Shyra said:

Sure, I get the urge sometime "to have somebody", but then I come to my senses.

Thank you! My motto - "No Drama"

I'm single because in the words of Portishead "Cos nobody loves me, Its true." Singlehood has been with me most of my life, so I don't have to be with somebody. Being a homebody, I don't put myself out there that often. Also, dating is not really my forte. When I go out, I don't really attract guys or people in general that much compared to my friends. That darn introverted side of me, which I fully accept. When it does happen, it's when I'm not made up and putting myself out there, or if a guy is really outgoing and knows how to collect people or numbers.

Ultimately I am picky, and it's easier to weed out guys than to take that next step and give them a try. There's probably a little fear, especially since I work on a domestic violence hotline and listening to what folks go through in relationships, I'd rather be single. I tend to be attracted to the unattainable (distance or status) or opposite of who would logically be attracted to me. I don't fear committment, but I don't want to waste my time and energy on a relationship that is not mutual and full of deception and games. If the guy is not willing to put in the same energy and effort, then why should I? Being close to the 4th decade of existence, I know my pickiness is sticking like glue. Just like others have stated, I don't want to settle for just anybody for the sake of not being alone.

Do I get lonely and wish I had somebody? Sure, but I'm not going to just accept the first guy who crosses my path. Since I've graduated this year and my cousin's marriage, the questions have come up a few times. It's a process and I'm at the beginning, so don't expect anything to happen soon. Some people want me to focus on getting a man. How about getting a full-time job in my field first? I'm learning to just enjoy doing more things on my own, since alot of my friends are either married, in relationships, or just plain busy. It would be nice to fall in love once before the end. I've had tons of crushes and been in lust, but I can't honestly say I've ever been in love. So it's mostly by choice and partly due to the options of who's out there. If it is meant to be for me, then I hope to be ready for him and vice versa.

I would just say -- being a male who often fields the same question about singlehood -- that I second what funky says.

It also can be really difficult, contrary to the rumor, to find woman who really wants what she says she wants and who is willing to do the work of cultivating and sustaining a mature, honest relationship. Despite what they say about wanting that in a man, they're often expert saboteurs of relationships, when he shows up.

It's a hard slog, regardless of your sex, for sure.

`

[Edited 12/15/10 9:14am]

i like to have friends, and don't rule out a special someone, but it's not one of my goals. it has been a fantasy at times though

usually people seem to need drugs to tolerate being around me for long, so i take that as a hint that i need to grow a bit more before pursuing a relationship.

family loves to project their relationship expectations onto me, and i'm so used to that, it's funny.

as far as the bringing children into a crazy or populous world argument goes, i hope that idea by itself doesn't keep people from having children! far as i know i can't have children, but would adopt if it seemed right. my dad felt financially unprepared for my arrival, but i didn't miss a thing. love and respect is what i look back as thankful for beyond the basic physical necessities. if you are on this website you might be one of the (relatively) materially richer people in this world. but it is nice to want the best for them.

i'm happy being single, the freedom is fun

PURplEMaPLeSyrup said:

i like to have friends, and don't rule out a special someone, but it's not one of my goals. it has been a fantasy at times though

usually people seem to need drugs to tolerate being around me for long, so i take that as a hint that i need to grow a bit more before pursuing a relationship.

family loves to project their relationship expectations onto me, and i'm so used to that, it's funny.

as far as the bringing children into a crazy or populous world argument goes, i hope that idea by itself doesn't keep people from having children! far as i know i can't have children, but would adopt if it seemed right. my dad felt financially unprepared for my arrival, but i didn't miss a thing. love and respect is what i look back as thankful for beyond the basic physical necessities. if you are on this website you might be one of the (relatively) materially richer people in this world. but it is nice to want the best for them.

i'm happy being single, the freedom is fun

For goodness sakes, why? Or is it that the people you hang around are drug abusers?

SCNDLS said:

Shyra said:

Sure, I get the urge sometime "to have somebody", but then I come to my senses. No, really. I guess I'm at the age now where I'm concentrated more on staying healthy and happy and not having to think I have to rely on someone else to complete me or make me happy. I find that if I go out actively trying to find and seduce a man, it does not work out and I should have left well enough alone. I figure if it's meant for me to meet someone, I will do that in the course of living my life the way I want to and not based on what society expects.

I met two women friends out last night and we got into this conversation. One was married and with her ex for 14 years, the other's been married THREE times. They are both pushing 50 but look GREAT! Both these women lamented they want to be married so badly because they don't want to grow old alone. This was me and

They both start bombarding me with questions about why I'm single and don't I want someone to share life with. I explained that I've been on my own since I was 18 and grew up as an only child so I've never equated needing someone outside of myself for companionship and happiness. I mean, it would be cool, but I'm not slashing my wrists if that shit don't come to pass.

See, that's what my borther says all the time, "I don't want to die alone." I tell him, "Even if you had somebody or were married, ain't no guarantee that bitch gon be there when you draw your last breath, bro." Whereas on the other hand, as long as I'm alive, he won't "be alone."

Self esteem issues, shyness with strangers, and confusion about the orientation of the people I'm attracted to.

Because if I bring up the M word right now he'll run like hell.

Cinnie said:

...confusion about the orientation of the people I'm attracted to.

I can relate to that one. Though it's easy to be confused when people are actively trying to confuse you, aren't really sure themselves, or otherwise just don't want to be figured out.

Shyra said:

SCNDLS said:

I met two women friends out last night and we got into this conversation. One was married and with her ex for 14 years, the other's been married THREE times. They are both pushing 50 but look GREAT! Both these women lamented they want to be married so badly because they don't want to grow old alone. This was me and

They both start bombarding me with questions about why I'm single and don't I want someone to share life with. I explained that I've been on my own since I was 18 and grew up as an only child so I've never equated needing someone outside of myself for companionship and happiness. I mean, it would be cool, but I'm not slashing my wrists if that shit don't come to pass.

See, that's what my borther says all the time, "I don't want to die alone." I tell him, "Even if you had somebody or were married, ain't no guarantee that bitch gon be there when you draw your last breath, bro." Whereas on the other hand, as long as I'm alive, he won't "be alone."

Aww, you're a good sister.

We all die alone, anyway. Unless you're dragging motherfuckers with you.

PDogz said:

Cinnie said:

...confusion about the orientation of the people I'm attracted to.

I can relate to that one. Though it's easy to be confused when people are actively trying to confuse you, aren't really sure themselves, or otherwise just don't want to be figured out.

True. I can't be responsible for that.

I'm really not single, i can marry just about any man i want...

Cinnie said:

PDogz said:

I can relate to that one. Though it's easy to be confused when people are actively trying to confuse you, aren't really sure themselves, or otherwise just don't want to be figured out.

True. I can't be responsible for that.

I agree. We have no control over the behavior of others. I used to have faith that the Internet would allow people to be more true to themselves, but haven't really seen where it's worked out that way.

Cinnie said:

Self esteem issues, shyness with strangers, and confusion about the orientation of the people I'm attracted to.

??

FrenchGuy said:

Cinnie said:

Self esteem issues, shyness with strangers, and confusion about the orientation of the people I'm attracted to.

??

ie. faulty gaydar combined with mixed signals from the object of desire

after a really rough break-up after a long-term relationship with my first real, true love 3 years ago, I really can't muster the energy or effort to get deeply involved in someone else's life, psyche, or emotions, nor can I allow someone to have that kind of involvement in mine.

Yeah, it's a pretty self-absorbed view of life, but I'm perfectly happy with it for now.

sometimes i wonder if ill ever get married, i mean im still in highsschool and its fun to just date and stuff. but idk trying to imagine being with someone for the rest of your life, thats some real love right there.

Men just don't present themselves the way they used to. When I say "present" I mean on their knees. If they stand above they should never look me directly in the eye, and there must be plenty of pretty prancing about (not in a gay way). *sigh*

littlemissG said:

Because if I bring up the M word right now he'll run like hell.

Buy him some Nikes and let him run; find someone how wants what you want.

------------------

[Edited 12/31/10 16:29pm]

funkyslsistah said:

I'm single because in the words of Portishead "Cos nobody loves me, Its true." Singlehood has been with me most of my life, so I don't have to be with somebody. Being a homebody, I don't put myself out there that often. Also, dating is not really my forte. When I go out, I don't really attract guys or people in general that much compared to my friends. That darn introverted side of me, which I fully accept. When it does happen, it's when I'm not made up and putting myself out there, or if a guy is really outgoing and knows how to collect people or numbers.

Ultimately I am picky, and it's easier to weed out guys than to take that next step and give them a try. There's probably a little fear, especially since I work on a domestic violence hotline and listening to what folks go through in relationships, I'd rather be single. I tend to be attracted to the unattainable (distance or status) or opposite of who would logically be attracted to me. I don't fear committment, but I don't want to waste my time and energy on a relationship that is not mutual and full of deception and games. If the guy is not willing to put in the same energy and effort, then why should I? Being close to the 4th decade of existence, I know my pickiness is sticking like glue. Just like others have stated, I don't want to settle for just anybody for the sake of not being alone.

Do I get lonely and wish I had somebody? Sure, but I'm not going to just accept the first guy who crosses my path. Since I've graduated this year and my cousin's marriage, the questions have come up a few times. It's a process and I'm at the beginning, so don't expect anything to happen soon. Some people want me to focus on getting a man. How about getting a full-time job in my field first? I'm learning to just enjoy doing more things on my own, since alot of my friends are either married, in relationships, or just plain busy. It would be nice to fall in love once before the end. I've had tons of crushes and been in lust, but I can't honestly say I've ever been in love. So it's mostly by choice and partly due to the options of who's out there. If it is meant to be for me, then I hope to be ready for him and vice versa.

I Love Portishead!!

Keyumdi said:

Men just don't present themselves the way they used to. When I say "present" I mean on their knees. If they stand above they should never look me directly in the eye, and there must be plenty of pretty prancing about (not in a gay way). *sigh*

are you Prince?

I have been single for a while now and constantly get the 'why u still single?' shit from friends and family. I wanted to work on my career, becoming a home owner and a few other personal issues...yes I think I may have gone a bit overboard on the whole deal but there hasn't really been anyone who has come along that has interested me enough to want to put up with the relationship bullshit I see my friends and family members going through so I remain single.

I don't want kids, never have, neither do I want to get married; so for now I am happy being single when that is no longer the case (being happy about it - not changing my mind on kids and marriage cause I don't see that happening) I will deal with it.

robinhood said:

1. i'm very, very fussy these days and no one has made the connection with me i need them to make for me to want to have an intimate relationship with them.

2. because i've been single for so long, i dont think about it anymore. i've lost all 'need' to be with someone to the point where if i do think about it, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. i've grown to relish my own space, my own bed, my own privacy and i love my own company.

3. no man on earth has shown me he deserves me. i already have one child. i dont need or want another one. fed up totally with children in men's bodies. i dont want to be your mother. i'm not a toy, i'm not a prize, i'm not arm candy, i'm not the one you can fool, i see everything.

bring me a grown man who knows how to properly treat a woman, no games, and maybe then i'll think about it, but even then they'll need to do a lot to earn my trust. i dont do stupid. cant stand hearing "oh sorry" and "i didnt mean to..". give me someone with a brain, a loyal heart, and a penis that stays where it should instead of where it shouldnt. oh how the list goes on.

simply put: do. not. mess. with. me.

I am too independent. My last relationship was 7 years and ended badly. Been engaged but when the time came to set a date, I balked. I always do. I'm like uptowny. I want a separate space and residence. Or if I do ever decided to marry and live with someone (which I doubt) I at least want my own bedroom.

I know exactly what I want but I don't believe I will ever find it. I hate being questioned about where I've been or where I'm going. If I wanted to cheat I wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place, dumbass. All in all I want a strong man who is confident and not so insecure that he has to know where I am every hour of the day and night.

..cause i live in jersey and all the guys are like those idiots from jersey shore.......

PunkMistress said:

I am extraordinarily fortunate to have found someone who pretty much feels and thinks in the same ways I described above. And I like him lots, and he likes me back. I'm extremely happy that I waited for that. When people say marriage makes you miserable, that's bullshit. Marrying the wrong person makes you miserable.

AfuckinMen !

noimageatall said:

robinhood said:

1. i'm very, very fussy these days and no one has made the connection with me i need them to make for me to want to have an intimate relationship with them.

2. because i've been single for so long, i dont think about it anymore. i've lost all 'need' to be with someone to the point where if i do think about it, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. i've grown to relish my own space, my own bed, my own privacy and i love my own company.

3. no man on earth has shown me he deserves me. i already have one child. i dont need or want another one. fed up totally with children in men's bodies. i dont want to be your mother. i'm not a toy, i'm not a prize, i'm not arm candy, i'm not the one you can fool, i see everything.

bring me a grown man who knows how to properly treat a woman, no games, and maybe then i'll think about it, but even then they'll need to do a lot to earn my trust. i dont do stupid. cant stand hearing "oh sorry" and "i didnt mean to..". give me someone with a brain, a loyal heart, and a penis that stays where it should instead of where it shouldnt. oh how the list goes on.

simply put: do. not. mess. with. me.

I am too independent. My last relationship was 7 years and ended badly. Been engaged but when the time came to set a date, I balked. I always do. I'm like uptowny. I want a separate space and residence. Or if I do ever decided to marry and live with someone (which I doubt) I at least want my own bedroom.

I know exactly what I want but I don't believe I will ever find it. I hate being questioned about where I've been or where I'm going. If I wanted to cheat I wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place, dumbass. All in all I want a strong man who is confident and not so insecure that he has to know where I am every hour of the day and night.

Preach it! See, I'm the complete opposite of the kind of dude you're talking about. I could care less what a woman does, long as she doesn't nag, pays her own bills, and doesn't bother me with emotional drama. Handle your shit and I'll handle mine. I'm happiest when I'm left alone, especially during football season, March Madness and the NBA playoffs.

Like I've said before, separate residences is the ONLY way I'd even entertain the thought of marriage. Outside of immediate family, I don't wany anyone in my shit.

uPtoWnNY said:

noimageatall said:

I am too independent. My last relationship was 7 years and ended badly. Been engaged but when the time came to set a date, I balked. I always do. I'm like uptowny. I want a separate space and residence. Or if I do ever decided to marry and live with someone (which I doubt) I at least want my own bedroom.

I know exactly what I want but I don't believe I will ever find it. I hate being questioned about where I've been or where I'm going. If I wanted to cheat I wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place, dumbass. All in all I want a strong man who is confident and not so insecure that he has to know where I am every hour of the day and night.

Preach it! See, I'm the complete opposite of the kind of dude you're talking about. I could care less what a woman does, long as she doesn't nag, pays her own bills, and doesn't bother me with emotional drama. Handle your shit and I'll handle mine. I'm happiest when I'm left alone, especially during football season, March Madness and the NBA playoffs.

Like I've said before, separate residences is the ONLY way I'd even entertain the thought of marriage. Outside of immediate family, I don't wany anyone in my shit.

Somebody brought the thread back? haha, as I can see many orgers are die-hard single people...

I still am. Not feeling feeling an inner pressure about it, just some pressure from family and friends (especially the engaged ones... Almost look as if they wan me to join their "sect" of committed people, damn, i've been given many suggstions, books, advice about how "to settle down"....)

Damn, why is hard for so many people that some of us just don't wanna be part of a couple?

i'm happy that way. My time, my space, my opinion, m choices... all mine!