My cousins and I were talking recently about our beloved drunk Uncle Teddy. He was a COLORFUL character and an absolutely beautiful man-looked like a cross between Billy Eckstine and Phillip Michael Thomas. But in spite of that, he was batshit crazy-we are talking a cross between ODB and DMX with some Bobby Brown liberally sprinkled in. He is the relative that when you see him coming, you put the double locks on. Anyway, my cousins and I were talking about Uncle Teddy's greatest hits.

Some of you already know the legendary Debarge story:

My older cousins said he took one look at Debarge during Motown 25 and said, "I didn't know Motown was hiring Puerto Ricans" and then he passed out from having consumed 3 bottles of Wild Turkey in one hour.

And then this one:

Rumor has it that when he was 17, Uncle Teddy tried to pick up the 100 year old aunt of his best friend at a funeral. He said he did it cause he was a young man and she had a lot to teach.

Plus this one:

And then there was the time he cussed out a troop of Girl Scouts trying to sell him cookies-they had run out of Thin Mints & all they had were Samoas. Uncle Teddy told them to take their "skinny asses off his porch because everyone knew that Thin Mints went better with Jack"-as in Jack Daniels.

Those stories I have already shared on the board, but then this one I never heard before:

At one point, Uncle Teddy lived in an area where Jehovah Witnesses going door to door was common. Uncle Teddy got sick of it. After all, he reasoned, "how was a god fearing drunk" like himself supposed to sleep off a hangover "if a bunch of dried up old pussies" kept ringing his doorbell "like those jackasses ringing them Salvation Army bells?"

Anyway, one time Uncle had enough. He got up answered the door stark naked-but across his chest he had written "Jesus Saves" and drew an arrow pointing down to his penis. One of the little old ladies called the cops on him. My Aunt Consuela had to bail him out. Do you know that fool strutted out of the jail, singing "My Ding A Ling" by Chuck Berry?

scriptgirl said:

Anyway, one time Uncle had enough. He got up answered the door stark naked-but across his chest he had written "Jesus Saves" and drew an arrow pointing down to his penis. One of the little old ladies called the cops on him. My Aunt Consuela had to bail him out. Do you know that fool strutted out of the jail, singing "My Ding A Ling" by Chuck Berry?

<---- seriously suspects that she is currently bed buddies with your uncle Teddy.

This sounds like stuff my Ted would do because he is a recent reformed weed smoker and sober for just over one year... ironically claims he is "studying with JW's" , but I do not believe it.

[Edited 11/21/10 14:11pm]

My drunk Uncle Teddy never gave up the hooch, bless his soul. In spite of his foolishness and I could write a BOOK about him that would rival "War and Peace" in length, Uncle Teddy was a beloved member of our family and he was an anomaly, cause most of us are college educated, law abiding, sober folk.

The Teddy I know is funny as hell, I guess sitting back and watching the wild behavior or listening to the stories makes up for all the potential embarrassment.

I guess Teddy's are wild men... who wouldda thunk it with such an old fashioned respectable name?

If it wasn't for ppl like your uncle Teddy the world would b boring

and he is honest 2

Yes, bless his heart!

BklynBabe said:

Ow, you can't go balls out in your own home? I'd be like, she knocked on MY door.

That's what I'm sayin'.

Here's to all the drunkles, everywhere!

Uncle Teddy passed away about 4 years ago. He is missed.

Are you a Kennedy?!? No, really.

aint no shame in Uncle Teddy's game......shooood.

RodeoSchro said:

Are you a Kennedy?!? No, really.

I wouldn't be a Kennedy for all the tea in China.

scriptgirl said:

My cousins and I were talking recently about our beloved drunk Uncle Teddy. He was a COLORFUL character and an absolutely beautiful man-looked like a cross between Billy Eckstine and Phillip Michael Thomas. But in spite of that, he was batshit crazy-we are talking a cross between ODB and DMX with some Bobby Brown liberally sprinkled in. He is the relative that when you see him coming, you put the double locks on. Anyway, my cousins and I were talking about Uncle Teddy's greatest hits.

Some of you already know the legendary Debarge story:

My older cousins said he took one look at Debarge during Motown 25 and said, "I didn't know Motown was hiring Puerto Ricans" and then he passed out from having consumed 3 bottles of Wild Turkey in one hour.

And then this one:

Rumor has it that when he was 17, Uncle Teddy tried to pick up the 100 year old aunt of his best friend at a funeral. He said he did it cause he was a young man and she had a lot to teach.

Plus this one:

And then there was the time he cussed out a troop of Girl Scouts trying to sell him cookies-they had run out of Thin Mints & all they had were Samoas. Uncle Teddy told them to take their "skinny asses off his porch because everyone knew that Thin Mints went better with Jack"-as in Jack Daniels.

Those stories I have already shared on the board, but then this one I never heard before:

At one point, Uncle Teddy lived in an area where Jehovah Witnesses going door to door was common. Uncle Teddy got sick of it. After all, he reasoned, "how was a god fearing drunk" like himself supposed to sleep off a hangover "if a bunch of dried up old pussies" kept ringing his doorbell "like those jackasses ringing them Salvation Army bells?"

Anyway, one time Uncle had enough. He got up answered the door stark naked-but across his chest he had written "Jesus Saves" and drew an arrow pointing down to his penis. One of the little old ladies called the cops on him. My Aunt Consuela had to bail him out. Do you know that fool strutted out of the jail, singing "My Ding A Ling" by Chuck Berry?

i'm still trying to regain my composure after this one.

scriptgirl said:

My drunk Uncle Teddy never gave up the hooch, bless his soul. In spite of his foolishness and I could write a BOOK about him that would rival "War and Peace" in length, Uncle Teddy was a beloved member of our family and he was an anomaly, cause most of us are college educated, law abiding, sober folk.

We all got one in our family.

My cousin trying to be "proper and all" called us some igMORramus son of a bitches then snuck to the family reunion that he was banned from (cause he clowned the night before at the fish fry)

And poured sugar in all of our cars' gas tanks.

Oh my Lord, the Uncle Teddy stories are back!!!

I love people like Uncle Teddy. Awesome!

At one point, Uncle Teddy lived in an area where Jehovah Witnesses going door to door was common. Uncle Teddy got sick of it. After all, he reasoned, "how was a god fearing drunk" like himself supposed to sleep off a hangover "if a bunch of dried up old pussies" kept ringing his doorbell "like those jackasses ringing them Salvation Army bells?"

scriptgirl said:

My cousins and I were talking recently about our beloved drunk Uncle Teddy. He was a COLORFUL character and an absolutely beautiful man-looked like a cross between Billy Eckstine and Phillip Michael Thomas. But in spite of that, he was batshit crazy-we are talking a cross between ODB and DMX with some Bobby Brown liberally sprinkled in. He is the relative that when you see him coming, you put the double locks on. Anyway, my cousins and I were talking about Uncle Teddy's greatest hits.

Some of you already know the legendary Debarge story:

My older cousins said he took one look at Debarge during Motown 25 and said, "I didn't know Motown was hiring Puerto Ricans" and then he passed out from having consumed 3 bottles of Wild Turkey in one hour.

And then this one:

Rumor has it that when he was 17, Uncle Teddy tried to pick up the 100 year old aunt of his best friend at a funeral. He said he did it cause he was a young man and she had a lot to teach.

Plus this one:

And then there was the time he cussed out a troop of Girl Scouts trying to sell him cookies-they had run out of Thin Mints & all they had were Samoas. Uncle Teddy told them to take their "skinny asses off his porch because everyone knew that Thin Mints went better with Jack"-as in Jack Daniels.

Those stories I have already shared on the board, but then this one I never heard before:

At one point, Uncle Teddy lived in an area where Jehovah Witnesses going door to door was common. Uncle Teddy got sick of it. After all, he reasoned, "how was a god fearing drunk" like himself supposed to sleep off a hangover "if a bunch of dried up old pussies" kept ringing his doorbell "like those jackasses ringing them Salvation Army bells?"

Anyway, one time Uncle had enough. He got up answered the door stark naked-but across his chest he had written "Jesus Saves" and drew an arrow pointing down to his penis. One of the little old ladies called the cops on him. My Aunt Consuela had to bail him out. Do you know that fool strutted out of the jail, singing "My Ding A Ling" by Chuck Berry?

After a somber weekend, this just made me laugh out loud!!!

I see you, Aunt Ottie!

Yes, all families have an Uncle Teddy-what would family be without one?

scriptgirl said:

I see you, Aunt Ottie!

Yes, all families have an Uncle Teddy-what would family be without one?

A-MEN to that! This one had to be the best Drunk Uncle Teddy yet on the org !

Aw, thanks Aunt Ottie!