Well, it may noy be a 'fresh' topic around here, but I've just had a talk with my mom on the phone and she kept pressuring me about the "commitment" thing... Like 'You're 25 years old now, when am I gonna have have a stepdaughter?", jokingly, but I can sense she's quite worried about it ... I've been single for almost 2 years now (just a fling... or more;-) ... every now and then) .. I was quite comfortable with it myself since I feel so much 'pressure' around me, I start questioning myself : Many girls I was 'cool' with kind of avoid me now (like "there's probably something wrong with him, why being single so long?"), friends always teasing me about my sexuality (obviously the "you are gay?" thing which I don't care about like gay people cant be in relationships? , or "ain't you tired of masturbating?" ) ...

The thing is I'm not feeling like 'settling' down at all... I'm a lonesome guy, a control-freak, and I really like to do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it... And there's no girl (nor guy ... who knows? ) I've met yet that knocked me off my feet...

So I was wondering how you other single Orgers are managing your celibacy? How do you go through it? your inner thoughts, principles, the environment, entourage, love, family.. What are your conceptions?

(former die-hard single people are welcome too )

FrenchGuy said:

Well, it may noy be a 'fresh' topic around here, but I've just had a talk with my mom on the phone and she kept pressuring me about the "commitment" thing... Like 'You're 25 years old now, when am I gonna have have a stepdaughter?", jokingly, but I can sense she's quite worried about it ... I've been single for almost 2 years now (just a fling... or more;-) ... every now and then) .. I was quite comfortable with it myself since I feel so much 'pressure' around me, I start questioning myself : Many girls I was 'cool' with kind of avoid me now (like "there's probably something wrong with him, why being single so long?"), friends always teasing me about my sexuality (obviously the "you are gay?" thing which I don't care about like gay people cant be in relationships? , or "ain't you tired of masturbating?" ) ...

The thing is I'm not feeling like 'settling' down at all... I'm a lonesome guy, a control-freak, and I really like to do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it... And there's no girl (nor guy ... who knows? ) I've met yet that knocked me off my feet...

So I was wondering how you other single Orgers are managing your celibacy? How do you go through it? your inner thoughts, principles, the environment, entourage, love, family.. What are your conceptions?

(former die-hard single people are welcome too )

I'm not single, but trust me on one thing: The vast majority of the single orgers here are SOOOOO not celibate.

Lammastide said:

FrenchGuy said:

Well, it may noy be a 'fresh' topic around here, but I've just had a talk with my mom on the phone and she kept pressuring me about the "commitment" thing... Like 'You're 25 years old now, when am I gonna have have a stepdaughter?", jokingly, but I can sense she's quite worried about it ... I've been single for almost 2 years now (just a fling... or more;-) ... every now and then) .. I was quite comfortable with it myself since I feel so much 'pressure' around me, I start questioning myself : Many girls I was 'cool' with kind of avoid me now (like "there's probably something wrong with him, why being single so long?"), friends always teasing me about my sexuality (obviously the "you are gay?" thing which I don't care about like gay people cant be in relationships? , or "ain't you tired of masturbating?" ) ...

The thing is I'm not feeling like 'settling' down at all... I'm a lonesome guy, a control-freak, and I really like to do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it... And there's no girl (nor guy ... who knows? ) I've met yet that knocked me off my feet...

So I was wondering how you other single Orgers are managing your celibacy? How do you go through it? your inner thoughts, principles, the environment, entourage, love, family.. What are your conceptions?

(former die-hard single people are welcome too )

I'm not single, but trust me on one thing: The vast majority of the single orgers here are SOOOOO not celibate.

shit, I've just read the translation, (I'm french), celibacy means "no sex"???§ thats not what I meant, I meant "SINGLE3 ("célibat" in French meaning "bachelorhood" )

My bad!!

FrenchGuy said:

Lammastide said:

I'm not single, but trust me on one thing: The vast majority of the single orgers here are SOOOOO not celibate.

shit, I've just read the translation, (I'm french), celibacy means "no sex"???§ thats not what I meant, I meant "SINGLE3 ("célibat" in French meaning "bachelorhood" )

My bad!!

No worries, bud. I figured it was a translational matter. It just struck me as pretty funny.

i'm single by choice

I just got out of my first real relationship b/c we just weren't right for each other and I wasn't in love. I think I'm going to be single for a long while after this b/c to be honest (with myself) I'm not good enough for the type of man I want. I mean I'm not ragedy or anything but I need to continue to develop my personality and find myself and all that. I need to have more to offer than being sweet and cute.

BklynBabe said:

Well I didn't want kids, which is a dealbreaker for many young men. And marriage wasn't a need for me, plus I definitely wanted my education and career first. And I was moving a lot and having a lot of personal upheavals. And, of course I am super picky, afraid of rejection and commitment, and have been hurt just a few too many times. I hate the person I become when I have a crush, especially if I don't get what I want. I would like a relationship, but it's going to take a real special man, and I refuse to settle so I'll probably be single forever. Considering just about every female in my family stayed single, I get no backlash about having kids, and now I'm uterus-free so the point is moot. As for men I meet, I find most act real ignorant and turn me off.

You sound just like me...

Even that "dealbreaking" thing about children... A lot of girls my age think alot about having kids "before turning 30", because of 'biological matters' as they say... So since I dont want children (at least for now) i kind of turn them off ...

I even remember 'that girl' who once told me she was pregnant "just to see how I was going to react" (= if I could change my mind:-x ).. She kept the 'game' going for almost a week and I believed her... What a fucked up mind!!

For some reasons i think it must be harder for a woman though....

kiasheri said:

i'm single by choice

And your choice was motivated by . . . . . . . ??

I'm single cause, there's hardly anyone with the same intrests me. My art projects keep me busy thou.

PurpleRighteous1 said:

I just got out of my first real relationship b/c we just weren't right for each other and I wasn't in love. I think I'm going to be single for a long while after this b/c to be honest (with myself) I'm not good enough for the type of man I want. I mean I'm not ragedy or anything but I need to continue to develop my personality and find myself and all that. I need to have more to offer than being sweet and cute.

I really really commend you on this.

I blame all of my failed relationships on that. I always got by on sweet and cute, and that tends to wear off quick, and it's not fair to either person. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, but yeah, I think relationships turn out a lot better when you are self sufficient and KNOW your wants, dreams, goals ahead of time.

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

I was in a long-term relationship, but it didn't work out... I used to want to get married, but I kind of feel like I'm "over it".

I'd like to meet someone nice, but I haven't so far. I just want one steady person who also steady with just me.

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

What stupid logic. I know single women in their 40's and happy.

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

I've spent most of my life in school. I kept thinking I "had time", but...

I can't have children, so I don't care as much about marriage since I can't "start a family" of my own.

I don't mind being alone most of the time- it's when I feel like going out and don't have a date that it feels the worst.

And please don't say that I can go alone. Yes, I can, and I do. But it's nice to have companionship or someone to share experiences with, too.

FrenchGuy said:

kiasheri said:

i'm single by choice

And your choice was motivated by . . . . . . . ??

Complete freedom to get up when I want, go where I want and spend my money on whatever I want. I don't want the emotional and financial responsibility of marriage and fatherhood. It's too much damn work. Plus I'm a loner and I don't want anyone in my shit. No offense to the ladies, but they're a pain in the ass to live with.

If I ever lost my mind and decided to get marry, she'd have to agree to two things - no kids and separate residences. What woman would sign up for that?

I'm not married because I am against government condoned co-dependency and I think the whole idea of it is silly. (That's the short answer.)

.

[Edited 11/23/10 11:56am]

uPtoWnNY said:

FrenchGuy said:

And your choice was motivated by . . . . . . . ??

Complete freedom to get up when I want, go where I want and spend my money on whatever I want. I don't want the emotional and financial responsibility of marriage and fatherhood. It's too much damn work. Plus I'm a loner and I don't want anyone in my shit. No offense to the ladies, but they're a pain in the ass to live with.

If I ever lost my mind and decided to get marry, she'd have to agree to two things - no kids and separate residences. What woman would sign up for that?

Sounds like u got it RIGHT!

Damn..................now u tell me.

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

I don't see much of an upside to marriage if you don't want kids which I don't.

I like being my own person and doing my own thing without compromising for someone else. I'm good without a significant other. Sure, if the right guy came along cool, but it's definitely not something I'm looking or pining for. Besides, ALL the married women I know are worse off financially, more stressed, and generally miserable in comparison to their life when single.

I would only consider getting married if my life was going to improve significantly in various ways. If it's not, why bother?

Oh, and I don't get any pressure from family or friends about my situation cuz I find that if you cuss muthafuckas out one GOOD time for overstepping their bounds they know to pump their brakes on that bullshit in the future.

[Edited 11/23/10 12:43pm]

uPtoWnNY said:

FrenchGuy said:

And your choice was motivated by . . . . . . . ??

Complete freedom to get up when I want, go where I want and spend my money on whatever I want. I don't want the emotional and financial responsibility of marriage and fatherhood. It's too much damn work. Plus I'm a loner and I don't want anyone in my shit. No offense to the ladies, but they're a pain in the ass to live with.

If I ever lost my mind and decided to get marry, she'd have to agree to two things - no kids and separate residences. What woman would sign up for that?

One of my exes lives in the same subdivision as I do. We've been on and off since 1993. I ALWAYS said we could only be married if we kept separate homes due to his terminal case of bad taste.

Personally, i am single because at this precise moment i feel i am not well ripe enough to be with someone. Also i am going through a brief situation in which i would have to deny my romantic partner. I really hate the situation i am living in, but i feel that if i were to come out at this precise moment, i would be well kicked out my house. they haven't said that precisely but i feel that and so i feel i have to have courage first. i really don't want a partner handle my cowardice...i would not want to be burden...but the future to me looks bright thought.

[Edited 11/23/10 12:45pm]

Relationships are frikkin' hard.

I think when people(in general) realize that its not all about just attraction and that feeling of "love" they have towards someone else and that to move relationships forward to an actual couple, and eventually marriage, people will be more choosy. Its why I am still single. Yeah I am a guy, but I can afford to be picky; its my life too. Why try to make it work when you have little else in common other than the vertical mambo

chocolate1 said:

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

I've spent most of my life in school. I kept thinking I "had time", but...

I can't have children, so I don't care as much about marriage since I can't "start a family" of my own.

I don't mind being alone most of the time- it's when I feel like going out and don't have a date that it feels the worst.

And please don't say that I can go alone. Yes, I can, and I do. But it's nice to have companionship or someone to share experiences with, too.

So true. But quiet as it's kept, I'd prefer to go alone than to go with some mofo I didn't want to be bothered with and having to reject his ass later. I really do not like hurting menes feelings.

SCNDLS said:

Shyra said:

I've remained single definitely by choice. Sure, I had chances to marry and even had proposals, but I refused. The men who proposed did not qualify in my eyes as good husband material. The men I would have married had they asked, never did. So it never really worked out for me marriage wise.

Do I regret it? In some ways yes but in most ways no. I am a very private person. I must have down time where I'm completely alone. I am moody also, and when I get into one of my funks, I withdraw, and you might not see or hear from me in weeks.

I don't have children and never had that strong biological clock thing that a lot of women go through. I was never pressured to get married or to have children by my family. It was other women who would question me and my motives. I used to work with a woman who had her first child at 16. She told me I was very selfish for being 28, (at that time we were the same age) single with no children. I looked at her like she was a pure fool. I told her this: "Look. Maybe you enjoyed being a teenaged mother. Hell, while you were fucking, I was hitting the books and still a virgin. I had goals. I knew I wanted to go to college, get my degree, start my career, get my own place and live single for at least 3-5 years and THEN settle down if I found the right man." Ghettron couldn't say shit after that.

I don't see much of an upside to marriage if you don't want kids which I don't.

I like being my own person and doing my own thing without compromising for someone else. I'm good without a significant other. Sure, if the right guy came along cool, but it's definitely not something I'm looking or pining for. Besides, ALL the married women I know are worse off financially, more stressed, and generally miserable in comparison to their life when single.

I would only consider getting married if my life was going to improve significantly in various ways. If it's not, why bother?

Oh, and I don't get any pressure from family or friends about my situation cuz I find that if you cuss muthafuckas out one GOOD time for overstepping their bounds they know to pump their brakes on that bullshit in the future.

[Edited 11/23/10 12:43pm]

CLASSIC, GIRL! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN 'BOUT! I tell my mom that all the time. She bitches and moans about how some of them old bitches in her retirement community are rude and bogart the lines and do. And this one woman who seems to just get the biggest kick out of pulling Ma's chain. Ma is timid when it come to confronting people. I try to school her, bless her heart. I told her, "Ma, look. When that bitch starts in on you again, just go pure ghetto on her ass. All you've got to do is CUSS HER ASS OUT ONE GOOD TIME! I know that's not your style 'cause you's a boogie bitch, but this situation calls for an immediate verbal ass-kickin! Better yet. You want me to step to that old broad? Cause I'm sick and tired of hearing about this shit and I don't take kindly to mofos messin with my moms!"

Ma didn't take me up on the offer. She's knows her daughter. She said, "No. That's all right. I don't want people to see my beautiful daughter acting ugly." Like I could give a rat's ass what some people would think...

[Edited 11/23/10 13:36pm]

The main reason is I don't have the time....I'm focused on raising my young son and feel that a romantic relationship will take away from that.

Throw in some self esteem issues and an unorthodox way of thinking a relationship should be like and this is why I am single.

SCNDLS said:

Oh, and I don't get any pressure from family or friends about my situation cuz I find that if you cuss muthafuckas out one GOOD time for overstepping their bounds they know to pump their brakes on that bullshit in the future.

It's your life, do what makes you happy.

uPtoWnNY said:

Complete freedom to get up when I want, go where I want and spend my money on whatever I want. I don't want the emotional and financial responsibility of marriage and fatherhood. It's too much damn work. Plus I'm a loner and I don't want anyone in my shit. No offense to the ladies, but they're a pain in the ass to live with.

If I ever lost my mind and decided to get marry, she'd have to agree to two things - no kids and separate residences. What woman would sign up for that?

I enjoy the freedom of being single.