Okay...its complicated but he was my boss, I was a young girl....I seduced him because a friend said I couldn't get him......it worked....he was whipped.....he didn't act ashamed at all....he took me to beautiful places, and he wanted to marry me. I said no, because I was afraid I would cheat, and my heart wasn't in it like his was....and I was 16. So, tonight I was bored and typed his name in and there he is...on FB. So......I wanna be nosy......what would you do?

I wouldn't reopen that can of worms.

Seriously.

If it was just fucking, that'd be one thing. But it sounds like you really kind of messed with his heart and mind.

Leave him alone.

How old are you now?

PunkMistress said:

I wouldn't reopen that can of worms.

Seriously.

If it was just fucking, that'd be one thing. But it sounds like you really kind of messed with his heart and mind.

Leave him alone.

LOL...I'm 40...

I didn't know he was gonna be so serious. He was such a sweetheart....he really was. I just wonder how he's doing.....I never forgot him---he helped me through a MAJOR trauma......like some shit that I know haunted HIM for the rest of his life.

and for the record...if a 26 year old was dating my 16 year old....I would be in jail for murder................

[Edited 1/2/11 23:45pm]

StillGotIt said:

and for the record...if a 26 year old was dating my 16 year old....me or my husband would be in jail for murder................

Wait, you're married?

That man had no business doing/being with any girl that age. His heart got broken due to karma. That was years ago.... ain't no harm in checking in...

make sure you let him know its not a booty call.

PunkMistress said:

StillGotIt said:

and for the record...if a 26 year old was dating my 16 year old....me or my husband would be in jail for murder................

Wait, you're married?

lol....shhhhhhhhhh

StillGotIt said:

PunkMistress said:

Wait, you're married?

lol....shhhhhhhhhh

ummm....I'm not trying to fuck him tho......

StillGotIt said:

PunkMistress said:

Wait, you're married?

lol....shhhhhhhhhh

been there done that...... I hope.

paintedlady said:

StillGotIt said:

lol....shhhhhhhhhh

been there done that...... I hope.

yea...and I haven't forgotten why I felt I had to move on.....

StillGotIt said:

paintedlady said:

been there done that...... I hope.

yea...and I haven't forgotten why I felt I had to move on.....

So why open the potential Pandora's box?

To feed your ego?

It just seems like an all-around bad idea to me. You have a life partner, but you're considering contacting this man who was in love with you, and with whom you had a totally inappropriate relationship? I could be wrong, but it sounds like an ego thing to me. Part of you wants to find out if he still pines for you.

PunkMistress said:

StillGotIt said:

yea...and I haven't forgotten why I felt I had to move on.....

So why open the potential Pandora's box?

To feed your ego?

It just seems like an all-around bad idea to me. You have a life partner, but you're considering contacting this man who was in love with you, and with whom you had a totally inappropriate relationship? I could be wrong, but it sounds like an ego thing to me. Part of you wants to find out if he still pines for you.

well

I'd want to know too, but secretly without them finding out I was researching - like without meeting or anything.

Well....I wouldn't say it would be an ego thing.....I can see why why you are viewing it that way. Pandora's box would NOT be opened in the way you think. I am totally not looking to hump him. When I say it was complicated....I am not exaggerating. If I ever write that book, it would be a big part of the story.

He would very likely feel a little more at peace in his soul if he heard from me.

ZombieKitten said:

PunkMistress said:

So why open the potential Pandora's box?

To feed your ego?

It just seems like an all-around bad idea to me. You have a life partner, but you're considering contacting this man who was in love with you, and with whom you had a totally inappropriate relationship? I could be wrong, but it sounds like an ego thing to me. Part of you wants to find out if he still pines for you.

well

I'd want to know too, but secretly without them finding out I was researching - like without meeting or anything.

I agree.

ZombieKitten said:

PunkMistress said:

So why open the potential Pandora's box?

To feed your ego?

It just seems like an all-around bad idea to me. You have a life partner, but you're considering contacting this man who was in love with you, and with whom you had a totally inappropriate relationship? I could be wrong, but it sounds like an ego thing to me. Part of you wants to find out if he still pines for you.

well

I'd want to know too, but secretly without them finding out I was researching - like without meeting or anything.

definitely would not meet with him.......

StillGotIt said:

Well....I wouldn't say it would be an ego thing.....I can see why why you are viewing it that way. Pandora's box would NOT be opened in the way you think. I am totally not looking to hump him. When I say it was complicated....I am not exaggerating. If I ever write that book, it would be a big part of the story.

He would very likely feel a little more at peace in his soul if he heard from me.

you plan to apologise to him?

ZombieKitten said:

PunkMistress said:

So why open the potential Pandora's box?

To feed your ego?

It just seems like an all-around bad idea to me. You have a life partner, but you're considering contacting this man who was in love with you, and with whom you had a totally inappropriate relationship? I could be wrong, but it sounds like an ego thing to me. Part of you wants to find out if he still pines for you.

well

I'd want to know too, but secretly without them finding out I was researching - like without meeting or anything.

Zombie....I'm glad you understand my curiosity.... its not some alterior motive. I do want to make sure he's okay. I'm not going to apologize, but at the same time, I want him to know there are no hard feelings.

Maybe I'm just bringing my own experience to the way I'm viewing your story.

I had an inappropriate relationship with my superior at my summer job when I was 15/16. But he was in his 40s and it was a totally fucked up situation in which he manipulated and preyed on me emotionally, sexually and mentally.

So that may have something to do with the negative gut reactions I have to your situation.

I have a question, though: would you discuss this with your husband if you chose to look the guy up? Well, you've already told us that you did look him up, I guess. So is this something you'd mention to your husband?

That is what is hard...the "apology" word. After all of this time, I'm sure he has figured out that a 16 year old is not the one to blame. I wish it was that simple......

Hell...he's probably as nervous as a tarnished catholic priest...worried that I'll come out of the woodwork.....

This calls for an update, seems like you have your mind made up to look dude up ..... I wanna know how he reacts to you.

StillGotIt said:

That is what is hard...the "apology" word. After all of this time, I'm sure he has figured out that a 16 year old is not the one to blame. I wish it was that simple......

Hell...he's probably as nervous as a tarnished catholic priest...worried that I'll come out of the woodwork.....

So is it that you want to reassure him that you don't see him as a monster and that you turned out all right?

StillGotIt said:

ZombieKitten said:

well

I'd want to know too, but secretly without them finding out I was researching - like without meeting or anything.

Zombie....I'm glad you understand my curiosity.... its not some alterior motive. I do want to make sure he's okay. I'm not going to apologize, but at the same time, I want him to know there are no hard feelings.

so if you found out he is happily married with a family, content with his lot and no regrets that would make you happy and there would be no need to contact him?

If you friend him on facebook, you won't really be able to do that though. He'll know it's you, no secret sleuthing that way. He'd be able to snoop through your info and pics too.

PunkMistress said:

StillGotIt said:

That is what is hard...the "apology" word. After all of this time, I'm sure he has figured out that a 16 year old is not the one to blame. I wish it was that simple......

Hell...he's probably as nervous as a tarnished catholic priest...worried that I'll come out of the woodwork.....

So is it that you want to reassure him that you don't see him as a monster and that you turned out all right?

exactly what I was thinking

PunkMistress said:

Maybe I'm just bringing my own experience to the way I'm viewing your story.

I had an inappropriate relationship with my superior at my summer job when I was 15/16. But he was in his 40s and it was a totally fucked up situation in which he manipulated and preyed on me emotionally, sexually and mentally.

So that may have something to do with the negative gut reactions I have to your situation.

I have a question, though: would you discuss this with your husband if you chose to look the guy up? Well, you've already told us that you did look him up, I guess. So is this something you'd mention to your husband?

sorry to hear about that PunkMistress.

I cannot imagine my husbandd feeling threatened...(been together 19 years) and he knows me and my character well. I would be the equivalent of making a mountain out of a molehill. I dont think I would tell hubby....unless I felt a need to maintain regular contact with my old "friend".

ZombieKitten said:

StillGotIt said:

Zombie....I'm glad you understand my curiosity.... its not some alterior motive. I do want to make sure he's okay. I'm not going to apologize, but at the same time, I want him to know there are no hard feelings.

so if you found out he is happily married with a family, content with his lot and no regrets that would make you happy and there would be no need to contact him?

If you friend him on facebook, you won't really be able to do that though. He'll know it's you, no secret sleuthing that way. He'd be able to snoop through your info and pics too.

LOL...that is exactly why I would NEVER friend him on FB. LOL. Letting somebody into your life on FB is like inviting them into your house. I hope he is happily married....but from what I've seen in my sleuthing, I doubt it

StillGotIt said:

PunkMistress said:

Maybe I'm just bringing my own experience to the way I'm viewing your story.

I had an inappropriate relationship with my superior at my summer job when I was 15/16. But he was in his 40s and it was a totally fucked up situation in which he manipulated and preyed on me emotionally, sexually and mentally.

So that may have something to do with the negative gut reactions I have to your situation.

I have a question, though: would you discuss this with your husband if you chose to look the guy up? Well, you've already told us that you did look him up, I guess. So is this something you'd mention to your husband?

sorry to hear about that PunkMistress.

I cannot imagine my husbandd feeling threatened...(been together 19 years) and he knows me and my character well. I would be the equivalent of making a mountain out of a molehill. I dont think I would tell hubby....unless I felt a need to maintain regular contact with my old "friend".

My question had nothing to do with whether your husband would feel threatened - only whether you would give him the respect of knowing what you're doing. I don't know your relationship, though, so I'm not trying to presume that this would constitute disrespect within the context of your marriage.

It just seems weird to me that I see many people hiding stuff like this from their spouses. It does seem dishonest to me. But that seems to be the norm these days. I was shocked that "K," an Orger I love dearly and respect highly, didn't tell her partner about participating in Org Secret Santa and chose to hide where her gift came from. Again, I'm not trying to be presumptuous. It just seems like dishonesty for no reason and I don't really understand it.

ZombieKitten said:

PunkMistress said:

So is it that you want to reassure him that you don't see him as a monster and that you turned out all right?

exactly what I was thinking

Yea....thats about the gist of it. I never saw him as a monster, I mean, I broke off the relationship. I never felt manipulated and actually he caused me to set a standard of how I wanted to be treated by a partner. I am officially a pain in the ass princess. Seriously....he treated me like a queen...even when people were gawking at him whenever he took me on trips.

I just didn't want to settle down that early in life...and sexually, I needed more than he had to offer.

PunkMistress said:

StillGotIt said:

sorry to hear about that PunkMistress.

I cannot imagine my husbandd feeling threatened...(been together 19 years) and he knows me and my character well. I would be the equivalent of making a mountain out of a molehill. I dont think I would tell hubby....unless I felt a need to maintain regular contact with my old "friend".

My question had nothing to do with whether your husband would feel threatened - only whether you would give him the respect of knowing what you're doing. I don't know your relationship, though, so I'm not trying to presume that this would constitute disrespect within the context of your marriage.

It just seems weird to me that I see many people hiding stuff like this from their spouses. It does seem dishonest to me. But that seems to be the norm these days. I was shocked that "K," an Orger I love dearly and respect highly, didn't tell her partner about participating in Org Secret Santa and chose to hide where her gift came from. Again, I'm not trying to be presumptuous. It just seems like dishonesty for no reason and I don't really understand it.

Hell...I see folks all the time and dont mention it and it is not because I am hiding anything. I am not hiding....we dont have trust issues in our relationship like that. If it was something I thought would bother him in the slightest, I would tell him. Its not dishonesty. When you've been with somebody this long....you kinda just know one another and develop a trust that doesn't require intense scrutiny. If anything, he would ask me why I was telling him....or say something like "should I be worried about this guy?"

StillGotIt said:

PunkMistress said:

My question had nothing to do with whether your husband would feel threatened - only whether you would give him the respect of knowing what you're doing. I don't know your relationship, though, so I'm not trying to presume that this would constitute disrespect within the context of your marriage.

It just seems weird to me that I see many people hiding stuff like this from their spouses. It does seem dishonest to me. But that seems to be the norm these days. I was shocked that "K," an Orger I love dearly and respect highly, didn't tell her partner about participating in Org Secret Santa and chose to hide where her gift came from. Again, I'm not trying to be presumptuous. It just seems like dishonesty for no reason and I don't really understand it.

Hell...I see folks all the time and dont mention it and it is not because I am hiding anything. I am not hiding....we dont have trust issues in our relationship like that. If it was something I thought would bother him in the slightest, I would tell him. Its not dishonesty. When you've been with somebody this long....you kinda just know one another and develop a trust that doesn't require intense scrutiny. If anything, he would ask me why I was telling him....or say something like "should I be worried about this guy?"

mine would react same way

some people do have jealous husbands though, who don't have a clue what the org is like, mine thankfully has met orgers and thought they were all great