Acrylic said:

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.

Good post!

I'd like to say I would not cheat, but I have never been tested with a girl who I am really attracted to right there in front of me trying her hardest to convince me that it's okay to do it. So I can't really say what I would do in that situation. Love is a powerful thing.

If a woman has ever seemed interested in me, they've also been totally respectful of my relationship and not tried to tempt me [in person]

NDRU said:

I'd like to say I would not cheat, but I have never been tested with a girl who I am really attracted to right there in front of me trying her hardest to convince me that it's okay to do it. So I can't really say what I would do in that situation. Love is a powerful thing.

If a woman has ever seemed interested in me, they've also been totally respectful of my relationship and not tried to tempt me [in person]

I was tempted a lot in person but did not go for it. Still I cannot say that I will never cheat in my life and IMO nobody can say that for sure. I hope I won't and I will try my best, that's all I can say.

Acrylic said:

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.

yes, people love to play the holier than thou role about this issue or that issue, but no doubt they've hurt someone in some other way.

Nobody thinks cheating is okay, but yes it can happen, just like any other mistake can (and does) happen.

Serious said:

NDRU said:

I'd like to say I would not cheat, but I have never been tested with a girl who I am really attracted to right there in front of me trying her hardest to convince me that it's okay to do it. So I can't really say what I would do in that situation. Love is a powerful thing.

If a woman has ever seemed interested in me, they've also been totally respectful of my relationship and not tried to tempt me [in person]

I was tempted a lot in person but did not go for it. Still I cannot say that I will never cheat in my life and IMO nobody can say that for sure. I hope I won't and I will try my best, that's all I can say.

In my experience (not everyone's I'm sure), women are much more respectful. They might show interest, but if you show them that you love your wife/gf, that tends to make them back off with respect.

Men are more relentless. I imagine it might be really tough not to buckle under that kind of pressure, so good for you!

NDRU said:

Acrylic said:

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.

yes, people love to play the holier than thou role about this issue or that issue, but no doubt they've hurt someone in some other way.

Nobody thinks cheating is okay, but yes it can happen, just like any other mistake can (and does) happen.

We all make mistakes.

NDRU said:

Serious said:

I was tempted a lot in person but did not go for it. Still I cannot say that I will never cheat in my life and IMO nobody can say that for sure. I hope I won't and I will try my best, that's all I can say.

In my experience (not everyone's I'm sure), women are much more respectful. They might show interest, but if you show them that you love your wife/gf, that tends to make them back off with respect.

Men are more relentless. I imagine it might be really tough not to buckle under that kind of pressure, so good for you!

I was talking about being tempted to cheat on my then bf with somebody else who I was totally attracted to, not the scenarios you are describing.

Serious said:

NDRU said:

In my experience (not everyone's I'm sure), women are much more respectful. They might show interest, but if you show them that you love your wife/gf, that tends to make them back off with respect.

Men are more relentless. I imagine it might be really tough not to buckle under that kind of pressure, so good for you!

I was talking about being tempted to cheat on my then bf with somebody else who I was totally attracted to, not the scenarios you are describing.

was that guy trying to get you to be with him?

There are pros and cons to everything you do.

So for me I tend to play out the entire record to each situation....

CHEAT:distance yourself-> Lie-> Keep lying -> get caught/confess-> bring embarrassment to the family-> Living with guilt->lack of trust from spouse->fights which eventually lead to leaving...

LEAVE: homelessness->financial losses->depressed kids->real communication with spouse->posible resolution->true compromise-> therapy->court ordered support->new lease on life.

You should instead ask why you want to cheat in the first place? What about having the intestinal fortitude to try to communicate these feelings with your spouse/partner? What about learning how to speak to your spouse in a way where things do not errupt into a fight?

Cheating is usually used as a quick fix to a problem that is dealt with avoidance... sorta a passive agressive approach.

It takes zero fortitude to cheat... to me it is a cowardly measure. Its the same as lying, but instead you hurt all those involved through the lies, especially yourself.

NDRU said:

Serious said:

I was talking about being tempted to cheat on my then bf with somebody else who I was totally attracted to, not the scenarios you are describing.

was that guy trying to get you to be with him?

yes

Serious said:

NDRU said:

was that guy trying to get you to be with him?

yes

well that's what I was saying. Women have not tried very hard to get me to cheat with them, but I would think that men would try very hard to get women to cheat, just like they try to get women to go out with them normally

If a woman pursued me as relentlessly as men pursue women, I am not sure I would be able to resist, honestly.

NDRU said:

Serious said:

yes

well that's what I was saying. Women have not tried very hard to get me to cheat with them, but I would think that men would try very hard to get women to cheat, just like they try to get women to go out with them normally

If a woman pursued me as relentlessly as men pursue women, I am not sure I would be able to resist, honestly.

He tried hard and I hated him for doing that to me.

Serious said:

NDRU said:

well that's what I was saying. Women have not tried very hard to get me to cheat with them, but I would think that men would try very hard to get women to cheat, just like they try to get women to go out with them normally

If a woman pursued me as relentlessly as men pursue women, I am not sure I would be able to resist, honestly.

He tried hard and I hated him for doing that to me.

yeah, I respect how women back off when they know you are in a relationship (that you still care about) but I am also disappointed when they are able to give up on me so easily

NDRU said:

Serious said:

He tried hard and I hated him for doing that to me.

yeah, I respect how women back off when they know you are in a relationship (that you still care about) but I am also disappointed when they are able to give up on me so easily

yeah, but the more you really like someone the less you might want to be an issue in their life which could bring them discomfort and conflict.

NDRU said:

Serious said:

He tried hard and I hated him for doing that to me.

yeah, I respect how women back off when they know you are in a relationship (that you still care about) but I am also disappointed when they are able to give up on me so easily

I think the only difference between men and women is that men just approach women a lot more than the other way round. IMO women have to be truly in love to not respect a relationship.

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

yeah, I respect how women back off when they know you are in a relationship (that you still care about) but I am also disappointed when they are able to give up on me so easily

yeah, but the more you really like someone the less you might want to be an issue in their life which could bring them discomfort and conflict.

I know, and of course it's the right thing to do, it's just selfish pride. And I don't really mean it. I'm glad that someone has the will power to do the right thing. As I said earlier, I am not totally sure that I do have it, I'm just lucky to have not been truly tested.

NDRU said:

XxAxX said:

yeah, but the more you really like someone the less you might want to be an issue in their life which could bring them discomfort and conflict.

I know, and of course it's the right thing to do, it's just selfish pride. And I don't really mean it. I'm glad that someone has the will power to do the right thing. As I said earlier, I am not totally sure that I do have it, I'm just lucky to have not been truly tested.

see, i'm the child of a broken home where the 'other woman' should have left my father alone back when he was married, but didn't. especially where children are involved, it just seems really bad news to potentially be that person in their lives

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

I know, and of course it's the right thing to do, it's just selfish pride. And I don't really mean it. I'm glad that someone has the will power to do the right thing. As I said earlier, I am not totally sure that I do have it, I'm just lucky to have not been truly tested.

see, i'm the child of a broken home where the 'other woman' should have left my father alone back when he was married, but didn't. especially where children are involved, it just seems really bad news to potentially be that person in their lives

of course

NDRU said:

XxAxX said:

see, i'm the child of a broken home where the 'other woman' should have left my father alone back when he was married, but didn't. especially where children are involved, it just seems really bad news to potentially be that person in their lives

of course

i sound pretty persuasive, don't i? got even myself convinced

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

I know, and of course it's the right thing to do, it's just selfish pride. And I don't really mean it. I'm glad that someone has the will power to do the right thing. As I said earlier, I am not totally sure that I do have it, I'm just lucky to have not been truly tested.

see, i'm the child of a broken home where the 'other woman' should have left my father alone back when he was married, but didn't. especially where children are involved, it just seems really bad news to potentially be that person in their lives

I am not saying that it was okay to do that of the other women. But I never understand why people tend to blame "the other person" as much if not more than the cheater. It's first and foremost the responsibilty of the person who is in the relationship and who is the father to be strong and not have an affair. He is the one who loves the people who are hurt and he is the one who promised to be faithful. If my man would cheat on me I would blame him a thousands time more than the woman he cheats with. The woman would probably be a stranger to me, but he is the one who loves me and still would hurt me.

[Edited 1/30/11 12:36pm]

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

of course

i sound pretty persuasive, don't i? got even myself convinced

yeah, you don't have to convince me that cheating and tempting are wrong. Since I have not cheated, pursued, etc, am just joking around about wishing they'd tried harder. I am glad they didn't.

I could say, however, as the child of an UN-broken home, that I wished the entire time that my dad would have left. Then we would not have had to live with his resentment.

Grass is always greener, and these relationship thingies are complicated

[Edited 1/30/11 12:41pm]

Serious said:

XxAxX said:

see, i'm the child of a broken home where the 'other woman' should have left my father alone back when he was married, but didn't. especially where children are involved, it just seems really bad news to potentially be that person in their lives

I am not saying that it was okay to do that of the other women. But I never understand why people tend to blame "the other person" as much if not more than the cheater. It's first and foremost the responsibilty of the person who is in the relationship and who is the father to be strong and not have an affair. He is the one who loves the people who are hurt and he is the one who promised to be faithful. If my man would cheat on me I would blame him a thousands time more than the woman he cheats with. The woman would probably be a stranger to me, but he is the one who loves me and still would hurt me.

[Edited 1/30/11 12:36pm]

i know it's never as easy as black and white. all parties involved are responsible. i just think honesty is a good policy when it comes to that

NDRU said:

XxAxX said:

i sound pretty persuasive, don't i? got even myself convinced

yeah, you don't have to convince me that cheating and tempting are wrong. Since I have not cheated, pursued, etc, am just joking around about wishing they'd tried harder. I am glad they didn't.

I could say, however, as the child of an UN-broken home, that I wished the entire time that my dad would have left. Then we would not have had to live with his resentment.

Grass is always greener, and these relationship thingies are complicated

[Edited 1/30/11 12:41pm]

funny thing about that

Well I have been cheated on. Hated it!

I've also been "the other woman", usually unknowingly, twice with knowledge but no aggressive pursuit on my part.

I have never cheated on anyone. Probably because fear of commitment, I won't call it a relationship, but also because If I don't like you I will just leave, and if I do like you I'm not thinking of any other man. It's a Scorpio thang ;)

I've have worse ways to make a man suffer than by cheating lol. You probably wish I would leave by the time I'm done.

XxAxX said:

Serious said:

I am not saying that it was okay to do that of the other women. But I never understand why people tend to blame "the other person" as much if not more than the cheater. It's first and foremost the responsibilty of the person who is in the relationship and who is the father to be strong and not have an affair. He is the one who loves the people who are hurt and he is the one who promised to be faithful. If my man would cheat on me I would blame him a thousands time more than the woman he cheats with. The woman would probably be a stranger to me, but he is the one who loves me and still would hurt me.

[Edited 1/30/11 12:36pm]

i know it's never as easy as black and white. all parties involved are responsible. i just think honesty is a good policy when it comes to that

That's true, but sometimes easier said than done.

If it's a relationship, I would rather leave on good term than to cheat.

If it's a marriage (with pre-nup agreement or not), I would not leave just yet. And I would not cheat OR commit an act of adultery neither. I would try my best to save my marriage by telling my wife we need to bring another woman in the picture for the both of us.

CUE backlash in 5...4...3...2...

Acrylic said:

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.

I'm sorry to say, but it's too simple, more often than you think.

There has been plently of incidents in history of men walked out on their wives, even at the expense of walking out of their children's lives in the process. Some men would wait until their children are all grown to finally leave their wives. But in most cases, the couple give a divorce while the children are still minors, knowing that the now ex-wives will potential get half of the wealth plus paid child support.

The same thing can be said about women leaving their husbands. The main difference is that the now ex-husbands will still potentially lose half of their wealth plus paid child support.

TonyVanDam said:

Acrylic said:

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.

I'm sorry to say, but it's too simple, more often than you think.

There has been plently of incidents in history of men walked out on their wives, even at the expense of walking out of their children's lives in the process. Some men would wait until their children are all grown to finally leave their wives. But in most cases, the couple give a divorce while the children are still minors, knowing that the now ex-wives will potential get half of the wealth plus paid child support.

The same thing can be said about women leaving their husbands. The main difference is that the now ex-husbands will still potentially lose half of their wealth plus paid child support.

Keywords: husband, wife, marriage

It's not necesarily that simple if you don't have that piece of paper that more times than not, guarentees support.

NDRU said:

Acrylic said:

Since everyone in this thread claims loyality, I'll throw this out there:

I've cheated.

Do I think it's right? Of course not.
Do I know what it feels like to be cheated on? Not great, that's what.

But have I done it? Yes. I have.

Do I think that makes me a horrible person? No.

Am I a whore? No -- my life would be far more interesting if I were.

It's simple for everyone to preach the "just leave; walk out" card, but life isn't all that simple and black-and-white. There are factors that come with serious relationships -- joint finances, combined living arrangements, children involved, etc. Sometimes you can't just up and tell your significant other to kick rocks at that very moment in time. Sometimes relationships become more out of convience; whether you want them to be or not. Love is a huge gray area, and everyone is going to look at it through different views.

I, in no way, am condoning the act of cheating WHATSOEVER. This is just my and something that I've experienced first hand.

yes, people love to play the holier than thou role about this issue or that issue, but no doubt they've hurt someone in some other way.

Nobody thinks cheating is okay, but yes it can happen, just like any other mistake can (and does) happen.

Back up a second. Why is it that your opinion is more valid because of your experience, but others' aren't? Get out of here.

I would never cheat because I know very well the consequences of cheating. I have been tempted. Many, many, many times. I have had people straight up grab my shit or put their shit on my body, or get up in my grill tryna go somewhere with me. I would never do it.

1) Too much pride: I don't wanna be That Guy.

2) I don't know those hos: Seriously, in this day and age, I want to take every precaution I can to make sure my shit is not diseased and the surest way of removing that effort is to fuck someone random on the spot.

3) No matter how angry or sad I get over a person, they don't control my actions: I control myself at all times, I am always The One In Control in my domain. I will not allow someone else's dysfunction to bleed into me that way and cause me to be That Guy.

4) I have hurt people in other ways. I have been a bad mate at times. Some, very serious things. Some, not so serious things. But none as serious as cheating. The word "Cheating" is short hand for all that it encompasses which includes devastating effects on someone's self esteem, complete obliteration of trust in companions, subconscious regret and resentment that, etc. I'm not comfortable having the responsibilityt of inflicting those feelings all on someone. I know when to say no.

5) If a potential new mate engages me in this manner and refuses to respect my boundaries or work at a pace that I am comfortable with, then they get the axe: It is a dealbreak for me if a potential new mate intends on rushing my "old life" out the door to usher in a "new life" with them. I'm an honest man and I've built and established myself throughout my life on my own and I don't need a mate to enter into my sphere and subjugate my experiences.

Spinlight said:

NDRU said:

yes, people love to play the holier than thou role about this issue or that issue, but no doubt they've hurt someone in some other way.

Nobody thinks cheating is okay, but yes it can happen, just like any other mistake can (and does) happen.

Back up a second. Why is it that your opinion is more valid because of your experience, but others' aren't? Get out of here.

I would never cheat because I know very well the consequences of cheating. I have been tempted. Many, many, many times. I have had people straight up grab my shit or put their shit on my body, or get up in my grill tryna go somewhere with me. I would never do it.

1) Too much pride: I don't wanna be That Guy.

2) I don't know those hos: Seriously, in this day and age, I want to take every precaution I can to make sure my shit is not diseased and the surest way of removing that effort is to fuck someone random on the spot.

3) No matter how angry or sad I get over a person, they don't control my actions: I control myself at all times, I am always The One In Control in my domain. I will not allow someone else's dysfunction to bleed into me that way and cause me to be That Guy.

4) I have hurt people in other ways. I have been a bad mate at times. Some, very serious things. Some, not so serious things. But none as serious as cheating. The word "Cheating" is short hand for all that it encompasses which includes devastating effects on someone's self esteem, complete obliteration of trust in companions, subconscious regret and resentment that, etc. I'm not comfortable having the responsibilityt of inflicting those feelings all on someone. I know when to say no.

5) If a potential new mate engages me in this manner and refuses to respect my boundaries or work at a pace that I am comfortable with, then they get the axe: It is a dealbreak for me if a potential new mate intends on rushing my "old life" out the door to usher in a "new life" with them. I'm an honest man and I've built and established myself throughout my life on my own and I don't need a mate to enter into my sphere and subjugate my experiences.

please, I was not the one calling the ones with other opinions "cowards" you were.

I was saying it does not automatically make you better or worse to have been weak and cheated.

I'm very proud of your strength and glad you are able to shove it in my face