I'd say all three should be blamed for the affair.

Shyra said:

whistle said:

i always blame the woman more because i expect them to know better. men are just pigs.

it's not fair, but it's honest.

So if your husband started cheating, you would go after the woman? Your hubby will have it real easy if he's a cheater. He'll just figure, "Well, she know's I'm a pig, but she's not mad at me! Man, I've got a good woman!"

if i were gay and married to a man, i would definitely blame the woman.

whistle said:

Shyra said:

So if your husband started cheating, you would go after the woman? Your hubby will have it real easy if he's a cheater. He'll just figure, "Well, she know's I'm a pig, but she's not mad at me! Man, I've got a good woman!"

if i were gay and married to a man, i would definitely blame the woman.

Graycap23 said:

paintedlady said:

I can only speak from what I seen and experienced from a woman's standpoint.

I have turned away many men that are married. They EXPECTED me to sleep with them because I was a single mom of three.... I was even told that I might as well because I would never be seen as marriage material because of my "baggage" or status as a single mom.

This was told to me by 3 married men, I took it as their lame selling point to get some side pussy.

No deal... I told them to fuck off or I would call their wives. Two were successful business men and I was guaranteed payments. Many women who witnessed this called me stupid for not taking a club owner grease-ball up on his offer to be a kept mistress.

Many women my age sleep and look for married men. They prefer it for the financial pay off. Married men, buy you stuff, and pay your bills. Its basically hush money, heck I was even offered living arrangements for me and my kids.... and the single men tend to be single for good reason at my age.

So you get what you look for in a man.

I choose not to listen to men whine and moan about their wives, this way I don't get "caught up"

it isn't any woman's business to console any man that is married. He needs to bring that shit back to his wife therapists or best friend. Otherwise you line yourself up for a messy situation.

Men do lie, but its up to the woman to decide whether they want to live with a lie, and that depends all on her sense of self worth and what she's willing to put up with. So if a woman gets herself in a mess, she can just blame herself for putting up with it.

So how do u see a situation where a females comes after married men?

ALL of my single (at least 30) aquaintances with children were messing around with married men at one point or another.

Most situations are just f@ckbuddy situations, but some were full on mistresses for years. I was told by 4 different women that I was plain stupid to NOT sleep with a married man they knew.

I was told by another aquaintance (I just can't call these women friends because they are so catty) that she would find me a married guy she knew that would love me and take care of me.

ALL OF THESE women went to church, two were married and sleeping around with married men until they got married.

They all looked for clean looking middle aged men (just like you) who own property (nice car & home) and are well fed, usually in church or workplace.

Married men just seem more desireable in my age group. I must admit, I came close to sleeping with a married man myself, but I pulled away. I tend to fall in head over heels in love, so being a mistress is not a thing I need to be doing.

Shyra said:

Can't be done. No one can STEAL someone's wife or husband. If the married person leaves, it's because the marriage wasn't stable to begin with and the husband or wife would have left eventually with someone else.

True! Married people get married for good reason, they simply love one another, but damned if some women I know try hard as hell to steal what will never be theirs.

And when I was cheated on by a boyfriend, I never went after the girl... always only fought the guy. The way I see it, HE lied to me, not her.

Guys can take a hard hit better than girls anyways. [img:$uid]http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc99/gataloca_bucket/club.gif[/img:$uid]

I was in this situation for three yrs. I was the other woman, they weren't married tho...together for 9 yrs, 2 kids... We got together while they were supposedly broken up. I didn't know they got back together until a year into dealing w him..she called me :0 but I dealt w him anyway..I felt bad for her, but after a while I didn't care anymore. I've talked to her at least three times, they broke up and got back together a few times too. If she can keep taking him back knowing he can't stop cheating on her, than why should I care or feel bad?

If the situation if different from this, than both ppl SHOULD feel bad

Shyra said:

nursev said:

Just another example of what some folks will do to keep someone else's spouse. Men and women do shit like this-no one is exempt. I think people should really say that stealing someone else's man or woman is just something they won't do until then scandalous shit will continue.

Can't be done. No one can STEAL someone's wife or husband. If the married person leaves, it's because the marriage wasn't stable to begin with and the husband or wife would have left eventually with someone else.

But to answer your question, should the other woman/man feel blame? Well, it's pretty obvious most don't give a rat's ass. Both cheaters are fulfilling a need whether it be because their lives are unhappy/unfulfilled or they're just dogs. Yes, woman can be "dogs," too.

When I was in my late twenties, I met a man at a Halloween party. Fine as he wanted to be, but just had that "married" look. The first think out of my mouth after our introduction was, "How are the wife and kids?" He looked kind of surprised and said, "Oh! Um, they're fine." I said, "Now that we've got that out of the way, why are you here?"

Long story short, we started an affair. It was strictly sexual. I knew I didn't want him as a long-term lover, and I certainly wouldn't have married him had he left his wife. If a man leaves his wife for you, HE'LL LEAVE YOUR ASS, TOO!

Did I feel bad for the wife? At first I didn't. I didn't know her, never saw her, and didn't want any drama. However, when I asked the hubby how long they had been married before he started cheating and he said, "two weeks," I knew he wasn't shit, and kind of felt bad for her then. Not because I had cheated, but that the poor woman didn't have a fighting chance with her hoe of a husband! I finally ended it after I got interested in a single man who wanted to spend time with me exclusively.

This is why I blame all three parties for affairs. Some wives knew what they were getting before they marry the man. Nine times out of ten, the signs are there. Also, the wives should consider what they're doing or not doing for the man to cheat. As for the other woman, signs are there he's married, but ask questions anyway. Once you know this, now it's on you and if he doesn't leave his wife, expect this and move on because he would have his cake, and eat it too.

shit... if she mess with my man she will feel bad and blame herself...cuz the new scar on her face will not easily fade.

My man would seriously be to blame......no going easy on him. But if a bitch knows I am here and chooses to disrespect...she deserves whatever because she is at fault.

[Edited 11/9/10 10:00am]

StillGotIt said:

shit... if she mess with my man she will feel bad and blame herself...cuz the new scar on her face will not easily fade.

My man would seriously be to blame......no going easy on him. But if a bitch knows I am here and chooses to disrespect...she deserves whatever because she is at fault.

[Edited 11/9/10 10:00am]

No she's not because she's not cheatig ON YOU. Your man is to blame. The woman may be of loose morals, but she's not to blame and doesn't owe you anything. If he didn't cheat with that woman, he'd just roll to the next available, willing partner. Women who physically fight over men cheapen themselves and look terribly uncouth and boorish. Maintain your self respect and decency and kick the man to the curb. If he cheated once, he'll probably do it again, so why keep his sorry ass?

angel345 said:

I'd say all three should be blamed for the affair.

me too

I was young and was once the other man, and I felt guilty, but I justified it by saying I was not cheating on anyone myself, or that he was a bad husband, or simply that she & I fell in love and you can't stop love.

But it's still wrong. Everyone was to blame, including the oblivious husband.

NDRU said:

angel345 said:

I'd say all three should be blamed for the affair.

me too

I was young and was once the other man, and I felt guilty, but I justified it by saying I was not cheating on anyone myself, or that he was a bad husband, or simply that she & I fell in love and you can't stop love.

But it's still wrong. Everyone was to blame, including the oblivious husband.

I don't think you can place any blame on the spouse that's being cheated on. Its silly.

Like a wife/husband is holding a damn gun to the cheaters head saying "Go ON... CHEAT ON ME DAMMIT!!"

When people marry, they make vows to one another. Fidelity is something you decide to earnestly aim for. What happens before the marriage doesn't matter or count. Yes, a person who cheats tends to stay a cheater, but each time a person cheats... that is a conscience decision, you never trip and fall in someone's pussy. You decide to pursue any conquest... its the thrill of the "chase" that any man/woman can walk away from. Its bullshit to say that cheating "just happens" or can't be helped.

To me that's like saying..

"You made me hit you!"

"You knew he hit you before you two married, so you deserve that black-eye!"

If I cheat, its only because I want to. Its behavior that stems from selfishness. Its why anyone ever cheats. They are just selfish, they are only thinking of themselves, so to blame any outside person is crazy. IMHO.

paintedlady said:

NDRU said:

me too

I was young and was once the other man, and I felt guilty, but I justified it by saying I was not cheating on anyone myself, or that he was a bad husband, or simply that she & I fell in love and you can't stop love.

But it's still wrong. Everyone was to blame, including the oblivious husband.

I don't think you can place any blame on the spouse that's being cheated on. Its silly.

Like a wife/husband is holding a damn gun to the cheaters head saying "Go ON... CHEAT ON ME DAMMIT!!"

When people marry, they make vows to one another. Fidelity is something you decide to earnestly aim for. What happens before the marriage doesn't matter or count. Yes, a person who cheats tends to stay a cheater, but each time a person cheats... that is a conscience decision, you never trip and fall in someone's pussy. You decide to pursue any conquest... its the thrill of the "chase" that any man/woman can walk away from. Its bullshit to say that cheating "just happens" or can't be helped.

To me that's like saying..

"You made me hit you!"

"You knew he hit you before you two married, so you deserve that black-eye!"

If I cheat, its only because I want to. Its behavior that stems from selfishness. Its why anyone ever cheats. They are just selfish, they are only thinking of themselves, so to blame any outside person is crazy. IMHO.

They are not to blame for the cheating itself, but they are partly to blame for the problems that might have led to the cheating. Usually. Sometimes one person is just evil. But in most relationships the problems come from both people.

paintedlady said:

NDRU said:

me too

I was young and was once the other man, and I felt guilty, but I justified it by saying I was not cheating on anyone myself, or that he was a bad husband, or simply that she & I fell in love and you can't stop love.

But it's still wrong. Everyone was to blame, including the oblivious husband.

I don't think you can place any blame on the spouse that's being cheated on. Its silly.

Like a wife/husband is holding a damn gun to the cheaters head saying "Go ON... CHEAT ON ME DAMMIT!!"

When people marry, they make vows to one another. Fidelity is something you decide to earnestly aim for. What happens before the marriage doesn't matter or count. Yes, a person who cheats tends to stay a cheater, but each time a person cheats... that is a conscience decision, you never trip and fall in someone's pussy. You decide to pursue any conquest... its the thrill of the "chase" that any man/woman can walk away from. Its bullshit to say that cheating "just happens" or can't be helped.

To me that's like saying..

"You made me hit you!"

"You knew he hit you before you two married, so you deserve that black-eye!"

If I cheat, its only because I want to. Its behavior that stems from selfishness. Its why anyone ever cheats. They are just selfish, they are only thinking of themselves, so to blame any outside person is crazy. IMHO.

If he cheated on you before you married him, is marriage going to change this? Rarely. If he punched and abused you before marriage, is marriage going to change it? I have explained why I believe this in post #36. Therefore, if you choose to marry a cheater and a abuser, it's on you. Spouses are not always exempt from blame.

angel345 said:

paintedlady said:

I don't think you can place any blame on the spouse that's being cheated on. Its silly.

Like a wife/husband is holding a damn gun to the cheaters head saying "Go ON... CHEAT ON ME DAMMIT!!"

When people marry, they make vows to one another. Fidelity is something you decide to earnestly aim for. What happens before the marriage doesn't matter or count. Yes, a person who cheats tends to stay a cheater, but each time a person cheats... that is a conscience decision, you never trip and fall in someone's pussy. You decide to pursue any conquest... its the thrill of the "chase" that any man/woman can walk away from. Its bullshit to say that cheating "just happens" or can't be helped.

To me that's like saying..

"You made me hit you!"

"You knew he hit you before you two married, so you deserve that black-eye!"

If I cheat, its only because I want to. Its behavior that stems from selfishness. Its why anyone ever cheats. They are just selfish, they are only thinking of themselves, so to blame any outside person is crazy. IMHO.

If he cheated on you before you married him, is marriage going to change this? Rarely. If he punched and abused you before marriage, is marriage going to change it? I have explained why I believe this in post #36. Therefore, if you choose to marry a cheater and a abuser, it's on you. Spouses are not always exempt from blame.

I disagree completely. Any person that decides to cheat, that's on that person. Unless there is literally a gun to their head or they are being raped.

I don't care if a women married a straight up pimp... once he decided to marry her and settle down, he made to decision to be loyal to her only.

Otherwise why bother to exchange vows? If he's just a boyfriend, then yeah maybe... but once they marry? Oh hell no... if you are unhappy being my husband, then tell me and we will just divorce. Don't blame your lack of control on the weight I've gained or the argument we had last week.

Its just lame to blame the victim.

Oh, and Angel, you just brought up an interesting point... about a person being at fault for physical abuse if they knew their spouse was an abuser..

maybe for a new thread.

Cheating and punching might never be justified, but that does not mean the person abused & cheated on did nothing to hurt the relationship.

They are still to blame for those things they did and the person who hits and cheats is to blame for that.

NDRU said:

Cheating and punching might never be justified, but that does not mean the person abused & cheated on did nothing to hurt the relationship.

They are still to blame for those things they did and the person who hits and cheats is to blame for that.

Do you think we give cheaters a pass more than we give people who physically abuse their spouses?

I think both behaviors are things that selfish people are more likely to do. Yet they cast blame on others for their lack of control. Isn't it all just lacking self control?

paintedlady said:

NDRU said:

Cheating and punching might never be justified, but that does not mean the person abused & cheated on did nothing to hurt the relationship.

They are still to blame for those things they did and the person who hits and cheats is to blame for that.

Do you think we give cheaters a pass more than we give people who physically abuse their spouses?

I think both behaviors are things that selfish people are more likely to do. Yet they cast blame on others for their lack of control. Isn't it all just lacking self control?

I think it depends. If over the course of 20 years one partner cheats one time, that is a lot different than doing it over & over.

I can understand that kind of slip up, but not hitting someone. And habitual cheating is totally inexcusable, too.

NDRU said:

paintedlady said:

Do you think we give cheaters a pass more than we give people who physically abuse their spouses?

I think both behaviors are things that selfish people are more likely to do. Yet they cast blame on others for their lack of control. Isn't it all just lacking self control?

I think it depends. If over the course of 20 years one partner cheats one time, that is a lot different than doing it over & over.

I can understand that kind of slip up, but not hitting someone. And habitual cheating is totally inexcusable, too.

Its weird, I would sooner forgive a man for cheating than hitting me, but from what I witnessed, its the other way around for most couples.

I've seen my mom hit, and she was actually OK with that, so was my aunt and cousins... but they would cut a man if he cheated. So weird.

mimi2 said:

nursev said:

The other cheater usually never gives a damn about the significant other-I think it's a prerequisite to being a cheater You can't give a shit!

true.

but how can someone not feel bad about possibly ruining the life of someone else, especially if you either don't know or don't have any negative history with the significant other of your hookup? Why do some people think the feelings of others they don't know are unimportant?

[Edited 11/4/10 19:45pm]

Two words. Instant Gratification.

When somebody just wants to bone....they don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

I would blame the cheater though. It's his/her choices that impact everyone else.

paintedlady said:

NDRU said:

I think it depends. If over the course of 20 years one partner cheats one time, that is a lot different than doing it over & over.

I can understand that kind of slip up, but not hitting someone. And habitual cheating is totally inexcusable, too.

Its weird, I would sooner forgive a man for cheating than hitting me, but from what I witnessed, its the other way around for most couples.

I've seen my mom hit, and she was actually OK with that, so was my aunt and cousins... but they would cut a man if he cheated. So weird.

oh I totally agree, I could maybe forgive someone for cheating, but I can never understand a woman staying with a man who has hit her, and I've seen it over & over again

NDRU said:

paintedlady said:

Its weird, I would sooner forgive a man for cheating than hitting me, but from what I witnessed, its the other way around for most couples.

I've seen my mom hit, and she was actually OK with that, so was my aunt and cousins... but they would cut a man if he cheated. So weird.

oh I totally agree, I could maybe forgive someone for cheating, but I can never understand a woman staying with a man who has hit her, and I've seen it over & over again

I also see this a lot with men that are hit by their spouses. A man will forgive a woman for hitting him with a frying pan before he'll let her cheat. I just don't understand it.

paintedlady said:

NDRU said:

oh I totally agree, I could maybe forgive someone for cheating, but I can never understand a woman staying with a man who has hit her, and I've seen it over & over again

I also see this a lot with men that are hit by their spouses. A man will forgive a woman for hitting him with a frying pan before he'll let her cheat. I just don't understand it.

not me, I can understand my girl wanting to have sex with an attractive stranger (not that I want that to happen), but she is not supposed to cause me physical injury.

NDRU said:

paintedlady said:

I also see this a lot with men that are hit by their spouses. A man will forgive a woman for hitting him with a frying pan before he'll let her cheat. I just don't understand it.

not me, I can understand my girl wanting to have sex with an attractive stranger (not that I want that to happen), but she is not supposed to cause me physical injury.

am I the only woman who wouldn't even consider sex with a stranger no matter HOW attractive? I've always been like that. Me picturing myself engaged in relations with a person I don't know would never even cross my mind NEVER!

Is this a general female thing, or is it just me?

Now, change that to acquaintance or friend, and different story if that person has a personality I like as well, I might very well fantasize

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

not me, I can understand my girl wanting to have sex with an attractive stranger (not that I want that to happen), but she is not supposed to cause me physical injury.

am I the only woman who wouldn't even consider sex with a stranger no matter HOW attractive? I've always been like that. Me picturing myself engaged in relations with a person I don't know would never even cross my mind NEVER!

Is this a general female thing, or is it just me?

Now, change that to acquaintance or friend, and different story if that person has a personality I like as well, I might very well fantasize

well, ok, but I really mean strangers in bed.

Let's say I can understand her wanting to have sex with someone other than me!

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

am I the only woman who wouldn't even consider sex with a stranger no matter HOW attractive? I've always been like that. Me picturing myself engaged in relations with a person I don't know would never even cross my mind NEVER!

Is this a general female thing, or is it just me?

Now, change that to acquaintance or friend, and different story if that person has a personality I like as well, I might very well fantasize

well, ok, but I really mean strangers in bed.

Let's say I can understand her wanting to have sex with someone other than me!

oooooooh OK

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

well, ok, but I really mean strangers in bed.

Let's say I can understand her wanting to have sex with someone other than me!

oooooooh OK

for men it could literally be strangers though (at least in theory)

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

oooooooh OK

for men it could literally be strangers though (at least in theory)

this needs a separate thread

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

for men it could literally be strangers though (at least in theory)

this needs a separate thread

anyone who fucks a married person is wrong. even when the married person is making the mvoves, it's just one of those don't even go there things, imo

as for blame, i really dunno. both cheating parties are to blame i guess