BklynBabe said:

Well I didn't want kids, which is a dealbreaker for many young men. And marriage wasn't a need for me, plus I definitely wanted my education and career first. And I was moving a lot and having a lot of personal upheavals. And, of course I am super picky, afraid of rejection and commitment, and have been hurt just a few too many times. I hate the person I become when I have a crush, especially if I don't get what I want. I would like a relationship, but it's going to take a real special man, and I refuse to settle so I'll probably be single forever. Considering just about every female in my family stayed single, I get no backlash about having kids, and now I'm uterus-free so the point is moot. As for men I meet, I find most act real ignorant and turn me off.

That about sums it up.

I suppose because I find it hard to put my heart on the line for someone. I'm sick of being hurt and I don't wanna be hurt again.

Perhaps one day my prince will come...but I'm certainly in no hurry. And yes, I'm celibate!

i dont want people to see my flaws

Meeting the women i like is difficult because of my job. Unsociable hours and days, and i have to travel frequently. And when they're happy with that, they end up not liking the job itself. On top of that i'm fussy and a control-freak. My taste is messed up too. i have a homeing beacon for women with issues. However, i genuinely need someone that is independent, self-deprecative and challenging, and to be honest, single sexy women like that are hard to find.

Oh, and i think too much.

PunkMistress said:

BklynBabe said:

You have something special and rare, PM!

That's what I'm looking for....

I guess I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who couldn't make me feel that way

I am extraordinarily fortunate to have found someone who pretty much feels and thinks in the same ways I described above. And I like him lots, and he likes me back. I'm extremely happy that I waited for that. When people say marriage makes you miserable, that's bullshit. Marrying the wrong person makes you miserable.

That's 75% of the secret right there. You can love a person but not LIKE them. I feel that about my mom sometimes.

For instance, right now I'm typing this on my mom's computer. My brother is sitting on the sofa watching me, but can't see what I'm typing. He's bugging me, asking me 50,000 questions about this forum. I love him dearly, but he can get on my LAST fuggin nerve!

But getting back on topic. Punkie, you are blessed with something that few of us will ever accomplish. You must have done something really special to attract such beautiful karma!

[Edited 11/25/10 14:58pm]

Former die-hard single gal here.

As cliched as it is, I just hadn't met the right guy. I didn't meet men I was interested in (like, ever!) and I'd rather be alone then with the wrong person.

And the few times here and there that I actually made efforts to meet men, well, I just HATE dating. They're like job interviews for the position of being your boyfriend. And you're being interviewed at the same time. It's completely unatural and uncomfortable to me. So I just stopped doing it. I gave up and made no effort to meet men, period.

I had built a very happy life for myself. I had a great job, a great condo, great friends, my cats, a great social life, etc... I honestly would have been happy to go on like that. While I was (and am) interested in getting married, I wasn't willing to do the work that seemed to be necessary to get all that. I was better off planning my life without it.

But then, of course, I met my boyfriend. And our dates were fun and exciting instead of scary and annoying. (OK, there was a little bit of scary, but mostly just plain old nervousness). So I'm happy to give up my single life for someone who is so utterly worth it. It honestly doesn't feel like I'm giving up much at all, especially compared to what I'm gaining. I think if it's the right person, there's not much to give up. Of course there are compromises here and there, but I can't imagine getting into a relationship if I thought I would lose something major in any way.

Ace said:

Put as simply as possible, I realized that I love freedom more than anything else. I love my life as it is and consider myself incredibly lucky that I've stumbled on some wisdom (Zen, etc.) that's shown me that happiness is self-created.

^ Yeah, what he said.

PunkMistress said:

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

GHETTRON

Seriously, what a bitch.

Not procreating is actually the most selfless thing you can do for this poor overpopulated planet!

amen to that shit yo!

btw, I hope little miss unselfish paid for every single thing associated with that baby on her own if she's talking shit like that.

Ace said:

Put as simply as possible, I realized that I love freedom more than anything else. I love my life as it is and consider myself incredibly lucky that I've stumbled on some wisdom (Zen, etc.) that's shown me that happiness is self-created.

Nuff said and all that needs to be said regarding one of life's lessons.

BklynBabe said:

That was quite the typing detour, put the bottle down, Ms Shyra....

No bottle, but if I'd had a splib, I might have been more coherent!

JerseyKRS said:

PunkMistress said:

GHETTRON

Seriously, what a bitch.

Not procreating is actually the most selfless thing you can do for this poor overpopulated planet!

amen to that shit yo!

btw, I hope little miss unselfish paid for every single thing associated with that baby on her own if she's talking shit like that.

See. I remember having a high school english teacher who was married. She was still young at the time and very attractive. She had Tina Turner legs and a great figure (not really important, but just setting a scene here). I asked her if she and her husband were ever going to start a family because they would make beautiful children. She said, "Oh no. We don't ever plan on having children." When I expressed my surprise she said, "Because we will never consider bringing children into this messed up crazy world." I'm dating myself here, but that was during the Viet Nam war.

Until further notice, I ain't never getting married!!!

Why?

1. I'm not financially ready at the moment.

2. My spiritual views are a factor. No further comments on the specifics.

3. Spiritually, marriage is a wonderful institution. But business-wise, it one of THE worst mistake any man can make. If that marriage ends in divorce, I (as a man) will lose half of my wealth + more by paying child support.

4. I'm not really good when it comes to compromising within a relationship. No further comments on the specifics.

5. I totally disagree with my country's (USA) definition of marriage, which is suppose to be a union between one man AND one woman. Excuse me, but the prophets Abraham, Issac, & Jacob (Israel) would strongly disagree with all Sunday-keeping Christian on that issue!

[Edited 11/26/10 9:26am]

`

[Edited 12/27/10 6:42am]

JustErin said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Explain.

Well, a lot of guys talk about wanting a chick that is really independent and wants to keep her space so he can keep his (and all that comes with that)....but when it comes down to it....most of them really don't want that.

As for self esteem, I never really think I'm smart enough, hot enough, basically good enough for someone...so I don't really try.

this is SO true. i became ridiculously independent the last year or so, and have noticed it tends to make men insecure. they're so used to clingy, needy girls that they take a woman who isn't that way as not being as interested in them as she really is.

evenstar3 said:

JustErin said:

Well, a lot of guys talk about wanting a chick that is really independent and wants to keep her space so he can keep his (and all that comes with that)....but when it comes down to it....most of them really don't want that.

As for self esteem, I never really think I'm smart enough, hot enough, basically good enough for someone...so I don't really try.

this is SO true. i became ridiculously independent the last year or so, and have noticed it tends to make men insecure. they're so used to clingy, needy girls that they take a woman who isn't that way as not being as interested in them as she really is.

I totally agree. It seems that most guys' ego takes a bruising everytime a real woman expresses her opinion. From relationships that I've observed i feel that it's usually men that are the needy, possessive ones. What pisses me off is how so many girls embrace this neanderthal behaviour, as if they feel they don't deserve more. They drop all their friends and forget who they are and what they want. Whereas men, in general, seem to just want a mother they can screw.

I just want an equal, who has the courage to be herself, and the determination to demand honesty from the pair of us, all of the time.

B/C Prince hasn't asked me to marry him yet! OK, but seriously...I'm single b/c I haven't met a man that makes me humble in his presence. I'm celibate by choice b/c I have no desire in simply "hooking up" with the any man I've met...kind of test for myself too I guess.

I like closeness on a very deep level (spiritually, sexually, emotionally, socially), yet I appreciate giving each other space. But I want to be best friends and understand each other.

I will only marry a man that makes me think "WOW, he's so amazing." I like men that are strong and in control, yet be really loving and "in-tuned" with me as a woman. (It's practically impossible to find a man that's dominant in some areas but in touch with his fem side too)...I have weird taste, I know.

But I will say that I still have the desire to marry...if I meet the right one since I do want kids. I'm not stressing over it though, if its meant to happen, it will. If it doesn't, then I am fine with the idea of adopting kids. But a family setting for my kids would be nice. And having a life-long companion to have fun with and travel with would be cool.

It's a good question.

Well, I don't "put myself out there" as my dad likes to say. He suggests "going somewhere" and being seen. I'm not that much of a going everywhere person. I get up, go to school, mess around Downtown for a bit, and come home. I like to stay at home during the weekends to work on poetry and story ideas. I know I could find a poetry slam or join a school club. I just...haven't. I'm not that intrested yet. I does get a bit lonely.

Then, there's the fact that guys in general just don't dig me. Or women. I pursuit them, we're just friends. They rarely pursuit me and think I just want to go right for sex. So on another hand, I kinda don't wanna put myself out there...

The one guy I'm sorta crazy about has socialization problems. He is a sweet guy, but too much of his past and old habits just keep us apart. He tried to initiate contact, but I buffed him off by saying nothing to him. I have to admit that I'm a bit of a cynic and slightly paranoid as well. The romantic failures sort of made me that way.

As my ex will tell you, I just expect a lot out of a mate. Blame that on my hard-working father. He showed me the definition of what it means to be a man, and I KNOW that's what I want in my special person. Goal-oriented, a touch nerdy, but confident and willing to lend a strong helping hand. I saw a lot of that in my ex, but yeah...again....antisocial. He wants it one way, then sort of gets comfortable and acts another way.

And finally, I think I just might be in the wrong spot all the time. The majority of guys I really like and start to talk to end up being with somoene already. There are at least two guys in my class that I've talked to and REALLY dug, and they ended up indirectly telling me they have someone. A lot of esteem busters in the room for this single gal. Looking at the statitics of my aunts isn't helping, either. A lot of them are single. Out of my mother's six sisters, only two are married. The rest are either divorced, never married, or ended their long-term relationships. My uncle, her brother, is also single. On my father's side, it's mixed. His sister was married but divorced her husband. But she re-married. My grandparents were married from 1949 to about 1992 when my grandfather died. I have a cousin who just never decided to settle down....so yeah...

Pops says I can "break the chain", but I'm in doubt mode. I'll probably get out of it once I entertain his earlier advice and not get so frustrated.

evenstar3 said:

JustErin said:

Well, a lot of guys talk about wanting a chick that is really independent and wants to keep her space so he can keep his (and all that comes with that)....but when it comes down to it....most of them really don't want that.

As for self esteem, I never really think I'm smart enough, hot enough, basically good enough for someone...so I don't really try.

this is SO true. i became ridiculously independent the last year or so, and have noticed it tends to make men insecure. they're so used to clingy, needy girls that they take a woman who isn't that way as not being as interested in them as she really is.

I think some men say they want independent women because they don't want any responsibility, they want you to pay your own bills, and don't bother them when they want to hang with their buddies, but then again, they don't want you running your mouth about nothing. I think the image of "independent women" are that they bitch all the time and have that I-don't-need-a-man attitude.

I believe women can be strong, yet soft....independent and yet dependent at the same time. Its natural to have that need-to-feel-needed bone in your body. Who wants to be somewhere with someone where they don't feel needed or wanted?

evenstar3 said:

JustErin said:

Well, a lot of guys talk about wanting a chick that is really independent and wants to keep her space so he can keep his (and all that comes with that)....but when it comes down to it....most of them really don't want that.

As for self esteem, I never really think I'm smart enough, hot enough, basically good enough for someone...so I don't really try.

this is SO true. i became ridiculously independent the last year or so, and have noticed it tends to make men insecure. they're so used to clingy, needy girls that they take a woman who isn't that way as not being as interested in them as she really is.

Ayy..seen this to many times. The "damsel in distress" syndrome men suffer from. A lot of women be rescuin' themselves lately that men feel really insecure and un-needed. I mean, nowadays you could rewrite a lot of fairy tales to make the woman the hero and the man in need of rescuing.

[Edited 11/26/10 20:20pm]

angel345 said:

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

So who is the cutie pie on your avatar?

Fake out! That's a picture of a doll. I used to collect dolls. There was a woman on the internet who made dolls that were so lifelike that at first glance they look absolutely real. They have the weight and look of a real infant. They are absolutely beautiful, but can cost hundreds of dollars. I have only two.

JerseyKRS said:

PunkMistress said:

GHETTRON

Seriously, what a bitch.

Not procreating is actually the most selfless thing you can do for this poor overpopulated planet!

That's my thought too! I don't wanna have kids for this reason (and because I don't have the patience to raise one, look after hil/her)... I hate how people tend to think "You SHOULD have kids because.. well, everybody is supposed to have kids"... Since I grew up in Cameroon (Africa), where Family is the #1 value, people there treat you like you're some kind of "loser" if you don't have children... The dictatorship of the Doxa, I must say! So a lot a people have kids just to have kids, and pride themselves... Without taking in consideration financial aspects, education, responsability... The world is such a fucked-up place, why would I add more people to this already overpopulated, unfaire world??

Well back to topic, I was wonderieng about something too : All you single people, do you ever feel a strong need, an urge "to have somebody" in your life? Like 'I gotta find me somebody' or you just go through days without feeling the need of hooking up?

Shyra said:

angel345 said:

So who is the cutie pie on your avatar?

Fake out! That's a picture of a doll. I used to collect dolls. There was a woman on the internet who made dolls that were so lifelike that at first glance they look absolutely real. They have the weight and look of a real infant. They are absolutely beautiful, but can cost hundreds of dollars. I have only two.

I'm sold

Women are greedy. hehe.

FrenchGuy said:

JerseyKRS said:

That's my thought too! I don't wanna have kids for this reason (and because I don't have the patience to raise one, look after hil/her)... I hate how people tend to think "You SHOULD have kids because.. well, everybody is supposed to have kids"... Since I grew up in Cameroon (Africa), where Family is the #1 value, people there treat you like you're some kind of "loser" if you don't have children... The dictatorship of the Doxa, I must say! So a lot a people have kids just to have kids, and pride themselves... Without taking in consideration financial aspects, education, responsability... The world is such a fucked-up place, why would I add more people to this already overpopulated, unfaire world??

Well back to topic, I was wonderieng about something too : All you single people, do you ever feel a strong need, an urge "to have somebody" in your life? Like 'I gotta find me somebody' or you just go through days without feeling the need of hooking up?

Sure, I get the urge sometime "to have somebody", but then I come to my senses. No, really. I guess I'm at the age now where I'm concentrated more on staying healthy and happy and not having to think I have to rely on someone else to complete me or make me happy. I find that if I go out actively trying to find and seduce a man, it does not work out and I should have left well enough alone. I figure if it's meant for me to meet someone, I will do that in the course of living my life the way I want to and not based on what society expects.

Shyra said:

FrenchGuy said:

That's my thought too! I don't wanna have kids for this reason (and because I don't have the patience to raise one, look after hil/her)... I hate how people tend to think "You SHOULD have kids because.. well, everybody is supposed to have kids"... Since I grew up in Cameroon (Africa), where Family is the #1 value, people there treat you like you're some kind of "loser" if you don't have children... The dictatorship of the Doxa, I must say! So a lot a people have kids just to have kids, and pride themselves... Without taking in consideration financial aspects, education, responsability... The world is such a fucked-up place, why would I add more people to this already overpopulated, unfaire world??

Well back to topic, I was wonderieng about something too : All you single people, do you ever feel a strong need, an urge "to have somebody" in your life? Like 'I gotta find me somebody' or you just go through days without feeling the need of hooking up?

Sure, I get the urge sometime "to have somebody", but then I come to my senses. No, really. I guess I'm at the age now where I'm concentrated more on staying healthy and happy and not having to think I have to rely on someone else to complete me or make me happy. I find that if I go out actively trying to find and seduce a man, it does not work out and I should have left well enough alone. I figure if it's meant for me to meet someone, I will do that in the course of living my life the way I want to and not based on what society expects.

I met two women friends out last night and we got into this conversation. One was married and with her ex for 14 years, the other's been married THREE times. They are both pushing 50 but look GREAT! Both these women lamented they want to be married so badly because they don't want to grow old alone. This was me and

They both start bombarding me with questions about why I'm single and don't I want someone to share life with. I explained that I've been on my own since I was 18 and grew up as an only child so I've never equated needing someone outside of myself for companionship and happiness. I mean, it would be cool, but I'm not slashing my wrists if that shit don't come to pass.

After going to the club last night I am okay with my single status. Men were throwing off these lame convo, not dancing, not buying drinks. One man had his eyes all deep on my niece's chest, remarking real loud to his buds about how they looked like mountains. I cut him the side-eye so hard he had to go light up because I deflated his high. Then I mentioned loudly how I could remark about men with small penises except for the fact that my momma raised me better. It was just shit like that all night. Then some dudes got mad at us over some BS because we wouldn't let them thru out the parking lot fast enough trying not to get hit, and attemtped to them swerve us off the road. A car full of women, yet it was clear who the bitches truly were.

I jist can't with ignant behavior like that, and unfortunately it is the norm....

Im single cause I HAVENT A CLUE ON HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT BEING BURNT TO ALL HELL!!!!!

I'm single cause I"M STUPID!!!!

I love myself, i really love myself sometimes...

JustErin said:

The main reason is I don't have the time....I'm focused on raising my young son and feel that a romantic relationship will take away from that.

Throw in some self esteem issues and an unorthodox way of thinking a relationship should be like and this is why I am single.

...and an unreasonable bias against older men.