paintedlady said:

angel345 said:

Marriage is 'till death do you part', and I get it. Before you marry someone, aren't you supposed to take the time and get to know someone? I believe many of us err in that department, and that's why relationships are so busted nowadays. Nine times out of ten, how he/she treats his family and others is how you'll be treated. If he/she is serious about you, during the courtship, they shouldn't have a bunch of people calling, trying to hook up with them on dates and if you notice this pattern, how is marriage going to change this? That's very disrespectful. Don't know about you, but I noticed women who stay in relationships with cheaters and abusers because she thought that she can change him. Also to consider, if he/she loves you, they shouldn't be putting their hands on you, especially a man. All it takes is one time. Therefore, you make the decision as to whether or not, this is the person you should be spending the rest of your life with. What you see is what you get.

Now if a person is a habitual cheater, the question should be... "Why does this person want just one person? Why would they marry?"

I just believe in personal accountability. If a cheater cheats, he/she has no one to blame but themselves in the end.

Now if a woman wants to be with a man that has another love, then one has to look at what value she places on herself in a relationship, and a spouse that is cheated on is just a victim. Maybe a victim of choosing poorly IF her man was cheating before they married.

But most times, when couples marry... the cheating doesn't really begin until real change happens in a negative way. Like feeling insecure, illness, lack of sex, jobloss, or other factors that cause stress... like a mid-life crisis.

To me, most cheating has nothing to do with the spouse who is being cheated on, but more with the cheater and what they are going through as an individual.

Perhaps, he thought that marriage would change him? People do make poor choices, and it is your cue to say no to marriage, especially if he/she is giving you hell, now. You've probably heard of this saying 'You can't turn a trick into a treat' or a 'whore into a housewife', and you cannot turn a frog into a prince.

I agree that you have to evaluate different scenarios, but I do not believe that victims are not contributing factors to a failed relationship. It takes two to form a relationship, so therefore it takes two to work it out.

I am always amazed at how many times the "other woman" starts off by being the wifes best friend It is as classic as "my husband had an affair with a flight attendant".