will ever do that. And I sure won't do it more likely just because I cannot complety rule it out.

But aren't you more likely to do it if you have the option left open? I know breaking up hurts, I've been there. I guess it all comes down to what you feel is an easier feeling to deal with: we can't be together because we're not compatible or we can't be together because you've totally destroyed my trust and faith in you. See how those are 2 different poles? Wouldn't you rather not add insult to injury? Just curious, no judgments here. We're all human, I know! It just disheartens me to see people make cheating seem acceptable when it is one of the worst things you can do to a person.

Spinlight said:

Serious said:

I know how much it hurts te be left by somebody you love. IMO cheating on somebody might sometimes be better than leaving that person. Better for that person. I know for a fact hat my bf would prefer me to cheat on him than me to leave him for example. And no I cannot imagine I will ever do that. And I sure won't do it more likely just because I cannot complety rule it out.

But aren't you more likely to do it if you have the option left open? I know breaking up hurts, I've been there. I guess it all comes down to what you feel is an easier feeling to deal with: we can't be together because we're not compatible or we can't be together because you've totally destroyed my trust and faith in you. See how those are 2 different poles? Wouldn't you rather not add insult to injury? Just curious, no judgments here. We're all human, I know! It just disheartens me to see people make cheating seem acceptable when it is one of the worst things you can do to a person.

No I don't think so at all. Just like it was never necessary for me to marry just to know that I belong to who I am with and want to stay with that person forever.

If you leave somebody you destroy the trust and faith anyway. It depends on so many circumstances. I would never just cheat on somebody just so. I am not like that. BUt like you said we are all human, so I cannot foresee the future.

I have to leave if I'm going to be with another....but it's easier said than done sometimes

...........

[Edited 1/30/11 7:02am]

PurpleJedi said:

Do you have the intestinal fortitude to walk out on your spouse/mate/significant-other BEFORE you found another lover?

Relationships are difficult to maintain, and people do grow apart.

So, if it came to the point where you have decided that your relationshipo is over...would you have the decency to just up & leave before screwing someone else? Or are you one of those people that are so attached to belongings and comfort that you'd have an affair?

Honestly.

I honestly can't answer that question. I don't know what I would do until I was faced with the reality.

how's that for fence riding.

I would like to think I'd just leave.

Serious said:

Mach said:

If I felt or was in the situation where cheating and dishonesty showed it's face

I'd leave

I in no way see that happening

BUT

one never knows now do they

YES! I never ever cheated on any of my partners in my life and I don't see it happening as it is just natural for me to be loyal to the one I love even when I am in a long distance relationship like now when I don't see my man for many months. But to all these people who say they would never cheat: You never know what circumstances might come up in life that might make you do things you cannot imagine right now.

One never knows what another person may do either ~ you may NEVER but a partner may

Mach said:

Serious said:

YES! I never ever cheated on any of my partners in my life and I don't see it happening as it is just natural for me to be loyal to the one I love even when I am in a long distance relationship like now when I don't see my man for many months. But to all these people who say they would never cheat: You never know what circumstances might come up in life that might make you do things you cannot imagine right now.

One never knows what another person may do either ~ you may NEVER but a partner may

You know so many people tell me that I expect too much of my boyfriend to live celibate for months especially in a country where most men are not into monogamy at all and that he sure is sleeping around. I just hope it ain't so and that he is as serious about our relationship as I am, but you never have any guarantees in life anyway. I was so sure my last relationship would last forever, but my ex left me after 17 years without ever having cheated on me.

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.