Hershe said:

This tad is a joke, right? Did Andrew say that someone who cheats is no different than someone who is not a cheat?

no, no, all I really meant was in reference to me. I have never cheated, but I am not trying to say that is because I am somehow better. I have never been in a situation with temptation right in my face.

And by temptation I mean real temptation. I'm not talking about seeing a cute girl on the street and wanting to get her name & number. That is easy to avoid.

[Edited 1/30/11 22:37pm]

NDRU said:

Hershe said:

This tad is a joke, right? Did Andrew say that someone who cheats is no different than someone who is not a cheat?

no, no, all I really meant was in reference to me. I have never cheated, but I am not trying to say that is because I am somehow better. I have never been in a situation with temptation right in my face.

And by temptation I mean real temptation. I'm not talking about seeing a cute girl on the street and wanting to get her name & number. That is easy to avoid.

[Edited 1/30/11 22:37pm]

But isn't that part of the deal? Avoiding situations where "real temptation" could even develop in the first place.

It really is all a choice.

NDRU said:

This is possibly my most successful thread to-date.

I should post while in a drunken state of melancholy more often.

In all seriousness though...

...thank you all for sharing your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

In my situation, I'm not 100% certain that there's cheating, but;

a) texting someone whom she reconnected with on FB dozens of times a day

b) meeting that person at least once (based on an ATM withdrawal in his neighborhood)

c) promising to end contact with him and NOT doing it

d) getting a new cellphone without telling me

e) not really wanting to go to couples counseling or believe it can be worked out

...practically screams "I'm with someone else" both physically and emotionally.

What's funny is that we had a "rule". If we ever felt like things got so bad between us that we decided to go elsewhere, we would be honest and leave. But as has been mentioned by others, apparently things aren't so black-&-white. I'm the bread winner, we have 3 kids, and a mortgage worth more than the value of the house.

To tell the truth, I could definitely forgive & (somewhat) forget a one-night stand. Unhappiness can cause you to make mistakes. I understand that much. But becoming emotionally attached to someone else (and therefore emotionally un-attached to me) is beyond my ability to forgive (let alone ignore).

Life is one big shitfest, ain't it?

I'd leave, of course, but I'd chop her up first.

CarrieMpls said:

NDRU said:

no, no, all I really meant was in reference to me. I have never cheated, but I am not trying to say that is because I am somehow better. I have never been in a situation with temptation right in my face.

And by temptation I mean real temptation. I'm not talking about seeing a cute girl on the street and wanting to get her name & number. That is easy to avoid.

[Edited 1/30/11 22:37pm]

But isn't that part of the deal? Avoiding situations where "real temptation" could even develop in the first place.

It really is all a choice.

I agree with this, and trust myself completely, but common sense suggests not testing yourself too much just because you think you can.

Fauxie said:

CarrieMpls said:

But isn't that part of the deal? Avoiding situations where "real temptation" could even develop in the first place.

It really is all a choice.

I agree with this, and trust myself completely, but common sense suggests not testing yourself too much just because you think you can.

sure, you can avoid it for the most part, but what do you do if you are assigned to work closely with someone and you find yourself extremely attracted to them?

Quit your job? Make a big deal about how you can't work with that person? Or try to just deal with it, and then find yourself in a real test of a situation.

I am sure #3 happens a lot.

@ well thats what im talking about then, now that i saw the big picture.....

and even with that, its a sad testament that 2 people cant just stay with each other. those vows are wack..."forsaking all others..." what is that foolishness?? Forsake those that wish to do you harm ..I can see that....but if biblically sound, its you and him/her against the world...who does that work for???

I would cheat first then leave..Espeacially if they're a better fuck. But no seriously I would leave

Hershe said:

NDRU said:

no, no, all I really meant was in reference to me. I have never cheated, but I am not trying to say that is because I am somehow better. I have never been in a situation with temptation right in my face.

And by temptation I mean real temptation. I'm not talking about seeing a cute girl on the street and wanting to get her name & number. That is easy to avoid.

[Edited 1/30/11 22:37pm]

I would say you are.

maybe I am, I only think I have a better track record.

I guess I am above habitual cheating (that is truly messed up) but I could imagine a scerio where I slipped up once.

myfavorite said:

@ well thats what im talking about then, now that i saw the big picture.....

and even with that, its a sad testament that 2 people cant just stay with each other. those vows are wack..."forsaking all others..." what is that foolishness?? Forsake those that wish to do you harm ..I can see that....but if biblically sound, its you and him/her against the world...who does that work for???

For some people, a vow means everything while for others, it's just meaningless words.

We had this discussion one day, where my sister-in-law's boyfriend argued that most men go in front of the priest/minister and make the vows ONLY to please the girlfriend.

I argued that if a man/woman makes the vows without believing them, they're being a hypocrite.

My soon-to-be-ex recently revealed that at the age of 21, she didn't really know what she wanted.

So...it's all up to the individual, huh?

dont ask me...i stand neutral with an opinion based on what i have learned and experienced....

relationships for some a blissful, and coherent...I didnt have that luxury....they fucked me over and then some.......

I'm not trippin, i just like to share for the next fella...........but some are so paranoid about relationships they wanna cling and grab to hold on to someone who in the long run aint gonna be there for them.......If its cheating then so be it, but to turn tables like that is rather sinister imo.

PurpleJedi said:

Do you have the intestinal fortitude to walk out on your spouse/mate/significant-other BEFORE you found another lover?

Relationships are difficult to maintain, and people do grow apart.

So, if it came to the point where you have decided that your relationshipo is over...would you have the decency to just up & leave before screwing someone else? Or are you one of those people that are so attached to belongings and comfort that you'd have an affair?

Honestly.

I'd leave first. I'm not so cruel as to make somebody look like an idiot when I apparently loved them at one time, nor would I want to start off a potential new relationship with old drama.

I've seen games played before with the cheating and the messing around. Personally, cheating and dealing with a dead relationship is a bit of a heavy load. I gotta be sexy for one dude, and loathe my significant other? I'd go crazy. I'd just sit donw, talk, and end it. Bang boom. Watching my father go through hell like he did, I'd NEVER EVER in my life drag out a dead and dying marriage. It gives the other person way too much fuel for divorce court.

love and new love, what is the differnce??? really???

myfavorite said:

love and new love, what is the differnce??? really???

If you love someone, you'd respect their feeling not to cheat on them. In some cases, the greatest act of love is letting someone go.

There really isn't a difference. Sometimes, you have to love a person from a distance, but mind you it's out of love that you do that.

Better yet, I love myself too much to put myself in any compromising positions. Therefore, that's why I don't bother with being the side-ho or having a side-ho.

thats a beautiful statement mimi...

sidenote: There is a difference between how women cheat and how men cheat...remember that.

myfavorite said:

thats a beautiful statement mimi...

sidenote: There is a difference between how women cheat and how men cheat...remember that.

Just because I choose not to cheat on someone, don't confuse that with naivete. This topic isn't about how one's sex plays a role in how or why they cheat, but whether or not to cheat. So, regardless of how one cheats, the fact remains that cheating is.....cheating.

And what's with the cynicism?

Is it that hard to believe that there are some people on here that rather not play games with other's emotions?

mimi I really did think you statement was sincere......sorry you thought i was being cynical...

as i thought about it i thought of a side note, which had nothing to do with what you said....

For me, its hard to answer that question in a standard way because i think of how women cheat, and how men cheat.....but no, i dont wanna play with nobodies heart ever, and i also think sometimes people could be a lil more clear....i've had experiences where people were talking about their s/o or whatever and come to find out i was the refernce..... ....feels like entrapment....

myfavorite said:

mimi I really did think you statement was sincere......sorry you thought i was being cynical...

as i thought about it i thought of a side note, which had nothing to do with what you said....

For me, its hard to answer that question in a standard way because i think of how women cheat, and how men cheat.....but no, i dont wanna play with nobodies heart ever, and i also think sometimes people could be a lil more clear....i've had experiences where people were talking about their s/o or whatever and come to find out i was the refernce..... ....feels like entrapment....

I understand you now.

PurpleJedi said:

This is possibly my most successful thread to-date.

I should post while in a drunken state of melancholy more often.

In all seriousness though...

...thank you all for sharing your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

In my situation, I'm not 100% certain that there's cheating, but;

a) texting someone whom she reconnected with on FB dozens of times a day

b) meeting that person at least once (based on an ATM withdrawal in his neighborhood)

c) promising to end contact with him and NOT doing it

d) getting a new cellphone without telling me

e) not really wanting to go to couples counseling or believe it can be worked out

...practically screams "I'm with someone else" both physically and emotionally.

What's funny is that we had a "rule". If we ever felt like things got so bad between us that we decided to go elsewhere, we would be honest and leave. But as has been mentioned by others, apparently things aren't so black-&-white. I'm the bread winner, we have 3 kids, and a mortgage worth more than the value of the house.

To tell the truth, I could definitely forgive & (somewhat) forget a one-night stand. Unhappiness can cause you to make mistakes. I understand that much. But becoming emotionally attached to someone else (and therefore emotionally un-attached to me) is beyond my ability to forgive (let alone ignore).

Life is one big shitfest, ain't it?

that sounds awful. i hope you have a good day today

Wow. Good question. Years ago, I would have just cheated. Now I will just leave. I think that when you cheat, it makes things worse because you are dragging another person into the mix. If you leave, it is less complex. Little drama.

the thing about is, i could blame a whole bunch of muthafukkers for the crap of my relationship, but they are stupid enough to try to blame me for the problems they now have that i used to have so to ask really, isnt your concern. SOMEBODY made that crap possible dont whine about it now.

PurpleJedi said:

This is possibly my most successful thread to-date.

I should post while in a drunken state of melancholy more often.

In all seriousness though...

...thank you all for sharing your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

In my situation, I'm not 100% certain that there's cheating, but;

a) texting someone whom she reconnected with on FB dozens of times a day

b) meeting that person at least once (based on an ATM withdrawal in his neighborhood)

c) promising to end contact with him and NOT doing it

d) getting a new cellphone without telling me

e) not really wanting to go to couples counseling or believe it can be worked out

...practically screams "I'm with someone else" both physically and emotionally.

What's funny is that we had a "rule". If we ever felt like things got so bad between us that we decided to go elsewhere, we would be honest and leave. But as has been mentioned by others, apparently things aren't so black-&-white. I'm the bread winner, we have 3 kids, and a mortgage worth more than the value of the house.

To tell the truth, I could definitely forgive & (somewhat) forget a one-night stand. Unhappiness can cause you to make mistakes. I understand that much. But becoming emotionally attached to someone else (and therefore emotionally un-attached to me) is beyond my ability to forgive (let alone ignore).

Life is one big shitfest, ain't it?

Not saying it's true for your case, but these were the precise signs that one of my best friends exhibited before divorcing her husband. Good luck to you, my friend.

I've cheated on boyfriends, but that was years ago when I was much younger. I cheated because the realtionships were basically over, and I didn't have the nerve to just tell the guy. I really hated hurting them, but I was selfish (plus my Venus is in Gemini ).

I've been cheated on and I've been left, and it sent me into therapy for a while. Probably my payback for doing the dirt I did. I got over it and swore I would never ever go through that again. That happened in 1992, and I haven't had that serious a relationship since. I don't think I will allow myself to fall for someone that hard again; consequently, I don't go out looking for a new relationship. If it happens, it happens, but I don't go out actively searching for a partner.

But to answer your question. If I were to get into a relationship and found I wasn't happy or it wasn't working, I would leave. Hell, I've done that already!

Poiple said:

PurpleJedi said:

This is possibly my most successful thread to-date.

I should post while in a drunken state of melancholy more often.

In all seriousness though...

...thank you all for sharing your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

In my situation, I'm not 100% certain that there's cheating, but;

a) texting someone whom she reconnected with on FB dozens of times a day

b) meeting that person at least once (based on an ATM withdrawal in his neighborhood)

c) promising to end contact with him and NOT doing it

d) getting a new cellphone without telling me

e) not really wanting to go to couples counseling or believe it can be worked out

...practically screams "I'm with someone else" both physically and emotionally.

What's funny is that we had a "rule". If we ever felt like things got so bad between us that we decided to go elsewhere, we would be honest and leave. But as has been mentioned by others, apparently things aren't so black-&-white. I'm the bread winner, we have 3 kids, and a mortgage worth more than the value of the house.

To tell the truth, I could definitely forgive & (somewhat) forget a one-night stand. Unhappiness can cause you to make mistakes. I understand that much. But becoming emotionally attached to someone else (and therefore emotionally un-attached to me) is beyond my ability to forgive (let alone ignore).

Life is one big shitfest, ain't it?

Not saying it's true for your case, but these were the precise signs that one of my best friends exhibited before divorcing her husband. Good luck to you, my friend.

Makes me sick to my stomach to even say it, but you're absolutely right.

PurpleJedi said:

This is possibly my most successful thread to-date.

I should post while in a drunken state of melancholy more often.

In all seriousness though...

...thank you all for sharing your thoughts, opinions and experiences.

In my situation, I'm not 100% certain that there's cheating, but;

a) texting someone whom she reconnected with on FB dozens of times a day

b) meeting that person at least once (based on an ATM withdrawal in his neighborhood)

c) promising to end contact with him and NOT doing it

d) getting a new cellphone without telling me

e) not really wanting to go to couples counseling or believe it can be worked out

...practically screams "I'm with someone else" both physically and emotionally.

What's funny is that we had a "rule". If we ever felt like things got so bad between us that we decided to go elsewhere, we would be honest and leave. But as has been mentioned by others, apparently things aren't so black-&-white. I'm the bread winner, we have 3 kids, and a mortgage worth more than the value of the house.

To tell the truth, I could definitely forgive & (somewhat) forget a one-night stand. Unhappiness can cause you to make mistakes. I understand that much. But becoming emotionally attached to someone else (and therefore emotionally un-attached to me) is beyond my ability to forgive (let alone ignore).

Life is one big shitfest, ain't it?

The signs you listed definitely appear to scream of an affair.

I'm so, so sorry.

PurpleJedi said:

My soon-to-be-ex recently revealed that at the age of 21, she didn't really know what she wanted.

Sorry to hear about all you are going through, but I think it's safe to say that a lot of us did not know what we wanted at 21, or that what we wanted changed.

That doesn't justify cheating, of course (if she is).

Love to you ...

I'm just an orgnote away if you need to vent ~ you know that

I think really tho the thread is built around propaganda for the approaching valentines day.. ...