Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not meant to be with someone.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

JustErin said:

The main reason is I don't have the time....I'm focused on raising my young son and feel that a romantic relationship will take away from that.

Throw in some self esteem issues and an unorthodox way of thinking a relationship should be like and this is why I am single.

Explain.

Well, a lot of guys talk about wanting a chick that is really independent and wants to keep her space so he can keep his (and all that comes with that)....but when it comes down to it....most of them really don't want that.

As for self esteem, I never really think I'm smart enough, hot enough, basically good enough for someone...so I don't really try.

JustErin said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Explain.

Well, a lot of guys talk about wanting a chick that is really independent and wants to keep her space so he can keep his (and all that comes with that)....but when it comes down to it....most of them really don't want that.

As for self esteem, I never really think I'm smart enough, hot enough, basically good enough for someone...so I don't really try.

I understand that.

And I think some guys can smell it a mile away, so I become a target to be cheated on because they think I'm desperate.

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

So who is the cutie pie on your avatar?

BklynBabe said:

Damn Uptown, I was always looking for a man who would do the no kids and seperate residences thing! Seriously!!! I can't tell you how often I would say a relationship with me would have to be adjoining apartments or house. Maybe we'd want to be up under each other all the time but I would still like, if my man was getting on my nerves, to be able to kick his ass out! I wouldn't mind a quiet man like FauxReal either...men are better with a mute button. Look I just want to kick it, have daily raunchy sex, have beer and pizza, watching home improvement shows and cartoons, with no drama, no expectation that I will cook, clean, or deal with baby mamas, with occasional moments of romance, and the right to be independent. I ask for a lot, don't I!

Hello!

We can do our little D.M.S.R., and at the end of the day, I go to my place and you go to yours.

Like Shyra, I'm very private. I don't want people around me for long periods of time, even family. I'm also stubborn, selfish, like my own routine and don't even think about rearranging shit in my apartment. It may be a mess, but it's MY mess. Now that would drive a live-in partner crazy. Plus, I don't want to put up with a woman's bs either. You handle your business and pay your own bills, I'll do the same, and we'll get along just fine. I'm not one of these cats who expect their gfs to be their mama. My mother(RIP) would haunt me from the grave if I started pulling that mess.

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

GHETTRON

Seriously, what a bitch.

Not procreating is actually the most selfless thing you can do for this poor overpopulated planet!

Not sure really... it's certainly not by choice in my case.

I've always blamed my lack of confidence and not exactly photogenic looks for me being still single at 28, but I think I've gained a bit more confidence this year and I just joined a popular dating site (where I live) so I'm hoping something might come out of it.

Only problem is I'm not so sure the girls there normally take the first step in sending a PM and I'm kinda nervous about sending PMs because I haven't got the slightest clue about what to write to "break the ice".

I'm not celibate though, I've been in a friends-with-benefits situation since last summer, but it hasn't lead to anything more serious.

i intimidate most guys with all my tattoos and piercings..i only had one fling nearly 2 yrs ago with a guy i worked with.he moved away. i hadn't even kissed anyone b4 him.

i just turned 29 2 weeks ago.

well i bought all the pheromone lotions,perfumes and sparkle powders recently from my two friends who sell that and "other novelties" like a tupperware party..

now i need to go out somewhere and test em...uhmm the tristate area welcome 2 america concerts.......i gotta clear out these cobwebs

i'm not single by choice by all means. it's hardest when your unable to sleep. be nice to having someone to share my bed

Vendetta1 said:

4. The majority of my friends relationships are pure drama. Fuck that. i know people say that relationships are work but I feel they should not be. If I gotta battle to be with someone i rather be alone.

To me, the "work" of being in a good relationship has nothing to do with drama or battling. That sounds more like wasted effort.

Speaking as a reformed hardcore single and current happily-partnered, the "work" is about putting forth effort to understand and know the other person and respect their wishes, nuances, beliefs and soft spots. We're all different in our experiences, habits, preferences, past hurts and hot-buttons. It takes time to figure out where those things clash between two people and to deal with them compassionately and intelligently in an effort to reach a real, mutually beneficial solution.

For some people, this is second nature and doesn't feel like "work" at all. For others, it does take real effort - but I think it's worth it.

shows like jersey shore piss me off to see that nasty ugly situation having whores falling at his feet. its so easy for him to get laid...not fair.

PunkMistress said:

Vendetta1 said:

4. The majority of my friends relationships are pure drama. Fuck that. i know people say that relationships are work but I feel they should not be. If I gotta battle to be with someone i rather be alone.

To me, the "work" of being in a good relationship has nothing to do with drama or battling. That sounds more like wasted effort.

Speaking as a reformed hardcore single and current happily-partnered, the "work" is about putting forth effort to understand and know the other person and respect their wishes, nuances, beliefs and soft spots. We're all different in our experiences, habits, preferences, past hurts and hot-buttons. It takes time to figure out where those things clash between two people and to deal with them compassionately and intelligently in an effort to reach a real, mutually beneficial solution.

For some people, this is second nature and doesn't feel like "work" at all. For others, it does take real effort - but I think it's worth it.

You have something special and rare, PM!

That's what I'm looking for....

I guess I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who couldn't make me feel that way

BklynBabe said:

PunkMistress said:

To me, the "work" of being in a good relationship has nothing to do with drama or battling. That sounds more like wasted effort.

Speaking as a reformed hardcore single and current happily-partnered, the "work" is about putting forth effort to understand and know the other person and respect their wishes, nuances, beliefs and soft spots. We're all different in our experiences, habits, preferences, past hurts and hot-buttons. It takes time to figure out where those things clash between two people and to deal with them compassionately and intelligently in an effort to reach a real, mutually beneficial solution.

For some people, this is second nature and doesn't feel like "work" at all. For others, it does take real effort - but I think it's worth it.

You have something special and rare, PM!

That's what I'm looking for....

I guess I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who couldn't make me feel that way

BklynBabe said:

PunkMistress said:

To me, the "work" of being in a good relationship has nothing to do with drama or battling. That sounds more like wasted effort.

Speaking as a reformed hardcore single and current happily-partnered, the "work" is about putting forth effort to understand and know the other person and respect their wishes, nuances, beliefs and soft spots. We're all different in our experiences, habits, preferences, past hurts and hot-buttons. It takes time to figure out where those things clash between two people and to deal with them compassionately and intelligently in an effort to reach a real, mutually beneficial solution.

For some people, this is second nature and doesn't feel like "work" at all. For others, it does take real effort - but I think it's worth it.

You have something special and rare, PM!

That's what I'm looking for....

I guess I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who couldn't make me feel that way

Just go for her husband!

Just kidding!

forget her husband, if it wasn't for that vajayjay thing, I'd be trying to get with her!

BklynBabe said:

Damn Uptown, I was always looking for a man who would do the no kids and seperate residences thing! Seriously!!! I can't tell you how often I would say a relationship with me would have to be adjoining apartments or house. Maybe we'd want to be up under each other all the time but I would still like, if my man was getting on my nerves, to be able to kick his ass out! I wouldn't mind a quiet man like FauxReal either...men are better with a mute button. Look I just want to kick it, have daily raunchy sex, have beer and pizza, watching home improvement shows and cartoons, with no drama, no expectation that I will cook, clean, or deal with baby mamas, with occasional moments of romance, and the right to be independent. I ask for a lot, don't I!

Did I mention I was snipped?

And I quite like cartoons.

BklynBabe said:

PunkMistress said:

To me, the "work" of being in a good relationship has nothing to do with drama or battling. That sounds more like wasted effort.

Speaking as a reformed hardcore single and current happily-partnered, the "work" is about putting forth effort to understand and know the other person and respect their wishes, nuances, beliefs and soft spots. We're all different in our experiences, habits, preferences, past hurts and hot-buttons. It takes time to figure out where those things clash between two people and to deal with them compassionately and intelligently in an effort to reach a real, mutually beneficial solution.

For some people, this is second nature and doesn't feel like "work" at all. For others, it does take real effort - but I think it's worth it.

You have something special and rare, PM!

That's what I'm looking for....

I guess I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who couldn't make me feel that way

I am extraordinarily fortunate to have found someone who pretty much feels and thinks in the same ways I described above. And I like him lots, and he likes me back. I'm extremely happy that I waited for that. When people say marriage makes you miserable, that's bullshit. Marrying the wrong person makes you miserable.

FauxReal said:

BklynBabe said:

Damn Uptown, I was always looking for a man who would do the no kids and seperate residences thing! Seriously!!! I can't tell you how often I would say a relationship with me would have to be adjoining apartments or house. Maybe we'd want to be up under each other all the time but I would still like, if my man was getting on my nerves, to be able to kick his ass out! I wouldn't mind a quiet man like FauxReal either...men are better with a mute button. Look I just want to kick it, have daily raunchy sex, have beer and pizza, watching home improvement shows and cartoons, with no drama, no expectation that I will cook, clean, or deal with baby mamas, with occasional moments of romance, and the right to be independent. I ask for a lot, don't I!

Did I mention I was snipped?

And I quite like cartoons.

FUCK EACH OTHER NOW!

PunkMistress said:

FauxReal said:

Did I mention I was snipped?

And I quite like cartoons.

FUCK EACH OTHER NOW!

I wasn't going to, but I'll do it to protect your marriage. You owe me.

FauxReal said:

PunkMistress said:

FUCK EACH OTHER NOW!

I wasn't going to, but I'll do it to protect your marriage. You owe me.

Noted! Godspeed!

PunkMistress said:

BklynBabe said:

You have something special and rare, PM!

That's what I'm looking for....

I guess I'd rather stay single than to be with someone who couldn't make me feel that way

I am extraordinarily fortunate to have found someone who pretty much feels and thinks in the same ways I described above. And I like him lots, and he likes me back. I'm extremely happy that I waited for that. When people say marriage makes you miserable, that's bullshit. Marrying the wrong person makes you miserable.

I was engaged to someone I didn't LIKE. The more I got to know him, the less I liked him.

6 years later, I realize I was in love with the idea of getting married- not him. I was planning a big wedding, I was so excited... to be a bride. One day I realized I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Now I think it would take a LOT to make me fall in love with someone enough for all that. I've been through too much since then.

Looking at PM & Jersey and John & Ron gives me hope, tho.

PunkMistress said:

FauxReal said:

I wasn't going to, but I'll do it to protect your marriage. You owe me.

Noted! Godspeed!

It won't be godly in the least, but it will be fast.

PunkMistress said:

FauxReal said:

I wasn't going to, but I'll do it to protect your marriage. You owe me.

Noted! Godspeed!

chocolate1 said:

PunkMistress said:

I am extraordinarily fortunate to have found someone who pretty much feels and thinks in the same ways I described above. And I like him lots, and he likes me back. I'm extremely happy that I waited for that. When people say marriage makes you miserable, that's bullshit. Marrying the wrong person makes you miserable.

I was engaged to someone I didn't LIKE. The more I got to know him, the less I liked him.

6 years later, I realize I was in love with the idea of getting married- not him. I was planning a big wedding, I was so excited... to be a bride. One day I realized I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Now I think it would take a LOT to make me fall in love with someone enough for all that. I've been through too much since then.

Looking at PM & Jersey and John & Ron gives me hope, tho.

I was thinking of them earlier today.

You know what strikes me about their relationship? People so often complain about their partners. John has never, ever said anything either to me or on this forum about Ron that wasn't loving, respectful or complimentary. I love that!

FauxReal said:

PunkMistress said:

Noted! Godspeed!

It won't be godly in the least, but it will be fast.

You idiot.

PunkMistress said:

chocolate1 said:

I was engaged to someone I didn't LIKE. The more I got to know him, the less I liked him.

6 years later, I realize I was in love with the idea of getting married- not him. I was planning a big wedding, I was so excited... to be a bride. One day I realized I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Now I think it would take a LOT to make me fall in love with someone enough for all that. I've been through too much since then.

Looking at PM & Jersey and John & Ron gives me hope, tho.

I was thinking of them earlier today.

You know what strikes me about their relationship? People so often complain about their partners. John has never, ever said anything either to me or on this forum about Ron that wasn't loving, respectful or complimentary. I love that!

That is so sweet!

[Edited 11/24/10 18:18pm]

FauxReal said:

PunkMistress said:

Noted! Godspeed!

It won't be godly in the least, but it will be fast.

oh snap!

I can't be having this one minute man nonsense....

don't you know I'm grouchy?

sillygurl said:

PunkMistress said:

I was thinking of them earlier today.

You know what strikes me about their relationship? People so often complain about their partners. John has never, ever said anything either to me or on this forum about Ron that wasn't loving, respectful or complimentary. I love that!

That is so sweet!

[Edited 11/24/10 18:18pm]

BklynBabe said:

FauxReal said:

It won't be godly in the least, but it will be fast.

oh snap!

I can't be having this one minute man nonsense....

don't you know I'm grouchy?

BklynBabe said:

FauxReal said:

It won't be godly in the least, but it will be fast.

oh snap!

I can't be having this one minute man nonsense....

don't you know I'm grouchy?

Sorry, been on a drought. I can't guarantee results on the first round.

oh well as long as there are rounds....