It was FUN!!

We took a test online before we went and he had the results when we got there. We are super hig on Spiritual Beliefs, Sexual Expectations, and some other things I forget.

And we were real low on Financial issues.

I didn't do this counseling schtuff w my first marriage but its pretty cool.

Oh, I also scored very low on self confidence. I'm sure it woulda been a bit better if I wasn't the size of a house!!

Anyways

TO ME AND TOOD!!!

Well I met a boy from Grassy Branch
Fine as he can be
I met him at the big barn dance
And he took a shine to me
Sky-blue eyes, a big wide smile
And tall as a sicamore tree
He's real smart with a real big heart
And he's gonna marry me
He's gonna marry me
And we're gonna go to town
We're gonna buy some real good car
And we're gonna drive around
We'll hold hands an' touch 'n' hug
He talks so sweet to me
Cause he knows a lot about love and stuff
And he's gonna marry me

His momma don't like me one little bit
But you know I don't care
Let her pitch her hissy-fit
Cause I ain't a'marryin' her
He's always been a momma's boy
It's just plain jealousy
She's as mad as an old red hen
Cause he's gonna marry me

Oh, an' he's gonna marry me
An' he's gonna buy me a ring
We're gonna be so free
Cut momma's aprin strings
He's gonna build me a pretty little house
Have a pretty little made-for-three
Cause he done kiss me on the mouth
An' he's gonna marry me

Yeah, he's gonna marry me
He's gonna buy me a ring
We're gonna be so free
Cut momma's aprin strings
He's gonna build me a pretty little house
Have a pretty little made-for-three
Cause he's done kiss me on the mouth
So he's gotta marry me
Yeah he's done kiss me on the mouth
And he's gonna marry me

Yodel-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de

I don't get this whole new-ish (this is a fairly new practice right?) pre-marital stuff.

If y'all had flunked everything you wouldn't get married?

Cheers to you and Tood!

johnart said:

I don't get this whole new-ish (this is a fairly new practice right?) pre-marital stuff.

If y'all had flunked everything you wouldn't get married?

I dunno if its new or not. I never did it before.

I asked the counselor rite out, did we pass or fail, and he said there is no passing or failing but with this 'test' there are 4 diff types of cpls. The 1st being the 'most likely to suceed' the fourth being most likely to divorce.

.........We got the 3rd type, so we basically are set up for failure. (if you believe in that sorta thing) plus the 'odds are against us' statistically speaking cuz weve both been divorced yada yada.

But the point of the whole thing is to find our potential strengths and weaknesses, be aware of them learn ways to cope with them before they become a hug issue.

I only take this shit with a grain of salt, but it is very interesting. And I'm sure can come to some kind of use.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

johnart said:

I don't get this whole new-ish (this is a fairly new practice right?) pre-marital stuff.

If y'all had flunked everything you wouldn't get married?

I dunno if its new or not. I never did it before.

I asked the counselor rite out, did we pass or fail, and he said there is no passing or failing but with this 'test' there are 4 diff types of cpls. The 1st being the 'most likely to suceed' the fourth being most likely to divorce.

.........We got the 3rd type, so we basically are set up for failure. (if you believe in that sorta thing) plus the 'odds are against us' statistically speaking cuz weve both been divorced yada yada.

But the point of the whole thing is to find our potential strengths and weaknesses, be aware of them learn ways to cope with them before they become a hug issue.

I only take this shit with a grain of salt, but it is very interesting. And I'm sure can come to some kind of use.

I can see where it would be interesting. I'm glad you take it with a grain of salt.

I have a client who is a marriage educator, I've done some of their course material, and the questionnaire they give is really great - you find out a LOT about each other

the 2 top marriage-breakers are money and FAMILY

and they show this video at the beginning of the course

johnart said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I dunno if its new or not. I never did it before.

I asked the counselor rite out, did we pass or fail, and he said there is no passing or failing but with this 'test' there are 4 diff types of cpls. The 1st being the 'most likely to suceed' the fourth being most likely to divorce.

.........We got the 3rd type, so we basically are set up for failure. (if you believe in that sorta thing) plus the 'odds are against us' statistically speaking cuz weve both been divorced yada yada.

But the point of the whole thing is to find our potential strengths and weaknesses, be aware of them learn ways to cope with them before they become a hug issue.

I only take this shit with a grain of salt, but it is very interesting. And I'm sure can come to some kind of use.

I can see where it would be interesting. I'm glad you take it with a grain of salt.

I think it's to identify a couple's weak points so they can look out for it and work on it

TotalANXiousNESS said:

It was FUN!!

Sexual Expectations,

that is a good one to explore!! Then to take the test again in ten years and see how you did.

NDRU said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

It was FUN!!

Sexual Expectations,

that is a good one to explore!! Then to take the test again in ten years and see how you did.

for every time you have sex in the first year you put a pea in the jar. Apparently if you take one pea out again for every time you have sex in all subsequent years together, you will never empty the jar - apparently, in NORMAL marriages

johnart said:

I don't get this whole new-ish (this is a fairly new practice right?) pre-marital stuff.

If y'all had flunked everything you wouldn't get married?

no, not new.. especially if you're religious/getting married in a church

at the pea idea. I think I'll try it!

I'm so happy rite now. But I'm home all alone with no one to celebrate with!!

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

that is a good one to explore!! Then to take the test again in ten years and see how you did.

for every time you have sex in the first year you put a pea in the jar. Apparently if you take one pea out again for every time you have sex in all subsequent years together, you will never empty the jar - apparently, in NORMAL marriages

fortunately, that is exactly what I expected

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

for every time you have sex in the first year you put a pea in the jar. Apparently if you take one pea out again for every time you have sex in all subsequent years together, you will never empty the jar - apparently, in NORMAL marriages

fortunately, that is exactly what I expected

Not me!!!! Sex is a very important part of a relationship!

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

for every time you have sex in the first year you put a pea in the jar. Apparently if you take one pea out again for every time you have sex in all subsequent years together, you will never empty the jar - apparently, in NORMAL marriages

fortunately, that is exactly what I expected

my mum told me that

according to my calculations, my jar is at least –1000 by now

TotalANXiousNESS said:

NDRU said:

fortunately, that is exactly what I expected

Not me!!!! Sex is a very important part of a relationship!

good for you

PositivityNYC said:

johnart said:

I don't get this whole new-ish (this is a fairly new practice right?) pre-marital stuff.

If y'all had flunked everything you wouldn't get married?

no, not new.. especially if you're religious/getting married in a church

We had to take them...

I think it's a good idea.

I don't know that I'd do actual counseling myself, but I have a list of things that I know I want figured out ahead of time before I actually get married. My bf and I have discussed some of these things but there's plenty that we haven't yet as well.

We had our first big fight, though. And it was a doozy! I'm glad it happened, though. And I'm glad it's over with. All things considered it went as well as you could want something like that to go and I know we're better off for it. We even fought really well.

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

for every time you have sex in the first year you put a pea in the jar. Apparently if you take one pea out again for every time you have sex in all subsequent years together, you will never empty the jar - apparently, in NORMAL marriages

fortunately, that is exactly what I expected

whoa that sucks! marriage should mean MORE, great sex

ZombieKitten said:

I have a client who is a marriage educator, I've done some of their course material, and the questionnaire they give is really great - you find out a LOT about each other

the 2 top marriage-breakers are money and FAMILY

and they show this video at the beginning of the course

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

CarrieMpls said:

I think it's a good idea.

I don't know that I'd do actual counseling myself, but I have a list of things that I know I want figured out ahead of time before I actually get married. My bf and I have discussed some of these things but there's plenty that we haven't yet as well.

We had our first big fight, though. And it was a doozy! I'm glad it happened, though. And I'm glad it's over with. All things considered it went as well as you could want something like that to go and I know we're better off for it. We even fought really well.

You did? Awwwww. Was it before or after you got back from Thailand?

I hate confrontation and fighting because I've gone thru it so much in my first marriage that I tend to shut down when somethings stirring. But its good to have arguements. The outcome is so sweet, and you are left with more understanding of eachother.

I'm glad you's argued well! I think we do too!

TotalANXiousNESS said:

johnart said:

I don't get this whole new-ish (this is a fairly new practice right?) pre-marital stuff.

If y'all had flunked everything you wouldn't get married?

I dunno if its new or not. I never did it before.

I asked the counselor rite out, did we pass or fail, and he said there is no passing or failing but with this 'test' there are 4 diff types of cpls. The 1st being the 'most likely to suceed' the fourth being most likely to divorce.

.........We got the 3rd type, so we basically are set up for failure. (if you believe in that sorta thing) plus the 'odds are against us' statistically speaking cuz weve both been divorced yada yada.

But the point of the whole thing is to find our potential strengths and weaknesses, be aware of them learn ways to cope with them before they become a hug issue.

I only take this shit with a grain of salt, but it is very interesting. And I'm sure can come to some kind of use.

That's the key, right there.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

CarrieMpls said:

I think it's a good idea.

I don't know that I'd do actual counseling myself, but I have a list of things that I know I want figured out ahead of time before I actually get married. My bf and I have discussed some of these things but there's plenty that we haven't yet as well.

We had our first big fight, though. And it was a doozy! I'm glad it happened, though. And I'm glad it's over with. All things considered it went as well as you could want something like that to go and I know we're better off for it. We even fought really well.

You did? Awwwww. Was it before or after you got back from Thailand?

I hate confrontation and fighting because I've gone thru it so much in my first marriage that I tend to shut down when somethings stirring. But its good to have arguements. The outcome is so sweet, and you are left with more understanding of eachother.

I'm glad you's argued well! I think we do too!

Exactly!

It was the weekend after I got back. He was really sweet the whole time I was gone, we wrote almost every day, had a few webcam chats and I think going away ultimately brought us closer. But I think there was some resentment built up that I was away on this fabulous trip and he was stuck in a Minnesota winter cleaning out my litter boxes.

We spent the entire day together, took breaks from the "fighting" to go to a movie and go out to dinner and were able to talk it all out around everything so we both felt good about things by the end of the day. I was pretty impressed with both of us.

tinaz said:

PositivityNYC said:

no, not new.. especially if you're religious/getting married in a church

We had to take them...

wow, I felt totally great about all this and now I'm grossed out

CarrieMpls said:

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

Yeah ~ humans are not tidy neat little boxes that way

CarrieMpls said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

You did? Awwwww. Was it before or after you got back from Thailand?

I hate confrontation and fighting because I've gone thru it so much in my first marriage that I tend to shut down when somethings stirring. But its good to have arguements. The outcome is so sweet, and you are left with more understanding of eachother.

I'm glad you's argued well! I think we do too!

Exactly!

It was the weekend after I got back. He was really sweet the whole time I was gone, we wrote almost every day, had a few webcam chats and I think going away ultimately brought us closer. But I think there was some resentment built up that I was away on this fabulous trip and he was stuck in a Minnesota winter cleaning out my litter boxes.

We spent the entire day together, took breaks from the "fighting" to go to a movie and go out to dinner and were able to talk it all out around everything so we both felt good about things by the end of the day. I was pretty impressed with both of us.

@ the litter boxes. Poor lad.

Glad you's worked it out. Most of our arguements come from my stupid baggage. I'm learning from it though....we communicate well. So we always end up stronger when were done argueing as opposed to my past relationship where the fights were so ugly, the issues never got resolved, they only festered and destroyed us in the end.

Mach said:

CarrieMpls said:

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

Yeah ~ humans are not tidy neat little boxes that way

no of course not, but I could definitely recognise a lot of truths from that video in my marriage especially why I remember EVERYTHING I didn't think about it, but it is true that my amazing memory is because of many more associations and emotions going on at the time. I was almost insulted by that point about me having my own "box" in his brain, but it sure explains a lot of things

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

tinaz said:

We had to take them...

wow, I felt totally great about all this and now I'm grossed out

Well, were getting married in the rinky dink little bar we met in. They don't require pre marital counseling.

CarrieMpls said:

ZombieKitten said:

I have a client who is a marriage educator, I've done some of their course material, and the questionnaire they give is really great - you find out a LOT about each other

the 2 top marriage-breakers are money and FAMILY

and they show this video at the beginning of the course

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

I wonder if your POV comes from already having accepted some of the differences long ago.

I did not watch the video, but I think if a couple is at all naive it's a good idea to try to learn the differences between men & women's thinking.

There are some differences. Sure, they involve stereotyping in order to describe, but when I hear young (or ignorant) men saying "women are crazy" or "she was psycho" or women saying "men are pigs" or "he is so detached" I think that they don't understand or accept the differences. They expect the other sex to think just like them. And there are biologial reasons for the sexes to think differently.

So given that there are some big differences, there are also lots of similarities or gray areas and that nothing's set in stone.

NDRU said:

CarrieMpls said:

I can't relate to most of that.

I really hate when "experts" try to categorize the way men's brains work vs. women's. I agree people process and relate to things differently, but it doesn't run down gender lines that way.

I wonder if your POV comes from already having accepted some of the differences long ago.

I did not watch the video, but I think if a couple is at all naive it's a good idea to try to learn the differences between men & women's thinking.

There are some differences. Sure, they involve stereotyping in order to describe, but when I hear young (or ignorant) men saying "women are crazy" or "she was psycho" or women saying "men are pigs" or "he is so detached" I think that they don't understand or accept the differences. They expect the other sex to think just like them. And there are biologial reasons for the sexes to think differently.

So given that there are some big differences, there are also lots of similarities or gray areas and that nothing's set in stone.

This guy is a comedian.

The reason they play this vid at the start is because the girls drag the guys to these sessions and this kind of breaks the ice. The guys start off the sessions thinking it will be boring and difficult and embarrassing, but in fact they are kind of fun

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

I wonder if your POV comes from already having accepted some of the differences long ago.

I did not watch the video, but I think if a couple is at all naive it's a good idea to try to learn the differences between men & women's thinking.

There are some differences. Sure, they involve stereotyping in order to describe, but when I hear young (or ignorant) men saying "women are crazy" or "she was psycho" or women saying "men are pigs" or "he is so detached" I think that they don't understand or accept the differences. They expect the other sex to think just like them. And there are biologial reasons for the sexes to think differently.

So given that there are some big differences, there are also lots of similarities or gray areas and that nothing's set in stone.

This guy is a comedian.

The reason they play this vid at the start is because the girls drag the guys to these sessions and this kind of breaks the ice. The guys start off the sessions thinking it will be boring and difficult and embarrassing, but in fact they are kind of fun

I just watched, I think he needs to embrace his nothing box a little more!

I actually am a huge fan of stereotyping, I just never think anyone should be limited to their stereotypes