I mean, damn! You give someone a gift or send a card and flowers when someone dies and you hear not a damn word from the recipients. WTF? Whenever someone does something nice for me, I always acknowledge it either by calling, writing or both. I was taught this by my mother when I was old enough to write my name, and it has stuck with me.

When my birthday fell on a work day this year, my supervisor bought a cake, punch and ice cream and invited a few people from other offices to celebrate with me. I was so touched because I had just started working here in May, and my birthday was in July. I wrote everyone who came to the celebration a thank you note. They were dumbfounded. One woman told me, "Oh, that wasn't necessary. You should have saved you card. We don't do that here." I told her, "Well, I wasn't raised like that. I always acknowledge a kindness."

So over the Christmas holidays, I gave a few fellow employees gifts to show my appreciation for their help and support. I gave my supervisor one of those big ass edible arrangements, something she specifically asked for. I haven't heard dip shit. She also lost her sister, and I sent a card and flowers. Zip, nadda, nothing. She's so hurt that our boss did not send out a university-wide notice letting people know. BUT, she's also upset that the boss didn't give her a card or verbal condolences. I wanted to tell her, "Well, perhaps she wasn't thanked the last time she did something nice for you..."

What do you think? Do you write thank you notes?

I always thank people. And yes, etiquette is dead. If not completely, it's barely hangin on its deathbed.

I try to be good about writing thank-you notes, and I feel guilty that I don't do it more.

One thing I don't agree with you on is the thank-you note for the card and flowers after your boss's sister's death. Is that really required? I know I didn't send any out for what I received after my brother died. For one thing, I was devastated, so I wasn't thinking of manners at all, and there was so much else to do and take care of that it wouldn't have occurred to me.

Efan said:

I try to be good about writing thank-you notes, and I feel guilty that I don't do it more.

One thing I don't agree with you on is the thank-you note for the card and flowers after your boss's sister's death. Is that really required? I know I didn't send any out for what I received after my brother died. For one thing, I was devastated, so I wasn't thinking of manners at all, and there was so much else to do and take care of that it wouldn't have occurred to me.

It might not be required, but it is something that I have seen done at all funerals I have attended. When you've been to funerals, is there a book for you to enter your name and address? It's usually a book that the funeral home provides so guests can write their names and addresses so the family will know who came to the service. Most times, maybe about 2-3 weeks later, a thank you card arrives in the mail from the deceased's family acknowledging cards, visits and flowers.

Shyra said:

Efan said:

I try to be good about writing thank-you notes, and I feel guilty that I don't do it more.

One thing I don't agree with you on is the thank-you note for the card and flowers after your boss's sister's death. Is that really required? I know I didn't send any out for what I received after my brother died. For one thing, I was devastated, so I wasn't thinking of manners at all, and there was so much else to do and take care of that it wouldn't have occurred to me.

It might not be required, but it is something that I have seen done at all funerals I have attended. When you've been to funerals, is there a book for you to enter your name and address? It's usually a book that the funeral home provides so guests can write their names and addresses so the family will know who came to the service. Most times, maybe about 2-3 weeks later, a thank you card arrives in the mail from the deceased's family acknowledging cards, visits and flowers.

Yeah, we (my family) did that. I guess you're right; I was thinking of the cards I got sent directly to me rather than what came to my mom's house. And since I just got cards sent to me, I didn't think about writing thank-yous. It had to be actual gifts that got a note.

Etiquette is not dead. Obviously people remember it and chose not to practice it in many cases.

Etiquette is a lot of extra work and many people feel it is antiquated.

Etiquette is basically peer pressure to be nice.

I felt that way after my good friend's son graduated high school.

She was leaving early from work to attend, and was planning on being out the next day, so I decided to give her a gift and card to give Alex.

No card, no call, nothing...

So after a couple of weeks, I casually said, "Did you give Alex the gift from me?"

She just said, "Yeah, he got it."

Honestly, the standard can't be held for most people because some folks, especially younger folks are just not taught proper etiquette anymore.

.... Oh especially if people are mixing cultures, some things we consider proper are just not practiced.

For instance in my culture, you do NOT visit someone's home empty handed. Some people that cook/plan their meals don't care for that tradition at all. Especially if they don't drink and you bring wine to a dinner party.

I was always told to not question adults as a child.... that isn't taught anymore due to several reasons.

And when did it become kosher for your adult girlfriends over 40 to say they wanna have sex with your over 18 year old son? Eww. A man couldn't do that to his buddies daughter that's for sure.

Nothinbutjoy said:

Etiquette is not dead. Obviously people remember it and chose not to practice it in many cases.

Etiquette is a lot of extra work and many people feel it is antiquated.

Etiquette is basically peer pressure to be nice.

Interesting. I've always viewed etiquette as a state of grace.

No.

BklynBabe said:

Etiquette. Morals. Common sense. All that good stuff is gone with the wind.

I don't think it's quite dead yet.

Just dying slowly...

Etiquette and good manners (is there a difference between the 2?) are something that I always admire in others and attempt to make a priority in my life.

In fact, good manners are at the top of my list of qualities that I look for in a man.

Being from the south, I think we are lucky enough to still have folks with mama's who teach good manners. On a regular basis I have the door held open for me and people holding the elevator to wait for me as I walk up.

As far as thank you notes...I wonder if the electronic era has had an impact. When you can just post a status update on facebook to say thank you to everyone, does that count? I don't think it is as personal as a handwritten note, but it's better than nothing! My friends and family tend to do it right.

Like Gandhi says...You have to be the change that you want to see in the world.

So if etiquette and manners are important to you, then you should demonstrate them regardless of what others do. And I think people will notice it and if you had an impact on them, then they'll pay it forward!

Those that write "thank you" cards the old-fashioned way stand out. They stand out to potential employers, college applications officers, etc.

Heck yeah, my kids write them. Shucks, I write personalized notes on a regular basis.

RodeoSchro said:

Those that write "thank you" cards the old-fashioned way stand out. They stand out to potential employers, college applications officers, etc.

Heck yeah, my kids write them. Shucks, I write personalized notes on a regular basis.

Exactly. I have always written thank you notes after every job interview that I've had, and I always got the job. I dated a guy a few years ago who applied for a job as an accountant. I told him to make sure he wrote a handwritten note thanking the person who interviewed him. He said, "I don't need to do that! They don't need any thank you. I'll thank them after the interview is over." I tried to explain to him that employers will always remember you and take you seriously if you make that extra effort. He didn't do it. BUT, he got a thank you note from the employer thanking HIM for interviewing. Did he get the job? Hell no. Can't tell a Saggitarian man a damn thing!

During my former job, I had to process literally hundreds of applications for medicine residency and choose the ones who met our requirments and invite the applicants to interview. I always remembered the applicants who took the time to write a note, and I always attached that note to the application so that when it came time to do the Match rank order list, we would give those persons extra points.

Ottensen said:

I always write thank you notes. People are still surprised I do it to this day. I think the electronic age may have something to do with the lack of this from some people. I see more thank you e-mails and texts than actual cards. To me, it's really touching when someone takes the extra few minutes to sit down and actually write a thank you card. Yes, send thank you cards after a job interview. I have done this in the past as well. I was laid off last year and was told this over and over again from my rep at the unemployment office. It really can make the difference. One thing I find a lack of in my community is a simple please and thank you.

The U.S.A. is seriously lacking etiquette & empathy (depending on where you live of course).

It's still alive....underground.

Etiquette is dead for some, but not all

Ottensen said:

Interesting. I've always viewed etiquette as a state of grace.

Agree 100%

I was always taught and still to this day write thank you notes or make thank you phone calls, send thank you text messages...something anything to simply say "Thank you". People don't owe you anything, so if anyone gives me something, even if it's something I don't want or like, I always am sure to say thank you. It's appropriate and makes the giver feel appreciated..that and I appreciate a thank you sent to me when I'm the giver as well. If I find that I'm constantly giving a person and they don't thank me for it, then apparently, they don't need anything that I have to offer and I stop giving them. It's as simple as that.

I gave holiday gifts to the 5 women on my staff..basically gift cards. 2 out of the five said thank you. Those two were brought up right. Believe me, I'm not going to be as generous to the three who didnt, because I feel it isn't appreciated.

BlackAdder7 said:

I gave holiday gifts to the 5 women on my staff..basically gift cards. 2 out of the five said thank you. Those two were brought up right. Believe me, I'm not going to be as generous to the three who didnt, because I feel it isn't appreciated.

they don't deserve you

Shyra said:

I mean, damn! You give someone a gift or send a card and flowers when someone dies and you hear not a damn word from the recipients. WTF? Whenever someone does something nice for me, I always acknowledge it either by calling, writing or both. I was taught this by my mother when I was old enough to write my name, and it has stuck with me.

When my birthday fell on a work day this year, my supervisor bought a cake, punch and ice cream and invited a few people from other offices to celebrate with me. I was so touched because I had just started working here in May, and my birthday was in July. I wrote everyone who came to the celebration a thank you note. They were dumbfounded. One woman told me, "Oh, that wasn't necessary. You should have saved you card. We don't do that here." I told her, "Well, I wasn't raised like that. I always acknowledge a kindness."

So over the Christmas holidays, I gave a few fellow employees gifts to show my appreciation for their help and support. I gave my supervisor one of those big ass edible arrangements, something she specifically asked for. I haven't heard dip shit. She also lost her sister, and I sent a card and flowers. Zip, nadda, nothing. She's so hurt that our boss did not send out a university-wide notice letting people know. BUT, she's also upset that the boss didn't give her a card or verbal condolences. I wanted to tell her, "Well, perhaps she wasn't thanked the last time she did something nice for you..."

What do you think? Do you write thank you notes?

That reminds me of someone at my old church. She lost her sister and my mom emailed her offer her condolences AND set her a card but she didn't even send a email saying thank you, and this chick was someone my mom was good friends with. My mom even planned her wedding shower and had to come out of pocket to get it together

chocolate1 said:

I felt that way after my good friend's son graduated high school.

She was leaving early from work to attend, and was planning on being out the next day, so I decided to give her a gift and card to give Alex.

No card, no call, nothing...

So after a couple of weeks, I casually said, "Did you give Alex the gift from me?"

She just said, "Yeah, he got it."

I'm kinda guilty of that. When I graduated high school, an older cousin sent me a card and $20 but I was so busy with night school, summer classes, and my mom's surgery, it totally slipped my mind