ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

well, it would be case by case right? also, depending on how much booze is involved.

mind you, i'm not saying it's shameful for a woman to own her own sexuality to the point she's comfortable asking a man she finds attractive to bang her.

but, i think the different rates of arousal, the libido, are a dead giveaway. men - instant arousal. just the sight of a hot gal and poof! erection. (generalization)

women - a bit slower to reach the come point, perhaps something to do with the awareness of hey - i might have to live the next nine months with this guy's child growing in me. (generalization)

so because our arousal is awakened less visually, this is more unlikely?

I can look at a picture of people having sex and be aroused in an instant. Photos of men on their own, even with their clothes off and erect, and nothing. It's still visual, but the stimulus perhaps needs to be more graphic or explicit?

A man looks at an attractive woman, and that's all they need.

I think women being less visual does play a part. Seeing porn is not so much visual beauty as it stirs intense feelings. Porn can be gross & arousing at the same time.

But seeing a woman makes porn in a man's mind, and there he is.

ZombieKitten said:

XxAxX said:

hmmm. i don't know about likelihood. i'm not even sure we can categorize this straight up. but maybe different arousal rates in the face of differnet stimuli have to do with biological, um, cycles.

perhaps it IS just me

I just wondered if I was alone in this

no, I think many women enjoy the difference facets of sexuality, such as seeing a nicer looking man, talking, flirting, without having any further agenda, where a man has one goal in mind virtually all of the time. He does not give you flowers in an isolated gesture of affection, he knows it's good for his sex life.

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

perhaps it IS just me

I just wondered if I was alone in this

no, I think many women enjoy the difference facets of sexuality, such as seeing a nicer looking man, talking, flirting, without having any further agenda, where a man has one goal in mind virtually all of the time. He does not give you flowers in an isolated gesture of affection, he knows it's good for his sex life.

no he doesn't. is it because I put out too often?

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

so because our arousal is awakened less visually, this is more unlikely?

I can look at a picture of people having sex and be aroused in an instant. Photos of men on their own, even with their clothes off and erect, and nothing. It's still visual, but the stimulus perhaps needs to be more graphic or explicit?

A man looks at an attractive woman, and that's all they need.

I think women being less visual does play a part. Seeing porn is not so much visual beauty as it stirs intense feelings. Porn can be gross & arousing at the same time.

But seeing a woman makes porn in a man's mind, and there he is.

You're saying it does with women?

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

perhaps it IS just me

I just wondered if I was alone in this

no, I think many women enjoy the difference facets of sexuality, such as seeing a nicer looking man, talking, flirting, without having any further agenda, where a man has one goal in mind virtually all of the time. He does not give you flowers in an isolated gesture of affection, he knows it's good for his sex life.

he's planning to have sex with the flowers?

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

no, I think many women enjoy the difference facets of sexuality, such as seeing a nicer looking man, talking, flirting, without having any further agenda, where a man has one goal in mind virtually all of the time. He does not give you flowers in an isolated gesture of affection, he knows it's good for his sex life.

no he doesn't. is it because I put out too often?

awww.

yes he is thinking "if it ain't broke why fix it?"

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

no he doesn't. is it because I put out too often?

awww.

yes he is thinking "if it ain't broke why fix it?"

or that we are so far gone now if he gives me flowers I will think something is wrong

JustErin said:

NDRU said:

I think women being less visual does play a part. Seeing porn is not so much visual beauty as it stirs intense feelings. Porn can be gross & arousing at the same time.

But seeing a woman makes porn in a man's mind, and there he is.

You're saying it does with women?

I get a warm feeling downstairs, that's about it

JustErin said:

NDRU said:

I think women being less visual does play a part. Seeing porn is not so much visual beauty as it stirs intense feelings. Porn can be gross & arousing at the same time.

But seeing a woman makes porn in a man's mind, and there he is.

You're saying it does with women?

if i understand your question, I think both men & women respond physically to porn, even though (as I heard you say once) you can't press stop soon enough afterward. It's not always pretty, but it makes us horny.

But I don't think just seeing an attractive man has the same effect on most women as the opposite scenario does on men

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

You're saying it does with women?

I get a warm feeling downstairs, that's about it

yeah maybe the wording was wrong, I meant it's an intense visual that stirs feelings

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

awww.

yes he is thinking "if it ain't broke why fix it?"

or that we are so far gone now if he gives me flowers I will think something is wrong

you can cry & storm out of the room when he gives them to you

XxAxX said:

NDRU said:

no, I think many women enjoy the difference facets of sexuality, such as seeing a nicer looking man, talking, flirting, without having any further agenda, where a man has one goal in mind virtually all of the time. He does not give you flowers in an isolated gesture of affection, he knows it's good for his sex life.

he's planning to have sex with the flowers?

any port in a storm, my friend

NDRU said:

JustErin said:

You're saying it does with women?

if i understand your question, I think both men & women respond physically to porn, even though (as I heard you say once) you can't press stop soon enough afterward. It's not always pretty, but it makes us horny.

But I don't think just seeing an attractive man has the same effect on most women as the opposite scenario does on men

I can be aroused by simply imagining someone I'm lusting after accidentally touching me on the arm

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

I get a warm feeling downstairs, that's about it

yeah maybe the wording was wrong, I meant it's an intense visual that stirs feelings

you're not talking emotions are you, you mean like instinct and that

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

or that we are so far gone now if he gives me flowers I will think something is wrong

you can cry & storm out of the room when he gives them to you

I should learn how to do that

NDRU said:

JustErin said:

You're saying it does with women?

if i understand your question, I think both men & women respond physically to porn, even though (as I heard you say once) you can't press stop soon enough afterward. It's not always pretty, but it makes us horny.

But I don't think just seeing an attractive man has the same effect on most women as the opposite scenario does on men

Well, I don't know what it does to a man since I'm not one, but I'm a woman and I can look at a hot guy and instantly think about having sex with him.

NDRU said:

XxAxX said:

he's planning to have sex with the flowers?

any port in a storm, my friend

ok. NOW i'm feeling tingly. roses

Shyra said:

StillGotIt said:

shit... if she mess with my man she will feel bad and blame herself...cuz the new scar on her face will not easily fade.

My man would seriously be to blame......no going easy on him. But if a bitch knows I am here and chooses to disrespect...she deserves whatever because she is at fault.

[Edited 11/9/10 10:00am]

No she's not because she's not cheatig ON YOU. Your man is to blame. The woman may be of loose morals, but she's not to blame and doesn't owe you anything. If he didn't cheat with that woman, he'd just roll to the next available, willing partner. Women who physically fight over men cheapen themselves and look terribly uncouth and boorish. Maintain your self respect and decency and kick the man to the curb. If he cheated once, he'll probably do it again, so why keep his sorry ass?

Oh...the man is certainly to blame. But I will cut a bitch if she knows about me and chooses to ignore my presence and instead opts to deliberately cause me pain. She gets what she deserves. I dont fight over men, never have, never needed to. if my man "cheats" he is automatically no longer my man, but I will beat a bitch down for knowingly disrespecting me, just as I would if a stranger walked up to me and spit in my face. I dont tolerate bold disrespect. Now if you dont know about me, its no big deal...but if you know about me and personally know me, I'ma fug u up.

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

no, I think some women do, and that most women might occasionally see a guy so hot they think about it.

But mostly I assume women find strange men gross & threatening

I have NEVER seen a guy that hot then

All the crazies and violent folks. I would never hump a stranger, no matter how hot he is....and married men who sleep around are just walking STD dispensers. Herpes and AIDS are forever....I love myself too much for that nonsense.

StillGotIt said:

ZombieKitten said:

I have NEVER seen a guy that hot then

All the crazies and violent folks. I would never hump a stranger, no matter how hot he is....and married men who sleep around are just walking STD dispensers. Herpes and AIDS are forever....I love myself too much for that nonsense.

do you ever fantasize about having sex with a stranger? and I don't mean that doing it with a stranger is what gets you off, I mean if you see a hot guy, might you daydream that you and he are doing the horizontal folkdance?

`

[Edited 12/27/10 6:39am]

Shyra said:

Hershe said:

Shyra said:

Women who physically fight over men cheapen themselves and look terribly uncouth and boorish. Maintain your self respect and decency and kick the man to the curb.

Therefore, hire a couple of goons.

Now, that'll work!

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

yeah maybe the wording was wrong, I meant it's an intense visual that stirs feelings

you're not talking emotions are you, you mean like instinct and that

yes I think so, instinct

JustErin said:

NDRU said:

if i understand your question, I think both men & women respond physically to porn, even though (as I heard you say once) you can't press stop soon enough afterward. It's not always pretty, but it makes us horny.

But I don't think just seeing an attractive man has the same effect on most women as the opposite scenario does on men

Well, I don't know what it does to a man since I'm not one, but I'm a woman and I can look at a hot guy and instantly think about having sex with him.

How you doin'?

Turns out I was the other woman in my last relationship. I didn't know it, in fact, I thought I was the one being cheated on. Then I found out that there was another woman he'd been with even longer than he'd been with me.

The bulk of the blame lies with him without doubt. But the ones who knew about me...I have my fair share of scorn for them too. Man did my ass get checked when I found out the real deal!

I can't understand women who get involved with men they know are otherwise involved. Forget having compassion for anyone else, what does it say about how you value yourself? I know what my actions said about what I thought about myself... It's not something I'm proud of, but it will never happen again. No man is worth me devaluing myself like that.

paintedlady said:

angel345 said:

If he cheated on you before you married him, is marriage going to change this? Rarely. If he punched and abused you before marriage, is marriage going to change it? I have explained why I believe this in post #36. Therefore, if you choose to marry a cheater and a abuser, it's on you. Spouses are not always exempt from blame.

I disagree completely. Any person that decides to cheat, that's on that person. Unless there is literally a gun to their head or they are being raped.

I don't care if a women married a straight up pimp... once he decided to marry her and settle down, he made to decision to be loyal to her only.

Otherwise why bother to exchange vows? If he's just a boyfriend, then yeah maybe... but once they marry? Oh hell no... if you are unhappy being my husband, then tell me and we will just divorce. Don't blame your lack of control on the weight I've gained or the argument we had last week.

Its just lame to blame the victim.

Marriage is 'till death do you part', and I get it. Before you marry someone, aren't you supposed to take the time and get to know someone? I believe many of us err in that department, and that's why relationships are so busted nowadays. Nine times out of ten, how he/she treats his family and others is how you'll be treated. If he/she is serious about you, during the courtship, they shouldn't have a bunch of people calling, trying to hook up with them on dates and if you notice this pattern, how is marriage going to change this? That's very disrespectful. Don't know about you, but I noticed women who stay in relationships with cheaters and abusers because she thought that she can change him. Also to consider, if he/she loves you, they shouldn't be putting their hands on you, especially a man. All it takes is one time. Therefore, you make the decision as to whether or not, this is the person you should be spending the rest of your life with. What you see is what you get.

NDRU said:

angel345 said:

I'd say all three should be blamed for the affair.

me too

I was young and was once the other man, and I felt guilty, but I justified it by saying I was not cheating on anyone myself, or that he was a bad husband, or simply that she & I fell in love and you can't stop love.

But it's still wrong. Everyone was to blame, including the oblivious husband.

You learn things in life through trial and error

NDRU said:

paintedlady said:

Do you think we give cheaters a pass more than we give people who physically abuse their spouses?

I think both behaviors are things that selfish people are more likely to do. Yet they cast blame on others for their lack of control. Isn't it all just lacking self control?

I think it depends. If over the course of 20 years one partner cheats one time, that is a lot different than doing it over & over.

I can understand that kind of slip up, but not hitting someone. And habitual cheating is totally inexcusable, too.

I agree.

angel345 said:

paintedlady said:

I disagree completely. Any person that decides to cheat, that's on that person. Unless there is literally a gun to their head or they are being raped.

I don't care if a women married a straight up pimp... once he decided to marry her and settle down, he made to decision to be loyal to her only.

Otherwise why bother to exchange vows? If he's just a boyfriend, then yeah maybe... but once they marry? Oh hell no... if you are unhappy being my husband, then tell me and we will just divorce. Don't blame your lack of control on the weight I've gained or the argument we had last week.

Its just lame to blame the victim.

Marriage is 'till death do you part', and I get it. Before you marry someone, aren't you supposed to take the time and get to know someone? I believe many of us err in that department, and that's why relationships are so busted nowadays. Nine times out of ten, how he/she treats his family and others is how you'll be treated. If he/she is serious about you, during the courtship, they shouldn't have a bunch of people calling, trying to hook up with them on dates and if you notice this pattern, how is marriage going to change this? That's very disrespectful. Don't know about you, but I noticed women who stay in relationships with cheaters and abusers because she thought that she can change him. Also to consider, if he/she loves you, they shouldn't be putting their hands on you, especially a man. All it takes is one time. Therefore, you make the decision as to whether or not, this is the person you should be spending the rest of your life with. What you see is what you get.

Now if a person is a habitual cheater, the question should be... "Why does this person want just one person? Why would they marry?"

I just believe in personal accountability. If a cheater cheats, he/she has no one to blame but themselves in the end.

Now if a woman wants to be with a man that has another love, then one has to look at what value she places on herself in a relationship, and a spouse that is cheated on is just a victim. Maybe a victim of choosing poorly IF her man was cheating before they married.

But most times, when couples marry... the cheating doesn't really begin until real change happens in a negative way. Like feeling insecure, illness, lack of sex, jobloss, or other factors that cause stress... like a mid-life crisis.

To me, most cheating has nothing to do with the spouse who is being cheated on, but more with the cheater and what they are going through as an individual.