babynoz said:

I did embarass her one time when a neighbor came to the door. Mom asked me who it was and I said, "it's mouth-all-mighty".

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

I miss them soooo much!

Oh, father! I'm DYIN!!! I'm sitting here imaging how your mom's face looked AND the neighbor! Oh, that was funny!

Shyra said:

Oh, father! I'm DYIN!!! I'm sitting here imaging how your mom's face looked AND the neighbor! Oh, that was funny!

LOL! That's what my mom and grandma always called her...I was bum-rushed out of the room with a quickness,

SCNDLS said:

Loving these stories!

Another one we can add to the list:

Mama making you dance and entertain the family at EVERY gathering, BBQ, picnic, wedding reception, etc.

"Go on baby, do the moonwalk, running man, cabbage patch, electric slide . . . for eveybody"

Sidenote: I was at a birthday party last week doin' the Wobble, that's my new shit! Why black folks got a 1001 "steps"???

[Edited 11/13/10 7:51am]

My mom made me do the Thriller routine for my cousin and her bridesmaids the day before her wedding

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe? No extension cord, but plenty of times walking and crying with snot bubbles to get a switch, I'd find the shortest, green one, only to get back and she'd have one longer than I was. I think back and laugh eveytime I see one of those bushes.. She was hell with a Hot Wheels track too.

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little? Often she had her own in that case, she just wanted to torture our lil' asses.

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

Lmao, hell yeah.

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

I tripped out, when I found out about it's multiple uses, when I was a kid.

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?' All the time, or Do you think money grows on trees?.

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around? No, vice versa.

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work? Yes

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is? Yes

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

[Edited 11/13/10 23:00pm]

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it? Just the opposite with her carpet rake. We had plush carpeting , and she didn't want a line, or our footprints in it.

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?
No
2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

No

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

No

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

No

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?
No
6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'
No
7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?
no
8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?
yes
9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?
no
10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?
yes
11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.
no
12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?
no
13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)
no
14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?
no
15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'
no
16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?
no
17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?
no
18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?
no
19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?
no
20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?
never needed to
21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.
no
22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

yes

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?
Yep, and it still happens these days
2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?
Nope......if I was, I can't remember
3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?
Nope
4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?
Yeah...but that was my own fault
5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?
No
6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'
No
7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?
NO
8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?
YES my mom had to punk a few teachers and principals
9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?
No because I got average grades through junior high and high school BUT I did bring home a few horrible reports from time to time
10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?
yep, but I don't know about a red hot water bottle
11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.
nah
12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?
Yep, and when I got older and fell asleep, I'd look up and I'd see her giving me "the look"
13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)
Ugh! she had me in the children's choir, this damn mime group that I walked out on when I had enough of it, and she didn't even have my back when my cousin had me teaching her miserable rhythmless kids how to dance
14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?
Nah, she always made sure she looked presentable
15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'
Or "You got (insert name) money?" "You got CD money? "You got video game money?"
16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?
Once....on my birthday but he got it when she found out he lied on me
17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?
That was our job
18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?
No
19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?
No
20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?
No
21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.
No
22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'
Yeah
GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

I haven't experienced any of these things. I feel deprived

...or maybe I'm lucky?

though I hear my grandmother may have been guilty of many of these things, I never witnessed it

Would this thread be considered a violation of #22? If your mothers/grandmothers/aunts were to find out would they still give all of your grown asses "something to be sorry about"?

I didnt answer at first, so here goes.......

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

.......dag momma!

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

......Nah, the Phone book

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

...."Poof"

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

...oh you got a hole up there, nice...

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

.......I popped plenny a head tho. smh.

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

......I complained in the store once about going to get something off the shelf, when i turned around....WHAP! ..

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

.....thas what the vaseline wuz fo...

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

....nah...

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

.....#8 worked both ways..."you let them mufukkas call my house again mufukka..."

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

......put some vaseline on it... ..lawd

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

....!momma damn!

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

......The preacher caught you up for that one...

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

...yes, dammit, i made em all go n went wit em...

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

...c'mon son...

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

...there were some priviledges...gosh!

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

...neighbor kids too shyt!

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

....this is ms tredon on the phone for may, yes ma'am she needs to stay after today......scariest shyt ever!

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

....vegas aint had shyt on my mom.

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

most of that shyt was one time tho.........after that beatin, it was that look, n most a dat shyt never happened no mo in life...

..look, n number 18, i didnt even have no phone priviledges....

Nothing was more embarrasing than the be talking on the phone late at night n momma would come and hang it up mid conversation.......uhh, ok momma dag.

1 word: Robitussin

myfavorite said:

..look, n number 18, i didnt even have no phone priviledges....

Nothing was more embarrasing than the be talking on the phone late at night n momma would come and hang it up mid conversation.......uhh, ok momma dag.

Chile that aint nothin'....try havin' yo momma listen in on your conversations and then start gigglin'!!!

Oh...an on the medicinals....y'all forgot iodine, matches, needles, epsom salt, aloe vera, cayenne pepper, calamine lotion, cod liver oil, vodka, honey and potato slices. That right there is bound to cure cancer once you get the proportions right.

DesireeNevermind said:

myfavorite said:

..look, n number 18, i didnt even have no phone priviledges....

Nothing was more embarrasing than the be talking on the phone late at night n momma would come and hang it up mid conversation.......uhh, ok momma dag.

Chile that aint nothin'....try havin' yo momma listen in on your conversations and then start gigglin'!!!

Oh...an on the medicinals....y'all forgot iodine, matches, needles, epsom salt, aloe vera, cayenne pepper, calamine lotion, cod liver oil, vodka, honey and potato slices. That right there is bound to cure cancer once you get the proportions right.

Chile what the hell is robitussin (pronounced Tussin) anyway? Is that some satanic cough syrup? I aint neva tasted nothing so horrid and foul. I honestly think I'd rather swallow my own snot than down that goo.

And why my momma was always trying to get me to eat brussell sprouts. I hate them ya hear? HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!!!!

My momma never hit me. She threatened though. Always had a hair brush in her hand too. The mere sight of that big ole brush coupled with her shrieking and threats of homicide were enough to get me to behave.

"I will kill you dead do you hear me girl?!"

"Alright mommy, dag!"

I'm going to call her to see what she's getting me for xmas!

DesireeNevermind said:

Chile what the hell is robitussin (pronounced Tussin) anyway? Is that some satanic cough syrup? I aint neva tasted nothing so horrid and foul. I honestly think I'd rather swallow my own snot than down that goo.

And why my momma was always trying to get me to eat brussell sprouts. I hate them ya hear? HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!!!!

Brussels sprouts and lima beans are putrid!

SCNDLS said:

DesireeNevermind said:

Chile what the hell is robitussin (pronounced Tussin) anyway? Is that some satanic cough syrup? I aint neva tasted nothing so horrid and foul. I honestly think I'd rather swallow my own snot than down that goo.

And why my momma was always trying to get me to eat brussell sprouts. I hate them ya hear? HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!!!!

Brussels sprouts and lima beans are putrid!

ESPECIALLY lima beans. Ugh!

[Edited 11/15/10 11:25am]

PurpleRighteous1 said:

SCNDLS said:

Brussels sprouts and lima beans are putrid!

ESPECIALLY lima beans. Ugh!

[Edited 11/15/10 11:25am]

Those two and beets are the ONLY vegetables I hate. I remember my mama making me sit at the dinner table for 4 hours cuz I refused to eat lima beans. We had an OK corral standoff and I won that bitch cuz I was NOT eating them shits!

DesireeNevermind said:

myfavorite said:

..look, n number 18, i didnt even have no phone priviledges....

Nothing was more embarrasing than the be talking on the phone late at night n momma would come and hang it up mid conversation.......uhh, ok momma dag.

Chile that aint nothin'....try havin' yo momma listen in on your conversations and then start gigglin'!!!

Oh...an on the medicinals....y'all forgot iodine, matches, needles, epsom salt, aloe vera, cayenne pepper, calamine lotion, cod liver oil, vodka, honey and potato slices. That right there is bound to cure cancer once you get the proportions right.

That shit in red! My mother and grandmothr used to make me take a tablespoon of that nastiness every morning. And lawd, don't belch! That shit stayed with you all day!

Who had to drink a bottle of castor oil every year before school started to clean out all the junk you ate during the summer???

SCNDLS said:

PurpleRighteous1 said:

ESPECIALLY lima beans. Ugh!

[Edited 11/15/10 11:25am]

Those two and beets are the ONLY vegetables I hate. I remember my mama making me sit at the dinner table for 4 hours cuz I refused to eat lima beans. We had an OK corral standoff and I won that bitch cuz I was NOT eating them shits!

Ooo, I love me some limas AND beets. Not together, of course. I especially like pickled beets, chilled. Lima beans with lots of butter and pepper, especially mixed with corn (succotash), LOVE IT! Now them brussel sprouts. I ain't going near them lil nasty muhfuggas.

Shyra said:

SCNDLS said:

Those two and beets are the ONLY vegetables I hate. I remember my mama making me sit at the dinner table for 4 hours cuz I refused to eat lima beans. We had an OK corral standoff and I won that bitch cuz I was NOT eating them shits!

Ooo, I love me some limas AND beets. Not together, of course. I especially like pickled beets, chilled. Lima beans with lots of butter and pepper, especially mixed with corn (succotash), LOVE IT! Now them brussel sprouts. I ain't going near them lil nasty muhfuggas.

SCNDLS said:

DesireeNevermind said:

Chile what the hell is robitussin (pronounced Tussin) anyway? Is that some satanic cough syrup? I aint neva tasted nothing so horrid and foul. I honestly think I'd rather swallow my own snot than down that goo.

And why my momma was always trying to get me to eat brussell sprouts. I hate them ya hear? HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM!!!!

Brussels sprouts and lima beans are putrid!

For me it was asparagus...ick!

babynoz said:

SCNDLS said:

Brussels sprouts and lima beans are putrid!

For me it was asparagus...ick!

Speaking of, I've never been a big fan but last week I went to a steakhouse whose signature appetizer is fried asparagus spears topped with lump crabmeat. Make you wanna slap ya mama!

[Edited 11/15/10 19:15pm]

SCNDLS said:

Who had to drink a bottle of castor oil every year before school started to clean out all the junk you ate during the summer???

Castor oil in spring and fall...Father John's in summer and winter.

I could deal with the Father John's because at least it wasn't castor oil. I used to take off running when I saw the bottle. They literally had to catch me and hold me down for that and hold my nose to make me swallow.

Then they had to shove a piece of candy in my mouth to stop me from screaming.

babynoz said:

SCNDLS said:

Who had to drink a bottle of castor oil every year before school started to clean out all the junk you ate during the summer???

Castor oil in spring and fall...Father John's in summer and winter.

I could deal with the Father John's because at least it wasn't castor oil. I used to take off running when I saw the bottle. They literally had to catch me and hold me down for that and hold my nose to make me swallow.

Then they had to shove a piece of candy in my mouth to stop me from screaming.

Today, they'd call CPS on your moms for child abuse.

SCNDLS said:

babynoz said:

For me it was asparagus...ick!

Speaking of, I've never been a big fan but last week I went to a steakhouse whose signature appetizer is fried asparagus spears topped with lump crabmeat. Make you wanna slap ya mama!

[Edited 11/15/10 19:15pm]

My mom was trying to make me eat it one time while I was watching The Outer Limits. The monster on TV looked just like that damn asparagus and I couldn't eat it....still don't,

Sometimes having a lively imagination can backfire.

Anybody's mama or grandma recommend clorox baths to keep you from getting too black or some shit?

My bestfriend swears by this shit.

SCNDLS said:

babynoz said:

Castor oil in spring and fall...Father John's in summer and winter.

I could deal with the Father John's because at least it wasn't castor oil. I used to take off running when I saw the bottle. They literally had to catch me and hold me down for that and hold my nose to make me swallow.

Then they had to shove a piece of candy in my mouth to stop me from screaming.

Today, they'd call CPS on your moms for child abuse.

You woulda thought they were killing me or something the way I carried on.