Something like 5 or more years ago, someone forwarded me an email called "I am better than your kids." All this time later, it still amuses the bejeezus out of me. I've posted the entire contents below, because I think this is brilliant and hilarious and deserves to be spread around as much as possible. Enjoy, comment, share your own childhood-artwork horror stories, whatever you like.

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If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

Megan, age 4

First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. F

Kyle, age 8

You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor. F

Lisa, age 6

Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. F

Cameron, age 4

Terrible. F

Bryce, age 10

This one wouldn't be too bad if the color was kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but... F

Jon, age 8

Ding Ding!
Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. F

Rachel, age 7

That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. F

Jason, age 6

This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this. F

Seth, age 4

Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm! F

Kelly, age 9

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers? F

a firetruck that needed to be shaved

As a mother of 4 and 6 year old kids, I often find myself saying 'Oh that's a lovely...umm....' Hoping they'll tell me what it's supposed to be.

I've kept loads of my daughters pictures - she draws all the time. My youngest hardly ever draws, he doesn't like to sit still long enough, but his pictures are hilarious when he does them.

OMG!

I didn't want to laugh, but that was so funny!

Lisa10 said:

As a mother of 4 and 6 year old kids, I often find myself saying 'Oh that's a lovely...umm....' Hoping they'll tell me what it's supposed to be.

I've kept loads of my daughters pictures - she draws all the time. My youngest hardly ever draws, he doesn't like to sit still long enough, but his pictures are hilarious when he does them.

Sounds like me! Today I came across a bunch of drawings and cards I made for my parents, mainly for my mum. I would always draw her something and write her how wonderful she is and how much I loved her. Anyway, I absolutely loved to draw. I still do, but don't do it as often as I did throughout my childhood. Actually, I hardly ever do it these days.

dang...

Aelis said:

Lisa10 said:

As a mother of 4 and 6 year old kids, I often find myself saying 'Oh that's a lovely...umm....' Hoping they'll tell me what it's supposed to be.

I've kept loads of my daughters pictures - she draws all the time. My youngest hardly ever draws, he doesn't like to sit still long enough, but his pictures are hilarious when he does them.

Sounds like me! Today I came across a bunch of drawings and cards I made for my parents, mainly for my mum. I would always draw her something and write her how wonderful she is and how much I loved her. Anyway, I absolutely loved to draw. I still do, but don't do it as often as I did throughout my childhood. Actually, I hardly ever do it these days.

I still draw once in awhile but when I was small I drew on everything...I even drew extra characters in my storybooks. Finally, my mom had to designate a wall in the upstairs hallway for me to draw on.

I remember helping her move when I was around 35. We picked up one coffee table and the bottom was full of my drawings.

babynoz said:

Aelis said:

Sounds like me! Today I came across a bunch of drawings and cards I made for my parents, mainly for my mum. I would always draw her something and write her how wonderful she is and how much I loved her. Anyway, I absolutely loved to draw. I still do, but don't do it as often as I did throughout my childhood. Actually, I hardly ever do it these days.

I still draw once in awhile but when I was small I drew on everything...I even drew extra characters in my storybooks. Finally, my mom had to designate a wall in the upstairs hallway for me to draw on.

I remember helping her move when I was around 35. We picked up one coffee table and the bottom was full of my drawings.

Well, I was more conservative then, as I didn't really draw on furniture or walls

But the wall thing sounds cool!

I still do too, the last thing I remember drawing was a bellydancer doing the sword dance, and I was quite pleased with it considering I do it so rarely, but I can't seem to remember where I put that drawing

Aelis said:

babynoz said:

I still draw once in awhile but when I was small I drew on everything...I even drew extra characters in my storybooks. Finally, my mom had to designate a wall in the upstairs hallway for me to draw on.

I remember helping her move when I was around 35. We picked up one coffee table and the bottom was full of my drawings.

Well, I was more conservative then, as I didn't really draw on furniture or walls

But the wall thing sounds cool!

I still do too, the last thing I remember drawing was a bellydancer doing the sword dance, and I was quite pleased with it considering I do it so rarely, but I can't seem to remember where I put that drawing

I guess giving me my own wall was easier than scolding me all the time.

I still have some of my drawings through the years as well as some of my kid's drawings.

I hope you find your bellydancer.

babynoz said:

Aelis said:

Well, I was more conservative then, as I didn't really draw on furniture or walls

But the wall thing sounds cool!

I still do too, the last thing I remember drawing was a bellydancer doing the sword dance, and I was quite pleased with it considering I do it so rarely, but I can't seem to remember where I put that drawing

I guess giving me my own wall was easier than scolding me all the time.

I still have some of my drawings through the years as well as some of my kid's drawings.

I hope you find your bellydancer.

Yeah, probably

I keep them all too, I'm just bad at remembering where I put them xD

Thank you

ZombieKitten said:

oh my god that is so sweet! and... i'm sorry but...... you look like yeti

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

oh my god that is so sweet! and... i'm sorry but...... you look like yeti

I know right! they even hung this up on the wall of his classroom

He got a walloping for this one - people probably think I fake tan my face!!!!

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

oh my god that is so sweet! and... i'm sorry but...... you look like yeti

I know right! they even hung this up on the wall of his classroom

He got a walloping for this one - people probably think I fake tan my face!!!!

reallly???? you beat him for making your tooths look like tiny trees inside your giant hairy face??? sorry! i admit though, part of me is envious. there is a lot of energy in that picture and his love/goodwill shines right through

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

I know right! they even hung this up on the wall of his classroom

He got a walloping for this one - people probably think I fake tan my face!!!!

reallly???? you beat him for making your tooths look like tiny trees inside your giant hairy face??? sorry! i admit though, part of me is envious. there is a lot of energy in that picture and his love/goodwill shines right through

they aren't teeth, that's his NAME he wrote all over my mouth

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

oh my god that is so sweet! and... i'm sorry but...... you look like yeti

I thought it was "Zombie Kitten".

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

reallly???? you beat him for making your tooths look like tiny trees inside your giant hairy face??? sorry! i admit though, part of me is envious. there is a lot of energy in that picture and his love/goodwill shines right through

they aren't teeth, that's his NAME he wrote all over my mouth

???? one word: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

aww...

chocolate1 said:

XxAxX said:

oh my god that is so sweet! and... i'm sorry but...... you look like yeti

I thought it was "Zombie Kitten".

well, truth be told it's a bit hard to make out. no offense. i got nothing against art

ZombieKitten said:

ZombieKitten said:

AWEsome!
I'm ALL for bringing folk a peg or two down on their "amazing" kids.

I do like Bryce's tho.

ZombieKitten said:

it would have been hotter

if he had drawn your bewbs, too

This is good.

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

reallly???? you beat him for making your tooths look like tiny trees inside your giant hairy face??? sorry! i admit though, part of me is envious. there is a lot of energy in that picture and his love/goodwill shines right through

they aren't teeth, that's his NAME he wrote all over my mouth

IS THERE NO ORGER EXCHANGE CATEGORY for the orgies???

If one is implemented I'd like to nominate this. I just peed the bed at the Ramada Inn.

johnart said:

ZombieKitten said:

they aren't teeth, that's his NAME he wrote all over my mouth

IS THERE NO ORGER EXCHANGE CATEGORY for the orgies???

If one is implemented I'd like to nominate this. I just peed the bed at the Ramada Inn.

I think they expect that at the Ramada.

johnart said:

ZombieKitten said:

they aren't teeth, that's his NAME he wrote all over my mouth

IS THERE NO ORGER EXCHANGE CATEGORY for the orgies???

If one is implemented I'd like to nominate this. I just peed the bed at the Ramada Inn.

There certainly a lot of pee going on? This coming from a person who supposedly doesn't like golden showers.

johnart said:

ZombieKitten said:

they aren't teeth, that's his NAME he wrote all over my mouth

IS THERE NO ORGER EXCHANGE CATEGORY for the orgies???

If one is implemented I'd like to nominate this. I just peed the bed at the Ramada Inn.

Efan said:

johnart said:

IS THERE NO ORGER EXCHANGE CATEGORY for the orgies???

If one is implemented I'd like to nominate this. I just peed the bed at the Ramada Inn.

I think they expect that at the Ramada.

Efan said:

johnart said:

IS THERE NO ORGER EXCHANGE CATEGORY for the orgies???

If one is implemented I'd like to nominate this. I just peed the bed at the Ramada Inn.

I think they expect that at the Ramada.

It's definitely not the Palazzo. This one wasn't bad, but damn they got thin walls the bitch next door was gettin it but GOOD in the middle of the afternoon.