FauxReal said:

HotGritz said:

I'm waiting for someone to prove to me it can work. The proof I would need is an example of people who overcame great space and time and are physically together NOW. So far all I've heard about is people who met, hooked up, and are now keeping in contact with the other person. That just doesn't sound like a relationship no matter how many times you interject the word "love" into it.

I've already said I'm not into long distance relationships for myself, mainly because it doesn't make any sense to me to be exclusive with someone who is so far away when I could have a healthy relationship with someone that's a short road trip away. Plus, I don't understand the quickness of such relationships. With the exception of orger Militant, who according to him was with his girl for 2 years before they became long distance, every LDR I've ever heard about originated with a vacation, a meet up at a family function, or a chat over the internet and it ended up being short lived in the minds of at least one of the interested parties.

Why do they need to be physically together now to prove it works though? The fact that two people are still together despite the distance, such as Serious, seems like proof to me. Shit, some marriages don't last that long under the same roof. Doesn't stop people from supporting and believing in them. I don't get why proximity is more important than the actual feelings two people would have for one another.

Thank you .

XxAxX said:

i think it depends on the people. i know couples who are together physically, married and sharing a roof, but know nothing about each other and don't care to. i know couples who are far apart geographically, but closer than most.

maybe you get back what you put in

Well said

I've had very good luck with long distance relationships. But eventually you do come to the point where someone is going to have to move so that your relationship can evolve and develop holistically. While I have enjoyed them, I'm at a phase in my life where I'm not willing to move for another person and dismantle the foundation I've built for myself over the past decade, so in my sunset years local is the way to go for me. I'm not sure, but it think it might be easier for people who travel alot for work. When I was younger a great portion of my life was spent in planes and trains the world over, so stopping by to spend time with a loved one thousands of miles away wasn't that big of a deal; everyone around me was spending an average of 170-200 days away from home in hotel rooms in countries whose village names you forget after a month, so what difference does one more airport or layover make? However, in all relationships you get to a turning point where you have to either sh** or get off the pot, so in a long distance one that point comes when either you choose to be together full time, or go your separate ways. It can be cool for a minute if you have the lifestyle fit for it and the inner fortitude.

yes

it works for me

true love holds no boundaries

i'm currently in the US

HotGritz said:

Serious said:

Why do you try to prove that it cannot work? Just because it did not work for you? It is hard, that is for sure. I don't know if we will still be together in 10 or 20 years, but I hope so. I am a fighter and very serious about relationships and I don't give up easy.

I'm waiting for someone to prove to me it can work. The proof I would need is an example of people who overcame great space and time and are physically together NOW. So far all I've heard about is people who met, hooked up, and are now keeping in contact with the other person. That just doesn't sound like a relationship no matter how many times you interject the word "love" into it.

My brother and his partner were together 8 years before my brother passed away. My brother lived in New York, his partner in Florida. His partner wanted to move to NY but couldn't because he was "of a certain age" and knew he'd have difficulty finding work and he couldn't afford to lose his health insurance. The two of them had a very loving, very stable monogamous relationship that worked very well for them.

Efan said:

My brother and his partner were together 8 years before my brother passed away. My brother lived in New York, his partner in Florida. His partner wanted to move to NY but couldn't because he was "of a certain age" and knew he'd have difficulty finding work and he couldn't afford to lose his health insurance. The two of them had a very loving, very stable monogamous relationship that worked very well for them.

My past opinion is that it would not work but anything is possible when two people really love eachother and want to make it work. I think it depends on the people involved. Its nice when it does work out.

heybaby said:

My past opinion is that it would not work but anything is possible when two people really love eachother and want to make it work. I think it depends on the people involved. Its nice when it does work out.

I like your avi. Very nice. Is that you?

HotGritz said:

BlackAdder7 said:

you've avoided my question. why does it bother you so much if some people are happy in a long distance relationship? is it hurting you?

I didn't avoid your question I just didn't see it.

It doesn't bother me if some people are happy in a long distance relationship - even though I've personally seen no evidence of this AT ALL.

It does bother me to see people waste their time on an empty relationship and on someone who will never be there in any form other than texts/emails/skyping/phone calls and then complain about said relationship down the road when all the warning signs were there staring you smack in your face. Yeah, when the odds were against you from the very beginning you can't cry foul later on.

Holy Jeebus Juice, not at all ???

My first marriage began with a long distance relationship and we were together for 10 years. Although the break up hurt at the time ( as many break-ups do) I don't regret our time together as we had an extraordinary journey that simply needed to come to an end. It most certainly was not a waste as that was the period in my life in which I moved from girl to womanhood with an amazing person (who just simply was not for me anymore).

Just because you haven't experienced or evidenced certain things in life does not mean that they don't exist. Nobody's seen God prancing around the earth either, but there are a great many people who believe He does exist and feel that they experience His presence. You can choose to believe or not believe, but that's on you, and it's all relative. I believe this can can go for a variety of relationships: in terms of distance, I haven't lived near my immediate family and closest friends in over two decades; do the miles between us mean that there is no bond or deep love? In terms of the ethics and character that define our relationships, for example, some people have grown up with absolutely shitty parents, or have had shitty teachers, or have had the most dreadful husbands or wives on the planet, but does that mean that because they haven't experienced healthy, life-affirming bonds with those people in their lives, those who are meant to be supportive caregivers, that such relationships do not exist?

I would say that frankly, it's all relative, it's all circumstancial, and NONE of us have the right to determine or validate the legitimacy of the love or soul connection people feel between each other (unless it affects us personally). Until then, that's between the two adults in question, and if you don't get with long distance relationships, then don't. But hopefully you won't rain on anybody else's parade simply because it's not an experience familiar to you. Because that would hardly be fair or balanced.

I think that ethical adults with an iota of wisdom and discernment are able to determine if a person is worth their time or not regardless of physical location. Out of all the long distance relationships I've had, I can say yes, there was one that sucked big time. It had nothing to do with the distance between us rather than the dude was a straight-up sheister. He was by nature a snarky person with a questionable moral barometer and we were not going to work under any circumstances, near or far because I won't put up with that nonsense in my life. He would have had the character defects to send me packing whether we lived 3,000 miles apart or 3.

In short, I believe that some long distance relationships suck, and some are great. It depends on the people involved, and their sense of purpose, priority, honesty, and mutual expectation in their union.

Ottensen said:

HotGritz said:

I didn't avoid your question I just didn't see it.

It doesn't bother me if some people are happy in a long distance relationship - even though I've personally seen no evidence of this AT ALL.

It does bother me to see people waste their time on an empty relationship and on someone who will never be there in any form other than texts/emails/skyping/phone calls and then complain about said relationship down the road when all the warning signs were there staring you smack in your face. Yeah, when the odds were against you from the very beginning you can't cry foul later on.

Holy Jeebus Juice, not at all ???

My first marriage began with a long distance relationship and we were together for 10 years. Although the break up hurt at the time ( as many break-ups do) I don't regret our time together as we had an extraordinary journey that simply needed to come to an end. It most certainly was not a waste as that was the period in my life in which I moved from girl to womanhood with an amazing person (who just simply was not for me anymore).

Just because you haven't experienced or evidenced certain things in life does not mean that they don't exist. Nobody's seen God prancing around the earth either, but there are a great many people who believe He does exist and feel that they experience His presence. You can choose to believe or not believe, but that's on you, and it's all relative. I believe this can can go for a variety of relationships: in terms of distance, I haven't lived near my immediate family and closest friends in over two decades; do the miles between us mean that there is no bond or deep love? In terms of the ethics and character that define our relationships, for example, some people have grown up with absolutely shitty parents, or have had shitty teachers, or have had the most dreadful husbands or wives on the planet, but does that mean that because they haven't experienced healthy, life-affirming bonds with those people in their lives, those who are meant to be supportive caregivers, that such relationships do not exist?

I would say that frankly, it's all relative, it's all circumstancial, and NONE of us have the right to determine or validate the legitimacy of the love or soul connection people feel between each other (unless it affects us personally). Until then, that's between the two adults in question, and if you don't get with long distance relationships, then don't. But hopefully you won't rain on anybody else's parade simply because it's not an experience familiar to you. Because that would hardly be fair or balanced.

I think that ethical adults with an iota of wisdom and discernment are able to determine if a person is worth their time or not regardless of physical location. Out of all the long distance relationships I've had, I can say yes, there was one that sucked big time. It had nothing to do with the distance between us rather than the dude was a straight-up sheister. He was by nature a snarky person with a questionable moral barometer and we were not going to work under any circumstances, near or far because I won't put up with that nonsense in my life. He would have had the character defects to send me packing whether we lived 3,000 miles apart or 3.

In short, I believe that some long distance relationships suck, and some are great. It depends on the people involved, and their sense of purpose, priority, honesty, and mutual expectation in their union.

As usual, impeccably stated.

HotGritz said:

i never understood it. what are u supposed to have phone sex only?

purplemookiebut said:

i never understood it. what are u supposed to have phone sex only?

it would seem so. I am not content on just phone sex. nuh uh.

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and blu-ray release....

I personally don't believe in them anymore. But hey, if you think you can make it work, go for it.

HotGritz said:

purplemookiebut said:

i never understood it. what are u supposed to have phone sex only?

it would seem so. I am not content on just phone sex. nuh uh.

well i guess thats better then the nuthin i'm getting now

purplemookiebut said:

HotGritz said:

it would seem so. I am not content on just phone sex. nuh uh.

well i guess thats better then the nuthin i'm getting now

I like sex far too much for just phone sex.

purplemookiebut said:

i never understood it. what are u supposed to have phone sex only?

No, you visit each other periodically during the year like the orgers that have had successful long distance relationships have stated.

sextonseven said:

purplemookiebut said:

i never understood it. what are u supposed to have phone sex only?

No, you visit each other periodically during the year like the orgers that have had successful long distance relationships have stated.

And I had sex more often last year than many people who live with their partner.

Acrylic said:

purplemookiebut said:

well i guess thats better then the nuthin i'm getting now

I like sex far too much for just phone sex.

I LOVE sex, but I love my man, so I have to wait until I see him again.

PunkMistress said:

Ottensen said:

Holy Jeebus Juice, not at all ???

My first marriage began with a long distance relationship and we were together for 10 years. Although the break up hurt at the time ( as many break-ups do) I don't regret our time together as we had an extraordinary journey that simply needed to come to an end. It most certainly was not a waste as that was the period in my life in which I moved from girl to womanhood with an amazing person (who just simply was not for me anymore).

Just because you haven't experienced or evidenced certain things in life does not mean that they don't exist. Nobody's seen God prancing around the earth either, but there are a great many people who believe He does exist and feel that they experience His presence. You can choose to believe or not believe, but that's on you, and it's all relative. I believe this can can go for a variety of relationships: in terms of distance, I haven't lived near my immediate family and closest friends in over two decades; do the miles between us mean that there is no bond or deep love? In terms of the ethics and character that define our relationships, for example, some people have grown up with absolutely shitty parents, or have had shitty teachers, or have had the most dreadful husbands or wives on the planet, but does that mean that because they haven't experienced healthy, life-affirming bonds with those people in their lives, those who are meant to be supportive caregivers, that such relationships do not exist?

I would say that frankly, it's all relative, it's all circumstancial, and NONE of us have the right to determine or validate the legitimacy of the love or soul connection people feel between each other (unless it affects us personally). Until then, that's between the two adults in question, and if you don't get with long distance relationships, then don't. But hopefully you won't rain on anybody else's parade simply because it's not an experience familiar to you. Because that would hardly be fair or balanced.

I think that ethical adults with an iota of wisdom and discernment are able to determine if a person is worth their time or not regardless of physical location. Out of all the long distance relationships I've had, I can say yes, there was one that sucked big time. It had nothing to do with the distance between us rather than the dude was a straight-up sheister. He was by nature a snarky person with a questionable moral barometer and we were not going to work under any circumstances, near or far because I won't put up with that nonsense in my life. He would have had the character defects to send me packing whether we lived 3,000 miles apart or 3.

In short, I believe that some long distance relationships suck, and some are great. It depends on the people involved, and their sense of purpose, priority, honesty, and mutual expectation in their union.

As usual, impeccably stated.

Ottensen said:

HotGritz said:

I didn't avoid your question I just didn't see it.

It doesn't bother me if some people are happy in a long distance relationship - even though I've personally seen no evidence of this AT ALL.

It does bother me to see people waste their time on an empty relationship and on someone who will never be there in any form other than texts/emails/skyping/phone calls and then complain about said relationship down the road when all the warning signs were there staring you smack in your face. Yeah, when the odds were against you from the very beginning you can't cry foul later on.

Holy Jeebus Juice, not at all ???

My first marriage began with a long distance relationship and we were together for 10 years. Although the break up hurt at the time ( as many break-ups do) I don't regret our time together as we had an extraordinary journey that simply needed to come to an end. It most certainly was not a waste as that was the period in my life in which I moved from girl to womanhood with an amazing person (who just simply was not for me anymore).

Just because you haven't experienced or evidenced certain things in life does not mean that they don't exist. Nobody's seen God prancing around the earth either, but there are a great many people who believe He does exist and feel that they experience His presence. You can choose to believe or not believe, but that's on you, and it's all relative. I believe this can can go for a variety of relationships: in terms of distance, I haven't lived near my immediate family and closest friends in over two decades; do the miles between us mean that there is no bond or deep love? In terms of the ethics and character that define our relationships, for example, some people have grown up with absolutely shitty parents, or have had shitty teachers, or have had the most dreadful husbands or wives on the planet, but does that mean that because they haven't experienced healthy, life-affirming bonds with those people in their lives, those who are meant to be supportive caregivers, that such relationships do not exist?

I would say that frankly, it's all relative, it's all circumstancial, and NONE of us have the right to determine or validate the legitimacy of the love or soul connection people feel between each other (unless it affects us personally). Until then, that's between the two adults in question, and if you don't get with long distance relationships, then don't. But hopefully you won't rain on anybody else's parade simply because it's not an experience familiar to you. Because that would hardly be fair or balanced.

I think that ethical adults with an iota of wisdom and discernment are able to determine if a person is worth their time or not regardless of physical location. Out of all the long distance relationships I've had, I can say yes, there was one that sucked big time. It had nothing to do with the distance between us rather than the dude was a straight-up sheister. He was by nature a snarky person with a questionable moral barometer and we were not going to work under any circumstances, near or far because I won't put up with that nonsense in my life. He would have had the character defects to send me packing whether we lived 3,000 miles apart or 3.

In short, I believe that some long distance relationships suck, and some are great. It depends on the people involved, and their sense of purpose, priority, honesty, and mutual expectation in their union.

My favourite parts are the bolded ones.

Efan said:

My brother and his partner were together 8 years before my brother passed away. My brother lived in New York, his partner in Florida. His partner wanted to move to NY but couldn't because he was "of a certain age" and knew he'd have difficulty finding work and he couldn't afford to lose his health insurance. The two of them had a very loving, very stable monogamous relationship that worked very well for them.

heybaby said:

My past opinion is that it would not work but anything is possible when two people really love eachother and want to make it work. I think it depends on the people involved. Its nice when it does work out.

Meh....I dunno. They've neva worked out 4 me.

I'm a Dick-On-Demand kinda chick, so he's gotta be local.

I've done it. Met a girl in 2000, we were friends for a year and stayed in touch, saw each other again a year later and decided to commit and make a go of it. I spent the next year and a half between Thailand and the UK, working for 4 or 5 months and coming to see her in Thailand for 3 months, then going back to work more and do it all again. It wasn't easy, of course, it was bloody hard, sometimes painful and frustrating, at times desperate, but we made it work and we stayed 'together'. Towards the end of 2002 I moved thousands of miles to live with her and we haven't looked back since. In a few months it'll be 10 years since we decided to give it a shot, and 4 years we've been married.

I remember towards the end of the 2000 when I was back in the UK, staying in touch with her, and she asked me about if we might be more than friends I said I thought it was impossible. I was scared, how could it work? She didn't talk to me for a while. I thought about it more and thought why not give it a try? I'm so glad we did, and that we stuck at it. I'm so happy I found her.

Fauxie said:

I've done it. Met a girl in 2000, we were friends for a year and stayed in touch, saw each other again a year later and decided to commit and make a go of it. I spent the next year and a half between Thailand and the UK, working for 4 or 5 months and coming to see her in Thailand for 3 months, then going back to work more and do it all again. It wasn't easy, of course, it was bloody hard, sometimes painful and frustrating, at times desperate, but we made it work and we stayed 'together'. Towards the end of 2002 I moved thousands of miles to live with her and we haven't looked back since. In a few months it'll be 10 years since we decided to give it a shot, and 4 years we've been married.

I remember towards the end of the 2000 when I was back in the UK, staying in touch with her, and she asked me about if we might be more than friends I said I thought it was impossible. I was scared, how could it work? She didn't talk to me for a while. I thought about it more and thought why not give it a try? I'm so glad we did, and that we stuck at it. I'm so happy I found her.

Mine lives 2 hours away and visits his family not too far from me every weekend, so we meet twice a week and sometimes 3 , and we talk on the phone everyday. I think it works well, but he thought it wasn't enough and was being such a whiner. But now he's calmed down about it. If neither of you are grateful about what you have and are selfish about wanting the person all to yourself and wanting them to revolve their life around you, forget it.

Fauxie said:

I've done it. Met a girl in 2000, we were friends for a year and stayed in touch, saw each other again a year later and decided to commit and make a go of it. I spent the next year and a half between Thailand and the UK, working for 4 or 5 months and coming to see her in Thailand for 3 months, then going back to work more and do it all again. It wasn't easy, of course, it was bloody hard, sometimes painful and frustrating, at times desperate, but we made it work and we stayed 'together'. Towards the end of 2002 I moved thousands of miles to live with her and we haven't looked back since. In a few months it'll be 10 years since we decided to give it a shot, and 4 years we've been married.

I remember towards the end of the 2000 when I was back in the UK, staying in touch with her, and she asked me about if we might be more than friends I said I thought it was impossible. I was scared, how could it work? She didn't talk to me for a while. I thought about it more and thought why not give it a try? I'm so glad we did, and that we stuck at it. I'm so happy I found her.

long distance relationships don't work. how the hell can your partner cook you dinner if they're hundreds of miles away?!?