NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

This guy is a comedian.

The reason they play this vid at the start is because the girls drag the guys to these sessions and this kind of breaks the ice. The guys start off the sessions thinking it will be boring and difficult and embarrassing, but in fact they are kind of fun

I just watched, I think he needs to embrace his nothing box a little more!

I actually am a huge fan of stereotyping, I just never think anyone should be limited to their stereotypes

when I go to sleep at night, I lie there listening to my brain going BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

NDRU said:

CarrieMpls said:

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

I wonder if your POV comes from already having accepted some of the differences long ago.

I did not watch the video, but I think if a couple is at all naive it's a good idea to try to learn the differences between men & women's thinking.

There are some differences. Sure, they involve stereotyping in order to describe, but when I hear young (or ignorant) men saying "women are crazy" or "she was psycho" or women saying "men are pigs" or "he is so detached" I think that they don't understand or accept the differences. They expect the other sex to think just like them. And there are biologial reasons for the sexes to think differently.

So given that there are some big differences, there are also lots of similarities or gray areas and that nothing's set in stone.

I didn't get to actually watch the video yet either. But I agree with what you're saying.

I never realised how much men and women are wired to think differently until I started marriage counseling about a year before my Ex and I split.

And one of the things I am working onnow, I actually learned from a thread here at the org, believe it or not. About how you can't just EXPECT a man to read your signs and just AUTOMATICALLY KNOW what the hell it is you want. You have to. TELL HIM.

I used to (and still find myself at times) get SOOOOO mad and worked up and act all crazy cuz I just figured my man knew what I wanted when he didn't and then I'd get all crazy and freak the fuck out. Men don't think like us, you HAVE to tell them. They are not mind readers.

Another thing. The 'all men are pigs' thing......well they kinda are. They are wired for a womans, or another mans body to be pleasing to them. I learned a lot from Todd on this subject. He told me when he see's an attractive women, his mind automatically wondars somewhere it shouldn't and he HAS TO look away or his mind runs away with him.

Well when he first told me that, HUGE red flags went up, and I got really upset and started rethinking our whole relationship, since I already have huge infidelity issues.

It took several conversations about the subject for me to accept it.

He says he doesn't ALLOW his mind to do it. He looks away or thinks and thinks about something else. He is not EVIL for having to do this. It's the way men think.

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

I just watched, I think he needs to embrace his nothing box a little more!

I actually am a huge fan of stereotyping, I just never think anyone should be limited to their stereotypes

when I go to sleep at night, I lie there listening to my brain going BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I like to stereotype because that fits with my need to box.

Actually my brain buzzes too, especially in bed. In a lot of ways I am more like a woman than Allison and she is more like a man.

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

when I go to sleep at night, I lie there listening to my brain going BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I like to stereotype because that fits with my need to box.

Actually my brain buzzes too, especially in bed. In a lot of ways I am more like a woman than Allison and she is more like a man.

I would love a nothing box to curl into at bedtime

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

I like to stereotype because that fits with my need to box.

Actually my brain buzzes too, especially in bed. In a lot of ways I am more like a woman than Allison and she is more like a man.

I would love a nothing box to curl into at bedtime

mmm, nothing box...

ZombieKitten said:

I have a client who is a marriage educator, I've done some of their course material, and the questionnaire they give is really great - you find out a LOT about each other

the 2 top marriage-breakers are money and FAMILY

and they show this video at the beginning of the course

That's funny, I was thinking of this video a couple days ago. My ex bought it when I told her I wanted a divorce.

FauxReal said:

ZombieKitten said:

I have a client who is a marriage educator, I've done some of their course material, and the questionnaire they give is really great - you find out a LOT about each other

the 2 top marriage-breakers are money and FAMILY

and they show this video at the beginning of the course

That's funny, I was thinking of this video a couple days ago. My ex bought it when I told her I wanted a divorce.

oh dear

NDRU said:

CarrieMpls said:

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

I wonder if your POV comes from already having accepted some of the differences long ago.

I did not watch the video, but I think if a couple is at all naive it's a good idea to try to learn the differences between men & women's thinking.

There are some differences. Sure, they involve stereotyping in order to describe, but when I hear young (or ignorant) men saying "women are crazy" or "she was psycho" or women saying "men are pigs" or "he is so detached" I think that they don't understand or accept the differences. They expect the other sex to think just like them. And there are biologial reasons for the sexes to think differently.

So given that there are some big differences, there are also lots of similarities or gray areas and that nothing's set in stone.

Perhaps I just think differently than most people. I agree there are tendencies that can run down gender lines but I don't see how sterotyping helps anyone.

As for the examples in the video - my thoughts run both ways. I compartmentalize certain things and yet always see connections to others. Certainly I am an emotional being, but I don't think I'm any more so than most of my male friends.

The box of nothing? I LOVE my box of nothing. In fact I regularly set aside time for "nothing". So of course I understand when others are doing or thinking "nothing". Is that really rare for a woman? And I know men who always have to be doing "something".

Maybe this fits the way a lot of people see things. A lot of folks in the video were laughing along. I guess I just don't.

And if this were shown at the beginning of a counseling session I attended I'd probably get annoyed and want to be done with it.

I actually think counseling is a great idea. If nothing else, it forces a couple to think beyond the wedding - which, sadly, a lot of couples don't.

thats great news!

[Edited 12/24/10 9:55am]