SCNDLS said:

paintedlady said:

Dooby -doos were when curly headed latinas wrapped their hair around the head with one or two cola-can sized rollers on the top to snatch up and add volume to the crown of the hair.

I think the old way of wrapping hair is way better than the way they do it in salons, in longer hair you need those huge rollers.

NICE pictures Scarlet!

I like this thread!

I got a homegirl in Jersey who goes to the Dominican hair shop to get a Doobie for $20. I still ain't figured out what that shit is.

Your doing betta than me... heck I can't even spell in Spanish!

SCNDLS said:

Ohhhh, this pic reminds me of a new black mama trait I can add to the list:

Have you ever heard your mama talk shit cuz Cousin Bertha ain't paid for hers and her kids family reunion shirts??? It goes something like this, "But we gon' order 'em anyways cuz we don't want the chirrens to feel left out but I'll be damned if Bertha ain't shit!???

It's ALWAYS some drama around the family reunion Tshirts.

It didn't quite go like that but there was a lot of arguing about who would be in charge. Of course my one cousin was mad b/c she wasn't able to tell everybody what to do (which she LOVES ) and made a bunch of fuss plus she wanted her side of the family to be represented too and started changing all types of plans.

And chile, there was almost a knock down drag out fight between the cousin who was planning it and her sister in law who is the unofficial (and self-appointed) matriarch. She was mad that the reunion was going to take place during the weekend that she had a different reunion to go to. She didn't want to miss out on the big 2-day party we were planning at a hotel so she tried to have it downgraded to some little cookout in the park (like we don't have a million cookout every year (most of which are at her house). She got really nasty and started an argument that ended with my cousin (the planner) telling her and her own nieces "I'll kick yo' ass, yo' ass, AND yo' ass. Fugg all ya'll!! Brother, you better come get yo' wife!"

That was our first and last family reunion

[Edited 11/12/10 12:22pm]

PurpleRighteous1 said:

SCNDLS said:

Ohhhh, this pic reminds me of a new black mama trait I can add to the list:

Have you ever heard your mama talk shit cuz Cousin Bertha ain't paid for hers and her kids family reunion shirts??? It goes something like this, "But we gon' order 'em anyways cuz we don't want the chirrens to feel left out but I'll be damned if Bertha ain't shit!???

It's ALWAYS some drama around the family reunion Tshirts.

It didn't quite go like that but there was a lot of arguing about who would be in charge. Of course my one cousin was mad b/c she wasn't able to tell everybody what to do (which she LOVES ) and made a bunch of fuss plus she wanted her side of the family to be represented too and started changing all types of plans.

And chile, there was almost a knock down drag out fight between the cousin who was planning it and her sister in law who is the unofficial (and self-appointed) matriarch. She was mad that the reunion was going to take place during the weekend that she had a different reunion to go to. She didn't want to miss out on the big 2-day party we were planning at a hotel so she tried to have it downgraded to some little cookout in the park (like we don't have a million cookout every year (most of which are at her house). She got really nasty and started an argument that ended with my cousin (the planner) telling her and her own nieces "I'll kick yo' ass, yo' ass, AND yo' ass. Fugg all ya'll!! Brother, you better come get yo' wife!"

That was our first and last family reunion

[Edited 11/12/10 12:22pm]

And it's always a heffa done married INTO the family trynna run the family reunion.

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

My mother was serious about them carpet lines.

SCNDLS said:

paintedlady said:

She's a Rican.... her momma did "dooby-doos" on her at night.

I think as a hispanic child... I got the back hand more than anything with a stiff "Callete!"

Did I spell that right?

cállate

I didn't know Shyra was a Rican. Dooby-doos? Are those the curls you make with the comb?

[Edited 11/12/10 11:59am]

Well, I'm not offended, but I'm not a "Rican." I'm a good, old-fashioned, jazzy, jazzy, old babe black chick. If you want to see a picture of me, go to Johnart's DC meetup pictures. I'm the old broad between Johnart and Chocolate1.

paintedlady said:

SCNDLS said:

The grass is always greener, isn't it? But, trust me if you get your ears burned to a crisp and hot grease dripped on your neck enough times you'll thank God you didn't have to deal with that mess.

I got my hair pressed and corn rowed all the time... I never had to ask either, we had neighborhood girls that just had nothing to do so they would ask if they could braid my hair. I'd be like "Sure!" I would just steal.... ahem.... buy beads from Zayre's or Bradlees.... then when I was 13, I was pressing and burning the shit outta my own hair.

Even sported a foam roller in the front to curl my bangs.

No you did not just bust out with Zayre's, Gurl!!!!

Oh my lord you just took me back to being 6 years old

Ottensen said:

paintedlady said:

I got my hair pressed and corn rowed all the time... I never had to ask either, we had neighborhood girls that just had nothing to do so they would ask if they could braid my hair. I'd be like "Sure!" I would just steal.... ahem.... buy beads from Zayre's or Bradlees.... then when I was 13, I was pressing and burning the shit outta my own hair.

Even sported a foam roller in the front to curl my bangs.

No you did not just bust out with Zayre's, Gurl!!!!

Oh my lord you just took me back to being 6 years old

Girl, please! AND Bradlee's!

Shyra said:

Ottensen said:

No you did not just bust out with Zayre's, Gurl!!!!

Oh my lord you just took me back to being 6 years old

Girl, please! AND Bradlee's!

Shyra said:

SCNDLS said:

cállate

I didn't know Shyra was a Rican. Dooby-doos? Are those the curls you make with the comb?

[Edited 11/12/10 11:59am]

Well, I'm not offended, but I'm not a "Rican." I'm a good, old-fashioned, jazzy, jazzy, old babe black chick. If you want to see a picture of me, go to Johnart's DC meetup pictures. I'm the old broad between Johnart and Chocolate1.

I'm must be getting old [img:$uid]http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc99/gataloca_bucket/_oldlady__by_Zikes.gif[/img:$uid]... I'm getting my orgers crossed.

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

Wow some of these take me back...

No 5, the chop to head with the comb cause you weren't sitting still enough, or just the threat of a chop.

No 6, my mum expanded on that one 'The Stammer Slap' she would repeat words so you got the full count of licks she thought your deserved.

No 8, was mum all over - it allowed me to get in more trouble at school cause they didn't call her in for everything I did.

Running us five bad breeds, my mum was/is fantastic.

[Edited 11/12/10 15:18pm]

paintedlady said:

Shyra said:

Girl, please! AND Bradlee's!

Damn, both of those just brought back memories.

One of which is my grandmother slapping me in the head for dragging my feet in the shoes she'd just bought me at Bradlee's.

One thing I remember is my mom busting you out on something embarrassing in front of your friends.....ON PURPOSE

I remember my mom clowning my brother in front of his friends because she caught him humping the floor the night before

bboy87 said:

One thing I remember is my mom busting you out on something embarrassing in front of your friends.....ON PURPOSE

I remember my mom clowning my brother in front of his friends because she caught him humping the floor the night before

Back when "The Way You Make Me Feel" came out, it was perfectly okay for a young man to do that sort of thing...

johnart said:

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

Wow, white mamas and black mamas have more in common than I would've guessed.

I was thinking the same thing.

FauxReal said:

bboy87 said:

One thing I remember is my mom busting you out on something embarrassing in front of your friends.....ON PURPOSE

I remember my mom clowning my brother in front of his friends because she caught him humping the floor the night before

Back when "The Way You Make Me Feel" came out, it was perfectly okay for a young man to do that sort of thing...

but while watching Red Shoes Diaries?

bboy87 said:

FauxReal said:

Back when "The Way You Make Me Feel" came out, it was perfectly okay for a young man to do that sort of thing...

but while watching Red Shoes Diaries?

Damn.

No, not okay. Well getting caught's not okay. Gotta do some recon and make sure it's safe before you go humpin' shit, I would imagine.

You forgot one thing-when you fucked up, your mom tells EVERYONE-Grandma, all your aunts, the neighbors and everyone calls you to cuss your ass out.

On another note, one thing my mom was adamant about was that you did not talk about what went outside our house in the street. That is in Black People handbook and I never got that. Why are black people so paranoid about their business being on Front Street?

FauxReal said:

bboy87 said:

but while watching Red Shoes Diaries?

Damn.

No, not okay. Well getting caught's not okay. Gotta do some recon and make sure it's safe before you go humpin' shit, I would imagine.

Exactly, some of his friends came over the next day and they walked by the area, she said "Be careful, some of my grandkids may be down there"

the whole house damn near collapsed from the amount of laughter

Tokyo89 said:

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

I have a few more

And # 10 is dead the fck on!!!!

I miss that hot water bottle...

I've gotten to the age where I finally have my own...and although I don't have carpet I will vaccum the s**t out of an area rug 'til I see those lines every day

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water? Nope. My grandma was the mama in my life. She only needed me for things like garden work and sweeping dust.

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe? Extension cord, random blue looking thing, ruler, shoe, hand...lol. Grandma is short, but she sure knew how to whoop some booty.

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little? See above...lol.

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb? YES! WHOO! :-J

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush? Actually my aunt popped me with the knuckles and the comb....

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!' Yes. A thousand times yes.

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp? Nah, grandma was pretty chill about the ponytails. My aunt was the one who did the tight braids!

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her? Nope. They thought she was a "gem of the community." Crazy asses. That woman went bananas when we didn't behave. And waited until we got home to really lay it down!

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card? Imma have a serious flashback with this one. But yes. She'd give me a look so stanky and hard....whoo boy.

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door? No hot water bottle, but we had plenty vaseline, cocoa butter in the tube thing, alcohol, and peroxide.

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower. I got both. Sometimes at the same time, sometimes one day apart...

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church? I got jabbed!

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?) Nope. She left that up to my maternal grandmother.

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat? Nuh uh. She had to look cute when she came to get me. Matching hat, jacket, lipstick...

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?' Depends on what it was. Usually she'd say "ask your father", but most of the time I got a quick "no", or "have some gum instead..."

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around? Nope. Blamed and punished for it.

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it? Every weekend. and made me do it with the worst ol' hunk of junk 1970s looking vac...and this was in the 90s!

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work? YES! Made me miss a good, GOOD Goosebumps special back in 1994. And when I got older, it was "turn off the 'puter!"

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is? Not really.

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)? She told me only once "you call that number and see what happens" and had a look on her face that was a mix of and and I forgot the number just that quick.

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping. I think she said it in her head. I just got the whippin!

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!' Yeah, when I started writing in 5th grade. I wrote a story about how I felt neglected because she was too busy watching her stories to pay attention to me. She uh....she set me straight.

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

SCNDLS said:

There used to be a time when Black children were the best behaved children in the world, now look at them, Time out my foot!!!

Time out for me meant nobody would see my azz for 2 weeks,

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs, the back of the house, or from the front of the house to change the channel, or bring her a glass of ice water?

Yup, my grandmother and godmother were famous for that.

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the nearest shoe?

Switch.

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and got sent back because the one you picked was too little?

I psyched her out by picking a good sized one and it worked...she took it easy on me.

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

Countless times. My mom always said "be still and dont kiss the comb.

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair brush?

Nope.

6. Have you ever been told to 'Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about' or beat with a belt while she pronounces every syllable, 'Didn't---I---tell---you---not---to-do---that---no---more?!'

Yep. If I wasn't busy crying I could have danced to the tune,

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, that you got those little bumps around your scalp?

No bumps, but I used to get called "Chinese".

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.) were afraid of her?

The entire school literally adored my mother. She used to attend every pta meeting and school program. When there was a problem to resolve, she was so danmed articulate that even the principal respected her.

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card?

Not scared, but ashamed.

10. Alcohol, peroxide, cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom cabinet. And that red hot water bottle hanging behind the bathroom door?

You forgot the castor oil,

Remind me to tell you about the time I tried to used the hot water bottle and lysol when I was six!

11 You were never 'on punishment' - just got a whooping right out of the shower.

I mostly got long punishments...my godsisters mostly got the whoopings from my godmother.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

Nope, I was too busy laughing at the old people.

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Sunday School, Junior Usher board, Easter play, Christmas Play, etc?)

Oh yeah, the whole nine.

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair rollers and her gown or pajamas on under her
coat?

Nah, everybody thought my moms was the sweetest, most beautiful woman ever, and so did I. She believed that a lady should always be well turned out and there was hell to pay if we ever had the audacity to be seen in public in hair rollers, nightgowns, etc.

15. When you ask her for something, her response was.' You got a job?'

Her's was...I ain't made of money,

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did just because you were around?

My brother once got beat by my uncle for something I did and he never said a word...I felt terrible.

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it?

That was my job...and we had them shag carpets too.

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing his work?

Oh hell yeah! We had to sit and listen to my grandma's church stories, and some of them were spooky,

19.. Friends, family, and friends of the family try to keep you out of trouble because they know your mother and how she is?

My mom was usually a very gentle soul so when she went on one of her rare rants it would scare even the devil himself...even my drunken uncle would shut his damn mouth!

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline (because you weren't allowed to use the phone without her permission)?

Hotline? Phone?

Back then only a few families on the block even had a phone. We didn't get one till I was 7. Friends and neighbors would use each other's phones and leave some change...that's how old my azz is.

21. She had to talk to God.. 'Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!!!' before she gives you a whipping.

She would say, "Lawdhammercy, why?"

22. You knew NOT to talk about what went on in your house with anybody (other family members, friends, school authority, etc), because you were told, 'What goes on in this house, stays in this house!!!'

We couldn't tell 'cuz we never knew anything. Moms would not allow people to say or do certain things in front of us kids. I did embarass her one time when a neighbor came to the door. Mom asked me who it was and I said, "it's mouth-all-mighty".

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK GRANDMAS, MAMMAS, AUNTS, SISTAHS, NIECES & GIRLFRIENDS....

I miss them soooo much!

Loving these stories!

Another one we can add to the list:

Mama making you dance and entertain the family at EVERY gathering, BBQ, picnic, wedding reception, etc.

"Go on baby, do the moonwalk, running man, cabbage patch, electric slide . . . for eveybody"

Sidenote: I was at a birthday party last week doin' the Wobble, that's my new shit! Why black folks got a 1001 "steps"???

[Edited 11/13/10 7:51am]

CHILE??!! ....Dont forget..........If I cant do nothing with ya, I'll bet them laws will.....(dialing the phone cause bru hit her car with an axe.....damn fool)

I still make them quiet with number 18..LOL!

Yes number #1 and number #22.

You can add:

23. Don't suck your teeth, when your mom/grandma/auntie is scolding you

24. When mom, auntie, grandma gave you "the look"....that's when you knew what time it was and to never attempt to talk back, sneeze, blink an eye or take an extra breath .

25. If you don't get that smirk off your face, I'll slap you into tomorrow!

[Edited 11/13/10 12:41pm]

myfavorite said:

CHILE??!! ....Dont forget..........If I cant do nothing with ya, I'll bet them laws will.....(dialing the phone cause bru hit her car with an axe.....damn fool)

I still make them quiet with number 18..LOL!

Ooops....I'm becoming a BLACK MOMMA!!! .. (but my kids arent little anymore )

paintedlady said:

SCNDLS said:

The grass is always greener, isn't it? But, trust me if you get your ears burned to a crisp and hot grease dripped on your neck enough times you'll thank God you didn't have to deal with that mess.

I got my hair pressed and corn rowed all the time... I never had to ask either, we had neighborhood girls that just had nothing to do so they would ask if they could braid my hair. I'd be like "Sure!" I would just steal.... ahem.... buy beads from Zayre's or Bradlees.... then when I was 13, I was pressing and burning the shit outta my own hair.

Even sported a foam roller in the front to curl my bangs.

Oh Snap you said Zayre's or Bradlees, LOL, let's not forget Caldor's, PaintedLady must be from the northeast.

nammie said:

paintedlady said:

I got my hair pressed and corn rowed all the time... I never had to ask either, we had neighborhood girls that just had nothing to do so they would ask if they could braid my hair. I'd be like "Sure!" I would just steal.... ahem.... buy beads from Zayre's or Bradlees.... then when I was 13, I was pressing and burning the shit outta my own hair.

Even sported a foam roller in the front to curl my bangs.

Oh Snap you said Zayre's or Bradlees, LOL, let's not forget Caldor's, PaintedLady must be from the northeast.

Guilty! We never had a Caldor's in my neck of the woods... it was way out in the suburbs, folks like me didn't venture out there unless we went to BJ's.